Today

I read a book today. It was only a 240 page novel, but it reminded me of how long it has been and how much I miss reading.

Max still has that high fever and possibly an ear infection.

We watched Sound of Music two more times today. Baby Neptune 1.5 times. And, one episode of Little Einsteins. We made tunnels. Max talked me into letting him bring his Jeep inside (under the condition that the battery is disconnected). Max played with the play doh and painted a bit. I cleaned up both those messes, but left the rest of the mess that accumulated. Part way into the Sound of Music, I decided I needed something to keep my mind occupied and dug up the book.

Every time the phone rang, he yelled no phone mommy, no talk. Mostly, I just let it roll to voice mail and didn't pick up. I was comfy on the couch reading anyway.

Max only took a short nap in bed with me. Mostly he cried before saying his bottom hurt (after a poo) and then cried when he woke up saying his ear hurt. I forced Tylenol down him after 30 minutes of straight crying and that helped. Poor guy. I just checked on him and his fever is back up. He was so tired by bed time, he was protesting "sit down" (in the chair in his room that he likes me to sit in while he falls asleep) that he didn't even realize that I didn't.

Amid the reading and playing with Max and holding my sick crying boy, I thought about a few things. I'm back to hoping that not only does this pregnancy make it to an actual child, but that it is a single. Not because the day was that bad or that hard, because really it wasn't (how bad could it have been if I was able to read an entire book), but because the thought of twins with an older child and all of the other things that need to change are just a bit overwhelming. I'll deal with and be happy with whatever the outcome, but wanting just one now and my pity freeze to produce another miracle in a few years was high on todays wish list. The other thing I found myself wonder was a big "what if". My progesterone has been higher and better than ever before. I'm taking 2 units of p4 a night (I'd have to go look at the syringe to fine the actual units, maybe ML?) which is a pretty high dose and going through a bottle every 5 days. And, this is the first pregnancy I've had that I haven't spotted on. Even though I know it is stupid and pointless and would likely have changed nothing, I found myself wondering what if I had been doing PIO instead of the suppositories before. I just think this is a stronger pregnancy all the way around, but couldn't help myself from wondering a bit and talking myself out of a regret or two.

And, I read a book today. Mind candy, for sure. But, perfect for a lazy hang out at home day like today.