Monday, August 29, 2005

Alien Baby is Freed

Wahoo! Max has been freed from his photo therapy lights and doesn’t need anymore blood tests. What a relief! I celebrated by doing a skin to skin feeding. It was so nice and much easier than trying to feed all hooked up.


Max - The Alien Baby


Max - 12 days old and finally off "the lights"

Max - First time in swing, just because we could

Sunday, August 28, 2005

My Birth Announcement and Story

I am pleased to announce that Max Alexander was born on Wednesday, August 17th at 11:01 pm weighing 8 lbs and 21 inches. It has been a busy few weeks as we adjust to a new routine together and we have had lots of family and friend visitors. My recovery has been terrific. Max has been battling jaundice that has required daily monitoring/blood draws, a few visits to the pediatrician, and phototherapy (which he is still on) causing our first few weeks together to be more structured and stressful than I would have liked. I labored for about a total of 9 hours with 2 of those pushing resulting in my beautiful baby boy.

When I went in for my 34 week dr. apt., I was put on bed rest because I was already dilated to 2 cm and the baby’s head was “right there” according to the dr. I was let off bed rest at 36 weeks. At 38 weeks, I was dilated to 4 cm and my OB gave me the option of sending me to the hospital to have my water broken and deliver “before the weekend”. I declined opting to see what happened. After walking around at 4 cm for more than a week, I became concerned that I maybe dilating further without realizing it and concerned that I may deliver too fast. Plus, my cousin had extended her vacation by a week and I really wanted to have the baby while she was here.

On Tuesday, August 16th, I called my OB and told her I was ready to move to induction. We agreed that the next day, Wednesday, August 17th we would get the ball rolling by having her strip my membrane/break my water. I got a call on at 8:30 am on Wednesday telling me the hospital could take me now and to head over to the hospital. I called my doula and my coach, showered, got things ready and headed over. My cousin drove me and my coach met us there. We arrived around 11 – 11:30 am. My doula arrived within the hour. My OB was supposed to head over during the office lunch break to get things started, but she had two other patients delivering over at another hospital one who was ready to push so we just hung out for awhile and I was given permission to eat a sandwich against the recommendation of my nurse who was afraid I would vomit it all up on her in a few hours. While I did vomit it up a few hours later, I was able to keep my promise and not vomit on her. My pregnancy ended much like it began with quite a bit of puking involved.

I don’t have the notes from my doula so my timing may be a tad off, but I think my OB got there around 2 or 2:30 and broke my water. She said I was dilated to 5 cm. I still had not had one contraction or any pain. After my water was broken, I did start having some contractions, but they weren’t bad. I found the whole water breaking thing the most disgusting thing about the whole process. Not the actual breaking itself, just afterwards. When I got up to move to the birthing ball or anytime I moved, more water just gushed out all over me and the floor. I just found it gross to have it dripping down my legs. After a period of time and a required amount of monitoring, I was given a pad and permission to go roam the halls. We did this for awhile and I ran into a couple I had met at our clinic who was in the hospital on bed rest with multiples. We chatted for awhile. I still wasn’t in much pain. I could feel myself cramping and having mild contractions, but it was very manageable.

On one of our trips back to the delivery ward for a potty break, my nurse requested we meet back in the room in 30 min. for another cervical check. I was dilated to 7 at that point. All of a sudden, the contractions started getting very intense and painful. I also started my puking at this point, but managed to make it into the puke container each time. The pain got so bad that I couldn’t talk or think clearly or get into any comfortable position. It just plain hurt. While I thought I could go forward without pain medication, I decided that I would not enjoy the birth and the only motivation would be to say that I had done it. I decided to ask for the epidural and never regretted it. It took the edge off, but I could still feel the contractions and move my legs. While I was confined to the bed because of the epidural, I was still able to move into the squat position and move around quite a bit. A lot of this is a blur and I don’t remember the details, I remember someone commenting that my contractions were “natural” not pitocin ones and thinking that they must be really strong and consistent. I wish I had the chart paper to look at them.

Around 9 pm, I was told I was fully dilated and that it was time to push. I ended up pushing for 2 hours, but the first hour was “practice” as I got the hang of it. I found it to be very much a learned behavior. It was also a lot of work and very tiring. I remember thinking/commenting that I was glad that I had not had a long and painful labor and that it would have been so much harder and more tiring trying to push. They gave me a balloon to try to blow up to focus the pushing. At first, I just ended up pushing my stomach which caused, yes, more vomiting. After a time, I got the hang of it and in a good position for me (legs completely spread eagle with feet on either end of the squat bar). I think all of the hiking and squatting to pick up dog poop during my pregnancy really came in handy during labor in general, but specifically when pushing.

When his head started to crown, they moved a mirror so that I could see the results of my pushing. I found this very helpful. I was given the option of reaching down and feeling his head. I wanted no part of that, but was glad to be able to see what was going on. I was able to see the results of the pushing and it helped me to hold the pressure during contractions so that his head didn’t retreat loosing all of my hard work. It was just incredible. I’m not sure, exactly, when my OB arrived, but it seemed like I delivered within minutes of her arrival. I can see how the whole pushing would be very difficult, if not impossible, if someone had an epidural that was so strong that they couldn’t feel the contractions or when/how to push.

I didn’t think I wanted a video of the baby actually being born or any pictures of “way down there” but my birth coach figured out how to do a short video on my new digital camera and I have a short video of him coming out. It is just incredible. I’m so glad that I do have it. In talking about it afterwards and reviewing the video she asked me to look at my face and commented that I looked like I was in pain. I told her that I was, I could feel it and feel the baby’s head stretching my perineum. It was manageable, but painful, even with the epidural.

In the end, I had a small tear because the baby’s fist was up by his chin and nicked me on the way out. I was just in awe afterwards. I couldn’t believe that I finally had a baby in my arms. I was able to have him brought to me right afterwards, but he had a bit of grunting which could indicate respiratory problems so he was taken an put on a bit of oxygen and taken to the nursery for a few hours for observation. He was back rooming with me by 5 am.

I couldn’t have asked for a better labor and delivery experience. It was different than I thought it would be, but the most incredible experience of my life.

I had gone into the hospital thinking I would name him Zachary Edward. I took one look at him and decided that he didn’t look like a Zach, but a Max.

Max Alexander was born at 11:01 pm on Wednesday, August 17th. He was 8 lbs and 21 inches long. He is just so beautiful and perfect that I can get teary eyed just thinking about it.

We were released from the hospital on Friday. Max’s jaundice levels were a bit high requiring daily monitoring/blood draws. After a few days, they continued to climb to a level such that he was put on home phototherapy lights of which he is still on. Because of this, our first weeks home has been much busier and structured/scheduled than I would like, but I am happy that this is more of a hassle rather than a true health concern.

I am happier than I ever remember being in my life as I deal with things that a mom has to deal with like a sick child or projectile poop or lack of sleep. I just look at Max and how perfect for me he is and know I am one of the luckiest, most fortunate people ever. I am truly blessed that he is now in my life.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Max’s Apt./Resigned

Max’s appointment went well yesterday. I think both the Dr. and I were reassured. The Dr. said his color looked good. His eyes are still a tad yellow, otherwise, he is looking good. I keep getting asked how the breastfeeding is going and if he is pee’ing and poop’ing. I once again said that I thought it was going well, but I could just be imagining it. When the Dr. looked at his weight gain…he was 7 lbs 14 oz yesterday … he said, no I wasn’t imagining it. With that kind of gain, it WAS going well. He said it was almost impossible for him to have gained that much weight since the last visit unless he had a lot of stuff floating around in him. I laughed and said Max did just have a big blow out in his diaper so we re-weighted him and he lost 2 oz and weighted 7 lbs 12 oz after the poop. My cousin and I both thought he was 7 lbs 5 oz on, but I guess the recorded 7 lbs 4 oz on the chart. Either way, that is a good gain and re-assured me that he is getting enough to eat and my milk flow is good.

I had wanted to talk to the Dr. anyway about his poop color so I was glad I had a “sample” to show him. It is supposed to be yellow by now and Max’s is still very dark with a green tint. How exciting my topics of conversation are these days, huh? I was worried that may indicate some problem. He said that it was likely nothing, but could be a sign of an allergy to dairy (or nuts or fish). We agreed that I would not eat dairy all weekend and see if that made a difference. If not, it wasn’t anything to worry about and I could go back on it.

All and all, I was glad I went in.

Today’s results are in and he is STILL at 16. I am resigned that this is just going to take awhile and was more prepared today. We agreed I would just keep him on the lights all weekend and we would test again on Monday.

I have pulled him and the machines into the office. I am bound and determined that bills will be paid today at some point. I will not pass go. I will not answer email or surf the internet or take/make any more phone calls until bills are paid. I have to be tuff on myself here. It must get done. He is so cute and sleeping away at the moment so I had better get to it.

Friday, August 26, 2005


I just got Max’s bili results back today and they are STILL 16. I was so sure they would come down with all of the feeding and pooping yesterday. While I wanted it to have dropped at least some and I was hoping for a big one. What a disappointment! I feel like such a failure all of a sudden. I don’t understand why he isn’t getting better. Other than taking him off for the morning walk and to the hospital to have his blood drawn, he is on the phototherapy full time. I feed him on it. I change his diaper on it. I move the machines to the sun when it is coming in the windows and him get double exposure. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t think there really is anything else I can do at this point. I could not do the morning walk with the dogs, but “I” really need that time out of the house and for grounding.

They have me bringing him in to the dr. at 4 pm today so that we can weigh him and the dr. can look at him. I have been weighing him every day by weighing myself and then myself with him and subtracting the difference. I think he is still at 7 lbs 5 oz. I think they are going to want me to supplement with formula. This is not the end of the world, but does make me feel really bad/like a failure. Breastfeed seems like it is going well. Maybe it really isn’t and I am deceiving myself.

My friend Rosa is in town because her sister just had a baby yesterday. A boy for Max to play with. She was supposed to come by this afternoon. I guess that is out. I’m thinking about taking along the machines and going to her sister after the appointment to 1) avoid traffic 2) get me out of the house 3) see her and give me something to look forward to in case I get bad news at the dr.’s.

I’m just so upset. I hope there isn’t something seriously wrong. Why isn’t it dropping? Why?

Bili Results:
8/19 Fri 8.3
8/20 Sat 13.3
8/21 Sun 16.9
8/23 Tue 20.6
8/24 Wed 17
8/25 Thu 16
8/26 Fri 16

Each one of these represents a trip to the lab and a needle prick for poor Max. Unfortunately, I think he is getting used to it. Today, he could even muster a full out cry, just a few small wails and whimpers.

Please God, let everything be okay and that this be just a temporary thing, not a sign of some big problem in disguise. Part of me thinks I am over reacting. Another, more pessimistic part thinks that things have been going all two well and that maybe the “bad” shoe is about to drop. I hope I am over reacting, but the dr. office is concerned enough to bring me in. I was too upset talking to the nurse that I didn’t even ask what “normal” at this point would be. Maybe I will ask this afternoon if I feel up to it.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Melt Down #3 Averted

Max has been an eating and pooping machine this evening. He is finally out like a light or a rag doll in what my sister calls a food comma. It is so funny and cute to see. Max's life between 4:30 – 10 pm -- Eat, Poop, Get Diaper changed. Repeat. I’m not complaining. I am thrilled. With each poop and pee bilirubin is getting released from his system.

I was so tired this morning getting out of bed was rough, but I made it. After taking the dogs out, I fed Max and could have so easily gone back to sleep, but took Max to get his blood drawn again. While it’s a pain, it is for a good cause and I am meeting interesting people along the way. Rose, the lab tech/nurse that has been drawing Max’s blood shared her birth story today. She was 17 and was in labor for 3 days. They didn’t have pain meds/epidural in that day. Her son was 12 lbs. She said she almost died from it. She got divorced from her first husband because he wanted more kids and she refused. She had another son from her second marriage, but only after her OB promised he would deliver the baby C-section. She is divorced from her second husband and her younger son is living at home with her and his child and she is supporting them both right now. Needless to say, she could see the benefit of going into motherhood single. But, I digress….

After getting back from the lab, it was a choice between food or sleep. Sleep won. Family and friends timed it well, because I had no sooner gotten up and the phone started ringing off the hook. It was nice that this happened after I was awake since I no longer have a phone screener here to take messages when I am napping unless it is the Dr./Dr.’s office.

One of the calls was from Dr’s office. The good news is that his bili number went down. The bad news is that it only went down by 1. I was really disappointed with that. I have kept him almost non-stop on the phototherapy. I have been feeding him and changing his diaper with it on. The only time I have taken it off is when I walk the dogs or take him to the lab. I decided that maybe another nap was in order and climbed in bed. I could feel myself getting upset and teary eyed. I was giving myself positive self talk and telling myself that getting all worked up would accomplish nothing. It was only so effective.

I fed Max and was doing a poop poop diaper change. I had his legs pulled up and his butt up and open when …. projectile poop all of his blanket, all over me, all over my bed. It even made it to my dresser and the floor. I think you had to be here to see it to get the true picture, but maybe not. Now, maybe for some people this would put them over the edge and full into a melt down. Me, I laughed thinking THIS is motherhood. This is what I knowingly signed up for, the good, the bad, the ugly. Melt down averted. It still can make me laugh just thinking about it after trying to clean up the mess which involved several loads of laundry and remaking the bed between the feed and change routine.

It reminded me of when I was younger and had a bottle of champagne in the fridge that I had re-corked. I noticed that the cork was coming out a bit and squatted to push it back in. My touch caused the cork to explode out. I got a full spray of champagne right in the face the force of which caused me to come off my haunches and onto my butt. A spontaneous champagne shower. How many people can say that they have one of them? Yes, it was a mess, but I just laughed and laughed. Again, I guess maybe you just had to be there.

Anyway, maybe I have an extra ordinary odd sense of humor, but the projectile poop was just the thing to ground me. Hey, isn’t a sense of humor a requirement of parenting?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

My son Max

I just love the way that sounds. Like in, I had my son Max in yesterday for a blood draw and they want to do a repeat. I was just checking to make sure the prescription was called in. Or, my son Max had a repeat bilirubin test today and I was wondering if the results were in.

Max - 1 week old

I can’t believe he is already a week old. Or rather he will be in a few short hours. LOL. A week ago today at this time, my water was just broken. I found that to be the grossed part of the whole L&D. Not the breaking itself, but the continuous leaking of fluid afterwards. Yuck. I just hated to have it dripping out of me and down my legs all the time. Again, yuck, yuck, yuck. If I had truly understood what it meant for the water to break, I would never have been at the Dodger game or anywhere else probably. LOL.

[Post started at 12:30 pm and interrupted by Max crying to be fed. Continued at 7:30 pm…]

Max is fast asleep. I probably should be waking him up again for his two hour feeding, but think I will give it a bit so I can finish this. Great news, his bilirubin number dropped 3 points today after only a half day of treatment. I can’t tell you what a relief that is. It was another busy day, but I did manage to nap for about 30 – 45 min. A friend dropped by with dinner for tonight. Another friend came and helped straighten up, did a few loads of laundry, etc. I can't tell you how many feedings or wet or poopy diapers because I have been very, very bad about keeping up my chart today. Sigh. I’m ready for bed, but still have a few more things that really should get done tonight.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Major Melt Down #2

I had major melt down number two today. I know I haven’t told you about the first melt down or the birth story yet. Hopefully, one day soon. There just aren’t enough hours in the day right now to get everything done. I should be sleeping or paying bills or something productive, but thought I would just check in to let you know that Max and I are still here and alive. His bilirubin levels (jaundice) have continued to rise and he is now on home phototherapy. He looks like an alien baby with a photo pad strapped to his back and another one on his belly with him sandwiched in between. I have been taking him for daily blood draws. On a scale of bad things to happen, this is so minor as to barely register, still with the lack of solid sleep, extra hormones, and fierce protective love I feel for this little guy, I have been an emotional wreck this afternoon/evening. If I thought about it too much, my teary eyes could turn into another major cry fest. Of course, this will solve nothing except to make my headache worse.

I would just like one whole day to have no where to go, nothing to do, and no one to see. I just want to lay around naked in bed cuddled skin to skin with Max. There is just so much to do that only the bare minimum basics are getting done and even that is a major chore that just takes all day. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom with the highs and the lows and the in betweens. I don’t and never expected it to be all sunshine and roses. I think I just underestimated the intensity of the emotions. Mostly, I just want Max to be okay and to stop having to get daily pricks in the heel.

I know that nothing I have done or not done has caused this jaundice. I have done the absolute best I could with feeding him as frequently as they would like (every 2 – 3 hours during the day and every 3 – 4 hours at night) and getting him in the sun as much as possible. Yet, his numbers continue to rise. He is not in pain or suffering (except for those daily heel blood draws), for that I am grateful. It is just sometimes overwhelming and emotional.

On another note, please send thoughts and prayers to my friend M. She went in for her second u/s today and didn’t see a heartbeat. I am so sad for her. Her D&C is scheduled for tomorrow. This is her 4th pregnancy and miscarriage, the first one with a heartbeat. I was so hoping this would result, finally, in her baby. There is just no fairness or justice in this world. She has tried harder and longer than anyone I know to have a baby. My heart just breaks for her. Max’s jaundice is so minor in comparison it isn’t funny. I pray that she has the emotional strength and fortitude to morn and grieve and eventually decide the next best path for her. Please God, let M get her baby some way some how. She will make a terrific mother.

I am so tired and my eyes are so sore from crying that I can’t even see straight right now so I think I will go lay down for a few minutes before it is time for the next feeding. I hope this is coherent and articulates what I wanted. More one day soon.

Sunday, August 21, 2005


I just love being a mom. I love him more than words. It is all I have expected it to be. I just have a minute to get on the computer. Everything is fine here. Max is sleeping in Nana’s arms. We just got back from getting Max’s blood drawn again at the hospital. He is a bit jaundice and they want to monitor it as a precaution. Because the hospital isn’t just around the corner, it takes a minimum of a few (precious) hours. I have so much to say and so little time to say it. I think things will become more routing soon when I am not making daily round trips for a blood draw (long story but took from 9 am until 2 pm Sat.). Tomorrow, we have a follow up peds apt. for Max and my cousin leaves. Now that my milk is in, hopefully, Max will get past this jaundice. I have gotten up and taken the dogs out the last two days, but my cousin has done the evening walk. More soon. Just wanted to do a quick check in. Off to nap. I got more sleep last night than the previous two nights combined and that isn’t saying much. (1.5 + 1.5 = 3) I can deal with lack of sleep, but several days with only an hour or two can take its toll.

ps. I can't take Max anywhere without people stopping to talk and say how adorable he is. Seriously, I mean, I KNOW I think so, but I am biased.

Friday, August 19, 2005

OMG, I have a son!

Meet Max Alexander. He was born on August 17th at 11:01 pm. He was 8 lbs and was 21 in long. I may be slightly prejudiced, but I think he is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. We got home a few hours ago and have had 2 feedings at home already. I managed to sneak in a nap after the first feeding. I sure needed it. He is asleep after the second feeding cradled in nana’s arms at the moment. He is slightly jaundice and I need to take him back for a blood draw tomorrow. And, we are still waiting for his right testicle to drop. Other than that he is doing great. I’m doing really well also. A bit tender in the nether region and occasional nipple soreness, but nothing painful…just uncomfortable. Birth story to come soon.

Max Alexander - Day 1

Yes, yes, I KNOW I said I was going to name him Zachary Edward, but when I saw him…I thought…he isn’t a Zack, he’s a Max. It’s official now. Some may think I am crazy and maybe I am, Max just seems to suit a bit better.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Today could be the day. Wow. It is pretty amazing to think I could have my baby in my arms by the end of the day. I really haven’t thought too much about it because I still worry that something could go horribly wrong and I could get this far and something very bad could happen. I never did get my living will done, but did remind my cousin what I wanted to happen, just in case. She kind of freaked out and said something like “if you keep talking like that I will be at the hospital driving your crazy”. I reminded her that it is very unlikely. Mostly, I think it will work out

Anyway, my work got me a really nice digital camera as a baby gift. It is a Sony Cyber-Shot. It came yesterday and I have already been having fun with it. I took the pictures I posted yesterday of Lucky in the car with it. Here is one of my and the dogs this morning.

Hiking with Lucky and Shadow - Aug. 17th 2005

It’s pretty awesome to think I can be hiking with them this morning and having my baby in my arms by the end of the day.

Last night, I got a really crampy and started not feeling great at all. Enough so that I seriously thought about calling my OB and saying maybe I should come in now. I took a warm bath and tried to settle down thinking if it wasn’t the real deal I would rather be at home in my own house/bed than in a hospital. Plus, one last hike with the dogs. Hey, I’m a planner. If I can plan it, I will (or at least try to). I think I may also have had a contraction this morning while hiking. It was more crampyness/nausea that came and went. Kind of like last night. I think if I hadn’t planned on going in today, maybe it would have happened anyway. As it is, unless I start having regular contractions or something I will go with the existing plan of calling Dr. P at 9:30.

Fast Breaking News: Just got a call from Dr. P’s office and they can take me now (8:30 am). I had to explain that I needed time to get there. Talked to coach and she is going to shower and come get me. Talked to doula and will call her when I get to the hospital, but we agreed to plan on around 10ish. Mary, at Dr. P’s office said the Dr. P was hoping to stop by the hospital on her way to the office “to get things started”, but that just isn’t going to work. I need more prep time than that, which is why I tried to get it arranged yesterday. Oh well, I’m not stressing, but my adrenalin is flowing.

This could happen. I could have a good outcome. I could have my baby by tonight. Wow.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Plan

I was able to get in to my acupuncturist today. We decided to take all my bags and stuff, just in case I went into labor. LOL. I put everything in the hall and my cousin loaded it to the car. She left the back of the car open. Little Miss Lucky did not like the looks of this at all. She HATES my little green suitcase. She tried to make herself blend right in. She was determined NOT to be left behind.

Lucky trying to make sure she isn't left behind

I lured her out of the car and shut the door between the courtyard and the garage telling her I would likely be back in a few hours and if not Terri and Carolyn would take good care of her. She didn’t by it one bit and managed to get the door open. The door frame has issues and is falling apart and I just haven’t had time to fix it yet. So, I close the garage door and try to lure her once again back into the courtyard. She wasn’t buying it a second time and climb right in my seat instead.

Lucky Preventing me from going

Finally, I get her out of the garage again and we get on our way. Acu was nice and it was great to see Denise. I haven’t seen her in months and months. She did the “induce pregnancy” treatment. So far, it has worked as well as everything else I have tried and still no active labor.

I finally heard back from my OB late this afternoon and we agreed that I would go in tomorrow to get this active labor thing started, if I don’t start laboring before then. Because it was so late, we couldn’t get things scheduled with the hospital. I’m a bit unclear as to why this is needed, but am letting it go. The plan is for me to call Dr. P’s office tomorrow morning at 9:30 am PT. By then, hopefully her staff will have made whatever arrangements are needed for the hospital and I will be told when to go in. I’ll call my coach and my doula and we will go from there. If it is later in the afternoon, I will have lunch with my friend Heather first. Otherwise, my cousin will have lunch with her by herself.

That is the plan unless we get some real action between now and then. One way or another, I should have the kid with in the next day or two.

Emails To/From Doula on Induction

Email to Doula; Sent: Mon 8/15/2005 9:52 PM
I just wanted to let you know that I am seriously thinking about letting Dr. P induce me in the next day or two. I’m going to sleep on it and make a final decision tomorrow. I have two main reasons for even considering it. I talked to Dr. P today to ask her some of the questions I think I probably have already ask you like could there be a problem and what is the likelihood that my body will never go into labor on its own. She said while it is odd that I haven’t gone into labor already being dilated to 4 and 90% effaced, likely there wasn’t any problem. We talked about the fact that I think I am probably more dilated now than last week because of the cervical mucus. She said I can come in to check, but really there wasn’t a point knowing how dilated I am unless I was going to induce. The risk is that I will labor fast when labor does start especially the more I am dilated. I’m afraid that if this happens I won’t make it to the hospital on time and I am not prepared, nor do I want a home birth or one on the side of the road. The other consideration is that my cousin extended her trip for a week (she lives in Michigan) to help since it appears that labor will come sooner rather than later. The original plan was that she would go home today (about 1 or 2 weeks away from my EDD), then come back to help after the baby is born after getting her kids started in school and I would have a week or two “vacation” of just me time with the house to myself before the baby arrived. But, since it looks like I could go earlier than planned, my cousin was able to adjust her schedule so that she could stay one more week. Having her here would be a big help because I don’t have to worry about a ride to the hospital if things do start to move fast or get dog coverage or getting a ride home from the hospital, etc. Plus, all the help the first few days home from the hospital. If I am going to let Dr P induce, why not do it sooner rather than later when I can have more time with help here. Anyway, maybe I will go into labor tonight and not have to make a decision. Dr. P said she is surprised that I haven’t gone into labor and still things it will be “soon”. This waiting game is more stressful than I thought and is starting to take its toll. I only slept 3 hours last night because I was worried about all of this. Inducing wasn’t part of my original plan, but I am starting to think it may be the better option at this point. I want to see if I get more sleep tonight and way the pro’s and con’s a bit more. I want to make sure that it isn’t lack of sleep clouding my judgment and to make sure if I go this route it isn’t something I will regret since I know once you start medical intervention you likely have to have more following it, chances of C-section go up. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about it and why. Debbie

Email response from Doula; Sent: Mon 8/15/2005 11:13 PM
I understand your frustration -- the waiting game isn't nearly as much fun as something with the word "game" in it should be ;-) Welcome to my world!

Ask Dr. P what your Bishop Score is. The 4/90 is a good start. Where's your cervix? Where's the baby? Is he in the right position for birth? Ask her what station the baby is at.

I don't think induction is necessarily a bad choice -- I'd like to see you try some natural induction first. I've had several clients have great success with accupuncture or the chiropractic Webster's Technique, which can help the baby settle into a more optimal position, if he's not already positioned with his spine to the left of your bellybutton.

Sleep on it, write a list of pros and cons, and you'll make the decision that's right for you -- or the baby will make the decision for you ;-)

Let me know what you and Dr. P decide :)

See you soon!

Best, T

Email response to Doula; Sent: Tue 8/16/2005 5:47 AM
Yeah, I don’t think I could do your job with all the waiting and uncertainty. I would be stressed out mess. As a program/project manager used to executing against a plan, this process has made me realize how suited I am personality wise to that with a neat organized routine. I knew that I LIKED the structure. I didn’t realize how much it suits me and how stressed I am without it. What will the Bishop Score and Cervix tell me? I’ll ask in a few hours when the office opens. The baby has been in the right position for birth since I was put on bed rest at 34 weeks, head down, spine back, butt right at my belly button mostly to the left side. Last Thursday the head was in the -1 to 0 positions; She said the head was right there with the bag almost hanging out; I was dilated to 4; and my cervix was effaced to 90%. I’ve been trying TONS of natural induction like walking, twice per day for at least 90 min. with the morning one being progressively harder (more hilly up and down) hikes that I had backed away from later in preg; orgasm; nipple stimulation; shopping; massage; house cleaning; sleep deprivation (okay, I didn’t try that it just happenedJ); pretty much anything that has kept me standing or sitting. I don’t think I could be more active. Maybe I’ll call Denise and see if she can get me in tomorrow. I hadn’t thought of acupuncture. I have been seeing my chiropractor (although not in the last week) to make sure everything was in sync and lined up and asked him about the “Webster” technique. He said he was sure he had learned it at some point, but he had been doing it for so long that one technique blended with another and he just used my body as his guide to what needed to be done in any one session. At the last session, he said things were set and ready to go. Anything else you can think of for me to try? Debbie

Doula's Email Response; Sent: Tue 8/16/2005 8:55 AM
Hi :)

In your packet, you should have an index card with an explanation of the Bishop's Score. From what I can tell (with a few pieces of information missing) your score will fall into the "10% failure" category -- that means that an induction will most likely be successful :)

The one thing I thought of as I was tossing and turning is the abdominal lift. Sometimes the baby's butt sort of falls away from your body when you stand, which lifts his head off your cervix. When you take your walk, you might try either just lifting your belly and pulling inwards with your hands and holding it there -- you can also wrap something around your belly after you get it in the right position. To wrap it, you can lay on your back (just long enough to wrap it). When you're on your back, your belly and baby will be in the "right" position. You can wrap a long piece of fabric around your middle and then stand up. It should be snug, but not tight or uncomfortable (it's likely to feel really good, but if not, it should NOT hurt!).

Let me know if Denise can help -- if not, I know others who might be able to help.

And YES, the waiting is what makes most doulas go back to their office jobs! It can be maddening. I have another client who has called saying she's in early labor a couple of times in the last two weeks and neither she nor you has gone into labor, but another client had her twins last week-end with no advanced warning at all! I just never know what's going to happen next :) It's been good for me to learn to not let it stress me out -- I tend to love the organization myself ;-)

See you soon, T

Note: Emails edited to remove OB and Doula's name

Monday, August 15, 2005

Childish and Immature

I don’t usually stoop so low, but I just couldn’t help myself tonight. I lowered my standards and resorted to childish and immature behavior. While I am a tad disappointed in myself, I can’t truly say I am sorry or that I regret it. Here’s what happened. I’m out walking my dogs trying to walk extra bouncy in another desperate attempt to get labor started when Shadow pooped. I picked it up and started walking on when the owner of the house comes out and starts yelling at me for “letting” my dog pee and poop in her yard. In the future, she would appreciate it if I didn’t allow this to happen. I asked, where are they “suppose” to go and noted that I did pick up after my dog. Apparently, that is not the point and they are supposed to only go in my own back yard like her dogs. Really, the details get a bit foggy around now and I don’t know what I said to her, I think it may have been “F You, you can’t be serious”. I then proceeded to dump the poop out of the bag, back onto her yard and walked away. Usually, I can just let things like this go and move on. Not tonight. I am on edge. I did try to take a nap, but it didn’t happen. I am operating on three hours of sleep and executing to a “get labor started plan” that isn’t going well at all. Like I said, I really shouldn’t have done it and am not proud of my behavior, but still can’t really believe that women got so upset and yelled at me in the first place. What ever.

I’m running out of time on the have the baby today plan. My OB did call me back and said that while it was a bit odd that I still haven’t gone into labor it is unlikely that there is any problem. The biggest risk with me being so far dilated without active labor is that it will likely go fast when it does happen. She said if I wanted to come in earlier to be checked or for induction, just to let her know. She would want to be induced at this point, but it was my decision and not a problem either way. Really, there is no point in being checked unless I am going to be induced. I am seriously thinking about it for either tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest if things don’t get started around here. My current appointment is on Thursday, but my coach has to work so I told her I would try to switch it to either Wednesday or Friday instead. Wednesday makes more sense since my cousin is still here so that she can deal with everything while I am in the hospital and be here to bring me home and help a bit before she has to leave next Monday. If I am going to go in on Wednesday, then why not one day earlier on Tuesday and just be done with it.

Yet, my logic isn’t as sound as it could be as noted by the childish behavior displayed earlier so I want to wait until tomorrow to really decide. I’m just mulling it over right now.

Plus, I haven’t given up hope entirely that I may go into labor tonight. Although, it really isn’t looking good and I only have 4 hours left to have a kid born on 8/15 which is exactly 6 months apart from my 2/15 Birthday.

The only person who really isn’t in favor of me inducing is my doula and while, if I do go through with the induction, I briefly considered lying and telling her I was going in cause I thought my water was leaking and they decided to induce I realized that really I have paid her good money and it is my labor and really I should be able to do it my way, guilt free. I do think she will support me even if she doesn’t really understand or agree. Oh well. I’m not going to decide for sure until tomorrow.

I should go and scrub the walls in my bedroom or something, but I’m not sure I have it in me. I am actually not feeling that tired at the moment, but feel like I have done all I can today to make this happen. My nipples are sore and can’t take any more stimulation. I don’t think I could even bring myself to another O if I tried. I have walked twice today. Tried to stand or sit as much as possible except for that brief two hours when I tried to take a nap, but didn’t fall asleep so tried “other” means to get things going. Got a manicure/pedicure, went shopping, went out to eat. Not much more left to try, but more of the same and not sure that I am up for it right now.

Wee hour worries

It is 3:30 ish am and I have been up since 2 am. We just had a thunderstorm roll through. This is very, very rare in So. Cal. This is so rare that I can’t ever remember it happening before. We only had the lightening and thunder at my place, but there was supposed to be heavy rainfall and hail with it just east of here. I can tell you that my little Lucky was less than thrilled with this thunder thing and cuddled with me with her rapid heartbeat and shaking body. You would think the change in pressure from the storm or something would be enough to put me into labor, huh? No such luck at least so far.

I was actually already awake when the storm started. I guess the cramping earlier was just another tease. After posting last night I took a warm bath and then called my doula for reassurance that I really would be able to tell at some point that labor had actually began. She reminded me that contractions have a beginning, middle, and end. And, that she could tell by my voice that I wasn’t in labor. She said it wasn’t outside the relm of possibility that I would just deliver without warning, but it is extremely rare, like the one in one hundred million women who doesn’t even realize she is pregnant until she delivers at home rare. I would have felt better if I had been told there was no way it could happen, but will settle for most unlikely. I lay there concentrating on the cramps trying to determine if there was a break between them that I was missing. The next thing I new it was about 90 min. later and I was waking up to pee.

If I could talk to my OB right now, I would ask her the following questions:
1) By waiting and not inducing am I causing the baby any harm and what is the likelihood that the baby is in distress and I don’t know it.
2) Is there a problem or could there be with the fact that I have been so dilated and effaced for so long without actually going into labor?
3) How concerned should I be with pre-eclempsia? Yes, we talked about this at my last visit and she read off a list of symptoms like shortness of breath, dizziness, blurry vision, etc. I have had none of that and she told me not to worry. That was fine then, now I am grasping at things to worry about and I have been gaining weight quickly, swelling a bit, and my blood pressure (upper number) has been borderline the last few weeks.

This is becoming a mind game and I think I am starting to lose my calm composure.

Having a good friend and labor coach who is a pediatrician and NICU dr. is a blessing most of the time. Yet, subtle questions like “Are you feeling the baby move?” can bring on more worry. My response was yes, as much as normal, which is less than it is suppose to be according to the 10 kicks per hour guideline that I have never felt. Going on to add, I have been checking the heartbeat on a regular basis and it is normal. Then, asking, why are you asking and do I REALLY want to know? Apparently she and her NICU buddies are concerned that I haven’t gone into active labor yet after being so dilated and effaced. They think there may be some problem. The baby could have pooped and taken in maconium, which would be bad, and there is no way to tell until delivery because the movement and heartbeat would be normal. Great! I remind her that I am still at least a week/week and a half before my EDD. I’m told it doesn’t matter, it could still be a problem and, in my shoes, she/they (her NICU buddies) would induce ASAP, just in case. I remind myself that day in and day out, they deal with the problems. They only attend the high risk births. They see every scenario of what can go wrong. Yet, they sure have more training than me. What if they are right? Since my goal is to have a live, healthy baby out of this, is it worth the risk?

Another valid point is why am I so set on having a “natural” birth when there was nothing “natural” about the way I conceived. I can’t answer that right now.

On the other hand, after extensive reading and talking to my doula, I am told to trust my body. It will know what to do and I will go into active labor when my body and the baby is ready. Most of me really does believe that which is why I am sitting here typing this instead of being induced last week and already having my baby here. But, what if the books and doula are wrong? What if my body doesn’t really know what to do? Or, when it does decided to do it I end up with a fast labor and an unwanted home birth or something like that?

Other than my doula, I can’t think of one person who doesn’t think I should call my dr. tomorrow and ask to go in for a progress check and/or ask to be induced. Am I just being too stubborn and/or ignorant? Why am I holding on to letting my body do its job in spite of my worries?

I’m scared to call and scared not to. If I get this far and lose the baby in childbirth, I will never forgive myself. I’ll always be wondering if it was my fault and if I had induced when recommended it would have a different outcome.

Yet, probably everything is fine. Probably. I am still a week away from my due date. How much longer am I willing to take the risk, just in case?

Round and round the thoughts and arguments go in my head in these wee hours of the morning. Questions with no answers. Paranoia and fear. Indecision on what is best. My gut telling me one thing and my brain telling me another.

I really wish I go into active labor soon. I’m not sure I can take the worry and self doubt.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Nothing new (aka Still Waiting) - Re- Edited

Edited at 4:31 am Monday, August 15th: The book I am reading in NOT a Tom Clancy one. It is a Clive Cussler one called Lost Town, I think. Yes, I know, not even germaine really to the post, but I couldn't sleep with that mistake in my post. LOL. Yeah, like THAT is why I'm not sleeping.

Re-Edited at 9:09 am Monday, August 15th: The title of the book is really Lost City, not lost town. LOL.


Just thought I would pop in to say that I am still at home waiting for active labor to begin. I got into a book today so have mostly laid around reading (a Tom Clancy one, don’t remember the title at the moment and to lazy to go look). I’m getting a bit crampy so we will see if this is the real deal or just another teaser. I got a bit crampy last night, but it went away after a warm bath and some Tylenol PM. I was having a lot of drainage and have learned that if I lay down and try to sleep that way, I start gagging. The night before I started gagging enough to actually vomit. It reminded me of my first tri. LOL. Anyway, to avoid that and to see if the Tylenol would eliminate the cramping, using the theory that if it was true labor a little Tylenol wouldn’t do squat, I took some. It did take away the cramping and I slept through the night with no repeat contractions or cramping today until awhile ago. I still have had mucus discharge. Hmm. This whole labor thing can be a confusing one. I almost wish I had a crystal ball so I could predict the future and “know” when the time would come. I am starting to get worried that I may not know until it is too late. The waiting is enough to understand why people are so fond of scheduled C-sections. I’m a planner and like executing to a plan. You can only plan so much in this process.

My cousin and I talked this afternoon and weighed the pro’s and con’s of her staying a week longer or going back as planned tomorrow. On the one hand, it would REALLY be nice to have my house to myself with no one around if I knew that it was going to be much longer before having the kid. In the original plan, I would have had a week or two of just “me” alone time, a vacation with just me before I spend the next untold many of years with a constant house companion reliant on me. On the other hand, with my cousin here, I don’t have to worry at all about dog coverage or getting to the hospital in a hurry if things start moving fast. We decided to extend her stay by one week and see what happens. She has agreed that she won’t pressure me to be in the L&D which I would really just do without friends and family (other than my coach if she can make it of course). Plus, she would be a big help when I first get home. Ideally, I will go into labor sometime tonight or early tomorrow or tomorrow night (but, before she has to take her 14 y.o. son to the airport who is flying home as planned).

The cramping seems to be lessening as I sit here typing this so it is probably just another tease. Ugh! I guess time will tell. I really am starting to wish I have gone through this process before so I would have some idea of the signs and what to look for. Although, I have heard that each labor is different even with the same women so it may not actually do any good. Like I said, I am afraid at this point I am going to miss all the signs and end up having the kids at home or on the side of the highway or something. Not likely, I know, but paranoia is starting to set in.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Still Waiting

It’s Saturday morning and I am still waiting for the big event. I did go to the Dodger game last night and it was a great game. It had a lot of action and went into overtime. The Dodgers ended up winning in the 10th. I got a tad worried that I really should have listened to the advice of friends, family, and the medical profession and stayed home when, as we were pulling into the parking lot, I had a contraction; at least I think it was a contraction, and then I had another one about 10 min. later. I had another third one about an hour later. Then, nothing for the rest of the night. All’s well that ends well, right?

The Dodger dog was delicious, even if it did give me the anticipated heartburn. I was prepared with Tums in my purse so I was set. The people watching was fun, as always. I had a great time and I am really glad that I went.

The worst thing that happened last night is that I got bad chaffing in my thighs that are still sore today. Have I mentioned that I have grown HUGE in the last week or two? I am putting on weight faster than any other time in my pregnancy and eating less. My maternity shorts are so tight in the belly that I have been wearing dresses with a bit more give. Even the dress I wore last night was so tight it was uncomfortable at the end of the night. Today, I am going very casual in grey sweat pants (remember the first maternity clothes I bought that were really 3x sweat pants or so I thought and they turned out to be PJ bottoms? – Well, I am wearing those today) and a T-Shirt. I just need room in my tummy and my thighs not to rub against each other. This kid better come soon cause my clothing options are severely limited again.

Off in a few minutes to a SMC (Single Mom’s by Choice) get together. This actually puts me only 10 min. or less from my hospital. Should be fun. This is my last “planned” activity for the foreseeable future.

Physically, I am feeling tired, but not so tired that I want to just stay home and do nothing. I think that is what tomorrow will be for. For those interested in TMI, the diarrhea has gone by the way side and the only “symptom” is more gooey vaginal discharge.

So, the waiting game continues.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Playing the pregnancy card….

St. Vincent de Paul has now been here and is gone. It was stressful enough that I’m not sure that I will be able to relax/calm down enough to actually take a nap at this point. And, I am now feeling a bit crampy. Damn them if they got me so worked up that they put me into active labor. They started to refuse to take the furniture because it had been exposed to “animals”. Remember that I got very little sleep last night and have lots of extra hormones about. I almost flipped out on them and had to play the pregnancy card. I have done it very rarely. Anyway, my cousin said I must have seriously scared them. I don’t care. It is gone now. Maybe to a land fill which makes me sad, but at least it is someone else’s problem at this point.

What is it with these f’ing charities and organizations? I haven’t forgotten that used book store incident a month or so ago. Like I told the guy, “What, charities are too good to take used items anymore?” He said the dispatchers know the rules and should have mentioned it to me. I said, well no one did, or I would have dealt with it a month ago instead of waiting when I am 39 weeks pregnant and about to go into labor. Actually, now that I think about it, I didn’t actually talk to the dispatchers, my cousin did. I’ll just assume that they didn’t cover the “rules” with her. Anyway, like I said. It is gone now. But, I had to fight.

While I am on a good rant here….my family is driving me flipping crazy too. They are all well intentioned, but if I get one more phone call asking how I am doing and saying “oh, your still there” or something to that affect. I may need to chew there head off. This is why I didn’t want them around or to know I was actually in labor until the kid was already here. I couldn’t really keep it a secret with my cousin living here with me (until next week). And, my mom is coming to stay the weekend since it is my cousins last one in town, unless she decides to send the kids back and stay to help me out. This is still to be decided based on how things progress this weekend.

I can wish I had the house to myself and peace and quiet. But, wishing is going to get me absolutely now where at this point. Oh well. Sleep. I think some sleep will help. However, it is unlikely at this point. I may just need to brave through it and just pretend that I am not tired and crabby and they aren’t bugging the sh!t out of me. Or, I could just be a crabby b!tch and make them not want to be around me as much as I don’t want to be around them. Like I said, let me go try to get some sleep. It will make a much better weekend for us all.

Still Waiting

Well, looks like the kid is staying put for now. Water is still intact. I got a little crampy around 4 am and had what MIGHT have been 3 small contractions. They were just quick tightening of the uterus. It lasted only a few seconds. One was at 4:10, one at 4:13, and another at 4:16. They didn’t hurt or anything, just a squeeze. I decided to take a bath. Mostly because I have had diarrhea since the exam yesterday and the nether region was feeling a bit sore and raw and a warm soak followed by some Prep H sounded like a good idea. I actually woke up at 1:30 am and never really went back to sleep. I may have dosed between 5:15 and 5:45 and again from 5:50 – 6:15. Hard to tell. I think the lack of sleep was just caused by a hormone shift or something. I’m going back to my pre-pregnancy sleep patterns (or lack there of). Darn. It was good while it lasted. I guess the good news it that I do function fairly well usually will less sleep than most.

Since I was up and could only take one round of the news, I pulled my work computer (laptop) and took it back to bed with me. I logged on to the network for the first time since I have been on leave and sent an update email to a few folks. This actually took almost 2 hours because I had to wait for all of the security patches to auto download (my company is big on security) and my email to sync in the hundreds of emails that came in this last week. I didn’t read them all, just did a quick scan, read a few, deleted a bunch without even looking at them, and left the rest.

I just got back from taking the dogs out and having a pancake breakfast. I think I will go read a bit and see if I can nap this morning. Unless things change, I plan on visiting with my friend H this afternoon who is brining her 18 m.o. twins over to swim and then going to the Dodger game with my friend N for her birthday. Also, the crib is supposed to get delivered and St. Vincent de Paul’s is supposed to come by an finally get the extra furniture out of here.

My OB wasn’t so keen on me going to the Dodgers tonight. She is afraid my water may break while I am there and I won’t be able to get out in time (if the game is ending at that time). But, I think I will just live a bit dangerously and take the risk. After all, I walked around dilated to 2 for a month before it increased to 4. Maybe I will make it through the weekend and into next week before active labor starts.

We are having a rare day (at this time of year) of a nice solid cloud cover with lots of moisture in the air. This means that it is nice and cool out right now. This is a very special treat. It will burn off in a little bit, but it sure is nice for now.

Okay, time to find a decent book and go rest before the day starts snowballing with activity.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Is it time?

How did my OB apt. go today? Glad you ask. It went well and caused stress. I’m 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced and -1. What does -1 mean again? Dr. P said, “How about I send you over to the hospital, we break the water, and you have the baby by the weekend.” My response was, “How about we see what happens.” She was agreeable, but did let me know that she wasn’t going to be available on Saturday or Sunday night. Or, was it Friday and Saturday night? Also, my coach is working tonight, tomorrow night and Saturday night. When I gave here the news, she called some of her colleagues and can get coverage, but then would need to work a 24 hour shift. My cousin is also pressuring me into going in. She’s letting me know how much easier it would be with her here to take care of the dogs and everything. All true. Everyone wants an answer. Everyone wants me to go sooner rather than later. This isn’t how I pictured it. I pictured an empty house with me and the dogs and the doula for early labor then going to the hospital. I have decided for now to let nature take its course. I would like my dr. and my coach there, but don’t really want to rush it at this point.

I hadn’t had any contractions that I felt and obviously got to 4 cm with really no pain, just pressure. I have been a bit crampy and bleeding a bit since the exam, but Dr. P and the doula said this is normal. It could go away or it could be the start of things.

Here is my current schedule. A friend is coming over after work to do a COSTCO run with me. The crib is being delivered tomorrow. St. Vincent de Paul society is coming tomorrow to pick up the old furniture. Another friend is coming over in the afternoon with her twins to swim in the afternoon. And, I have tickets to a Dodger game with a friend for her birthday. On Saturday, I have an SMC get together. I really would like to still do all of these things. Then, have the baby.

Monday. Monday seems like a good day to go into labor. Don’t you think?

My Dr. really didn’t like the idea of me going to the Dodger game. She is worried that my water will break and I won’t be able to get out of there and to the hospital. I get the distinct impression that once I start contracting and/or my water breaks they expect things to go very fast.

Ugh! What to do? What to do? It isn’t that I don’t want to see my baby and hold him in my arms. It is just that I want it to happen on its own time table instead of for convience for me or anyone else.

Is this so wrong?

I’m feeling very tired, but less crampy. I think I will go lay down for a bit and see what happens.

The time is soon. That is for sure. The question is…how soon?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I heard it

I was minding my own business asleep in bed when I heard a loud “boom” at slightly after 5 am this morning bring me awake and causing the dogs to stir as well. My first thought was, “What was that?”. My second was, “OMG, they are landing the space shuttle at Edwards AFB and I just heard them on approach.” I quickly turned on the tv and sure enough, about 4 min. to landing. I was able to watch it and know that I was a small part of history today. How cool is that? I was excited enough to get up, step over James who is sleeping in the office, reboot the computer, and come tell you about it.

I’m still here visiting with family and making great progress on “the list”. Most of it just too mundane and boring to even discuss.

The baby’s room is starting to actually look like a nursery. Of course, it still needs the crib, but it is getting there. I called yesterday to find out when the chair will be in so I can decide whether to have them just deliver the crib by itself or wait a bit longer.

On Sunday night, my house went from 6 extra people down to 3 extra people with my cousins’ husband and daughter going home and mom not staying the night since she had to work on Monday. My house really isn’t that big and when you get that many people here (and all of their stuff) it can get a bit crowded and overwhelming.

I read a good book over the weekend called Man Camp by Adrienne Brodeur. A very funny book and one that single women still on the dating scene (or those who have just plain given up like me) can relate to. I also picked up the second book in the #1 Woman’s Detective Agency series, but only got a few pages into it before crashing out last night. [Katrina - Was it you that asked how I liked it and did I ever answer? I thought it was good (enough to by the next one). The style is very different (which I like) and it is a good, well written story, IMO.]

The sun is just coming up here, but I think I will go take the dogs out so I can be back by 8 am when the A/C man is coming by to do yearly service and maintenance on the A/C system and clean the filters. I have had the A/C for years now and have never had this done professionally, but decided I really should this year because 1) there is NO WAY I can get up into the crawl space like I normally would to clean the filters 2) this would not be a good year for it not to get done and/or to have problems.

I am getting so huge in the belly. I can tell the difference in myself over just the last few days. My uterous was crampy and tight on and off yesterday, but I am sure that is more because I was pushing the limits of acceptable behavior 38 weeks pregnant by bending over trimming the lavender in the front flower beds by the front door, watering my dying container rose bushes, cleaning the back yard, washing/drying/folding and finding spots for all of the shower gifts and additional boy clothes donated to the cause by my sister and friend Heather. I also spent plenty of time talking on the phone and catching up with friends that I haven’t seen or talked to in weeks because I have been too busy with family and “the list”. Yes, I have been neglecting folks and haven’t kept up with IRL friend as well as my internet ones and blog.

My first official non-work day went well and I kept very busy. I did think about signing in to check email or calling to see how it was going with my back up, but decided that I had to give a chance for something to actually happen first and will try to hold off until Friday before I check in. LOL.

Happy Tuesday! I was a small part of history today. Just thought you would want to know.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Last Day of Work

Today was my last day of work. My phone and email have been updated to reflect that I am out of the office until further notice. While I am ready to be off work and I can’t say that I really worked that hard today, it was harder to wrap things up than I thought. Not from a physical perspective. I did bust my butt M-Th of this week and got most everything done. But, from an emotional one. I like my work and the people that I work with. I can’t imagine not being in contact with them for a few months. Maybe this will change after the baby gets here. I can’t tell you how many people called, IM’d, or emailed to wish me luck and send me off today. I really had nothing else that really needed to be done and still had a hard time stepping away.

On the other hand, I still have LOTS to do before the kid arrives. On the top of my list is making a Target run for things like diapers and wipes. I also had getting a digital camera on the list, but got an email today from my administrative assistant saying … hint hint…wink wink...don’t get a digital camera, get only baby things. Looks like my company is going to buy one for me. How great is that?

My OB apt. yesterday went well. I’m still at 2 cm, but was 80% effaced. My body is getting ready for the big event and the prediction is sooner rather than later. Later could still be a week or two. Did I mention that I am almost positive that I lost my mucus plug last week? The OB thought so too. I was scheduled to see my OB, but ended up seeing the new OB, Dr. T, instead. She is nice, but just seems a bit nervous and new. Another visit or two and I should have her up to speed. LOL. My blood pressure was a bit high (140/79 I think) so they had me lay on my left side and checked it again about 20 min. later. I’m still a bit confused by this. I guess it is the lower number that they worry about for pre-eclempsia and stuff. Mine lower number has been consistent and normal. It is the upper number that fluctuates from time to time. When I ask what could cause that I was told visiting the dr./being nervous (yeah, not likely), walking up a flight of stairs, being hot. Okay, could have been the being hot one. But, if it isn’t a cause for concern, why retest it? I must figure this out at some point. I still don’t really get this whole blood pressure thing. Anyway, it did go down and I was told not to worry. Not worried, but curious.

Anyway, I saw my dr. in the hall on the way out. She was in scrubs and looking pretty stressed out. It was probably better that I didn’t see her even though I am a bit more comfortable with her at this point.

After that, Lucky had her last radiation treatment. She seems to have handled it well like she has all of the other treatments. I just bring her in monthly for monitoring to make sure she stays in remission. They said I can bring her to my local vet (closer) most of the time and only bring her to the specialist every third month as long as the labs are sent over. What a relief! Hoping and praying that the kid and I have a long life ahead with her and that she is one of the 25% that stays in remission permanently and dies of natural/other causes.

All and all, things are still going well here. I have lots of projects that I want to get done. I am going to think of the next few weeks as vacation and not “leave”. It is probably good that my cousin will still be here to keep me from major work withdrawals. I am now stepping away from the computer. I am letting this go. And, it is harder than I thought it would be.