Friday, May 28, 2010

Life's a blur

Life just seems to be happening so fast. The days and weeks and months are blending together and I'm not quite sure how I have gotten to Memorial Day weekend (with still my taxes not done and needing that money for summer school for Max and other things) and summer.

I've started the new job and it is fine. Busy, but not crazy busy. I only worked like 45 hours last week and 42.5 the week before. I should have an could have worked more, but I'm burnt out and have had other personal things going on. I used to love my job, now I don't hate it most days and it is fine. I don't love it. It's not just the kids, although that is part of it. I would love to be a full time stay at home mom, even more so now that the twins are older and it isn't all about changing diapers, bottles, pumping. There have just been so many changes and the culture that I loved and the values that were important to me when I joined and the reason I stayed for almost 20 years just aren't there anymore.

I had a 2 day work trip to meet the new client and it was fine. It would have actually been nice had my childcare cost that week been so high and the fact that on the second day I got my monthly "flow". Thank heaven I was home on Day 2 as OH MY WORD did I bleed and bleed and bleed. Every hour or so I needed a complete change of underwear and clothes. I actually looked up hemorrhage and thought about calling my OB, but alas it passed.

We've had exciting things going on the last few weeks with the kids like first R getting the stomach bug, then Max causing him to miss school for a few days (and that last afternoon when he was actually starting to feel better was enough to validate that I made the right decision to keep him in summer school and camps), then N, then me. The twins are still having loose stool and a bit of diarrhea on and off from that bug. At one point, N and Max were in the bath and N puked all over Max (good times, let me tell you) and Max said "oh, this is just horrible" in the funnest tone of voice. Other than that, he did well with the situation and let me drain off the water, clean off N, then clean off him, then the toys. We moved right from that into dripping snot noses and colds/coughs this week.

Under the insane category, a new puppy joined our family last week. He's a 9 month old black lab/German Shepard rescue. Yes, yes, I swore no puppy's until the kids were older. I have been keeping my eye open for the right dog for awhile now and had actually indicated interest in a few other rescues that didn't pan out and Speedy/Woof (still debating names, but think Speedy is going to win even if it is quite adorable how the twins follow him around and call him Woof. He is really quite good with his biggest downfall in my book this ability to stand on his back paws and reach my counter. He hasn't gotten anything from it yet except for a few peas and corn the other night missing the chicken a bit back from that. This is trainable and he has such a fun, lovely personality. At first, I was just going to foster him until we met him and Max came home and told his Nana (who was watching the twins) that we went to heaven and found another Shadow (our other dog who also happened to be a black lab/German Shepard mix who died after the twins were born between when R and N came home from the hospital). My heart melted and here he stays.

If I said getting a dog was all for the kids, I'd be lying. I've missed having a dog in our family. The thing I've missed the most from my pre-kid days is my early morning hikes with the dogs before work. I'm getting a teeny tiny smidge of that with Speedy. With the new job, I have the nanny working from 8 to 4:30. If I have everything ready by 8 and can dash out the door with Max and drop him off at the school, I can almost fit in a 20 minute walk at the park and get back to be sitting down and working by 9 am. Then, at night, after dinner and a bit of outside play, I've been putting the twins in the stroller and Max has been riding his bike and we've been taking a walk before baths and bed. It's not much, but it is much better than nothing. I'm feeling healthier and happier. He really is a love and doesn't really seem like all that much extra work, but that could be I'm just so used to a crazy caotic life by this point.

During all this, I've had to switch from a central time schedule to a pacific time schedule and it's taken awhile. The twins moved bedtime and wake time back a bit at a time with only minor issues mixed in with sickness and diaper rashes and diarrhea and maybe a back tooth or so. Max was much harder and is his MO going to bed later causing an even earlier rise time. This is getting better and a few times we have gotten up around 6:30 am which was my old start work time. Mostly, it is still around 5:30 - 6 am. I'm going to bed later because the kids are going to bed later and I just need a bit of time alone to veg out with the TV and/or on the computer.

N finally started speech therapy (at the lovely hour of 7:30 am once a week). The early intervention specialist that has been coming since the twins were babes has resigned and a new one starts next week. That should go over well -- NOT. N is getting better about change, but it is still hard for her. She is very distrustful/reserved with new people. I like to call it slow to warm. N still has OT. With them coming up on 2 in a few weeks...CAN YOU JUST BELIEVE THAT?...they've had progress evaluations. Once again they are going to recommend OT and speech for R. We will see if we can get it added. While N tends to be more sensory seeking and slow to talk. R tends to be more sensory avoiding and loves to talk and say new words and shout "Mom, Mom, MOM, MOM...cah" for car. Mom, Mom, Mom...Mak for where is Max. Etc. Imagine the MOM part being shouted at the top of his lungs. I really do need to get some video of him and Max sing "Woof, Woof, who let the dogs out".

After having the consult well over a year ago and dropping off the paper work a year ago, I got a call from the lawyer saying the living will trust was finally prepared and in the mail. This was, of course, after countless, countless emails and finally last week telling the receptionist who instantly recognizes my name I've called so much I either wanted the paper work by the end of the month or I was terminating our relationship and filing a complaint. In her defense, she has some sort of health issue or accident or something. Hey, I can understand busy and behind with the best of them, but my patience had run out. Since I've actually been left messages twice before saying I would be getting the paperwork and haven't, I'll believe it when it shows up. But, this time I'm hopeful because I actually talked to the lawyer who confirmed my address and said it was done and only had to be mailed.

There is still rarely time to catch up with a friend via email or phone let along in person. And, I really, really, need to find the time and energy to get my taxes done...not to worry an extension was filed. I don't think I can remember the last time I went out. And, think it is sad that things are so crazy that I don't even mind that much.

I'm sure there is more, but who can remember and it is getting late. I've got company in town and am hosting a family event tomorrow with 2 of my cousins, 1 of my sisters, and my mom.