Monday, January 31, 2005


I am so bummed. I miscalculated. My first OB appointment isn’t until NEXT Wednesday, 2/9. I was just looking at my schedule for the week and was surprised when I didn’t see my OB appointment blocked off for this Wednesday, 2/2. Ugh! I am so disappointed. I don’t think I can stand it.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Flipping the switch

It is amazing how much better I am feeling the last day and a half. I guess I didn’t realize how bad/crummy I was feeling until I wasn’t feeling that bad anymore. It is like a switch was flipped. I am not as tired and nauseous anymore. I guess I should say I am significantly less tired and nauseous as I was. I would be completely freaked by this, thinking that something bad had happened, except that I had just read that at 10w…

Many women who have suffered from morning sickness find that their nausea begins decrease from this week on.

I still need to order that fetal heart monitor, just to check things out.

My first OB appointment is on Wednesday. I have been thinking about questions, but haven’t written them out yet. That’s one of my weekend plans. If the rain goes away as expected and it is nice and I am still feeling as good as I am now, I may try to get outside and do some gardening. Things have been sadly neglected during my ttc efforts. Thinking back, I can’t remember doing any serious gardening since I planted some pansies about this time last year. Very sad.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Today's blood draw results

I had dinner with my mom tonight. Actually, I have dinner with my mom almost each and every Wednesday night. Except for last Wednesday, when I pleaded the pregnancy card and sent her off with my sister Julie instead. Clearly, my mom and I are on different tracks here. At dinner, she asked me if I was still loosing weight and told me that she can’t wait until I start wearing maternity clothes. I, on the other hand, am still hoping not to miscarry and that I actually get a baby out of this. I didn’t tell her this. I just said, it will be awhile yet for that.

In regards to the weight, I am a draw for the week. Haven’t gained and haven’t lost.

I went in for a blood draw today to check my progesterone. It came back at 15.75 up from 13 a week ago. Going up is good. I wanted it to go up by much more than that. My nurse coordinator said that I could go ahead and stop the progesterone supplements now. I told her that I was nervous about that because it only went up by 2 (okay, so almost 3) and asked how much of that was attributed to the 400 mg of progesterone I was adding per day. She said I could continue to take the suppositories for another week. That’s one of the things I like about my clinic. They will humor the insecure, emotional, and neurotic patients. Don’t get me wrong, it is not as if I LIKE doing the suppositories, but there is not a problem of having too much progesterone, just not enough. Why not be safe instead of sorry? I know my dr. would never have me stop if he really thought it would be a problem, but …the number just seems a bit low for me. If it had come back over 20 or doubled, then I would feel better about stopping.

I have been doing progesterone suppositories for awhile now and with all of my cycles except for the first one. A few weeks ago, I realized you were supposed to and it was easier to open them from the top instead of the bottom. I had to laugh at myself. I am not usually such a slow learner. The only reason I even figured it out was because the bottom was just fused together and would not open from the top. Hey, in my own defense, I figured they were like tampons. You would never open a tampon from the top. Right?

Nagging in the back of my mind is some information I have read about progesterone that said that low progesterone could be a sign that the pregnancy isn’t viable. I am debating about emailing my dr. about that to see if it has any truth or not. He already knows that I am “worried” about this pregnancy and a tad (okay, maybe more that a tad) paranoid, he would not be fazed or surprised by such a question from me. The question is, do I really want to know the answer?

My dr. wasn’t at the clinic when I dropped in today and the other dr. was in new patent consults all morning. I tried to talk my way into a quickie u/s for a heartbeat/growth check. It didn’t happen. I really need to take some time and find some energy to go rent one of those fetal heart monitors. The low energy, nausea and vomiting are just not enough. I need more direct signs that nothing bad has happened yet.

I was talking to my sister Cindy today. One of her friends just had a m/c and is going in for a d&c tomorrow. She was 12 weeks. Why did she tell me this? Does she not realize that stories like this just add to my worry and paranoia?

Mostly, I am doing well. I am not quite as nervous as I probably sound. However, I am not taking this whole positive outcome thing for granted. Today was a nauseous all day kind of day and I have been a tad crampy in the stomach region. Not a drop of blood spotting to be found. No puking so far, but the night is young. Some nice good pregnancy affirming symptoms. Got to love it!

Monday, January 24, 2005

A confession

I have a confession to make. The picture that I have posted on my blog is old. At least 4 years old. Okay, maybe 5 years old. My hair is much longer now. It is actually almost one length past my chin, but not quite to my shoulders yet with bangs.

Most of my life, my hair has been short. I don’t really even know why I am growing it out. I was just tired of it short and wanted something new and my hairdresser suggested letting it grow and putting in blond highlights. So, I did. And, it has just grown and grown and grown. In fact, I have noticed that both my hair and nails have grown stronger and faster with all of the hormones. In many ways it is easier having long hair. I don’t have to wash it every day (but, when I do it takes forever to dry). It is long enough now that I could pull it back into a ponytail or something, but I typically don’t (and never if I am going out or will be seen by others who are not a very close friend or family member).

I have recently learned all to well that long hair is not easier when you are puking. It actually gets in the way and is quite a pain while puking. It would be nice if I had a little warning and could pull my hair back or put it up or something first. It just doesn’t work that way. I typically have very little warning. As such, as I am leaning over the sink purging the contents of my stomach, one hand is dedicated to keep my hair out of the way. So far, I have been lucky. I have made it to a sink and managed to keep my hair clean and unsoiled.

I just thought you might want to know that. Again, to repeat myself, I am NOT complaining. I actually feel much better after vomiting than before. And remember, it is a pregnancy affirming symptom.

Speaking of pregnancy affirming, I am seriously thinking of and have started researching renting a fetal heart monitor. Before, you know, I actually was pregnant, it wasn’t something I was interested in. Now, it will be worth a monthly fee to ensure that the heartbeat is still there even if I can’t see regular growth of the baby via ultrasound. I’m not sure if anyone actually reads this blog. I think there is some way to set it up so you can tell, but I have been too lazy and disinterested to figure it out. However, if someone is reading this that actually knows something about fetal heartbeat monitors, feel free to share an opinion or advice.

Other pregnancy related items. The move to the one a day pre-natal seems to be affective and helping.

All and all, things are moving along well here. As far as I know, nothing bad has happened yet.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

RE Release Revoked

Turns out that I wasn’t actually released from my RE this week after all. My progesterone blood draw came back low. It was only 13 and 10 is needed to sustain a pregnancy. It is only a 13 with progesterone supplements of 400 mg (200 mg suppositories twice a day). Mostly, when I hear about other peoples progesterone levels it is in triple digits like over 100 or 232. I was kind of hoping that it was just a different measurement and that the over 100 calculated to 10.0 and the 232 calculated to 23.2, but probably not. I think mine is just really, really low. I am told that the placenta kicks in and starts producing the progesterone around week 9 or 10. Looks like mine hasn’t yet. In the meantime, I stay on the progesterone and test again next week.

I went to the UCLA Medical Bookstore today after my acupuncture appointment and bought 2 OBGYN books. They are general and not pregnancy specific, but should be interesting reading. I treated myself to Jonny Rockets for lunch today (burger, fries, chocolate shake). Hmm. Hmm. Good. It was not quite the pig out that it may seem. I can only tolerate so much food so only a little over half the burger and shake got consumed and only a handful of fries. Yes, seemed quite wasteful, but it did hit the spot. While I was there, I read a chapter or two of one of the books. Interesting reading! Not much that I didn’t know or hadn’t heard yet (I started with the more general book), but it is kind of funny to see what they are teaching the doctors.

The first thing my acupuncturist asked me when she saw me today was if I had lost weight. She said my face looks a lot thinner and my belly is flatter, if you can believe it. I hadn’t noticed either of those, but I have lost weight. I have always suspected that my inability to lose weight in the past was hormonal related. I guess this just reinforces that belief. Plus, evenings are still difficult with not feeling very well and not really wanting to eat anything. I was doing well with not vomiting (almost a week), until last night.

My prenatal vitamins just aren’t sitting very well in my stomach these days. I am/was taking a brand that you take twice a day at about 12 hour intervals for better absorption. I have been taking them for over a year and their regular women’s formula before that with no problem. I just can’t tolerate them any more. The evening/night dosage just comes back up most of the time. Today, while at the pharmacy picking up more progesterone I picked up a one a day brand which I will start tomorrow with hopefully better results. I am trying not to worry about the fact that over the last week or so (right about the time the brain is forming) I have been so low on vitamins or folic acid, but there really isn’t anything I can do about it other than what I have. It is what it is and I am doing the best I can so I am not going to beat myself up about it.

I have noticed that I have a runny nose most evenings, especially those evenings where I am feeling sicker to my stomach. The more drainage and the more runny it is, the more likely I am to puke. I don’t think this is a coincidence. Even though Dr. N said that Sudafed is safe, I don’t want to take it during the first trimester, just in case; and Benadryl just puts me to sleep and going to sleep at 5 or 6 pm would be a really, really bad sleep pattern. It’s funny, even cough drops are not recommended during pregnancy. I picked up a few more packages (I had only bought one as a trial) of those preggy pops while at the pharmacy. I am not sure that they really help with the nausea, but they do help prevent the vomiting and are especially helpful while walking the dogs in the evening. I keep having this fear that I will catch a whiff of something like I did tonight (of my favorite cookie’s baking – chocolate chip) and it will just hit wrong and turn my stomach and I will start gagging and vomit on someone’s lawn. Thankfully, that hasn’t happened yet. I just suck and swallow on that preggy pop until the feeling passes.

I am not complaining. I really don’t mind being tired all the time or not feeling that great. It is pregnancy affirming. I wish I was having an u/s this week again instead of just another blood draw. I think I am going to look into getting one of those fetal heart monitors. I just need a bit more reassurance that everything is going to be okay and that this really will have a good outcome and I really will get a healthy, happy, breathing baby out of this.

I wish I had a laptop computer so I could lay on the couch and keep up better on everything, but I don’t really feel like spending the 2K right now. I don’t really need it. I just want it. On the other hand, I had no problem spending 2K on the drugs for my cancelled IVF (which I am a lot less bitter about since I actually got pregnant with them). Some would argue that I didn’t really need to get pregnant (or be as aggressive as I was in my protocol), I just wanted to. Maybe they would be right, but it felt more like a need to me. I guess it is all about priorities and I would rather save that money for awhile, just in case or to get the house painted or something.

I have started telling a few people. Not many, but a few. After getting released from my RE on Wednesday (or so I thought), my mom convinced me to tell my two sisters who didn’t yet know. Well, actually, she was so exited that she wanted to tell them and I let her. I told my neighbor tonight. He is such a great guy. I was coming back from walking the dogs and he was out front with some buddies and asked me what was up and if everything was okay since he hadn’t seen me around. So, I told him about the pregnancy and not feeling so hot. He was so happy for me and said to holler if I needed anything or had a midnight craving he would be happy to run out for me. He told me this when we first talked about me trying and when I was pregnant the last time so I really think he means it. Isn’t that sweet? I doubt I would ever take him up on it, but it is really nice to know that if I REALLY need something, he will help.

Nothing else really new or exiting. You now have the highlights as boring as they are. Work is still busy. I should work this weekend to try to catch up, but I probably won’t because I just don’t feel like it. It would help if I put in an hour or two of overtime a night during the week, but I am just so tired and feeling so sick in the evenings I just want to give the dogs their evening walk and go lay down. So, I have. I have been terrible about keeping up with friends and family. Too busy during the day and just don’t feel like even talking on the phone at night. So, I haven’t. I have written tons of blogs in my head and think, I should go type that out, but I am just too tired to get up and walk to the other side of the house (and it really isn’t that big of a house) and do it. So, I haven’t.

Basically, it has pretty much all about ME, ME, ME and what I want and don’t want and feel like and don’t feel like.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Today’s U/S

It went well. I was measuring at 8w6d which is what “I” think I am. However, they were charting me at 9w2 days today because they counted from HCG trigger and I am counting from IUI/ovulation. Heartbeat good. Size good. Before the u/s Dr. N said I was going to be surprised by how much the baby has grown. I replied that I would be surprised and happy if there was still a heartbeat. He told me I would need to start being more positive. I replied that I was feeling good enough to actually bring the VCR tape back and didn’t drag along moral support so I was making progress. We both laughed. He spent quite a bit of time showing me the head, the arm and leg nubs, the spinal cord, and the umbilical cord. I got to hear the heart beat. That was very cool. He showed me the blood flow to the baby and to the umbilical cord. He showed me the yolk sac and the amniotic fluid and explained how it would grow to be the same size as the uterus. He said it was too early to see the placenta. He also spent a lot of time showing me the blood clot. He showed me how it was old blood with no new blood flow and said that it is likely that I will spot some more with pink/red blood, but to NOT worry because it was not going to cause a m/c. He reassured me that my chances of m/c at this point were “very, very, very, very minuscule” (yes, his word). Lastly, he did one more look around to make sure there wasn’t a twin or another baby someplace it shouldn’t have been. All looked clear. I told him that was reassuring, but since there weren’t that many follicles to begin with it wasn’t very likely.

After the exam, I told him that I was too tired to even email him a few questions I had. He laughed and said he found that hard to believe. And we went through my questions. I try to almost never actually ask questions during an exam because I am afraid I will forget the questions or his answers or both, but these were easy ones. He says Benadryl is best for nasal congestion and runny nose (which is what I think has been contributing to my nausea/vomiting). Since that puts me to sleep, I asked about a non-drowsy one. He said that most people would not recommend Sudafed and it has a warning on the box (and we laughed about how almost EVERYTHING has a pregnancy warning including cough drops), but said that he personally thinks Sudafed is fine and that his wife (who is an OBGYN) used it for all of her pregnancies. He wouldn’t recommend seeing a chiropractor while I am pregnant. We talked about me joining the local preggo gym (which he shares an office with) and told me to stop by if I did when he is there which is Thursday afternoons.

All in all, it was a good visit.

It was with very mixed emotions that I was released to my OB. I really like my RE. A lot. We went down memory lane and I have been with him for almost a full year now. I can almost cry just thinking about it, but as he said, he has done his job. And, he is right. I thought about begging and asking for “just one more u/s” and I am sure he would have done it, but I guess it is time to move on. It would probably be easier but I have never met my OB before. He is a stranger. Dr. N is not. Heck, Dr. N has seen more of my “lower half” than anyone ever. Not to mention all of his views of my “insides” with the polyp and fibroid removals. And, Dr. G is a stranger. I guess he won’t be by the end of the year, huh? My RE clinic is small and I know all of the office staff, nurses, and both the doctors. My OB’s office is large. I think there are 4 or 5 OBGYNs in the practice. I waited on the phone for 15 minutes just to make my appointment today. It will be okay and I will adjust. Maybe I will even like Dr. G. But, it just won’t be the same. It just won’t be the same.

First OB appointment is 2 weeks from today so I guess I get to ease into that monthly monitoring thing. However, I am not going to get my hopes up too high because I probably am not even going to get any kind of an u/s let alone a vaginal one. If I really hate Dr. G, I can always find another OB, right? Dr. N recommended Dr. G off of the list of OBGYNs available in my HMO and said he was really good and that I would be in good hands. And, he did say I could always still email or call him or come in just for reassurance (and we both silently added if I was feeling really neurotic).

Monday, January 17, 2005

Just Tired

I had several good blog posts all written in my mind this weekend about birthday parties and coyote/deer sightings and other miscellaneous things. Unfortunately, I never made it to the computer to actually get them in print. Saturday was spent going to birthday parties. Sunday was spent doing some basic house clean up and then napping all afternoon. Then, I was awake for a few hours and fell asleep again at 8 pm. Woke at 2:30 am for an hour or so, and then slept until 6 am. Yikes, that was a lot of sleep. And, I am so tired right now; I feel like I could lie down and go to sleep again.

I am happy to report that spotting and cramping stopped on Saturday. I still had fresh (pink/red) blood early that day and by afternoon/evening it was old (dark/brown) blood. No spotting since. I am also happy to report that I haven’t really been nauseous and haven’t vomited since Friday. Although, as reported above, feeling very, very tired right now.

Next u/s is on Wednesday less than 48 hours from now. But, whose counting?

Friday, January 14, 2005

And, the doctor says...

"It should be fine. Spotting and even cramping is very common this early in pregnancy. With visualization of the heart beat, the chances of miscarriage are less than 5%"

So, there you have it. I guess I will be waiting to see how things go. At this point, Wednesday can't get here soon enough. Hopefully, the spotting and cramping will stop. That will take some of the stress and worry away.

Spotting and Cramping Again....

I started spotting and cramping again this morning. I am sure I don’t even have to say how I feel about that. Anything more than zero is too much in my opinion. I am waiting to hear back from my doctor on this. I didn’t ask, but I am hoping he has me come in today for a check. Otherwise, I think it will be a long weekend/wait until Wednesday.

Work has been extremely busy and I have put in quite a bit of overtime this week. When not working, I have either been sleeping or walking the dogs. The house is a wreck, but I don’t even care. I will be obsessively checking email until I hear back from my doctor.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

7w5d Status

Things are going fine here. Work has been busy and I have been tired at night. I have had a few symptoms here and there, but nothing too terrible. I almost freaked myself out earlier today. After using the restroom, I saw this blob at the bottom of the toilett. Thought about fishing it out for closer inspection and then realized that I had put a tick (that was disgustingly blood engorged that I knew would sink and not try to crawl out) that I had pulled off one of the dogs in there earlier.

Ticks are incredibly disgusting. I keep the dogs on year round flea/tick medicine and they still pick up ticks. It's just gross and will probably be quite bad for awhile because wet, rainy, damp weather brings them out.

I saw the sun today. It was really nice. I think the rain is behind us for a little while. We really need the break. I really need the break. I live in Southern California for a reason. I am a weather wimp. I like the normal weather patterns here. I really don't like rain. I guess it can be a nice change every now and again, but the dogs and I just get wet and muddy. The house gets wet and muddy. There are more ticks. My hiking boots are so water logged that they are squishy and my socks are wet before I even leave the house. I hate wet feet. I hate rain.

I wrote this really long blog on Friday night between about 2 am and 4 am when I was not sleeping because of work. I was up worrying about things and something that was said in a meeting I was in on Friday. I followed up on Monday and turns out it was nothing to worry about. The blog never got posted because my computer crashed and I lost it. This was probably a good thing.

I always thought when you were pregnant that you had the same symptoms. I know that they are different for different people, but what I didn't know was that they are different on different days or at different times for the same person. Maybe it is just me. For example, I think I mentioned that last Wednesday the night before my 7w u/s I vomited and I was happy because it was a pregnancy affirming symptom. It hadn't happened again until last night. My stomach was a bit off all evening, but I thought I had better eat something so I didn't wake up in the middle of the night starving (which is what happened Friday night). I was getting ready for bed and thought, I wonder if I am going to get sick. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Sure enough, I puked everything up until my stomach was empty. I felt much better afterwards. People say to eat something to relieve the nausea. For me, it seems to cause me to puke instead and isn't such a great idea.

Today, I have been hungry pretty much all day. In fact, I need to go in a minute so I can go eat again. Yesterday, I wasn't hungry all day and didn't feel like eating anything. What I did eat, I puked up. Some days I am so tired I feel like I can barely stay awake. Other days, I feel normal and wouldn't know I was even pregnant if I didn't know that I was. The thought of eggs for weeks was just icky. This morning I felt like eggs for breakfast and they tasted great. I still can't use my Clinque soap. The smell makes me want to gag/dry heave. What I am saying is there seems to be no rhyme or reason no pattern to the symptoms. They come and go, but none of them have been too bad. I like them for the most part because, as I have said, they are pregnancy affirming.

Have I mentioned that I have lost weight since I got pregnant? Yes, down a few more pounds. I try for months and months and months to lose while ttc and barely lost a pound or two. Now that I am pregnant, I am losing about a pound a week without even trying. I am not worried and am actually happy about this. I am large enough that gaining too much weight will be problematic. It is better that I do not gain much weight at all. Of course, I need to talk to my new OB about this and get his views. In fact, I need to call and actually set up an appointment with him. I am still in denial that my RE is going to release me soon. I haven't even called to set up my next u/s with my RE for next week. I also need to call the sperm bank and let them know about the pregnancy. I can't seem to get these things done during working hours. As I mentioned, work has been busy.

Off to eat dinner, walk the dogs, and then go lay on the couch for the duration ignoring the messy, messy house which I am trying to learn to let go.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Great News!

I am 7w0d and measuring 7w0d, EXACTLY. We saw the heartbeat and it was perfect. I am so happy and relieved. I didn't talk him into weekly u/s. I made a feeble attempt, but didn't press it since it looked so good. The exact date/time still needs to be set, but he said 2 weeks to check growth and progesterone. Oh, another 2ww. He said he saw why I was spotting and cramping. I was still in shock and so happy about the heartbeat that I wasn't listening very well and didn't ask questions. It was something about a blood sac behind the placenta that is almost empty (so hopefully no more spotting). I am currently back to thinking that maybe this really will work. I am even thinking about (and probably will) tell my mom and the rest of my family. Wow! Wow! Wow!

I'm scared.

I need to leave for my u/s and all of a sudden, I'm scared. REALLY scared. I thought I was prepared for bad news. I guess I am not. OMG, what if it really is bad news. Okay, deep breath, deep breath. I guess work has kept me occupied enough that I was able to not think about it all day until now. And, I need to go. Please let it be good news. Please.

a new low (and I am happy about it)

I have stooped to an all new low. Last night I vomited up my dinner. I was happy about this. It is a pregnancy affirming symptom. This morning, I was a bit (not a lot) nauseous. Again, happy. Haven’t been sleeping great the last few nights. Haven’t really had any symptoms one way or another since the last spotting/cramping episode on Monday and last nights unexpected purge. Just been chilling out, working, and trying to take this all in stride. Ultrasound to hopefully see the heartbeat at 4 pm today. I think I am prepared for either good or bad news. Of course, I REALLY hope it is good.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

very sad over here

God, I hope I am wrong.

Not that I want to be the patient that cried m/c like the kid who cried wolf, but I am very, very sad here. The spotting has stopped at least for now and the cramping is almost gone. I have to really think about it and concentrate to tell that the cramps are there. However, as I lay awake early this morning evaluating the situation, I realized my extreme tiredness and food aversions have been minimizing. At first, I thought it was my imagination, but the realist in me doesn’t think so. I seriously thought about not emailing my dr. and just showing up on Thursday to see what we will see or not see. But, I can’t do it. I have to know what the next step is if we don’t see the heartbeat. I’m sure that I am learning the wrong lesson here, but just when I got to the point where I was really starting to believe this could work, I am sure that it hasn’t. Silly, stupid me.

I can’t even say that I am panicked or worried. I am just very sad. I don’t know why my body just keeps killing off these babies. I was so hoping it really was the fibroids. All the immunity testing is normal. I guess that just leaves bad eggs and/or bad luck. I don’t want to just get pregnant here. I want to stay pregnant and actually have a baby to take home. Why is this so hard?

I am so sure most of the time that I was meant to be a mom, but at times like these, I have to wonder if this is God’s way of telling me that it isn’t meant to be. That I am meant to live and die alone. I just can’t believe that. I just can’t. At least not yet.

God, I hope I am wrong. I have never wanted to be more wrong about anything in my life than I am about this. God, I really hope I haven’t killed off another baby.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Spotting and cramping, cramping, cramping

Damn!!! Six days and I thought maybe I might be home free. This afternoon I started spotting and cramping again. I hate this. Just when I was getting into the swing of things and thinking that maybe this could work, wammo! Today was my first day back to work since I found out I was pregnant. I was so tempted to tell a few people, but didn’t. Then, this afternoon I started feeling wetness and moisture down there (sorry if TMI), I went to the bathroom and found spotting. Shit, I should have kept wearing my black panties. Cramping started a little bit later. I went and crawled in bed and took some Tylenol. The spotting seems to have stopped or lessened, but the cramping is still in full force. Did I mention that the cramping is very bad with sharp, sharp pains? Lower center, right above the scar line from my surgery. I don't like this. Not one little bit.

As I was in bed trying to relax and telling myself that balling my eyes out will do nothing, my young dog started to freak out. She came on the bed right over by me and I thought it was because I was upset,. Then, I noticed she was shaking and trembling. Then, BIG THUNDER. Then, HAIL. Yes, hail in Southern California.

What next?

Sunday, January 02, 2005

6w3d today and happy (belated) new year!!

I can’t believe how long it has been since I sat down at the computer and spent any time here. I have written many blog posts in my mind, but haven’t had the energy to get up and actually type them. NOT COMPLAINING. In fact, if I would have gotten around to posting yesterday, I would have complained that I wasn’t as tired and my “symptoms” were diminishing, which worried me of course. I have been relatively calm since my u/s last week when I saw the sac and yolk sac. No spotting since last Wednesday (5 days) and that was fairly light. Yahoo!! I have still had a little bit of cramping on and off, but nothing alarming. Mostly, I have just been tired and sleeping a lot. I have been averaging about 10 – 12 hours of sleep a day which is almost double my normal sleep allotment. When not sleeping, I have “rested” catching up on some reading and movie watching. I have really been taking it easy and enjoying the last of my vacation. I can’t believe that it is time to go back to work already tomorrow. It seemed like it would be so long at the beginning. Now, I feel like I could use more time off. Oh well, I am sure I will get into the swing of things again soon.

Other than sleeping and being very tired, my other main “symptom” has been food and smell aversions. Not really nausea or morning sickness, just a certainty that something is unappealing. For example, my sister called and said she was making clam chowder and did I want some. Just the thought of it was a turn off. Another example, I use Clinque face care products. The last few mornings, I almost gagged at the smell of the soap. I have been using it for years and never even realized that the soap had a smell. Who knew? Unfortunately, the smell of dog do do is a big turn off and enough to make me gag, which may really become quite a problem since I have two dogs and have to deal with picking it up several times a day.

Happy New Year!! I celebrated by falling asleep at 9:30. I had no energy and no desire to go out and do anything. I did wake up at midnight, but only because my neighbors were setting off fire crackers and the noise freaks out my dogs, who had to wake me to complain about it. I had forgotten that New Years is their second least favorite night of the year. The least favorite being the Fourth of July.

I was up and out early the next day hiking with the dogs. I ended up doing the same trail that my friend Heather’s husband choose with their dogs. Daphne (one of their dogs) is especially fond of me and charged ahead to meet up with us. So, I waited to see who had dog duty today. It was Sanger and we hiked together. When I asked him about their New Year, he said they also crashed at 9:30. Yeah, I knew I liked them for a reason, we keep the same early to bed, early to rise schedule. He and his dogs are faster than me and my dogs are. As a result, I had a faster pace than normal and that I really wanted to do. Plus, it was really muddy. At one point, if I were alone, I probably would have turned around, but…I didn’t want to be a wimp in front of him. How silly is that? At the point I would have turned around, it is a narrow path that sloops to the right with a drop on the right into a small raven. Normally, this is not a problem, but it was so muddy that it was slippery. Sanger was ahead of me and slid, but was able to jump to the other side and avoid the raven. I tried to go left, off path, to avoid the potential hazard, but as I stepped around I was in mud up to my knee and fell (hitting my knee). It was quite comical, but not the kind of jolt I wanted with my precious little one that I hope is still growing in side. I had to crawl out of it and had mud caked several inches on my legs and boots not to mention my muddy, muddy hands. Ugh. I can’t wait until this rain is behind us, but we have another week where rain is predicted for every day. Yuck! At this point, it is wasted because the ground is so saturated, it is just run off. If it doesn’t stop soon, we could have some serious mud slides and other related problems. On top of all that, the rain brings out the ticks, which are just disgusting.

My big accomplishment of the weekend was to get my Christmas decorations down and put away. It was a several day effort with lots of rests in between. I did have a constraint because of the rain. The box I store my tree in is cardboard and it is too big and heavy for me to carry. I usually push/drag it from my house to the garage. I didn’t want to even attempt this in the rain. I did get it done, but it would probably have been better if I had some help. I felt a little pulling and cramping afterwards. Great, a jolt/fall while hiking, then this. I just kept repeating my dr.’s words….nothing you do or don’t do will cause this pregnancy to work or not work at this point. However, this was the same day that I was less tired and didn’t really have any food/smell aversions. Needless to say, I was a tad worried for the first time since my last u/s.

I had a dream the other night that I was at my next u/s and we saw the heartbeat. It was really a strange dream. My doctor was there, but he wasn’t doing the u/s. There were two other people neither of whom I had seen before and one of them was doing it. They had a conference outside the door before they came in, but I could hear everything they said. The two other people asked a few questions and they walked through a few scenarios and how to handle them depending on what we saw or didn’t see. My doctor answered them and made sure to point out that any responses or information should always be given to me in the most positive of manners/wording so that I didn’t freak-out or get over worried. Like I said, it was very strange, but I had to laugh because my doctor does always give me positive information first. For example, at my last ultrasound, he said the pregnancy had a 75% chance of success after seeing the sac with the spotting and cramping instead of saying I had a 25% chance of miscarriage. He gives me all the information I need, but in such a way to try to calm me instead of worry me. Funny, that came out in a dream.

The other “symptom”, I have had, if you can call it that, is that I am completely not hungry and have no desire to eat after about 5 pm. I am starving around 3 – 4 pm and then that is it for the night. Maybe some milk or juice, but no food. Typically (before pregnancy), when I got up in the morning around 6 am to take the dogs out, I was not hungry and didn’t like to eat before hiking because it made me sick. I would come home, shower and have breakfast around 8:30/9 am. This does not work after pregnancy especially since I am not eating anything in the evenings. I have had to start eating some bread or a roll in the morning on my way to hike because I am so hungry and need something in my stomach. Then eat again when I get back.

I know it is early, but I haven’t gained or lost any weight. I have been fluctuating between a 2 lbs difference over the last week. I am happy with this. Since I am already very over weight, I need to gain as little weight as healthy for the baby for this pregnancy.

I am starting to think that really this could work and that by next Christmas/New Year I could have a 3 month old. I sure hope so.