Saturday, May 31, 2008

Tag - Your it.

I was tagged...

Actually, I was tagged a week ago, but heck...I'm pretty much behind on everything these days. I still have calls from February to return; between Noemi and I, we just got Easter decorations down this week (ahead of my personal goal of before June I might add); the only reason I'm mostly current on bills is that I have all regular bills auto pay and went through all paperwork for the extra one off bills was that I didn't want to buy the van until I was sure I didn't have any big surprises I didn't know about. Anyway, as I tell folks IRL, it's nothing personal that I don't respond right away, I only have so much time and energy in any one given day and I have to pace myself.

The rules: Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1) What was I doing ten years ago?

10 Years ago was 1998. I was 32. I moved to Southern California in November 1, 1995 so I had been in my house for about 3 years. I think that was about the time I got my second roommate, Willie (should call and find out how he's doing, haven't seen or talked to him since last fall). He was divorced with two young girls who are now in high school (oh how the time flies) and he wanted to get them a puppy and saw an add in the penny saver and I went with him to pick her out. That dog was Lucky, who really became my dog, the love of my life, who died from complications from cancer two years ago. I still miss her. Getting, loving, training, and taking care of Lucky was probably the biggest stepping stone to me ultimately deciding to become an SMC. She really was a bit of a high maintenance dog looking back now. And, really if she were alive and well, I bet she and Max would not really get along well since they both want and need to be center stage for my attention. Shadow is nice and mellow and puts up with all of Max's shenanigans. Lucky probably would have had a love/hate relationship with him. Although, who knows, she was very protective of him when he was a baby.

2) What are five (non-work) things on my to-do list for today:

Visit with a friend and her family who is in town visiting
Get groceries
Remember to eat on schedule, according to plan, and monitor my glucose levels
Take a nap
Ah, what else?? take care of Max ??, walk the dog?? does that count?

3) Snacks I enjoy:

Usually, my all time favorite snack is chocolate chip cookies. Then, cookies of any type. Now, the thought of them is unappealing. I'm not usually a chip fan, but have eaten them more (like maybe 5 times) since I've been pregnant then ever. With Max it was turkey sandwiches, ice cream and oranges. This time, it has been apples, yogurt, cheese and pickles, and on rare occasion chips.

During pregnancy, really the thought of most foods turn me off and I can't eat things I normally would. I can be hungry and look in the fridge and the cupboards and back to the fridge and just not eat because nothing looks or sounds appealing.

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Quit work and become a SAHM, and still keep a nanny at least part time or maybe go the opposite and get a live in (see next item about a bigger house)

Move to a bigger house probably in the town most of my close SMC friends live

Get a new dog, probably a puppy since I would have more time to care for him/her with not working and I'd be able to pay for someone else to take up the slack

Travel more (bringing paid help with me so that it actual feels like a vacation) so that we have at least one family trip someplace a year and then a visit to extended family in Michigan for a few weeks a year so that Max and the twins gets to know and grow up with his other cousins.

Buy a boat and a place on a lake, in the mountains, to use as a vacation get away that takes no longer than a few hours to drive.

Donate or set up funds for a few of my causes like infertility (especially single women) and dog rescues.

5) Places I have lived:

As a child thru college:
Saginaw, MI; Traver City, MI; Stockton, CA; Arlington, TX; Camarillo, CA; Fresno, CA;

As an adult thru now:
Farmington Hills, MI; Sterling Heights, MI; Boston, MA; San Francisco, CA; Los Angeles, CA

6) Jobs I have had:

High School (and before) - baby sitter, hostess, waitress, office clerical staff for an insurance agency

College - waitress, aid in a convalescent hospital (night shift), office clerical staff for the same insurance agency as HS during summer, office clerical staff for a fertilizer trucking company

After college - business analyst, computer programmer, team leader, project manager for health care and health insurance IT projects; manager for process and productivity projects; administrative/people care manager; project and program office manager supporting a variety of industries.

7) Peeps I want to know more about:

Tag. Your it.

(Note: Written Friday night to post on Saturday. Because I will be a visiting tomorrow and I've been wanting to test this feature, and heck, it's nice to spread the posts out so there isn't a feast or famine type situation )

Friday, May 30, 2008

GD Monitoring - Day 1

I think day 1 of glucose monitoring went well. I think my highest rating was 167 this morning after having a P&J sandwich with fruit. I was actually told no J, but well it was more of a fruit spread than an actual J so I added a little to see what would happen. The other two readings were about 131 and 136 if I remember correctly...the forms are on the other side of the house and heaven forbid I walk across my small house to go check. Now, when I asked the nurse what range they should be in, she wouldn't tell me until I came back because she didn't want me trying to "game the system" and just wanted me to follow the food plan. However, a quick internet search gave me the information I needed that basically anything under 180 an hour or two after eating is considered good.

The truth is that I'm really just eating like I normally would after feeling so sick last night. I am using the plan as a guide. And, I'm completely out of yogurt and milk so am way behind on dairy today. Well, I'm not really out of milk as there is most of a gallon in there, but it doesn't taste right/I can't drink it. I really need to make it to the store tomorrow to get more.

Anyway, the plan calls for meal, snack, meal, snack, meal snack. At least during the week, but really most often that just doesn't work for me. What works better for me is meal, snack, snack, meal, meal, (middle of the night) snack. Since I work with so many people on the east coast, my work schedule is usually back to back meetings from 9 am to 2 pm PT and I barely get time to pee and grab a snack. I'm just going to do what I can do, keep track of things and see what they have to say when I go back as long as my numbers stay low and under range. My guess is that they are going to get on me more about eating more calories and all the portions and the lack of weight gain than my sugar levels, but as long as the babies are growing and developing on track, I'm not going to worry about that either. The truth of the matter is, I weigh enough and was overweight (really that O word that I really don't like much) to start so I really don't need to gain weight as long as the babies are developing properly. It is already getting hard enough to walk around with pelvic pressure and general comfortablenesses. All that will just be much worse the heavier I get. Now, I'm not purposely trying to keep my weight down, but I'm not complaining that I haven't gained either because truthfully, the less I gain the healthier I think I will be and the easier I think the last few months of this pregnancy will be.

Anyway, while the monitoring is a bit of a pain just because you have to pay a bit more attention to the clock and deal with the whole remembering to test an hour later, but I think it all went fairly well especially since I can't find/don't have the list that shows portion size and what foods go to what category and I'm going from memory. Since I've done WW and Atkins and South Beach and Jenny Craig for that matter over the years, this is really just more of the same so it really isn't that hard. It's just one more thing to do when I'm already tired and busy, but it's fine...all for the cause.

Thursday, May 29, 2008


My OB's office is next to VH hospital. However, she is affiliated with HM hospital where Max was born which has the highest level NICU in the area and where I plan on delivering the twins and GA hospital where my RE's office was located and where I have had two surgeries and am very familiar having spent more time there than probably anyone who hasn't actually worked there. When I was diagnosed with GD, I was given the option of meeting with a dietitian in in G where GA is located or P where HM is located. I chose G since it is closer to my house. None of these places are really close to my house, they are all about 45 - 60 + minutes from my home depending on traffic. However, GA in G is the closest.

I had a busy morning with Max's vision and hearing check by LAUSD which is needed for his assessment mid June and of which he passed. Then, rush back for a work meeting. Then, I needed to dash out to G for my GD appointment. I arrived at GA just in time for my appointment and was told to go to the main entrance to admitting and then I would be taken to the dietitian. I go through what I thought was the main entrance and down to admitting to be told that no, this admitting was only for surgeries (and in fact where I had gone when being admitted for my two surgeries), the person at the information desk there didn't know where I was supposed to go, but I was told to take a bridge to the other part of the hospital. I couldn't find said bridge, but in asking around, I found out that on the other side of the parking lot from which I entered was really the main entrance. I head over there and find another admitting department, but was told after a few phone calls that no, I was supposed to be in admitting in the West Tower (the new addition) all the way on the other side of the hospital and on the side of the hospital that I am most familiar since that is the back side where my fertility clinic/RE's office was. However, I was told to wait for an escort to take me over. After 8 minutes or so (by now I'm about 15 - 20 minutes late for my appointment) an escort shows up and we head to the west tower. I must have been looking especially pathetic or something because I kept getting asked if I wanted a wheel chair and was I sure I didn't want a wheel chair. Granted, it is a bit of a hike, but still I just wanted to get to my appointment. I really hate being late.

I make it over to the West Tower, get passed the admissions info. desk and got admitted. Then, was told to go wait in the lobby and someone will come get me. I'm getting pretty annoyed and frustrated by now and I wait and wait and wait. Finally after about 18 minutes, I go asked and am told they will call again and just to go wait. After another 20 or so minutes, I get called to the front desk to talk to Terri, the GD person, who doesn't know who I am and says she doesn't have an appointment with me today. She takes some information from me including my OB's phone number and I'm told to wait and she will call back. I wait and wait and wait some more. Finally, I get called back up to the front desk to find out that I was referred to and my appointment was at GM, not GA hospital.

Seriously, I kid you not. I've been admitted and waiting around and getting frustrated and I'm not even at the right place. I've never heard of GM. My OB has no affiliation with GM. I have never been to GM. And, I have no idea how to get to GM. And, at this point I'm at least 1.5 hours if not 2 hours late for my appointment. I can feel myself tear up and am mentally telling myself not to loose it and that some time in the future I will be able to laugh about this. No, not now, but sometime. I take some deep breaths until I'm pretty sure I can call GM without bursting into tears. I call and explain what happened and apologize and ask what they want me to do and should I just reschedule (I had taken the earliest appointment 3 weeks prior). The nurse was so nice and said, no, no, just come on over and she gave me very good directions and I waddled back across the entire hospital with only random tears escaping and not a major meltdown to get back to my car. If she had told me, yes I need to reschedule, I know I really would have lost it and started sobbing. I was so almost there. As I leave the parking lot and go to get my money to pay, I see that maximum charge it $6 and apparently I only have a $5 bill. I pull up and start looking to see if I have any change and wondering what to do and .... my ticket is scanned and I only owe $5. Whew! Better yet, while looking for coins, I find that some bills, enough to pay for parking at the other hospital were in the coin pocket for some odd reason so I don't have to worry about trying to find a bank on the way to GM when I am already so so so late.

The directions are good and I make it to GM. As I drive I wonder if I was and I probably was told that it was GM, instead of just G or GA. However, the 'm' in GM is the same word as 'm' HM and I know unless someone specifically told me that it was a different hospital, I would have shown up at GA. I had no idea there was a hospital called GM and again my OB has no affiliation (she does not deliver from this hospital) so on any other given day, the same thing probably would have happened. I'm taking deep breaths and thinking it's a good thing that a blood pressure check is likely not going to be checked and in general trying to calm myself down.

I get checked in, meet with the dietitian, watch a video, meet again with the dietitian (and an intern this time) to get a meal plan, meet with the nurse to find out how and when to do the blood checks, and made it home only 30 minutes late. I'd like to say that things went smoothly with no problems at GM, but alas no.

I was given a form to fill out that was in Spanish and apparently an English version could not be found or reprinted because the dietitians old PC had crashed loosing everything so it will need to be recreated.

We are almost completely done reviewing the meal plan and the dietitian is showing me the pregnancy growth curve and how I'm WAY below it (still several pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight) when I make some comments about how surprising it is especially considering I'm expecting twins to which the dietitian says, what do you mean twins, and everything had to be redone to adjust accordingly.

When meeting with the nurse, and getting the GD kit, she asks for my insurance card (which I had given up in admitting) so she can give the information to the pharmacy they use to replace the kit she is giving me and I realize that my regular ID card will not work and that prescription drugs was farmed out and I have a separate ID card for that which, of course, I don't have with me.

They want me back in a week, but based on their working hours and my schedule we can't make a follow up appointment until 12 days out.

And, I get home and go to record my first after meal results and realize I don't have the form I'm supposed to fill out and that it must still be sitting on the nurses desk.

So, while I can't say that things went completely smooth at GM, I can say that everyone I met with was really, really nice and understanding and that by the time I left I was closer to smiling that sobbing.

I come home, 6.5 hours after I left, to find out that Max actually napped today so that while I'm completely exhausted I can't put him to bed for awhile and I have some work I really had to get done tonight and I ate way more for dinner than I normally would to try to meet the portions for the meal plan and probably manage half of what they wanted but now I feel like I could easily just vomit it all up and have horrible heartburn (of which I really haven't had much since the first tri) and I'm still supposed to eat a snack tonight before bed, which just isn't happening. I'll be sick for sure.

And, so went my GD appointment and my day. Sometimes, it's either laugh or cry. Sometimes its both at the same time. Good thing I tend to be an easy going kind of gal and wanted this pregnancy so much, because it seems like every time I turn around something else comes up to just make it harder and rockier and more challenging. And, I remind myself that no matter how long this pregnancy has seemed and how long it feels like I still have to go, that it is just such a short period of time in the whole scheme of things and it will be all worth it if it works and I get healthy happy babies in the end. Staying focused on the prize at the end, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (such that it has been), is really the only way I can get through days like today especially.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Fears and Complaints - Edited

Before I bought the mini van, I asked a friend what she thought my biggest fear of purchasing the van was. Without hesitation, she said, that I'd buy the car and then one or both babies would die and I'd be stuck with a van I didn't need. Ah, how she knows me well. She didn't have to think or hesitate and responded with such confidence and she was so right. I'm sure it helped that she's had her own set of fertility issues and knows what a total mind fuck the whole thing can be and how the scars are there, sometimes hidden, even long after most would think you are or should be past it all.

I'm almost 27 weeks, solidly into the viability stage by now. You'd think my fears would start decreasing. Instead, I'm to the point that I really do need to acknowledge and start preparing for pending arrival. There is just too much that must get done.

In the last week, I've bought a new car; talked to Noemi about staying and longer hours and details, started clearing what will be the twins room, and set a date for the baby shower. Going off on a quick shower tangent...even though I've insisted it isn't done for a second child I've been vetoed by several friends who insist it isn't tacky and as a single mother expecting twins I just need to suck it up because people want to do this for me so July 20th? it is. If your reading this and know me IRL, your invited (let me know if you don't get an invitation at some point probably weeks and weeks and weeks or maybe even a month or two from now) so mark the date, but don't worry no offense taken if you can't or don't want to attend because I can't understand why people willingly go to this sort of thing. I'm going to insist that a note saying gifts optional and well used items appreciated (or something to that affect) is included with the invite. Anyway, I pictured the friend giving me the shower just rolling her eyes when I suggested the date, because I'll be 34 weeks by then, which I know without her even telling me that she thinks is far too late, especially for a twin pregnancy, but she also knows me well and that my paranoia runs deep.

Where was I? Oh yes, all these concrete plans that are making me anxious and feeding my (probably irrational) fears. To that end, I haven't been feeling the babies move as much and I've woken several times in the last week sleeping flat on my back which is a huge no-no.

The rational me understands that the lessened movement is because they change positions and in certain positions I just don't feel movement. In fact, I really didn't feel much movement from Max almost my entire pregnancy and feel considerably more movement in the twins than I ever did with Max. On the other hand, I do still feel some movement at least some of the time. In fact, on Sunday after church and the furniture being picked up, I felt so miserable and crampy that I was seriously wondering if I was going into PTL and having contractions (and would have called the on-call OB and probably asked to go in for monitoring if this was my first pregnancy), but decided to just see how things went and ultimately concluded that I was not having contractions just so much movement from both twins who were in really painful locations. They moved again later that day and things went back to barely feeling movement again.

I remind myself that with Max I also ended up sleeping on my back at times while unconscious and that it likely has not done any harm and to just do my best and try not to worry about it.

In general, I've been feeling pretty huge and sore and wondering how physically I'm going to make it through the next few months and then worry I'm not. When I get up from sitting or especially laying down for awhile, I can barely walk. I have so much pelvic pressure not only do I waddle I feel like I'm walking with a bowling ball between my legs (which tells me that the boy is probably head or butt down right down there). Not only is it hard to be up and on my feet for long, I'm afraid that it will cause him to fall right out and have to remind myself that really, most of the time, it doesn't work that way. It's hard to sleep for long because my arms and hands end up going numb and my hips really start to hurt, which is why I'm sure I keep ending up on my back. The heartburn is coming back and I'm sure it is because that girl is placed just so causing pressure on the stomach and bladder. I won't even mention the huge hemorrhoid issue going on. In general, I've felt pretty darn crappy most of this pregnancy. The complaints now are very different from the 1st tri crappiness, but physically this pregnancy has and is taking a toll. I try not to complain or speak of it too much because really what it the point, it isn't going to change anything and really it will all be worth it if it works out and I know how privileged I am to be pregnant at all so who am I to complain. Then, I get worried and even a bit pissed off thinking about how angry I'm going to be after having gone through all of this to have it not ultimately work in the end. That I'm not going to get the payout, the reward, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

And, so goes the fears, paranoia, and circular thinking of someone who has been on the ttc path for so long and knows all too well how that even though the odds are in my favor at this point, it isn't a done deal. I wish I could let go and give up the mental fears since I can't do anything about the physical aspects except deal with them as best I can. Even if I don't talk about them much, the fears are there and taking up more space than I would like as I try to make much needed plans for pending arrivals before I flat run out of time.

Probably this makes no sense to someone who hasn't BTDT and all too much sense to someone who has. Logically, intellectually, and applying general common sense, I understand that buying a car, general preparation, physical symptoms or lack there of (mostly) don't have anything to do with the actual outcome. It really hasn't bothered me much because I have been able to live in denial and day by day minute by minute, but my time is running out and I really must make forward progress on things, but it is hard for me and makes me really anxious. It isn't logical. I understand this. Logic doesn't have anything to do with it. It's all about the fear...real and imagined, valid and invalid, logical or not.

ETA: Apparently, said baby shower is on Saturday, July 19th, not Sunday the 20th per the early phone call from my friend hosting for me asking me if I had changed my mind after reading the blog. No, just going from (bad) memory cause I was too lazy to go look at the calendar.

Monday, May 26, 2008

The behavior, not the boy

I really haven't liked my son much the last few days. His behavior that is, not Max himself. I feel like I have spent the whole weekend saying....please stop hitting me, that hurts, don't jump on me, if your going to act like that go away from me, leave Shadow alone, that's hurting her, no don't touch her, if you do that one more time your going to time out in your room, etc. and so on. I'm sure some of it is the age and testing, testing, testing. Probably some of it is just because he is a boy. Some of it is from being tired since he isn't napping; he's falling asleep late; he's waking up several time at night; and he's waking up early.

And, part of it is the change. Max's nanny came over the weekend with her husband and brother and took the queen bed and two dressers in my spare room so I can begin to get the twins room set up. While here, they helped me set back up the crib. Max had a huge fit when the bed started going out saying he wanted it and has asked where it is and says he wants it back several times a day since. He has wanted to nap in the crib the last two days. Although he hasn't actually napped in it, he did play in it and the room during nap time giving me a bit of a break. Last night he fell asleep in the crib and woke up in the middle of the night crying (and sopping wet...they have been out of the only overnight diapers that work for Max lately...Noemi and I have gone to 6 - 7 stores and all of them were out so part of the night waking is because he is soaked through and needs to be changed as well as the bedding...thank goodness I found a store that had some in stock today) for some milk and decided he wanted to go back to his big bed. Even before this weekend, he has been pretending to be a baby a lot. Last week, he was crawling all over the house saying he's a baby. One morning he crawled down the driveway to Noemi's car. He'll cry and say he is a baby. He found a baby bottle that had been filled with candy as a party favor for my shower for him and wanted to drink out of it saying he's a baby. I've gone with the flow figuring he's internalizing and working this all out as best he can and role playing as he needs.

Still this out right deliberately mean behavior is just so draining. It's not as if you can just let it go, but it's hard to spend almost every waking moment (and since he hasn't been sleeping well/much there has been a lot of awake time) calling him on it and correcting him all just feels so negative. It's like he wanted to be physically right on top of me and touching me all weekend, which really would have been fine except for the hitting, hair pulling, jumping on, over, and around me, kicking and other physically inappropriate behavior. Now, most if it really wasn't all that hard or hurtful, but way was it acceptable in any way shape or form. I'm not talking about accidental stuff, I'm talking deliberate acts to annoy and hurt. I'm not talking about the time he was doing something and accidentally bumped his forehead into my eyebrow causing me to say "oww". I'm talking about how just after he told me sorry and kissed it to make it better, he did it again on purpose and then told me to "cry momma". It's almost amazing he was able to keep this up for so many hours over so many days. It's hard to imagine he was getting what he was looking for out of the interaction and I'm not sure how else I could have and should have responded to nip it in the butt.

To defuse the situation, I made sure we got out more than I really wanted to change the focus. This behavior, at least so far, has been reserved for home. He was actually really good when out and about (and maybe he wanted more away from home time, but physically, I just can't do an all day outing right now...I just can't). I was especially pleased with his behavior in church Sunday morning. It was the first week of no Sunday school and I was really dreading it because he usually is all over the cry room and it is so draining, but really...he sat next to me for minutes at a time, stood at the window watching and paying attention for much of the service, danced when there was music and was overall well behaved and charming. Those times away as tiring for me as they are physically right now saved the weekend from being just one big negative moment after another and reminded me that really, I do like my's just his behavior at home that I'm not so fond.

I can't tell you how happy I was that Max was so well behaved during tonights bedtime routine and he was so tired he fell asleep before I even left his room. I really can't remember that ever happening. And, as his eye lids were getting heavier and heavier and he just couldn't keep them open anymore and as he drifted to sleep before my very eyes, he just looked like an angel so pure and innocent. Ah, sleep, blessed sleep.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

All's well that ends well

Looks like the car issue was the battery. I jumped it this morning because I wanted to get to the grocery store early and it was easier to try to jump the car than move Max's car seat. I started right up. Drove it around the neighborhood and back home to shut it off and make sure it would start again, which it did with no problem. Called the sales guy and told him no need to come over and then headed out for groceries. Sales guy called back and asked if I would still bring the car back in because they wanted to check it out. Since we had no other real plans and Max loves cars, screamed the entire way home and then some when we first went and looked at the van, and wanted to stay and look at the cars when I was picking up my old car Friday night, I agreed as this was like an "outing" for Max. :) Max has a grand time playing inside the sales lobby, walking around he cars, openning and closing all the doors, checking out the service customer lounge, and talking to the men in the parts department. I think the only reason he agreed to leave so easily is that he was happy to see and be inside his new car again and his Nana was at home waiting for him.

Everything checked out fine. Moral of the story...never underestimate the drain on a battery an almost 3 year old boy who loves cars and buttons can have while you move car seats and get thing set up.

Max's careers: Today Max told me he was the bus man, the hair cut man, in the orchestra, and a teacher depending on what he was doing and the toys he was playing.

Out with Max: It's always interesting to be out with Max for a variety of reasons. Since he is my one and only, I'm not sure if it is this way with all kids, but where ever we go, people tend to give things to him. Today, he was given a balloon and a lolly poppy (as he insisted on calling mommy, not a lolly, not a lolly pop, a lolly poppy!) at the grocery store by the bagger, a hostess cupcake by the guy filling up the vending machine (after I had told Max he couldn't have anything from it), and a toy sports car by the cashier in service department. You can imagine of the three I was most pleased with the non junk food pure sugar item.

ps. Nancy, thanks for sharing the seat configuration. It was helpful. Without even asking him, Max was certain of which seat he wanted and made sure I was clear on that and put his car seat in accordingly. He had been sitting behind the passenger seat in the old car, but insisted on being behind the driver seat in this car. I was thinking one baby in the other middle and one in the back, but see your logic so will probably go with that. One of the very nice features of this van is the seats store into the floor of the car and easy to put up and down.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Truth is stranger than fiction

As they say, truth is often stranger than fiction and often you can't even make this stuff up.

I bought a minivan today. It's a white 2007 Town and Country with only 70 miles (80 miles after my test drive and 84 when I pulled in my driveway) fully loaded including leather seats, a navigations system, a DVD system, a sun roof, power everything. It was sold as used because the original dealer went out of business and this dealer bought it at an action. I looked at it last weekend and have been dithering over buying it on and off all week. I got it home, transfered a few things including Max's car seat over to it, tried to set the remote to enter the garage, gave up and moved it in, was trying to figure out how to set the time and the thing just started acting weird and "shut down". I can't start it, couldn't close the window, and most importantly couldn't close the side door. I kid you not.

While I'm trying to figure this out, Max is climbing all over everything and pushing buttons and generally being an nuisance and in the way. I make some comment about getting the car closed up and going inside to which he decides he does not want to go inside (and go night night although I didn't include the night night part, he must have just figured that was the next step in the process) and took off down the street. Like 5 houses away and almost the the main artery in to the neighborhood. Trying to chase him down is a loosing proposition because not only is he much faster than I am it becomes more and more of a game and as you approach he just keeps on trucking away even faster than you can gain. I got him headed back in my direction several times, but he's getting old enough and smart enough that he caught on to my ploys once he got within two houses. What finally got him back to me is that he fell and was crying and wanted kisses. He got me holding his hand in a death grip explaining how what he did was dangerous and I was not happy with all.

I could go on with other examples like how I kept coughing, gagging, and dry heaving and was praying to not vomit or have a UI moment in my brand new/used car, but I'll spare you the minutia and I'm too tired anyway.

However, I will say that even though I have this new used car that won't work, I'm impressed with the dealership. I called the sales guy to tell him about the problem and ask what I was missing and shouldn't I be able to close the side door manually. He was very upset and will be coming to my house in the morning with the lead mechanic to take a look. He would have come out tonight if my car wasn't safely locked in my garage and my preference was to wait until morning. We all agree most likely the problem is the battery, but even so it shouldn't have drained out so fast. Another reason I'm able to remain relatively calm over the situation (not counting the fact that all my energy is going into growing these twins and dealing with my little independent challenging toddler) is that ultimately I ended up purchasing their maximum coverage service that covers pretty much everything except for glass and soft plastics for a $100 deductible per service visit and includes rental car coverage while your car is in the shop. I had actually declined it twice and the person closing the sale (who happened to be an owner of the family owned dealership) ultimately made me a deal I didn't feel I could refuse. I was thinking of it as insurance. If so, who knew it would already start to pay off less than 24 hours after buying the car. I may have just bought a lemon, but at least the repairs will be covered and the dealership is responsive and seem to care that there were issues.

My plan was to keep my other car and have the van be the "kid car" so whoever had the or the nanny...would use it. I had to get a van either way because three car seats will not fit in my car. I have been meaning to talk to Noemi about it and my post twin nanny requirements to see if she was interested, but hadn't yet. So, completely independent of my car plans, her husband bought her a 4 door car that she thinks (but I remain doubtful, but will test it out) will hold 3 car seats in the back. So, both she and I got new cars today in anticipation of the twins arrival without even talking to each other about it. How is that for odd timing? Max loved them both and didn't want to leave either. And, in fact, wanted to spend more time at the dealer to "look at the cars momma" after Noemi dropped my off to get my old car. He was like a kid in a candy store, with the candy having a nice high price tag. He's eyes were just lit up at the sight of all those cars.

Another odd tid bit is the van was actually bought for the sister, but she badly damaged her ankle and is not able to drive for awhile so they decided to sell off the car and get her another one once she has recovered.

Will he never learn?

You would think he would learn. He, being the cat, City Boy, in this case.

I woke up a bit ago and didn't go immediately back to sleep like I usually do these days. It occurred to me that I hadn't seen the cat in awhile, although I couldn't remember when I had actually last seen him. He wasn't sleeping on my bed as is most common during the night. I did remember that Max and I had gone into the garage before I put him down to get more milk.* Before I searched too long and hard, I decided to go grab the key and check the garage to see if City was locked in yet again. Yep, City spent 6 hours locked in it this time. You'd think he would learn that if he was going to follow us in he wouldn't be quite to stealth about it and give out a meow or two to let us know he was joining us. Or, that I would remember to call for the cat as I'm trying to carry whatever I came for and shepard Max out of the garage (and no, you can't play in momma's car right now it is bed time) and get everything locked up again. Sadly, this doesn't usually happen and the cat gets locked in the garage on a some what regular basis. Oh well, can't remember everything and at least he doesn't seem to mind much even when the weather is really hot or cold, which it wasn't tonight and I've learned to check there first when he isn't around/sleeping on my bed at night.

* I have a detached garage that I keep a spare fridge with an extra gallon or two of milk, some emergency water in case of earthquake/disaster, occasionally some soda or food, especially when I have company or it is near a holiday, and extra beer/wine (that never gets drunk and has probably been in there since well before Max was born). The garage also holds all the extra toilet paper, laundry soap, paper towels, etc. The door to the garage is usually kept closed and more recently locked for safety because Max can open all the doors (to get into the garage, to get into my car, to press the button to open the garage door to the street) and because there are a lot of things in the garage that could harm in one way or another.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Bossy Boy

Oh, right, I wasn't going to call him bossy anymore...what was I going to use instead? Hmmm. Directive? I think that was it.

Max came out a bit ago, still wide awake 75 minutes after he was put to bed even though he woke up at his normal early time and didn't nap today, to tell me to turn off my light and close my laptop because it was bedtime. To which I replied that I was the mom and I got to make the rules and he if he knew what was good for him he'd high tail it back to his bedroom. He did.

What am I going to do with this boy? I waited to smile until he was out of sight.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Nap Lockdown and Other Max Updates

After the rough Sunday nap time experience, I paid closer attention to how Noemi was handling nap times on Monday. Basically, Max was running the show and not staying in his room. She'd tell him to go into his room and maybe lead him back once, then that was it, just let him play or do whatever he wanted. No consequence for not listening. I got on her a bit about this and told her that I needed a break on the weekends and unless she consistently enforced nap time during the week that wasn't going to happen. Plus, I told her that she needed a break from him during the day as well. And, when he goes to school, there is going to be a rest time and he needed to be prepared for it. I can't remember exactly, but on Monday, I think he cried and screamed the entire time and did not nap. I was the enforcer. Tuesday, he screamed for about 45 minutes then fell asleep. I was the enforcer. Today, he cried and yelled that he did not want the door closed and fell asleep after about 30 minutes. I was in a work meeting and couldn't supervise right off and got a bit worried when it seemed like she was being a bit to lenient (I usually give him one chance and if he's out without a poo or another really good reason he's in lockdown), but she was just dealing with poo and then enforced. Max is starting to realize that no matter how long or hard he protests, he needs to stay in his room during rest time and I think Noemi is realizing that while difficult to be the enforcer and hear him cry and scream, in the long run it is nicer and easier for her.

Now, I'm not particularly a cry it out advocate. Truthfully, I could care less if he napped and actually would prefer if he didn't and just played quietly in his room. I really like our schedule better when he wasn't napping and I could put him to bed around 6 pm. Instead, I'm putting him down around 7:30 and he's not falling asleep until around 8:30 or 9 pm, but mostly he is staying in his room and only getting out if he has a poo or wants more milk. Still, this new schedule is a bit hard on me because I'm so tired in the evening and not getting a chance to nap or lay down in the afternoons. But, I think it is better for him and I really need at least an hour break from him during the day during the weekends. The variance in bedtime hasn't affected his wake up time too much other than the later he goes to bed the earlier he wakes up. So, if he falls asleep closer to 9 pm I can expect a late 4 am/early 5 am wake up. If he falls asleep around 8:30 pm, he's up around 5:30 am. And, the one time he winded down by 8 pm, I got a 6 am wake up. Anyway, with consistency on this (like any behavior change/discipline really) I'm already seeing an improvement.

Over the weekend, when it was so hot and I was so tired, Max wanted more milk. I told him I'd get it for him in a few minutes. I was pleased when he didn't bother or repeatedly nag me about it. Instead, he got the chocolate milk and the whole milk* out of the fridge, took both lids off, got himself a cup, and then told me he had everything ready. I had to laugh and it got me motivated to get up and get it for him. Then, one night earlier this week, I was in bed and thought he was asleep, and he called out he wanted more milk. I think I groaned and told him I'd get it in a few minutes. This time, he got the gallon of milk and his cup and brought them to me in bed so I could do it, ran back and put the milk away, came back for his milk, and went right back to his room. Smart kid. He's pretty good about figuring ways to get what he wants when he wants it.

Last week, when Max and I were laying around cuddling, I mentioned to him that the babies could now hear our voices and that when they were delivered they would recognize them and know that I was their mommy and he was their big brother. He must have pondered this for a few days and now has started "talking" to them and taking his big brother duties seriously. What this means in a practical sense is that he gets really close to my stomach and burps, then says "Hi brother and sister. I burped" and just laughs and laughs and laughs. After I told him that if he wanted to teach them important things like burping, he had to teach them to be polite as well so now he occasionally will add an excuse me at the end. I shouldn't laugh and encourage him, but it is pretty darn funny and he's getting such a big kick out of it. When he tires of burping into my stomach, he finds other body parts of mine to burp away on. It's amazing how long this can keep him occupied and amused.

Today, in addition to proclaiming "I'm a man" and "I'm 14 and have pubic hair" he added in "I'm a risk taker" several times just before he did something dare devilish and, well, slightly risky. Man, this kid keeps me on my toes, keeps me amazed and laughing, even while zaps my energy. I often wonder where he comes up with this stuff.

* Max developed a fondness for chocolate milk after his cousin CC was here over Thanksgiving and clued him into the fact that it existed. However, he knows there is no way I will give him just straight chocolate milk so we do a 1/3 chocolate to 2/3 regular milk on occasion as a special treat and if he hasn't had too many sweets/junk food and has been eating well.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

OB Update No. ??

Had another OB appointment today. Blood pressure was good. Urine was good. Weight was good, up 2 lbs. Actually saw an OB. Heard heartbeats, both were fine. Asked Dr. T about all the things Dr. P had talked about starting at 24 weeks and whether they were still needed since the risk of PTL had been reduced. She said ask peri at next appointment. Asked her the odds of Dr. P being back before I delivered, she said good that she was expected back in July and that she went out now rather than later so she could be back for a lot of her patients deliveries. I didn't pry, but this tells me surgery of some kind that involves a few months recovery which would actually be better than some of the other scenarios I've come up with and makes me happy that unless things go bad before then, she'll be back. The funny thing is that there really isn't really a good reason I want here there other than a familiarity thing. Heck, she was only in the room for 5 minutes when I delivered Max, literally. Granted, she stopped by earlier in the day to break my water, but that was about it. Still, I just trust her and respect her and just would rather have her for a bunch of different reasons. For example, with Max at 36 weeks when I was 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced, she said, how about we send you over to the hospital and you have the baby by the weekend. I had plans that weekend and declined and she was totally fine with my decision. Almost a week later, when I called to say I was ready, she was fine with that and got everything set up. When I was at the hospital waiting for her to break my water, I was hungry and wanted to eat. The nurse said no, I pushed and had her call Dr. P who said yes. When Dr. P broke my water, she asked if I wanted to start Pitocin as well. I declined saying let's she how it goes. Glad I did, I didn't need it. She broke my water mid afternoon ...maybe about 2 or 3. Max was delivered at 11:01 pm. I guess, in writing it out, it is more like a partnership rather than a dictatorship where I have a lot of say in things. I like that....a lot.

The other things is that a twin delivery is much more risky and while I would love to do another vaginal birth, I'm thinking at this point it isn't likely. We will see how things go and I want to talk to her about it. The big question is, assuming both babies are head down, how much more risky is it now that I have GD? I've read it does increase the risk and blood sugar needs to be monitored and control so that the babies don't have low blood sugar after they are born. While the assumption is that I would deliver fast the second time around and I'd rather have and recover from a vaginal birth, my goal is 2 healthy babies.

Anyway, glad Dr. P will likely be back in plenty of time to talk to her about these things assuming that things continue to go reasonably well between now and then.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Fine Mommy Moments

This post is brought to you by another fine mommy moment.....

Scene: Max and I are cuddling on my bed this morning. Max having slept almost 12 hours after a late nap on Saturday afternoon (3-5 pm), going to bed late Saturday night (9 pm), and waking up early (5 am). I was dragging, tired, and crabby Sunday, not to mention HOT (over 100 degree weather this weekend) and slept about 9 hours Sunday night. This is a lot of sleep for both of us at any give time/night.

Me: Max, it was so nice to spend the weekend with you. We had a lot of fun swimming in the big pool. I'm sorry I was tired and crabby yesterday. I yelled more than I wanted to.

Max: Your welcome. It made me sad when you closed my door and I was crying and wanted to see my mommy.

Me: I'm sorry you were sad. We need to work out a better way of dealing with it when mommy is tired and needs rest time and you don't want rest time and want to see your mommy.

Sigh. Yes, we had major battles over Max staying in his room during rest time. He was treating it like a game and I was just so tired I needed to rest and lay down a bit. Where as in the past, locking myself in my room worked, he has now realized that great, he can go play and have the rest of the house. The problem is/was that there is no way to close him in his room. The door doesn't hang properly and is too far away from the door jam to latch. So, you can close (or at least you could) the door, but it didn't latch. As such, putting on a childproof knob on the door would never work because you don't need to turn the nob and the dog or anyone else just push on the door to get it to open/come in. So, after an hour of no rest and battling, I got a piece of plywood and hammered it into Max's door frame so that, while the door didn't latch, it closed tight enough Max couldn't open it. Needless to say, he didn't like all. And, even after a good night sleep for both of us, it was still out there. I really don't yell very often because most of the time, I have enough patience to deal, but also it is a completely in effective technique because Max just laughs. Notice, he didn't have any problem with me yelling. Just that he was shut in his room and couldn't get out. But, sometimes, I'm just so tired and he is being a pain and pushing buttons and testing (mostly when he is tired too) when he knows that it will get to me and we get in that bad cycle until we both get more sleep.

And, it is only 9:30 am after a good night sleep and I'm sure I could go sleep some more. It's already hot, but not as hot as this weekend. I think it is going to be a long summer. I don't want to be a tired, crabby mommy all the time. Max and I both deserve better. While I don't like it, we can both whether the one off days here and there like yesterday. I'm just going to have to pull in some reserves I think to make sure it doesn't become a pattern as I move into the final months, weeks, days of this pregnancy that is zapping everything out of me.

It's not as if the entire day was bad. We went to church/Sunday school and since it was the last class for the year made cards and picked flowers for his teachers. We did fun stuff like swam in the pool and played outside. It's just that there sure were some rough patches and both of us were more than ready for bedtime.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Guess what we did today?

We finally got around to getting Max's hair cut today. Then, we did a make up class for his gym since he missed this week.

Max has been crying/screaming the entire time through the last few cuts and it was at a bonified childrens hair salon that caters to children and was more expensive than I would have liked. So, I decided to try out a barber shop. We've been talking about it for awhile and how a "man" was going to cut his hair. And, for good measure, I bribed him with a promise of a soda, the much coveted contra band item. He was so brave. He looked like he wanted to cry a few times, and had a pained expression on his face most of the time, but he did great. The guy turned on Disney channel for him and he held a train in one hand and a lolly in the other and looked so proud of himself when he was done. We headed down the strip mall for his "soda", a can of HC Fruit Punch, when we were done.

Max was thrilled that I got to go with him to the gym class since he normally goes with his nanny. He was asking me at 5:30 - 6 am (sadly, we were up at 4:50 this morning) about when it would be time to go and the class didn't start until 11:30 am. We both really had a nice time at the gym class and I got to meet the new lead coach. Max has been telling me all month that he now has a man coach. Now, I have a name and face and he was really nice and great with the kids. He made things wilder and rougher for the two boys who wanted and loved it and really toned down for those that didn't so he had a good read on each childs personality.

Here are a few pictures.

To contrast and give a before/after affect with the haircut. Here is one from Max's field trip to the LA Zoo on Thursday with him Mommy and Me class that he went to with Noemi.
Here is a picture from last weekend with the whole wild long hair thing going on.
Probably, the funniest thing was that Max kept looking at himself in the mirror as if startled and pleased with his new cut and then announced that he was "A", the neighbor boy, who comes over every now and again that Max adores. And, he was right, Max hair cut was almost identical to A's. A, who is 6 going on 7) was over to swim a bit this afternoon with Max and I and he looked honored by the the story and the hero worship that he gets from Max.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Failed 3 hr GTT

As I suspected I might, I failed the 3 hour Glucose Tolerance Test. So,I'm referred out for specialized gestational diabetes monitoring for the duration. It crosses my mind on occasion, like every time something could goes wrong or becomes more difficult with the pregnancy that it is the result of being greedy; of not being happy with just one child; going to extreme lengths to grow my family; of wanting a second pregnancy so much, when so many people are still struggling or have stopped trying without the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The sane rational side of me realizes that it doesn't work that way in reality. Still, it does cross my mind every now and again. Like today. The news didn't really surprise me in the least. It just makes me even more tired than my normal tired self. Actually, I feel a bit numb to it all. Truthfully, as long as I have two healthy, preferably full term, babies out of this, it will all be worth it. As long as I get that pot of gold at the end of the journey, throw at me what you like. The 9 months of a difficult pregnancy will be nothing compared to the rest of my life of being a mom. Much easier being the Kool Aid Mom the bigger the crew.

I'm 25w0d today. Each week from here on out increases the odds of bring home healthy babies.

The GTT results:
Fasting - 83
1 Hour - 198, should have been below 180
2 Hour - 209, should have been below 155
3 Hour - 140, should have been below 140

Failing 2 out of 3 = Gestational Diabetes

As I said, the silver lining is getting to be a mom. I started work early, early, early for a meeting. As a result, I stopped work early and let Noemi go home early. So, Max and I had a rare afternoon to hang out. We mostly swam and spent time in the back yard. Max, naked, of course. He calls the bricks around the pool and patio train tracks (big surprise, eh?) and drives his trains up and down them. The Max funny of the day was him saying "The train is coming. The train is coming. Get your clothes on. All ABOARD". Oh, he had me smiling all afternoon with that one. I didn't get tired of hearing that one no matter how many times he said it.

Just a dream......hopefully

I woke up out of a sound sleep about 30 minutes ago dreaming I was in labor. I had been to the hospital and they told me that I could go home, but needed to be back by 5 or 6 am. I had gone home trying to line up coverage, get a back packed, and such. In the dream, my OB was in the hospital just having delivered herself when she hadn't even realized she was pregnant and was planning on doing my delivery. When I woke up, I was so disoriented and had to keep repeating to myself that it was just a dream, just a dream, just a dream.

I'm not having any contractions that I can tell, just lots and lots and lots of baby movement. Plus, if I really was going into labor they would not be sending me home and telling me to prepare for birth, but keeping me in the hospital trying to stop the labor.

I do need to be up in the 5 am hour with Noemi coming at 5:45 am for a 6 am meeting. I have to bring her in early because Max is usually up by then and if for some odd reason not (think Murphy's law, I have to be up and can't sleep in so it will be one of the 5 times in his life he sleeps in) odds are good he'd wake up while I'm in the meeting. There is just no way I can cover the meeting and be on-duty as mom at the same time.

I'm not sure if the OB inclusion is my subconscious telling me that I care more than I thought if Dr. P delivers the twins or it was just my analytic mind trying to put a reason (although such a far fetched one that it isn't even funny) to her unexplained leave from work.

I'm pretty awake at the moment so hopefully I can wind down enough to get a tad more sleep tonight before the early, early start to the day.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Special Thanks!

Like the Header Art changes? Special thanks to Calliope over at Creating Motherhood for the much needed upgrade. If you have a blog and want to add some zip to it, head on over. Or, if you are just feeling generous or know how long, hard and financially draining the ttc process is, feel free to send a donation to her IVF/FET fund.

Thanks Calliope! I just love the snazzy new header and the skinny lady who actually has a waist that looks exactly like me. :)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

What a day....

I am wiped out. Today pretty much took all I had and then some.

Max woke up 3 times last night and was up at 5 am for good, which means I was up at 5 am for good.

I finally got around to taking that 3 hour GTT (Glucose Tolerance Test) which is the fasting one. I won't be surprised if I failed it miserably. Of course, I couldn't find the lab slip anywhere and went through all of my loose paperwork 3 times. I called my OB's office and they were able to fax the request directly to the lab, but I got a later start as a result. The only bonus was that I was able to connect to an unsecured wireless network and work while I waited, waited, waited for the hourly blood draws.

I get back from GTT to all of the books on the bookshelf all over the hallway floor. Apparently, Max shook the bookcase, not only once, but twice, causing them to fall everywhere and it was a huge mess. He's been playing Noemi a bit and it seems that often she doesn't have the control or discipline she should have. I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't have done that if I had been home or if he did, maybe way twice. Then, he wouldn't stay in his room for quiet time for her and I had to step in and get stern and he didn't come out. Now, I'm not a huge disciplinarian, but I do give him consequences for his actions or choices and I pretty much always follow through which he knows. I need to talk to her about this, but today wasn't the day. She wasn't feeling well and all of us were tired.

Max had diarrhea all evening, but was so wiped out he didn't leave his bed even once before falling asleep.

I found out that something big is likely going to go down later this year on the work front...probably while I'm out on maternity leave...that makes it probable that I'll come back from leave to be told my position was eliminated and get laid off. And, the current layoff package which is decent for me has a good chance of being changed prior to that time. Now, it could not happen, but it is much more likely that it will than it won't. Just lovely.

We lost power for several hours this afternoon. I can't work with no power. I have a lot of work I need to do. So, I sorted Max's toys putting all the music instruments together, the bus people with the bus, the airplane people with the airplane, the trains with the trains, the cars with the cars, and put outside toys outside, etc.

The new foam mattress that ordered a few weeks ago arrived today and Noemi helped me set it up. Okay, really, she did most of the work, but it still tired me out even more than I was already tired out. I think the mattress may take a bit to get used to, but will hopefully help improve my sleep and the hip aching and the arm and hand numbness.

And, yes, we did talk about eating poo poo, calling daddy on the cell phone, and pubic hair today, among many other things.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Some Max Conversations

Here are some Max conversations from today.

Conversation 1: Scene - I'm going to the bathroom getting ready to take a shower this morning before work.

Max: Mom, you have pubic hair?

Me: Yes. I have pubic hair.

Max: I have pubic hair?

Me: No, not right now. Not until you are older.

Max: (as he stretches himself up really tall) I'm bigger. I have pubic hair now?

Me: No sweety, not until you are almost ready to drive. Maybe when you are around 14.

Later tonight while he is eating dinner and I'm talking to my sister from NJ on the phone.

Max: Mom, I have pubic hair?

Me: No, you don't have any pubic hair right now. (to which my sister was laughing on the other end of the phone)

Max: Okay.

Max seems way more interested in the fact that I have pubic hair and he doesn't than the whole penis/vagina difference. This came up a few months ago when he asked me about it once and then again last week. Also, 14 is a favorite number of his. He came into my office the other day and told me he needed $14. I'm trying to teach him our address and when I tell him the house numbers which are 4 digits, he tells me no, we live at 14.

Conversation 2: Scene - I'm at the peri's for an u/s and decided to take Max and Noemi with me since Max has been so interested, he had nothing else going on this morning, and the peri is very close to my house.

Max: Doctor, the babies are growing.

Doc: Yes, they are growing.

Max: They want to come out?

Me: Not right now. They still need to grow more. They should finish growing in August.

Max: After Santa Clause comes?

Me: No, before Santa comes. At the end of the summer.

( a minute or two later)

Max: Doctor, the babies are growing and want to come out?

Doc: (under his breath) Same answer as a few minutes ago (with a chuckle). (to Max) No, not yet. Not until it is time to start getting colder.

Me: (to the doc) You can't imagine how often I get that question. (to Max) The babies still need to grow and get bigger yet Max. Once they get big enough, they will be ready. Probably in the August at the end of the summer.

The doctor was actually much more patient and nicer than I thought he would be. He had a smile on his face to all of Max's questions. I guess he has several grandchildren. One of which is about Max's age and has his same curly hair and charming smile. The way the peri does the u/s, it is very hard to actually tell that they are babies. He did try to get some decent pics and gave 3 to Max. I'm always surprised at how outgoing Max is having no problem being there and asking the doc what he wanted to know. Not intimidated in the least. The whole way home he kept saying he wanted to go back to the doctors; he wanted to go back and see the babies at the doctors; can we go again mommy? BTW: Babies look fine and growing well. Cervix fine. No problems. All is well.

Conversation 3: Scene - As Max is walking in the door with Noemi from his swim class with an older "baby" phone he's had since he was a baby.

Max: Mommy, I called you.

Me: You did? Great! What did you say?

Max: Yes, I called you and daddy.

Me: (thinking how do I respond to that one) You called me and daddy?

Max: Yes, daddy is coming at the end of the summer to live here.

Me: You mean the babies are coming at the end of the summer.

Max: No, not babies. Daddy.

Me: Max, we are a mommy and child family. We don't have a daddy in our family.

Conversation interrupted with Noemi coming in from hanging up the swim suits and towels and to day goodbye for the day. He's mentioned daddy's in general, his friends daddy's in particular, and how I was his mommy and his daddy before, but this is a new twist. We will have to see when and how it will come up again. But, it will come up again, and I would bet probably pretty soon because I think he's still processing this and trying to figure it all out, and the conversation was interrupted before it had a chance to play itself out fully, but I bet there was a bit more on his mind about this topic.

Conversation 4: Scene 1: Driving home from the Peri.

Max: Mommy, you eat poo poo.

Me: No, Max. I don't eat poo poo. Eating poo poo can make you very sick. It has germs and bacteria in it. That's why any time I finish cleaning up poo poo's I make sure to wash my hands with soap and water really well, just in case any get on it.

Max: Yes, eating poo poo is good. MMMM mmmm. Yummy!

Me: Who told you eating poo poo is good?

Max: (ignoring me looking out the window)

Noemi: Max, your mommy's talking to you.

Max: Huh?

Noemi: Your mommy's talking to you. She asked you a question.

Max: What?

Me: (trying one more time) Max, who told you that eating poo poo was good.

Max: (clearly done with the conversation) Look, a bus. See the bus. On the busway.

Me: Yes, I see the bus on the busway.

Scene 2: About 10 minutes after I put Max to bed.

Me: Max, get back in your room.

Max: I have poo poo.

Me: Okay, thanks for telling me. (as I get up and walk towards him) Let me get a poo poo bag.

Max: The poo poo has germs in it.

Me: Yes.

Max: Germs. Ohhhhh. Germs.

(get him on changing table)

Max: It's okay to go poo poo in the diaper?

Me: Yes, it's fine to go poo poo in the diaper until your ready to go in the potty. When your ready to go poo poo in the potty you tell mommy or mimi and we will help you. Until then, yes, please go poo in the diaper.

Max: Eat the poo poo momma.

Me: No, we don't eat poo poo Max. Eating it can make you very sick.

Max: Yes, momma, you want to eat the poo poo.

Me: No, I don't want to eat the poo poo. It's yucky. Eating it can make you very sick.

Max: It's yummy. It's good to eat poo poo.

Me: Who told you that it was good to eat poo poo.

Max : J (his cousin) told me it was good.

Me: Well, I'm sure he was just joking around with you, because it's not.

(finished diaper change, done the prerequisite showing him his poo, off to put it outside, wash my hands, and get him back in bed.)

We actually have the poo conversation on a fairly regular basis over the last 6 months. Actually, probably around the time I got pregnant. Some of it is probably trying to figure things out. Most of it is teasing me, joking around, and trying to get a reaction. I almost always asked who told him that because only 3 - 4 times has he had an answer ready. Most of the time it is a conversation stopper because he can't think of a good come back. I couldn't even tell you how many times we've had the same or similiar conversations in regards to poo. Hey, I'd rather talk about it than clean up a poo mess so I'm thankful that he's telling me it's there and letting me clean it up rather than making a big mess in his room.

Ah, this boy of mine. It's so interesting to talk to him and try to understand how his mind works. Tonight, after coming out to tell me he had a poo and he wanted more milk, he came to tell me his room was scary. Hard to tell if he was really scared or just stalling some more. Yesterday, he told me he didn't want Santa to come because Santa was scary. And, where is Santa mommy? What's he doing? Things sure aren't dull around here and these are just a small sampling of fairly normal type conversations around this place.

Saturday, May 10, 2008


The Double Snap-N-Go
When I went out with the girls the other night, I scored a car load of baby items including (but not limited to) two infant car seats with 4 bases with the Snap-N-Go. As soon as Max saw the Snap-N-Go unloaded on Friday, he just knew he had to push it. Forget the twins, he had big plans for it and it has already made a few trips around the block.

The Pony Ride
At the park near the LA Zoo, there are many, many different attractions one of which is a $3 pony ride. There was a train ride in the same area and, of course, we had to ride that before and after the ponies. Max is pointing out the train here and telling all about his train ride.

After the ponies and a second train ride we headed to the Merry-Go-Round for a couple of spins. Max was begging for more, but mom had had enough.

Swimming In The "little" Pool
After lunch and "rest time" in which mommy actually dozed off and Max didn't come close, we headed outside. Max tried to talk me into getting in the big pool, but quickly made do with the little pool. I'm really fortunate that I have a hot water hook up outside so was able to fill the pool with warm water as it probably would have been too cold to play for long otherwise. Yes, he had to have every ball he owns in with him. Notice Poo watching him. He got the chair and Poo himself and set that up as I was turning off the water. Shortly after, Poo took a few dives, a slide or two, and swam a bit with Max because he "need my friends Mommy". Max was really impressed with how heavy Poo got. Max took a break from the pool to give Poo a ride in his car.

Another fun day. However, since the day started early around here with Max climbing in bed with me somewhere around 4 am (at least he fell back asleep for a few hours where I only dozed a bit), I'm glad it's done and he is zonked out giving me a bit of free time before bed myself. The only good thing about this early morning was that I found a little clock that my mom had given Max that apparently had an alarm to go off at 5:10 am. No wonder Max has been waking up in that early 5 am hour so much lately. I'm hoping that fixing that will allow both of us a bit more sleep in the mornings.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

A rarity

I had a very rare and much needed girls night out tonight. The food was delish. The conversation superb. And, I was able to sneak in a nap this afternoon so I wasn't falling asleep at the table or on the drive home. Noemi stayed late for me. Sounds like Shadow gave her more of a hard time/worry than Max by refusing her dinner/medicine. I took her out for a potty run and then she followed me in the kitchen after and ate it down. I guess she just was waiting for me. Good, one less worry. Max was sleeping sideways on his new bed surrounded by blankets none of which were covering him. The only downer (other than this persistent cough, which is getting better, but worse at night and still a PITA) was finding a tinge of blood on my panties when I got home. Just a small amount, but it looked fresh. Back to black undies tomorrow preventing such observations. No, the black doesn't solve the problem, but not really anything to be done except worry which gets old. Anyway, it was great to see these friends most of whom I haven't seen in ages as I missed the last outing or two due to 1st trimester woes. We always have such a wonderful time and swear we should get out more often, but then life happens and it is months later before something gets scheduled. I'm sure I'll be dragging tomorrow, but I sure enjoyed tonight.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Bed Bugs

Along with dropping naps and being overly tired, one of the sleep situations we've been dealing with over here is that Max has not and refuses to sleep in his bed. Mostly, I've been making a little bed for him on the floor with a big blanket. But, he's also fallen asleep on the rocking chair. He's tried to sleep on the changing table and the shelves under the changing table. He's said he is going to sleep on the ottoman. Or, just randomly someplace on the floor of his room with no pillow or blanket.

The best explanation I can come up with is that he's worried about bed bugs. He woke up crying several weeks or a month ago insisting there were bugs in his bed and wanting to sleep in my bed. When I ask him why he doesn't want to sleep in his bed, I get some crazy reasons that I can't even remember right now. The two most common reasons is that he doesn't like the safety bar that acts like a guard rail covering half the toddler bed. The other reason is that there are bugs in his bed. And, no amount of showing him otherwise, changing the sheets, or talking about it was changing his views. So, I just haven't been making an issue of where he sleeps as long as it was someplace in his room while I've thought about what I wanted to do/how to handle the situation.

I've seriously thought about converting back to the crib again. I rethought that again after this weekend when the house we visited had a crib still up and he wanted to climb in and make himself at home, of which I wouldn't let him because he was filthy dirty. But, once again decided against that because I can really use the crib for the twins and he is tall and lanky and awkward and more weight than I should be lifting. Plus, it is very hard for me to reach down and get things from the bottom of the crib and impossible if it is on the back side because I'm so short and now have a big belly in the way of a good reach.

What I decided to do is get a twin mattress and just put it on the ground for now until I can figure out what bedding situation I want for his room and the babies room, especially since I'm loosing my spare/guest room. I just ordered it on Sunday and got an email yesterday saying it would be delivered today. So, I sent Max and Noemi off to Target this morning for a mattress pad and twin sheets and we broke down the crib today. Max seemed excited and wanted to help/do it/have a turn with the tool and "we need to share momma!" until we started carting out the crib parts and putting them into the other room for now. I got a bit worried when he came in crying like he had been really hurt only to find out that he wanted his "little bed back". We talked about it and I asked why he wanted it back when he never slept in it to which I got no response. I asked him if he wanted the big boy bed and he said yes. We've been talking about this for some time and he has said he wanted it, but I guess he thought he was going to get both. I'd actually do that except there is absolutely no room for that.

Tonight at bedtime, he climbed right in and didn't get off it once. We are only slightly over 2 hours in to this "new first" of sleeping in the big bed, but so far things are looking good. Let's hope this is just what is needed to get us back on a good sleep cycle. He's been getting there, but not there yet by any stretch of the imagination.

As far as the bed bugs go, as near as I can figure, I think I heard my sister when she was here from NJ a few weeks/a month ago, tell Max "night night, don't let the bed bugs bite" and he's been worried about it ever since. Again, hopefully the new bed/mattress will do the trick and put that concern and the resulting sleep situation behind us.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

OB Update, of sorts

I had an OB appointment today. Except for the fact that I didn't see an OB. Apparently, my OB is out until further notice. The other OB got called out to a delivery. And, the new OB only works MWF. There was a message on my home number asking to reschedule, but I already left by then.

The fact that I didn't see an OB today actually really didn't bother me. I'm getting enough monitoring and feeling good that I'm almost 24 weeks by my records (OB is showing me as 24.1), the blood clot is gone, any my cervix is back to a good length. If I hadn't gone in to see the peri for a vaginal cervix measure last week, maybe I would have felt put out or anxious since the nurse/tech could get a good read because Baby A's head was way down there obstructing the view. As it is, I'm more concerned for my OB. She is the type of person that was checked out of the hospital and delivering someone else's baby 12 hours after her own birth for one of her kids. I'm wondering if the strain of being a single mother of 4 not by choice is taking a toll; if it is related to the death of her husband about a year an a half ago; or if the trial for his triggered emotions and depression (note: I don't know for sure there even is/was going to be a trial, but think there was and should be and that if so, it would likely be around now, but it is just me supposing based on nothing); or if there is something seriously wrong with one of her kids. Really and truly, it is none of by business. But, I do care about her and I'm a nosy kind of gal sometimes. I have been saying prayers for her and her family because I know it has to be something big.

I was down 2 lbs from my last visit. My blood pressure was slightly high, although still in range so they had me lay on my left side for a bit and rechecked. It went from 132/84 to 128/60. We did a quick heartbeat check and both babies are alive and very active.

On a whim of sorts, I asked for my chart...the page where they record weight, blood pressure, etc. on a line for each visit. One thing that struck me was that not only am I down 2 lbs from last visit, I'm down 6 lbs from my first visit. Because I was curious, I pulled out my records from my pregnancy with Max and I was up 9 lbs at this point with him and ultimately gained 20 lbs, although also fluctuated 1 - 3 lbs up or down between visits. The other thing I notices is that my blood pressure is over all significantly lower this pregnancy than last. My blood pressure last pregnancy was usually between 120-140/78 - 80. This pregnancy, it has been 120-128/60-70. I find this extremely ironic since my weight is up since my last pregnancy and I'm so less active then before... used to hike every morning for at least an hour until max was about 6 months and my younger dog died of complications from cancer and Shadow just didn't want to do the hikes anymore.

Anyway, all is well and I start every 2 weeks with the OB for now.


Sometimes...okay, if I was being really honest....Often, these days as I sit down at my desk to start work. I think about how tired I am, that I can't believe it is only 8:30 am or whatever time it is, and that I have a whole day ahead of me to get through. Then, I get started with the (work that I get paid to do) day and do what I have to do and mostly enjoy it and my son and then glad when the day is done. It's just this deep weariness. I'm sure the cold/cough don't help. And, so starts another moderately busy day.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Lucky 18

Seat number 18 proved to be just good enough. They filled the jury, including two alternates with seat 17. It was a civil eviction suit where a corporate landlord evicted a tenant. The tenant/defendant was representing himself. And, from what I saw and heard during jury selection, I knew more about the process than he did after my many opportunities of jury duty over the years. While it likely would have been interesting and intertaining, I was really relieved not to have served and to get back to work.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

As the saying goes.... (edited)

As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. And, I'll add that the not so good things seem to stay around forever.

We had the best weekend that we've had in awhile. No, that's really not right....we've had some really good weekends of late. I'm feeling good enough that we've done a bunch of bigger type things like going to travel town and the Santa Barbara zoo while my sister was in town. We went to see the poppies. So, actually, we have had several really nice weekends. But, they were busy, tiring weekends for me. What I should really say is.....

We had a really nice relaxing weekend. Saturday morning we got up and had breakfast at a restaurant and then hit the grocery store. Yes, we were that low on groceries. By the time we were done, all I really wanted to do was rest on the couch all morning. What we did is rally and drive around 40 - 60 minutes to visit a friend from college who was in town for the weekend. The friend was in town for her nephew 's first communion and birthday. Now, I've known R and most of her family, including her closest sister the one she was staying with since college days as well. In fact, I don't remember the circumstances, but know that R's parents stayed at my house once. R's sister visited me in the hospital after I had Max. I've been to her house lots and lots. In fact, helped set up the rocker and clean her house when she was in the hospital having her first (the one who just had the birthday), was there helping after she had her second (helping watch the one who just had the birthday), and her youngest was born weeks after Max. A long way of saying I'm very comfortable there.

Anyway, we basically spent the day there hanging out and I put Max in the bath and PJ's before heading home (in the hopes he might actually fall asleep in the car...yeah right) and couldn't believe how relaxing the day was. I had conversations, whole ones...lots of them. Max played in the play room/with the train table by himself and nicely with others. He jumped in the jumping castle on and off for 20 - 30 minutes at at time. He spent a good half hour and maybe longer pushing two yellow Tonka dump trucks around in the dirt and in and out of a hole. And, I could be on the other side of the yard or inside watching out the window. I didn't have to be right on top of him and he didn't need or want me to be. We both had a wonderful time. I can't believe how wonderful of a time we had.

Really, I've loved every stage of motherhood so far. But, I really love this new one. It is so easy. I only brought two cups of milk for Max for in the car on the way home. No fuss getting out of the house and only minimal fuss getting out of the party (cried when we packed up to leave and then kept asking on the way home about the other kids still playing and bouncing in the castle...when he had to go home). It really hit me about how good and much easier things are right now. And, how all that is going to change soon and I'll be back to that baby stage with two not one.

I know that I wanted children closer together. Much closer in age than what Max will be with the twins. However, now having lived it, I'm glad that things have gotten easier before the twins are here. I think it will be the light at the end of the tunnel in those first few days, weeks, months, and years with the twins. Not only hearing that it gets easier, but having lived it.

But, probably, the best part of the weekend was that both Max and I got good solid naps in today. I didn't think it was going to happen. I wasn't counting on it. But, oh, it was so nice and needed for us both.

Probably the funniest part of the weekend was this morning when Max was looking at pictures from Travel Town before church trying to convince me that we should go there instead. One of the many different approaches he took was telling me that we needed to go because the trains missed him. :)

ETA: While the weekend WAS relaxing, it wasn't perfect and the cold/cough, especially the cough is taking it's toll. I can't sleep tonight even propped up in a mound of pillows so I am almost sitting up like I have of late due to the almost non-stop coughing. Add that to the urinary inconsistence made much worse by coughing. Both of which have been causing bad sleep of late and no sleep so far tonight. I decided to take some Class C cough medicine. After reading up on the details, the only risk would have been in the first tri. I haven't coughed in at least 10 minutes. I hope this works. I'm tired of being tired. And, I'm tired of being sick. And, it's hard to get healthy when your not sleeping well. I probably shouldn't have done it even though there was no listed risk for where I am in my pregnancy, but really....I just couldn't take it...the almost non-stop coughing.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Blah, blah, blah

I'm 23w1d.

I've been really tired.

I'm going on my 4th week of this cold/cough. It's very old and annoying. It's worst at night. I get so stuffy and can't breath. I cough half the night and am not sleeping well as a result. I'm barfing up flem. Even benedryl really hasn't helped to dry me up so I have mostly not used it. Steam baths/showers, the humidifier, and Vicks Vapo only help marginally and for short durations.

I feel like I need a few more hours in the day and a few more hours of sleep a night.

I'm behind at work.

I was on-call all week for jury duty and got called in today the last day. We sat around all day in the jury room, then got called to the courtroom at 3 pm. We all have to go back on Monday until they finish jury selection. I'm in chair 18 right now. If I get into the box, I almost never get sent home. Sigh. The only good news is that is supposed to be a short trial.

I feel like I'm constantly hungry, but can't really find food that's appealling or that I want to eat. I just stare into the fridge, freezer, or pantry waiting looking for something to seem worth the effort. Usually nothing does and either I just don't eat or end up with a yogurt or cereal. Although, I think I have become addicted to these Lipton Green Tea with Citrus drinks. But, have also been going through the water by the case. Yes, a waste of money, but when pregnant I really only like the taste of Kirkland's Filtered/Bottled Drinking water.

I looked at my calendar and the first date I can find where I even have a chance of doing that 3 hour diabetes test is 5/12. I can find 3 hours in the afternoon, but they want fasting and I just can't go that long without food so need to do it in a morning, which is very difficult with my job right now.