Friday, August 31, 2007

C'est La Vive

If I remember my French properly, that means ...That's life. It was just one of those days.

I did something drastic and got my hair cut...really 3 - 4 inches off from below my shoulders to chin cut. I don't love it because the stylist, not my normal person, didn't listen when I said only very little layering and that it needed to be shorter under and longer on top for the layering to work. Sigh. So, it will be out of control when I let it dry natural, passable if I blow dry, and best if I have time to hot roller it. At least there is a lot less of it.

Max woke up at 4 am and never went back to sleep no matter how many times I told him it was still night night and I was really tired.

He pooped out of his diaper for the first time. Yes, out on the grass like the doggies. By the time I got him cleaned up, which only took a minute or two, Nikki, our foster dog ATE the poop before I could clean it up. Had I known that would be an issue I'd have done that first. Ick, Ick, Ick. I was so disgusted thinking about it, I puked on the grass, which Max thought was hilarious.

Good thing Max was having a very hard time settling tonight and wanted more milk, because I had to go out to garage to get a fresh gallon out of the garage fridge, because our cat was locked in the garage and it was hot, hot, hot in there. It was around or over 110 today outside and much hotter in the garage. He seems to be doing fine and no worse of the experience. Sadly, this is not the first time he has been shut in, but it hasn't happened in awhile.

Shadow has really been limping and can barely walk to the front of the house and back the last few days. The heat isn't helping.

I've still never heard back from the other DE agency I contacted. Nor did I get a reply from my clinic or agency coordinators. Yes, my clinic is in cycle and she just returned from vacation. And, it is the Friday before a holiday weekend, but that I want a decision. I want movement.

Anyway, there's more smaller annoying stuff like how I asked Noemi to make sure Max went down for a nap early that didn't happened and I had to stop work and put him down and it didn't go well because he was overtired, then he woke up crabby, crabby, crabby. And, when he is like that, she just seems to make it worse and can't get him to snap out of it.

I got the receipts, the very big pile that have been accumulating since June, entered today and my checking account balanced. It's scary how much money I have been spending lately. Well, I'll be spending a bunch more before long. I keep trying to remind myself it is only money.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

My Naked Bottom Boy

We are in the dog days of summer here. We hit 110 yesterday and it felt just as hot today. Not that I was out in it much except for early this morning to walk the dogs and later this afternoon to get in the pool with Max and let him play in the sprinklers.

This last weekend, I got together with some friends and there were two 2 year old boys and one almost 3 boy. At the instigation of a 4 year old girl, they all got naked and played in the sprinklers and in these two metal tins that are probably used for ice/drinks when entertaining. They had a blast. And, the boys all took turns pee'ing on the grass. It was pretty funny to see.

And, it struck an impression with Max who has since spent a lot of time naked when I'm on duty and has probably pee'd on the grass 10 times a day since and in the potty 3 times total and hasn't had one accident. I really wasn't planning and am not pushing potty training, but I have just decided to go with the flow.

He has seen dogs pee pretty much every day, multiple times a day since he was brought home from the hospital. Then, I think, after seeing the other boys do it, it just clicked for him. I've thought about it and can see where it may not be the best thing having him go on the grass all the time, it probably isn't the worst either. He is learning when he has the urge and how to pee at will. I figure once he has that down and once it gets colder here, we can make the move to the potty if he is so inclined.

Sometimes, I will ask him if he wants to go pee pee on the potty and he will say "No, on the grass" and open the door, run outside to the grass and pee. Sometimes, he will just announce "pee pee on grass" and go he sees the dogs do. The times he has peed on the potty are times when I'm going as well and he joins me for a family pee.

The other funny thing is that he gets into this deep squat and looks intently at his penis and concentrates on how it "feels" (by the look of his face, anyway). I've told him a few times that boys and men can stand up to pee and he has tried it a few times right after I say that, but doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as the full squat.

This weekend, my cousin is coming with her husband (Max's godfather) and daughter (CC, Max's favorite person) and I think I'll ask Jim to take Max in with him a few times and show Max that you hold it to aim. Maybe see if he can get him to try it in the toiler and aim at some Cheerios or something. I think Max is tall enough to make it with the seat up. I figure it can't hurt and not sure when else there will be a male role model in the house.

Anyway, he is just totally loving this Au natural being naked thing. He didn't even want to put clothes on to walk the dogs this morning and I gave in pretty easily since I wanted to walk the dogs early before it got too hot as it only cooled down to about 80 last night, wasn't in the mood for a big battle over it, and he just ends up getting the clothes wet anyway by going through sprinklers.

I even joined him in his nakedness this evening and we went in the pool sans suits. I have to say, it WAS nice. I can see why he likes it.

Been and Not Been - Edited

What have I been doing?

Moping...a little

Crying...a little

Swimming with Max and playing in the yard with him every night after work. I think he really liked his swimming lesson the other day.

Talked with my clinic and got information on cycles; deadlines for paying a deposit, when the remaining money would be due, selecting a donor, and confirming my current coordinator would still coordinate this.

Got agreement from the financial coordinator at my clinic to let me into the DE Outcome Based Plan (OBP), which is a shared risk plan, even if I only decide to transfer 1 in a fresh cycle and to freeze any remaining (if any) so I could decide to thaw and transfer one at a time. It is more expensive by about 6K and I'll loose if I get pregnant on the first try/fresh cycle. But, it includes way more than a fresh like freezing, free FET's for a year, and two additional fresh cycles in a year. Plus, I'm fine if I'm out the money because really they have been billing my insurance for all of the monitoring and getting paid and contracted rates for years. And, Dr. N assisted on my lap last year and they never charged me for it.

Made the decision to go to donor eggs.

Made inquiries into two DE Agencies. Haven't heard back from one. The other was very responsive and I will likely go with them.

Looked at a bunch of donor profiles and narrowed it down to two that I'm still pondering. One is available and the other is cycling in Sept./Oct. so may not be ready for a Nov./Dec. cycle.

Looked into a few financing options.

Applied for and was approved for a refinancing loan at a rate better than what I currently have for higher than the amount I will likely need and that will pay off all debt except for the 10K I just moved to a 6 month interest free, but I will have enough to set aside so that I can pay that off once an interest rate kicks in.

Worked at the job I get paid for, but not as hard as I should be.

Paid a few bills and started a preliminary budget.

What I haven't been doing?

Socializing much or talking on the telephone.

Reading, or watching TV.

Grocery shopping.

Finished paying bills, balancing my account, and finishing a budget.

Asking if I do have scar tissue if it can cause a problem with a DE cycle and if I should get it checked out because I'm too afraid of the answer right now.

I will never make it to retrieval, but ... I'm hoping I make it to transfer by the end of the year.

Note: Edits made within the document.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I wish

I wish. I wish. I wish.

I wish I were happier about where I am in life right now, but I'm not.

I tell myself to just be happy with the child and the family that you have, but I can' least not for long.

I tell myself that with one child...

you will have much more free time and then think personal time, which I truly value, is over rated

you will have more money, but money doesn't buy happiness

life will be much easier, yet, easy isn't a priority for me

I remind myself that my genes aren't that great...

given my druthers, I would have been taller and thinner and maybe more confident and outgoing and at times, not so nice, yet, I'm sad of the prospect of not passing my genes on to another child...and that surprises me

I'm have a decent career and make decent money, but that was never my dream or goal in life. It happened while I waited for Mr. Right and for what I really wanted.

I've always wanted to be the Kool Aid Mom. The house where all the kids wanted to come. Where your own kids want to be. I want the caos, the dirt and mess, and the soccer games or little league, and the sleepless nights with a sick child, and the worry, and the smiles and the hugs and the laughter and the joy and the momma, mommy, MOM-MY a hundred times a day. Sure, even with one it gets tough some times, but I don't complain ...much. Being a mom has felt so right and so natural and so fulfilling.

Motherhood is all I dreamed it would be an more. Often, I wish I had started down this path earlier. Yet, I know deep inside, I wasn't ready and couldn't have done it at least not as well earlier. I have come to realize that I've always felt called to be a mom. And, never really called to be a wife, other than for achieving the end goal of being a mom.

I knew trying to have a child would be hard. I just never knew how hard. I always knew in my heart of hearts that Max was my miracle child. I just never thought he would be my only. I didn't think it would be easy, but I did think it would happen, eventually, if I tried hard and long enough.

I always, always, always knew I wanted more than one child.

I wish that sometimes dreams would come true.

Then, I remind myself that sometimes, when they don't...the outcome is better than you could have ever hoped and imagined.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Good News + Bad News = Another Disappointment

I had my u/s today at cd12.

The good news is that my lining looked great at 8.xx and had a nice triple stripe.

The bad news is that I only had one smallish and very bad looking follicle and I've seen a lot of follicles so I know a bad looking one when I see it.

End result is no cycle for me this month and likely my scar tissue is back on the left side from my last lap.

Monday, August 27, 2007


Max started swimming lessons today. I went with and got in the water with him. I guess when I talked to Noemi about it, she didn't realize she would have to get in with him. Oh well, I've been wanting her to get in the water with him for the past 2 summers and she hasn't. I've started a post about all the things I don't like about her, but haven't yet finished it. I like her in the most important way...I trust her impeccably with Max and she truly cares for him and watches him well. But, the list of things that bug me about the way she does things (mostly light housekeeping related) is long.

I started making inquiries about a DE cycle towards the end of the year today. I contact one agency today and they are pulling some profiles based on what I'm looking for today. I have another agency I want to contact, but can't remember the name and didn't get around to looking it up. I also was in touch with my clinic to find out cycle dates, when I would have to pay money, if I could get into a shared risk plan with my desire to only transfer 1 at a time and freeze individually. My coordinator is on vacation until next week and I have a number of questions for her when she gets back, but they can wait a few weeks at this point. I go in tomorrow for an u/s and will likely trigger and do another IUI if I've got something growing, which I think I do. And, I'll keep trying with these back to back unmedicated cycles until then. Not only do I want to have another child, I want children that are closer together. I feel like my time is running out. My desire to have a child sooner rather than later is more important than a genetic connection at this point especially since it is so unlikely that I will ever get pregnant with my own eggs again.

Maybe now I can sleep...

I've been keyed up tonight and having a hard time settling. After reading, tossing and turning, watching a bit of TV, turning on and off the light a few times, I finally decided to write a quick note to Dr. P telling her how often I think about her, and Dr. N, and their family. It ended up not being so quick. It's been something I have been meaning and wanting to do for awhile. When I was visiting this weekend, I found out that their son was in pre-school with my friend's sister son. And, when I took Max to his 2 year ped appointment, I could only imagine walking up the hill to the clinic to show off Max and how happy Dr. N would have been to see him, like I did and he was, when Max turned one. So, I guess it has been on my mind a bit more than normal. I really, really miss Dr. N. Sometimes, I still can't believe the tragedy that cut short his life.

I'm going to try to get into the clinic sometime early this week for an u/s. I'm only cd10 (I think?), but can tell I have a follicle on my left and maybe even a smaller one on my right. My clinic batch cycles and is "in cycle" right now or soon so getting an appointment may be harder than usual. Maybe I'll be in another 2 ww by the weekend.

Another thing on my mind as I was tossing and turning is DE financing. I'm internally debating refinancing my house taking out cash. I think I'll only need 40K for a DE cycle, but am pondering taking out a full 100K to payoff some credit card debt that has crept up a bit and then using the other 40K to invest for Max likely in an education fund for Max that I can use for tuition in the likely event I end up sending him to private schools because unless I can get him into a good local charter school that is what I will need to do. I'm thinking I may be able to make more on the money invested than the mortgage loan rate and it may be the smartest option to make the most of my money. I need to think about it some more and do some research.

I've also been feeling, well, a bit...horny...along with keyed up and restless. I haven't felt this way in a long while. Makes me wonder if it is a good fertility sign for the month and hope that maybe (even thought I know it is so darn unlikely, I can't seem to help hoping), just maybe, this cycle will be the one that gives me another miracle child.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Said, son, sure knows his mind

I ran Max ragged yesterday with an all day visit with a college friend who was in town visiting her sister for a long weekend. There were 3 two year olds (Max, one who turned 2 yesterday and one almost turning 3 if a few weeks), a 4 year old, and a 6 or 7 year old, not to mention lots of adults. We were supposed to go to the beach, but that never quite happened.

This morning, I asked Max if he wanted to go to church. He said, "Yes", "Restaurant", "with Nanna". So, we called Nanna and woke her up, and she met us at the restaurant after church.

He's still back to sleeping well and slept 12 hours last night (after having no nap yesterday) and went to nap (an hour later than usual at 1 pm, which I think I'm going to make as his new nap time) easily and is still sleeping.

Nanna came over after eating out and Max was so funny. He told her which chair he wanted her to sit in (the chair by the train table), gave her trains to play with and told her to play with him), then, "Nanna, Outside", "NANNA, OUTSIDE", where he told her how he wanted her to play with him out there. Until he wanted the slip in slide set up, then I was back on duty. It's funny and nice. And, really, what my mom needs because sometimes it is surprising that she raised 4 kids because often she doesn't really know how to interact with them. I think it made her feel good and happy and it was obvious that Max was happy. She decided to stay for dinner, which is fine, because she was quiet enough that I was also able to take a short nap and is in the other room reading letting me have more quiet time until Max's wakes up.

Friday, August 24, 2007


Crib tent arrived today on schedule and really wasn't too difficult to install. It would have taken much less time if it actually fit his crib the way it should. However, I think it fits good enough to do what is needed without dislodging. Max actually took to it exceedingly well. I was reading the instructions and he pointed to the picture and asked what it was, so I showed him and explained it was a crib tent and asked if he wanted it on his crib. He replied "yeah!" quite enthusiastically. He had a lot of fun holding the spare rods and running under the tent as I assembled it and we played a bit of peak a boo and such. Once I moved it into his room, he wanted in the crib and jumped up and down like a crazy boy for almost all of the time I was installing it. Then, he came out for a bit while I straightened up and got his milk ready. He wanted to read stories while he was in his crib instead of wandering around and leaving the room, which was actually quite nice as he seemed to actually be interested in the books for a change and asked me to read the opposite one three times to him. He did want to come out and cuddle with him in the rocking chair for a few minutes after brushing his teeth and singing our songs, then went back in the crib. He fussed a little and I sang him a few verses of twinkle twinkle and left the room still singing with the door open. I then didn't hear another peep out of him until I went to check on him an hour later and then only because I closed the door. It's funny, he has never wanted his door open before. Even when he was in the toddler bed when he left the room, he closed the door every time after himself. Now, since going back to the crib, he only wants it open. Fine for now. Really, the only big problem is when the phone rings it tends to wake him up. Anyway, when he started to fuss, I said, okay, sorry, I'll leave the door open and he settled and went right back to sleep. I'm really kind of surprised that he took the tent so well and seems to genuinely like it. I guess maybe it's a bit like dogs who have been crate trained* and it is their special spot. He happily went back to the crib from the toddler bed and seemed overjoyed with the tent on top. I guess another sign he really wasn't ready for the big boy bed. Ah, well, I guess on some things, you live and learn the hard way. And, I think we have another year with the security and safety of the crib, which is really what I wanted anyway.

* Forgot to add that I have never actually crate trained a dog and used to think it was mean and cruel, but the longer I have been around dogs the more I have seen that done right, the dogs love it. It is there special place to go if things become too much for them and the kids are bother or hurting them or they have a treat they don't want to have to defend from another dog. If I ever get another puppy, which is a big if and not something I think I will want or be willing to take on until Max is at least 10 or older, but if I do...I think I will crate train.

Max's 2 Year Ped Appointment

We had Max's 2 Year pediatrician appointment yesterday. It went fine. I was a bit nostalgic as we walked in, Max holding my hand and excited to see the "fish" which he apparently remembered. No need for baby carrier's or strollers or all the extra trappings of previous visits. Max also remembered the shots. As we were walking back to our room and rounded the corner, he said "no" and turned back. As we entered the room for the head, height, weight check, he just cried, cried, cried until the nurse left the room. He was fine with Dr. H and even said his name a few times, but of course, not when Dr. H was in the room. And, after he left, Max said, "more, Dr. H". Then, the nurse came and he got his Hep A shot, which he was less than trilled, but was over quick. We spent a bit of time in the waiting room looking at the fish one last time and playing with the toys since there was no chance on the way in since we got there right at our appointment time.

The stats are as follows:
Head - 19 1/2 in., 65%
Height - 37 in., 94%
Weight - 27 lbs 13 oz., 50%

Previously, he was 51% for head circ., 95% for length, and 30% for weight (18 mo.). So, in 6 months, he gained 3 lbs. and grew 3 inches.

We ate In and Out in the car on the way home, hung out a bit, and both went to bed early. He's slept peacefully all night long for the first time in forever and I've been up for hours. Both the dogs were a bit unsettled as well and City is always happy for middle of the night attention and activites after sun bathing all day, but they have settled after Shadow got up and drank some water and went outside for a potty break (she's having one of her bad days) and Nikki chased something out of our back yard (presumably a possium) and I'm still up and awake...sadly.

After lying awake for about an hour, I decided to get on the computer and one of the emails I read was that I think they found a new forever home for Nikki. The family doesn't have their home study until next Tuesday so it would be a week or so before she actually was adopted. It does seem like a good home for Nikki, but we will be sad to see her go. It appears to be a single woman, who only works three 12 hour days a week in an appartment with no other pets except a fish and who would get a dog walker for the days she works and would love Nikki to death the rest of the time. I kind of wanted to see her go to a man as I think she just lights up a bit more when they are around, but this would be a good home for her as long as she is fine with Nikki taking up residence on the couch when she is gone.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Feeling Blue

While blue is my favorite color, I don't especially like feeling this way. Just tired, drained, and hormonal...maybe even a tad depressed. Max is getting caught up on his sleep now that we are back to the crib*, but I'm still a bit short and getting broken sleep as he woke up a few times last night crying all but once he settled himself, but it still woke me up and took me awhile to settle back down.

Anyway, not much to say. I'm wondering if my left tube is closed from scar tissue from my last surgery, but not sure I want to bother to have it checked at this point. I think this because when Max sits on that side, it hurts. I've thought about calling and setting up a consult with another RE, but have decided that nothing he has to say will give me hope of a successful cycle with my own eggs. I'm thinking about DE, but can't seem to even any basic research like finding out the cycle dates in Nov. and Dec., making sure they will let me into the two cycle plan if I only want to transfer 1 embryo since it comes with included FET's for a year and is supposed to be a shared risk, let along figure out how to pay for it when money seems tight enough as it is right now or picking out a donor.

Really, I just want to cry. Like I said, blue is fine for color, but not so hot for a mood. And, my stupid Ice Road Trucker's series has come to an end so I have no mindless TV show to watch and no other mindless TV is all that appealing at the moment.

* To the commenter about the door handle cover to elevate night wanderings or leaving the room....the problem with that solution is that Max's door isn't hung properly and doesn't actually latch. This is a pain in more ways than one, like Shadow will just barge on in when the door is closed. Nikki, our foster dog, is way to polite for that and will never enter unless given permission. I wish I could break her of that and get her to use the doggie door. So, in order to use that solution, I would have a major project on my hands to fix his door, which should be done, but is low on my priority list.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Back on track

We are not back to "normal" yet in regards to Max and sleeping, but we are getting back on track. I'm so happy that I converted the toddler bed back into a crib last night. And, I was able to easily fix it this morning when I wasn't so tired and frustrated. He's still having a bit of trouble falling asleep, but it is much easier and faster than it was. He took a really good nap and was asleep by around 7:30 pm tonight. He also slept good last night. He woke around 4 am and instead of getting up and coming in to me, he cried a bit and then fell back asleep sleeping in until around 6. And, the crib tent has shipped and should be here on Friday. Now, I just need to catch up on my sleep. Max just clearly was not ready for a toddler bed even though he could climb out of the crib. I feel like I have been in a mini battle and am just wiped out. It reminds me how fortunate I am that things are usually pretty easy going around here. Not that Max was really horrible, even tired, it was just starting to take its toll on both of us. I think we are both glad to have him back in the crib.

In other Max news, I found a place that does indoor swimming lessons year round very close to my house. We are going to check it out next Monday afternoon and if all goes well, sign Max up.

Max has his 2 year ped appointment on Wednesday afternoon.

Teeth brushing is going just great and easy peasy since his dentist appointment.

Still not too fond of book reading, but is almost tolerating a book or two before bed...especially if the book is Peter Rabbit.

Been pondering my next steps on the ttc front. I seem to be in a stale mate/can't get a clear feeling on what to do so am doing nothing. I have thought about doing a consult with another RE, but am feeling like what is the point and that it will do no good/is hopeless. Yet, I can't seem to bring myself to research or actually plan for a DE cycle. Probably, I will go in for another IUI this month, but am not having a good "bleed" which I think doesn't bode well for this follicular phase. I think I just need to not decide or do anything or even think much about it right now.

Monday, August 20, 2007

My limit

The crib tent is still listed under processing which means it hasn't even shipped yet. Shit. Well, I reached my limit tonight. Max came out one too many times and I converted his toddler bed back into a crib. I was frustrated and it took longer than it should have and still isn't completely right. I'll look at it again in the morning and if I can't get it right, my neighbor said he would come over to help.

Max fell asleep last night at 10 pm on the floor of his room laying next to Shadow. And, the night before, he fell asleep at about 11 pm in bed with me. The only way he has been napping is if I physically hold him in my arms in the rocking chair no matter how much he protests and cries until he realizes he isn't getting free and relaxes enough to fall asleep. He is so overtired and wound up it isn't even funny.

This week hasn't been pretty. I think it has been my hardest/most frustrating week of being a mom so far. I hope we can get back on track here now that he is back in the crib. For the moment, he has forgotten that he knew how to climb out. I hope that lasts until the crib tent gets here. Or, it could be that the mattress is on the toddler bed setting one lower than I had it. I thought I had it as low as it could get, but when we converted the bed it needed to go lower to work.

Anyway, now I'm keyed up and frustrated and hope I can settle to go to sleep.

Poor Max, he just couldn't settle or stop when he had the freedom to get up. He doesn't have the impulse control yet. The whole thing became a big fat game to him. You'd tell him to go to bed and he would pop out of sight until you stopped looking. If you got up to put him back in bed, he would run back laughing close the door on you and try to hold it closed. Except for when he was sick, then he just cried and cried leaning over his chair. He seems to have lost all ability to fall asleep on his own. Boy, I sure need that to change. And fast.

On the other hand, teeth brushing has been going absoulutly great since we went to the dentist. I get the brush out and he happily opens his mouth and lets me brush all of his teeth and then takes a turn brushing afterwards. Wow, it is such a dramtic change that it was so worth taking him for the visit. It is like night and day.

Okay, I'm ready for things to improve around here. I'm off to bed and will say a small prayer that Max doesn't try to climb out in the middle of the night and injure himself or something. We both need him to get back on track. It really hasn't been pretty around here.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Not soon enough - EDITED

Q: What is worse than a tired toddler? A: A sick tired toddler.

Doesn't want to eat or drink or do anything except go into momma's car to go see the choo choo trains. No amount or reason....the choo choo trains are still sleeping...are helping. I'd happily take him, but the first train doesn't run for another 2 hours and 9 minutes. Sigh. I'm tired too since we neither got much sleep last night. I think he finally fell asleep with me in my bed at 11 pm and I transferred him into his bed around 11:30 pm??? It is a bit of a blur. His tempature has been up around 102 since about 8 pm last night when we got home even with some tylenol.

Q: When is nap time? When can I put him down to sleep? A: Not soon enough. Not nearly soon enough.

At least he has gotten into the DVD I put in finally instead of standing at the door whining and crying "momma's car. choo choo train" over and over and over.

I think it will be a long day. On the way back from the trains, I plan to go pick up crib tent and reconvert his toddler bed into a crib this morning. After some internet searching I think I finally found one that will work on Max's crib if they have it in stock. The set up is supposed to be a PITA and I think he will hate it, but...a momma has to do what a momma has to do. Max is just too young and doesn't have the impulse control to be able to relax enough to stay in his crib, especially for naps, or go back to sleep if he wakes up without being restricted. The only way I got him to nap yesterday was to hold him until well past the point he stopped struggling, then the blasted phone woke him up way to soon. And, we had a friend's father's 80 birthday party yesterday afternoon and got home late.

One of those days I will have to keep reminding myself that I am the adult and to have patients because he is tired and doesn't feel well and thinking...soon, soon, you will get a break...soon, it will be nap time. While the other part of me things....not soon enough.

ETA: One of the reasons I gave Max earlier for not being able to go out was that we weren't dressed. He just went into his room to get himself clothes.

ETA2: I almost cried when the store didn't have the crib tent, but managed to not. And, still somehow managed to spend several hundred dollars at the store. Sigh. Crib tent has been ordered via the internet and should arrive sometime later this week. A testiment to how badly Max is feeling is that he is finally taking a decent nap. The Benedryl I gave him on top of the Tylenol may have helped this. And, I think I'm getting what he's got. Man, I hate that.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Happy Birthday Max

Happy, Happy Birthday Max. I love you more than I could ever say.

This morning when Max was taking a shower with me. He was still in the tub, with the shower water coming down on him with one of his trains and his jeep making noise like only a young child/boy can, when I hear him wisper to himself "happy birthday". Bestill my heart. I'm not sure he really knows what it means really, but it was just so darn cute. We had a fun day.

Happy Birthday my son. Happy Birthday. Two years ago I was in labor with you and wouldn't start pushing for another hour. It seems so long ago. He is growing so fast and more than I ever could have hoped or wished or prayed. He is just such a great, smart, funny child. And, now he is two and talking up a storm.

Happy, Happy Birthday to you!


I dropped off the blood before heading to the aquarium and got the call on my way home. I started my period at the aquarium. That's that. Another cycle that's a bust. I'm tired and wish I could just lay down and take a nap, but I'm off to the movie's in a few to see the Harry Potter one. I think this may be the first movie I've gone to since Max was born. For some reason, this negative is much easier to take than others. I guess because I knew in my heart of hearts that it didn't work. Onward, upward. I thought about going on BCP's and taking a month off, but I think I'll just do another no-stim cycle and go in for an u/s in a few weeks to see what, if anything is growing.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

That's what I get...

I tried to sneak in late this afternoon for an early beta because logistically it would be so much easier than tomorrow even though I could hear the late Dr. N so clearly in my mind saying, "sure you can get a beta at 13 dpo as long as you agree to go back at 15 dpo for a followup, which I always thought was BS. No way are you going to get a negative beta today and a postive beta tomorrow. Drove all the way there and they had already closed. That decided that. Dr. N wins even from the grave on this one. Tomorrow morning it is with the kid in tow. Then, I'm taking him to the Long Beach Aquarium again before my yearly membership expires in a few weeks. Then, I have Noemi coming in the late afternoon for a few hours so I can go catch a movie. The Harry Potter one. I think the first movie I will have gone to since Max was born two years ago.

Max's dental appointment went fine. The wanted to try to take an x-ray. He screemed just looking into that room. All she did was look in his mouth and he cried, loud screaming cry, the entire time. No cavities. Moderate plaque. Only improvements are those that I told her that I need to improve on. Basically, what I expected. However, the bonus that I didn't expect is that Max has actually been letting me brush his teeth with no battle since. Much nice for both of us this way. They let him pick a toy/prize for being so good and I picked a little yellow bug car that I knew he would like. He keeps calling it the dentist car. I agree and remind him he got it for being so good and letting the dentist look in his mouth at his teeth. Yes, an attempt at a little pointed brain washing.

Max isn't sleeping nearly as well...okay, neither of us are sleeping nearly as well...since he moved to the toddler bed. He woke up at 2 am last night and instead of going back to sleep he trotted his way into my room. I let him cuddle with me a minute, got him some milk, and took him back to his bed. He did stay in it, but I kept listening for him to get back up so took awhile to fall back to sleep myself. The truth is, he wasn't sleeping that great right before we made the switch because he was just climbing out when he wanted so this really is better and safer. And, it is getting better with the constant and consistent reinforcement. When he wakes up, even from his nap, the first thing he does is look for me. Today, I was at my computer with my office door open so I didn't hear him approach and he comes up and says "hi" with his cute little self.

So, basically, all is well. I've just been really tired and headache.

I'll go drop off blood for the cause tomorrow morning, but will be gone all day. However, just assume it is negative (<5) like I am until proven otherwise.

Monday, August 13, 2007

My Current TV Show Favorite

I'm not much of a TV watcher. When I do watch, I've been told I have an odd taste in shows. I'll have to agree with that one in part. My current "show" is one on the history show called Ice Road Truckers. I find it interesting. I can't explain it. It is so human. So, so, "real". I have never heard of such a thing. Watching an episode recorded at the moment. I'm sure not for everyone, but I find it facinating and worth spending some of my precious free time to wind down watching. Rugged and facinating, just facinating. At least, to me.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

A Big Weekend

We had Max's 2nd Birthday Party this weekend. It was a small pool party with mostly family and a few friends and neighbors. And, Max moved to a toddler bed since the crib was rendered completely ineffective once he figured out how to climb out. I woke up this morning to Max climbing in next to me. The cuddling lasted about 1 minute. My cousin and her family drove in from Arizona to be here. It was really great. Max hasn't been napping all week with all the activity and the climbing out of the crib thing so after they left today, I spent somewhere between 40 - 60 minutes picking Max up and returning him to his crib too many times to count or remember before he finally napped...without eye contact or talking to him or engaging in any way except to pick him up or lead him by the hand back to his bed. It paid off because I only had to return him 3 times tonight before bed before he stayed put. I can hear him still awake in his crib still...for 30 min. now...but he hasn't come out again. He actually slept in the bed for the first time last night after the party and went down fairly well last night because he was completely tired from the family in town and the party and the swimming and all the excitement. A very big weekend for my big boy. We are tired, but had fun.

Here are some pictures:

Max, upon waking up and finding out that his cousin "CC" arrived while he was sleeping. I think CC is Max's favorite person in the whole wide world. He just adores her and she is so good with him.

Max before the party and after showing off his park and going to the train depot to see a few trains come in and out. He's playing the harmonica, one of his birthday presents, from my cousin and her family that we gave him early.

Swimming in the pool with his Aunt TT and CC. Notice the crystal clear water.

Blowing out the candles on the cake which I made and CC decorated. I can't believe I forgot to take a picture before we cut it.

Max sleeping in his new "big boy" bed. Worn out by the fun and excitement. He did pretty good all day and especially at the party considering he was very short on sleep with that whole no nap thing going on, but he was so darn tired by the end.

My cousin and her family with their dog and Max. We have a tradition of taking family pictures of them out back since they were little. It is amazing to see them grow through the years and the back yard change and grow as well. We had talked about doing one, then there was the rush to leave, etc. CC was crying. Everyone else was packing. I asked if we wanted to do one. It was funny. Everyone stopped what they were doing immediately and here is the result.

It's funny. We actually had as many dogs at Max's party as kids...with Shadow and our foster dog Nikki, Ozzi my cousins dog, and Fiona and Romeo my sister's two new puppies. It all worked out with only one minor altercation between Nikki and Romeo when Romeo wouldn't leave Nikki alone and stop licking her face. She gave a firm bark and Romeo squealed and was a bit traumatized...just a young pup still learning his manners.

Like I said, a fun day, a fun party, a fun weekend. Almost ready for bed. Just need to take the dogs out for a quick nightly business call. I almost always pick up the house before bed, but elected to spend time on the computer instead and am just going to leave it for a change.

Max did come out once more about 20 minutes ago and asked for a quick rock in the rocking chair and some more milk, which I supplied with out talking to him or engaging with eye contact and he is out.

Oh my, my big boy who I love so. Two years ago Aunt TT and CC were here as well for his birth. I have the 17th schedule as a vacation day and was thinking I would not be able to take it, but think I will. Maybe do a trip to the Aquarium before our yearly pass expires. Otherwise, the celebrating is done. I haven't yet got him to say he is two, but wow-wee...where has the time gone?

Friday, August 10, 2007

7 dpo

If the egg fertilized, implantation would have happened by now. I started progesterone supplements this morning. I should have probably done so earlier in the week and did a few times, but just couldn't get motivated for the mess. I decided to push it a bit because my progesterone has been much higher the last few months, which is quite odd really, and just start today just in time for a house full of company and Max's 2nd Birthday party which is tomorrow. I think waiting until Monday at 10 dpo would just be pushing it and in the unlikely event this cycle worked at it actually was "the good egg" I'd hate to see it washed away because of low progesterone. I also decided to not have my p4 tested this month since it has been a bit higher and I don't get the results until mid-next week anyway. We got a reprieve on that unrealistic work deadline that had me getting stressed, but I still need to keep focused to stay even and make the new new "date". Although, I am finally going to get off my duff and open a savings account for Max with the money from his birth and baptism or whatever that has sadly been sitting in a cookie jar in the kitchen for the last few years. Even more sad is the fact that I STILL need to set up my living will and trust.

Anyway, one week down, one week until beta.

And, it was the cat barfing that interrupted my sleep last night. Come on, you know it had to be something. I really need to give that cat a hair cut since this is the second time this week and he doesn't tend to barf if I keep his hair cut a bit.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

The Bad Mom

Of course, I'm very careful not to call myself the bad mom in front of Max, however, there is something that as a mom, I'm just not great at. I thought I would be much better about it. I have tremendous guilt over it. I am inconsistent. I go through phases where I'm right on and then I get lax and it goes by the way side.

What is it?

Teeth brushing.

Max has always hated me or anyone to put anything in his mouth like a finger, let alone a tooth brush. It is hard for me to tell if/when new teeth are coming in since I don't get to lookie see. Teeth brushing around here is traumatic. I have to pin Max down with his arms under my legs and his head between my legs and while he is screaming bloody murder or doing the breath holding spell with his mouth wide open I get a quick good brush in. Then, we spend 5 - 10 minutes hugging and trying to calm down after the ordeal. Most of the time, I just am not up to it. I'm tired and just can't take the fight both physically and emotionally so I just hand him a tooth brush and tell him to brush, which he actually does most of the time after sucking off the toothpaste, but he's too young to do a good job, especially on the back teeth.

Not only am I bad at the teeth brushing thing, Max often takes a sippy cup of milk to bed with him. He doesn't sleep with it in his mouth. He drinks it all before he goes to sleep and when I go check on him, I will pull it out of the crib. I had him completely weaned from that with the intent to get him used to drinking milk before bed, then ultimately inserting teeth brushing after that and before bed. However, we are now back to milk in the crib with him. He's drinking milk before bed and is asking for "more mil" during our cuddle and singing time. Drat.

And, he has his second dentist appointment next week. I'm just not looking forward to it. I'm afraid I'm going to be told what a bad parent I am for not being more diligent, even though I know this is true. And, I'm afraid Max is just going to melt down and fuss and scream the entire time. I'm mentally prepared for the worst and will just hope for the best.

However, we had a major break through this evening. I told Max we needed to brush his teeth. I let him pick the tooth brush. We have about 10 for him including a spider man battery operated spinning one. I asked him to open his mouth so I could brush his teeth without having to hold him down...and...he did. It was nice and easy and so much better for both of us. I really praised him up and clapped (he joined in with a big smile) and cheered and told him what a big kid he was and how good and such and he was so darn proud of himself that he carried the toothbrush around for another 5 minutes of so and brushed his own teeth for a bit.

Gosh, I hope that is a sign of change so that we can get better about this and I can get rid of the guilt and self inflicted "bad mom" title.


We had a 4.5 earthquake last night. Woke everyone up. Nikki, the foster dog, started barking, but settled the easiest. Max was up for quite awhile. Shadow was nervous and also had trouble settling. City Boy was up and checking everything out. He's not one to sleep at night (gets plenty of napping in the warm sun during the day) if someone else is up and roaming. I wasn't crying or fussy, just awake. I had to laugh. See, if it isn't one thing, it is another keeping me from a full and unbroken night sleep. All is fine and no damage that I know, but it did rock things quite a bit. I hope that it isn't a warm up for a bigger quake. At least I have plenty of water and other basic supplies on hand.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

"The Good Son"

I'm currently reading a book by Michael Gurian called "The Good Son". I'm only about 80 pages in, but so far, it is very interesting and a good read. A few months ago I emailed the admittance director of a private high school that I may be interested in sending Max if I can find the money. I find researching and deciding on a pre-school overwhelming most of the time. How do you know which is the best one for your child? I had this thought of deciding on a high school that I thought may be a good match and working backwards with feeder schools into it. Hence my email to the high school admissions guy. He didn't exactly answer most of my questions, but he gave me a lot of really good information. He gave me the information I needed, but didn't know enough to ask. One of my comments was around raising Max into being a good man. He recommended the author, Michael Gurian, that they are working with in the school. I bought two of his books. "The Good Son" and Nurture The Nature". I read the "Nurture The Nature" book up to the developmental stage Max is currently in and plan to go back and re-read it a bit and spot read a few other parts and then keep up with it as Max grows. Anyway, "The Good Son", so far anyway, talks about how developmentally boys brains develop and how to aid in their moral development. He talks a lot about the importance of the father-son bond which is a tad hard for me to read since Max doesn't have one and won't. However, he stresses probably more about the mother-son bond and how important that is. He feels strong in the "extended" family which in his definition includes care givers, schools, friends, and others who play a role in your child's life in addition to aunts and uncles and grandparents. I have found reading both very validating for how I have been raising Max. In addition, they are helping me articulate why some things which I feel strongly about or have been interested in like raising Max with religion or my draw the the high school I mentioned above...basically balancing out those things that I can't give Max directly in our family with making sure he has a strong foundation and role models that deserve the title. Anyway, still not feeling that great, still behind at work (actually even more behind now), my pool pump is still not working and the water has a definite greenish tint, but we are getting closer and I think by tomorrow it should be set, and I didn't sleep that great last night as it was one of those rare times when Max woke me up a bit after midnight (after I had already gone to bed late) and then again a bit after 4 am. He went back to sleep easily after a quick cuddle each time. I was not so fortunate. I was on my way to bed and decided to share my interest in this book I'm reading. I think a good read for parents of any gender or even those single woman still trying to understand men and what makes them tick and why they act the way they do. I really love learning and feel like I don't do enough of it anymore. This book is giving me back some of that joy as well as some practical information and, like I said, validating of my parenting philosophy and practice thus far.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Good News

I called the electrician who did some work for me when I needed a new electrical panel a few years ago to have a/c installed. And, there is a broken wire between the panel and the pool pump timer. The wires are under the cement of my patio and the pipe holding them is damaged so it can't be fixed without a lot of work and money. However, he recommended as the cheapest option is to have my pool guy replace the motor and timer to 120 volts instead of 240. When I called my pool guy to tell me this, he said that my motor can be rewired for that easily so I don't need a new one and he can exchange the timer to a lower volt one so it shouldn't cost me anything extra. Whew! What a relief. Of course, I don't know what, if anything, the electrician will charge me for the consult, but I expect it will be reasonable. When I asked him what I owed him for his time today, he said responded "how about I bill you like last time if I remember". So, all in all, some good news.

In the not so good news, I feel like crap. I'm tired and achy and just flat don't feel good. I've gotten the chills (in Southern California in the summer heat) a few times today which isn't good. I just checked my temperature and it is elevated. I'm sure a low grade fever from this whole tooth thing which is still bugging me, but not quite as badly and am still doing some pain meds, but not nearly as often and usually only after I eat.

I really need to step up the pace at work, but am just not motivated and I really, really need to get that way soon since I have a lot of work that needs to get done.

I guess I will start the progesterone tonight. I'm still debating on whether to get my p4 level checked on Friday or not.

See, a new week and while not quite a new least an improved one.

Choo Choo Twains

Apparently, instead of sugar plums, Max dreams of Choo Choo Twains.

He woke up a bit ago and sounded sufficiently distressed enough that I decided to go check on him. As I walked in, he hurried to his feet and glommed onto me saying "Sha". I asked him if he had been dreaming of Shadow. He said, "No, Choo Choo Twains". I rocked him for a a few minutes and is standard for the rare middle of the night awaking/comfort, didn't talk. He said "Choo Choo twacks", so obviously, they were on his mind. Another few minutes of holding and he was back to his crib quietly and content.

Shadow, who would normally follow me on such a middle of the night visit, was too busy playing subtle power struggles with Nikki over her bed...which Nikki has decided should be hers. Neither dog would actually fight over it, but they were jocking over it. Probably, I should let them work it out for themselves, but I did interfere and make Nikki move several times before Shadow would go back and lay on it. I'm regretting getting rid of the other one just like it after Lucky passed. But, I figure it "is" and has been Shadows bed. She is old. Nikki may not be thrilled, but "I'm" in charge. She can be second in command/alpha dog and Shadow won't challenge her as she was never lead dog in the pack nor would she want to be. And, I say Shadow gets to keep her bed.

Another middle of the night where I am up for a few hours. I was actually already awake and interfering with the dogs when Max woke up. They didn't wake me. It was time for more pain meds, another antibiotic, and a potty break. Hopefully, I'll get back to sleep soon.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Two Firsts

Max had two "firsts" today. He went to his first Dodger baseball game and he climbed out of his crib for the first time. In that order.

We've been singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" for days. He seemed to love everything about it, except actually being in the stadium and sitting in the seat of which he probably spent less than 5 minutes actually sitting in. He made it to the singing of the anthem before wanting to be held and crying. After that was finished, we walked around some more until the game started. All he wanted was to go. So, he and I sat in the car listening to the game on the radio while my friend watched a few innings. She was a really good sport about it. We knew he likely wouldn't last long, but we thought he would go at least a few innings. We had just enough time for me to buy my friend lunch (actually, I paid, she went and bought it), buy Max a Dodger T-shirt, and to walk the stairs a few times. I think it was just too much stimulation and too new for him, like the first time I took him to the aquarium. However, I'm still glad we went, because it was all he could talk about on the way home and this afternoon/evening. I think he really did like the whole event, but it was just too loud and to overwhelming.

I think the pictures say it all.

We got stuck in traffic on the way home and even though I suspected the window of nap opportunity was too late I really needed a 10 minute break so I put Max in his crib to see if he would sleep. He didn't. He cried for awhile. Then, it got quiet and I heard some bumping and thought he might be trying to climb out (as I hadn't put his sleep blanket on). Sure enough, I few minutes later, I hear the pitter patter of feet. He had a big smile and a poo poo diaper for me when he found me. But, the few minutes in the crib seemed to do the trick for him (or the pride in his accomplishment) and he snapped out of his fussy/whiny mood. I'm not sure exactly how he did it because I rearranged his room last weekend to move his crib away from the tall/long dresser because I figured he would and could use it to climb out soon. The good news is that he didn't fall and hurt least this time. I don't think he can do it with the sleep blanket on because he can't get the grip he needs with his legs, but I'll have to watch it and maybe rearrange his room a bit more. I'm not ready for him to be in a toddler bed yet if I can help it. Of course, safety comes first and if it happens again, I'll likely have to convert the crib bringing a whole new set of problems.

Sometimes, when it rains, it pours

Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, when it rains it pours.

I talked to my pool guy this morning as he was replacing the timer on my pool pump. He couldn't get it to work and said an electrician needs to be called. It hasn't been working most of the week and the pool is starting to turn green. Just in time for Max's 2nd Birthday Party next weekend. So, I need to find an electrician who can come out early in the week and hope it doesn't cost too much and can actually be fixed without having to pull up the concrete of my patio. He told me this as I already had Max in the stroller to walk the dogs this morning. It was all I could do to not burst into tears in front of him.

Then, I washed my cell phone head set. In a desperate attempt to not have to replace it, I set it outside in the hot summer sun all afternoon. Then, recharged it. And, it seems to be working. I haven't talked to anyone on it to see if I can hear okay and if they can here me. Thought I'd save that for another day.

Some weeks are harder than others. This one has been one of the harder ones I've had in awhile.

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Even worse than my (lack of tooth), my plumbing experience just hurt. The final bill? It will piss me off and upset me to go look at the actual total for awhile, but it was somewhere between $800 - $900...849 something I think. Bloody ridiculous. I think I am going to report the company, which is a big national one, to the better business beauro. Almost $500 of that to replace to replace the faucet at 2.5% mark up. Which I didn't know until after the fact, but at that point what the hell are you going to do? You can't live with out it? I couldn't have gone to buy one while he waited. The only consolation is that I would not have been able to fix it myself. But, the faucet being replaced was just replaced last July, by the same company. He said it was what was causing the leak and it sure did look like it so at that point the only solution was to replace it again. I'm upset and pissed over the whole thing. The only good thing about the whole thing was that he said he would only charge me 2 hours of labor at almost $200 an hour and he let me pay before he finished so I could keep my evening play date with Max and Nikki.

Shoot, my whole dental experience cost less than $300 of which 50% was my responsibility. You see why even though a pain I try to fix my own plumbing problems as much as possible. F'ing rip off, but they have you over a barrel.

I'm up, again, in the middle of the night, due to that cat barfing again. Not quite making it outside this morning. I'm going to have to find time to cut his hair soon. But, in truth, I would have had to have gotten up soon anyway because my bladder was so full and it was time for more pain meds and another antibiotic.

I'm still so upset over that whole plumbing situation and how much it cost. It hurt, hurt, hurt. But, really, again, at that point, what are you going to do?

In other news, Max had a wonderful time playing with his friends. They will be 4 in January and he does so like to play up, plus they are very good about playing nicely without taking toys away from him and including him in their "older" kid play. They had the best time swinging and spinning on the tire swing on their outdoor play structure and in the small splash pool. It was nice to spend a bit more time (as much as you can with 3 small children around) with my friend (whose husband is out of town allowing us to get together twice in 2 days) and Nikki was nice and tired (after putting up with their Rottweiler puppy who is almost 1 now for a few hours). And, if I conceived by this cycle, it would have happened before now and the embryo would have started it's journey it slow journey down the Fallopian tubes. Of course, thinking about that just depresses me even more since I'm sure that it didn't work again even though the timing was much better and that isn't just a bad few days talking. The fact that I'm ovulating early just isn't a good sign at all. Hey, the chance is better than zero since there was egg and sperm together, but it just isn't very likely.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Just irritated and complaining

After a quick trip to the park, the train depot, and the grocery story that took up most of the morning, I decided to tackle the kitchen sink and make sure the pipes weren't clogged, which is the most likely cause of a leak in a kitchen sink. As I was taking the pipes apart, the garbage disposal fell out. The garbage disposal I just had replaced...okay, it was a year ago now, but still... there is no way if installed properly, that should have happened. I can deal with the pipes and general plumbing stuff, but don't feel like I could tackle a garbage disposol reinstall. I debated about calling someone else, but decided to call the same company that had installed it to see if it (unlikely) was under warrently or the technition could see how shoddy their fellow employee did it and give them a hard time.

When I called around 11 am, I was told to expect a technition from "now until 1:15" I groaned a bit because that meant no break/nap for me since I would have to be on alert. I called at 2, when the plumber still had not shown up to check the status and let them know that I needed to leave at 3:45. The service rep got a bit snotty with me and said "we have just been really busy today, sorry" like she wasn't sorry at all and I was being unreasonable. I countered with, you knew how busy you were when you told me someone would be here from "now until 1:15". She explained, still not very friendly, that yes, the technitions were still on their last jobs and she couldn't predict that...I wanted to tell her she should have said that in the first place, but decided to just keep my mouth shut. The conversation went from there, but I'll spare you the rest of the details. I'm still waiting on a plumber, but he is supposed to be on his way. The whole situation is just irritating and I'm going to have to pay several hundred dollars for this "service".

And, another incident today, when checking out from the grocery story...are you obligated to let the person behind you go if they have only a few items and you have an entire cart? I know it is the polite thing to do, but is it impolite to not? Max and I had been waiting for awhile, then then openned up more lanes. A women comes rushing up all impatient and rushed and demanded, like it was her right, to go ahead of us...since she only had one item. Yes, it irritated me, and I told her fine, but kind of huffed and she could tell I was irritated. Somehow, I was the bad guy because I didn't cheerfuly give up my spot for her. Now, I admit, probably I should have and normally I would even offer except, I was tired, not feeling that great, and had to go to the bathroom. As she was leaving, she turned to me in a fake, super nice voice and said, "have a nice day".

Yes, my tooth...or rather the place where my tooth bothering me and I really am not feeling that great. I'm not only taking the vicadin as needed, but most of the time using Tylenol, but am needing closer to the every 4 than the 6 hours. I think another day and I should round the corner on this. Hopefully.

Not that things are going all bad...

The IUI yesterday went fine. No problems. Sperm count good. I had already ovulated again before 30 hours, but it was closer since we could stil see the colapsing follicle.

I came home to my friend cooking a great dinner (pasta carbonara?). She got things prep'd. We swam with the kids. She finished making dinner, refusing all offers of help. Then, it was quickly time for them to go and time to get Max to bed. I did straiten up, but left the dishes until this morning since my talkative neigbor trapped me and yacked on until I told her I really needed to go (and take more pain meds).

We are going over to that same friends how for dinner again tonight. She is going to grill burgers for us.

Got to go, Max is now up from his nap...another good thing that happened today.

Friday, August 03, 2007


Tooth extracted. It was the upper right second molar. The very last tooth. The roots had fused with the bone. It took a long time and wasn't an easy extraction. It wasn't painful in an intense pain you can't think it hurts so bad, but it was uncomfortable and my jaw and mouth and such are really sore. I'm really glad that I got that vicadin script filled along with the antibiotic. I'm took my second dose of both about an hour ago, but am still up. Sigh. Been using the time to "ice" for an hour or two. I was so darn nauseous the evening I took a barf bowl to bed with me just in case, but luckily didn't need it.

Max's fever is gone. It was a 12 -12 hour deal. He woke up this (I guess yesterday now) morning bright and chipper talking about going to see the choo choo trains in the car. I told him he would have to talk to Mimi (what he calls Noemi) about that and that is the first thing he did. She walked the dogs for me (well, really just Nikki since Shadow boycotted as she doesn't like walking with Noemi for some reason) and then took him since she got here late....cutting into my trigger time.

Triggered on time and ready for an IUI tomorrow afternoon. As I triggered, I realized that my pharmacy had switched manufactures for a new trigger....three months ago...the same time I all of a sudden started ovulating early. Even though they are supposed to be exactly the same, it is just too coincidental. I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier. I'm going to ask the RE about it tomorrow when I'm in.

I got zero work...the work I get paid to do...done this afternoon and will get done none tomorrow afternoon. Sigh. I'm going to have to do some serious overtime/work after Max is asleep for a few hours to catch up and get done what I need by the time I need.

Back to one last 20 min. ice and then maybe I can catch a few more zzzz's before morning and it's time to rise and shine for another day. I'm going to be sore for at least a few days if not longer because of this whole tooth thing, but I'm glad it is behind me and I was able to take care of it so soon before IUI and my pregnancy (HAHAHAHAHAHA, how do you like that for positive thinking?).

Owwwie, owwwie, ouch!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Life - Edited, and Edited Again

I woke up at 2 am when the cat started barfing. Luckily, the screen door was open and he had gone outside to do it. He has figured out I like him much better when he isn't barfing on my rugs/floor. Never went back to sleep.

The morning, I noticed the cap on my back upper right molar was loose. The dentist said she could see me if I left then, which I did causing me to miss all of one meeting and part of another. When they tried to see if the cap would come off, the tooth holding it broke. No other option other than extraction. Meeting with an oral surgeon tomorrow afternoon at the same time I had my u/s appointment.

I reschedule my u/s appointment for this afternoon. A resident did the u/s. She was so nervous it was cute. We only gave her a little bit of a hard time when she had trouble finding things. The one on my right grew from 10 to 13.something. The RE thinks it will make it. I don't. My left is down to one that is sitting at 20.something. We my do IUI after 30 hours instead of 36. I trigger tomorrow morning at 8:45 am for an IUI Friday afternoon at 2:45 pm.

Remember me saying how much work I had to do. Out of the office for two appointments today. One tomorrow. One Friday. All of which the travel time alone is anywhere between 1 - 2 (or more) hours depending on traffic. Starting to get stressed.

Max is sick. He had a fever of 101.something at nap time and didn't eat lunch.

I'm tired. Very tired.

And, that's life.

ETA: I especially liked how they kept telling me at the dentist office that I shouldn't be feeling any pain or discomfort since I already had a root canal on that tooth. Right. Yeah. Whatever. But, I DO feel pain, discomfort (not horrible, but enough that pain killers only took away part of it), and a headache that won't quit.

On the other hand, this same tooth was giving me problems/got infected early in the 2ww on the cycle I got preg. with Max. So, maybe in a warped convoluted way, this is a good thing. Got a list of acceptable antibiotics from the RE today to take to the oral surgeon with me tomorrow. It's my body and my history and I know that anytime I have problems with this tooth an infection occurs and a round of antibiotics is needed. In fact, I think it is the only thing I have need antibiotics for in the last 10 years or so.

ETA2: Just you get a well rounded picture of the rest of my day....Max wanted to do nothing but have me hold him in the rocking chair and sing to him....Only one song was okay...Sing, Sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong, etc. ...would do. His temp was up to 102. No dinner. After no lunch. A few sips of OJ and a bit of milk. At 6:15, about 20 min. after a dose of Tylenol, I asked him if he wanted to go night, night. He said...yyyeess. I did my normal chores after he is in bed, sat down to eat my dinner and the foster dog needed to go out to do her business (still won't have anything to do with the doggie door) and I came back to Shadow having eaten my dinner. I didn't bother to make anything else. I just had to laugh since it was the perfect topper for the day. I'm going to go take some pain meds and head to bed myself after checking on sick boy one more time. Good thing I can take days like this in stride most of the time.

I'm doing a good job of not worrying about my kitchen sink that is still leaking (only having to empty the dish capturing the leaky water a few times a day) and still haven't had a chance to get an estimate to fix my CD player in the car that "somehow" got a penny stuck in it. I'm afraid to do that, but really miss the CD play so it is on "the list".

And, that's my day from start to finish, unless something else goes wrong before I fall asleep.