I just got Max’s bili results back today and they are STILL 16. I was so sure they would come down with all of the feeding and pooping yesterday. While I wanted it to have dropped at least some and I was hoping for a big one. What a disappointment! I feel like such a failure all of a sudden. I don’t understand why he isn’t getting better. Other than taking him off for the morning walk and to the hospital to have his blood drawn, he is on the phototherapy full time. I feed him on it. I change his diaper on it. I move the machines to the sun when it is coming in the windows and him get double exposure. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t think there really is anything else I can do at this point. I could not do the morning walk with the dogs, but “I” really need that time out of the house and for grounding.
They have me bringing him in to the dr. at 4 pm today so that we can weigh him and the dr. can look at him. I have been weighing him every day by weighing myself and then myself with him and subtracting the difference. I think he is still at 7 lbs 5 oz. I think they are going to want me to supplement with formula. This is not the end of the world, but does make me feel really bad/like a failure. Breastfeed seems like it is going well. Maybe it really isn’t and I am deceiving myself.
My friend Rosa is in town because her sister just had a baby yesterday. A boy for Max to play with. She was supposed to come by this afternoon. I guess that is out. I’m thinking about taking along the machines and going to her sister after the appointment to 1) avoid traffic 2) get me out of the house 3) see her and give me something to look forward to in case I get bad news at the dr.’s.
I’m just so upset. I hope there isn’t something seriously wrong. Why isn’t it dropping? Why?
Bili Results:
8/19 Fri 8.3
8/20 Sat 13.3
8/21 Sun 16.9
8/23 Tue 20.6
8/24 Wed 17
8/25 Thu 16
8/26 Fri 16
Each one of these represents a trip to the lab and a needle prick for poor Max. Unfortunately, I think he is getting used to it. Today, he could even muster a full out cry, just a few small wails and whimpers.
Please God, let everything be okay and that this be just a temporary thing, not a sign of some big problem in disguise. Part of me thinks I am over reacting. Another, more pessimistic part thinks that things have been going all two well and that maybe the “bad” shoe is about to drop. I hope I am over reacting, but the dr. office is concerned enough to bring me in. I was too upset talking to the nurse that I didn’t even ask what “normal” at this point would be. Maybe I will ask this afternoon if I feel up to it.
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2 comments:
Oh, this must be so scary for you. Please let us know, when you find the time, what the doctor said. I hope that everything turns out OK, that Max's levels fall quickly, that you can continue the breastfeeding and that nothing is wrong.
Praying for you both over here!
(((Deb)))
Just popping in for a minute whilst painting the porch, but I really want to encourage you. His levels are dropping, with all the nursing & pooping, it's working, sometimes it just takes awhile! Don't worry, you're doing everything right! Put him on to nurse as much as you can (gotta sleep! ;)), keep counting his poops, and keep up the phototherapy. I'd personally not supplement with formula at this stage (or if I did, I'd cup-feed or finger-feed) - sounds like he's a good nurser, and you don't want him to get confused w/ the artificial nipple. Lots of luck. Let me know if you need cup or finger feeding instructions, but really I think the BF-ing will cut it! Just takes time!
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