Tuesday, November 20, 2007


My nice zen mood was shattered today. In a big way.

No, no. My u/s went fine. My e2 is only 18, which is good. I'm all set to start the estrogen injection tonight. My cycle continues to go well.

No, the fact that I realized this morning that after a week on Lupron, I was supposed to have been refrigerating it didn't do it. I was a bit irritated with myself, but have been around long enough that I was pretty sure I hadn't ruined my entire cycle and the world wasn't ending. Which my coordinator confirmed when I went in for my appointment along with the fact that I don't need to replace it.

No, what has me all upset, is what was supposed to be a quick stop by the vets office to get refills on Shadows meds. I didn't need to pick them up today, but was going right past the office and could leave early enough to stop in on the way as long as they were ready. Which, I was assured they would be and that I would be called if they weren't. Not only were they not ready, the person hadn't even gotten approval yet. I explained that I was in a hurry and did not have time to wait today and would come back later, but they insisted they would do in now. Which she did do, but not quickly. I have not been really happy with my vets office staff, which is young and relatively new, recently, but they really were quite rude and unprofessional this morning. I have a call into my vet to discuss (as I told them I would be doing), but actually have no confidence they will actually give her the message. I'm upset enough that I will follow up until I discuss this with her even if I have to make an appointment to do so. I really do like my vet and have been going to her, gosh for at least 10 - 12 years now even though she is a bit far and not very convenient, but if her office staff continues to be discourteous, I will be changing and plan on telling her so.

I left the vets crying and late and just cried on and off to my appointment and in fact have been crying on and off since. I can't even nap I'm so upset.

When I got to my appointment, 10 minutes late (after having to wait 15 minutes at the vets), the receptionist, joked with a "your late missy" before she saw my face. To which, I replied I know and burst into tears all over again. I think they were all king of shocked since I'm not usually very emotional and have been there through a lot of bad times like multiple m/c, multiple cycle cancellations, Dr. N's death, etc. and I have never burst into tears while actually in the office. They were all so nice about it and had me laughing and joking by the end of the visit.

But, when I try to quite my mind enough to sleep, I just get all upset and steamed all over again. I'm usually pretty reasonable and I know that I'm making much more out of this than needs to be, but I just can't seem to help myself. I tell myself not to let some young, foolish, inconsiderate people ruin your day and take your power away. Intellectually, I know this. Emotionally, I'm having a hard time letting it go.

Just a little more sleep would help. All together. Without interruption.

My coordinator and I agreed for me to start taking the dex every other day. That should help a little.

Hopefully, I'll be back to my normally scheduled zen state by tomorrow. It was here. I was doing fine. Until, just like that....it was gone. No warning. No build up. Snap.

Being all worked up and emotional is too much work and too tiring for someone who is already tired. I hope my vet does call me back relatively quickly so I can say what I feel like I have to say and put the whole thing behind me.

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