Thursday, November 08, 2007

Nervous and distracted

Less than hour until Max's full development assessment. I've been nervous and distracted all day. No matter that I keep telling myself that I have nothing to be worried about and that being nervous is irrational. Irrational or not, I'm tense and having to hold myself back from eating the rest of the Halloween candy. Thank goodness Max had a decent night sleep last night and went down well and on time for his nap today.

At least work has been keeping my busy and distracted for the most part today. Not 100% engaged, but at least enough to keep me mostly sane. But, now that all those east coaster are gone, things have slowed down a bit and here I am nervous as heck.

Deep breath, deep breath. I'm sure it will be fine.

Which is why I can't believe I'm so nervous about it. I don't usually let stuff like this get to me, but here I am. I really do think it will be fine, but then, why am I so nervous. Even if there are issues or concerns found, they are not judgments of goodness or badness.

I think it is because when I was calling to set up the appointment, the person at the agency made some comment about Rita, the assessor, having done this for so long that she just has to look at a kid to know if there are issues and reading on the web that I should have been asked to fill out a questionnaire on my observations around Max's development, which I haven't.

I keep telling myself that the assessor is a professional and will not come to snap judgments, no matter what the receptionist says, and that objective criteria will be used for the evaluation.

Down to 45 minutes and counting. Too bad I don't have a foster dog at the moment to go take a quick brisk walk around the block once or twice. Yes, yes, I could do it anyway without the dog, but it just doesn't feel right or natural to do it that way without a dog or kid or something in tow.

I guess I'll go read through the big package of release forms from the clinic for my cycle. That should be enough to numb the senses a bit.

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