I'm tired and cranky and not feeling well. It's 8 pm and Max is still awake. He napped today for the first time in forever. I've locked myself in my room cause I'm tired of him coming in and climbing up on my bed and laughing when I tell him to get back to bed. Plus, I had a post almost finished, made sure I saved it before I left to take him back once again, and lost the damn thing anyway. None of the above makes me happy. What does make me happy is that the first time he came out it was to tell me he had a poo and he left the diaper on. I made sure to praise that up big and give him extra cuddle time.
Anyway, back to the original post....
The blood clot is gone. All is fine.
I woke up at 4 am to go pee and as I was climbing back in bed, I felt something start to slide out of my vagina. I quickly got back to the toilet and passed the biggest ugliest clot you have ever seen. It was huge, huge, huge. At least the size of my palm and maybe my entire hand. It didn't look like any blood clot I have ever seen/had before. It was brown/tan and looked like an alien or an ugly octopus with no legs. I had fears that it might have been one of the live babies or the dead one, even though logic told me that it had to be the clot. Plus, I felt movement so figured that at least one of the babies still had to be alive and that if I actually had delivered there would be much more blood and pain involved. At the time, I had no pain, it just slid right on out. However, I did have cramping most of the day. I convinced the peri to let me come in because my other worry was that my cervix had opened to pass such an atrocity. Not only did it show indeed the clot was gone, apparently he felt the color and size were normal, and my cervix length was back to 5.2. He made me feel a bit small, like a paranoid freak, but at least he let me come in and I was reassured. Easy for him to say it's normal as I'm sure he never passed an ugly clot that size or he would understand the worry.
ps. The locking myself in my room seemed to be effective cause Max came and tried my door, couldn't get in and then went back to bed without saying anything. However, the cat is currently locked out and not pleased about that, but I'm not letting him in until this entry is posted cause if I lost this post a second time I just may loose it.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Bitter sweet
I was at my old clinic this afternoon to move sperm since I promised some of the vials to another family for a sib. It was great to see the staff, but hard because so much has changed. All the doc's I worked with and knew are gone, which I knew going in. But, found out my nurse coordinator recently left as well. I'm glad I'm done because it would have been very difficult to find someplace new that fit me so well. But, I'm pretty sure that the recent changes would have made it even more difficult for me to stay. In the 4+ years I have been going there, you expect things to change some, but these changes are more than little ones. I guess things worked out the way they were supposed to for me.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The Poppies
We met up with some friends at Poppy Park today.
We took a route that was a lovely drive on a country road to and from the park. We saw lots of tractors, some sheep, a few cows, and lots of horses and even went over a bridge or two. All highlights for Max as well as the quick picnic we did before hitting the trail and spending time with some friends. I think he was more impressed with the fact that there were snakes in the flowers more than the flowers themselves, probably more so since we didn't actually see one.
The weather was perfect (mid 80's) and not too windy. It wasn't too crowded. Plenty of potties (yes, potties, not poppies :) that were reasonably clean. And, spectacular views. We did a 1.2 mile loop hike through the flora. Max was like the hare...running ahead during the first part and running out of steam and dragging towards the end. The funny of the day was towards the end of the walk when he kept telling me "Momma, I'm too big to walk. Carry me." The hardest part of the day was picking up the dead weight of my son who fell asleep on his bedroom floor and lifting him to bed. I'm no worse for the wear except for a little swollen, especially in the fingers.
I'm happy to report that while Max did have a poo diaper before falling asleep, even after I shouted at him to GET BACK TO YOU ROOM (since it was something like his 3rd time out) he told me he had a poops and the diaper was still on him and there was no huge mess to clean up and disinfect.
Max spent plenty of time in the dirt while at poppy park and we both headed straight for the shower/tub when we got home. I think our feet may be stained a bit brown since multiple washings with the soap didn't quite take away our shoe strap marks. A wonderful time was had by all and a good day to be gone...the outside temperature was reading 99 degrees as we were exiting the freeway to come home at around 5 pm so it seems it was a scorcher at home.
We took a route that was a lovely drive on a country road to and from the park. We saw lots of tractors, some sheep, a few cows, and lots of horses and even went over a bridge or two. All highlights for Max as well as the quick picnic we did before hitting the trail and spending time with some friends. I think he was more impressed with the fact that there were snakes in the flowers more than the flowers themselves, probably more so since we didn't actually see one.The weather was perfect (mid 80's) and not too windy. It wasn't too crowded. Plenty of potties (yes, potties, not poppies :) that were reasonably clean. And, spectacular views. We did a 1.2 mile loop hike through the flora. Max was like the hare...running ahead during the first part and running out of steam and dragging towards the end. The funny of the day was towards the end of the walk when he kept telling me "Momma, I'm too big to walk. Carry me." The hardest part of the day was picking up the dead weight of my son who fell asleep on his bedroom floor and lifting him to bed. I'm no worse for the wear except for a little swollen, especially in the fingers.
I'm happy to report that while Max did have a poo diaper before falling asleep, even after I shouted at him to GET BACK TO YOU ROOM (since it was something like his 3rd time out) he told me he had a poops and the diaper was still on him and there was no huge mess to clean up and disinfect.
Max spent plenty of time in the dirt while at poppy park and we both headed straight for the shower/tub when we got home. I think our feet may be stained a bit brown since multiple washings with the soap didn't quite take away our shoe strap marks. A wonderful time was had by all and a good day to be gone...the outside temperature was reading 99 degrees as we were exiting the freeway to come home at around 5 pm so it seems it was a scorcher at home.
Thoughts for an early Saturday morning
Random thoughts for an early Saturday morning.....
It's 5:30 am and Max is still sleeping. This is a good thing. Better yet, he did not wake once during the night.
We are meeting some friends today at Poppy Park to see the California Poppies in bloom. I'm really looking forward to it, but as I've just peed 3 times in 30 minutes a tad worried about the potty facilities getting there, during the visit, and getting home. I can literally pee all the time and that just isn't going to be possible or feasible. I'll probably cut down some on my fluid intake but seeing as it is going to be warm and we are going into dessert country probably not the best solution. Sigh. It will all work out somehow.
The fleeting thought of "I hate you" briefly ran across my mind in regards to my son last night. I immediately reneged it, but alas it was out there. I had put him to bed and had thought he was asleep (because the monitor was quiet, but I didn't know that not only had his nanny unplugged the monitor in his room when vacuuming, she also turned down...not off...the volume on the receiver in my bathroom that signals the main monitor was off...but, I didn't realize this at the time). Anyway, Max comes out half naked and tells me he had a poo. Great! So, I go to his room and yes, poo everywhere. Again. We have been working on how this is not okay and it hasn't happened in awhile. My stomach was already feeling off, but this tilted the scale and I went to the kitchen sink to puke. As I was puking, Max was rubbing his poo bottom up against my legs and laughing. LAUGHING. He knew exactly what he was doing and that I wouldn't like it. It was then that I had that evil thought. I reminded myself that he's only 2 and to not get sucked into the game. Then, I reminded myself to separate the person from the behavior and told him I loved him, but really didn't like this behavior at all. AT ALL!
I'm still barfing on occasion. Maybe once a week or several times a month. If you don't count when I brush my teeth, which is still a trigger and causes barfing not quite, but almost 100% of the time. Last night, after Max was bathed, the poo mess cleaned, and actually asleep, I had another puke fest such to remind me of how awful the first trimester was. As an added joy, not only was I hurling my guts up, even though I had JUST finished pee'ing and was getting ready to take a steam bath to clear the sinus passages so was naked, I had the pleasure of having pee drip down my legs from urinary inconsistence.
On that pleasant note, I just saw the living room light go on, but no little pitter patter of feet to coming to tell me good morning so I had better close and check on things.
It's 5:30 am and Max is still sleeping. This is a good thing. Better yet, he did not wake once during the night.
We are meeting some friends today at Poppy Park to see the California Poppies in bloom. I'm really looking forward to it, but as I've just peed 3 times in 30 minutes a tad worried about the potty facilities getting there, during the visit, and getting home. I can literally pee all the time and that just isn't going to be possible or feasible. I'll probably cut down some on my fluid intake but seeing as it is going to be warm and we are going into dessert country probably not the best solution. Sigh. It will all work out somehow.
The fleeting thought of "I hate you" briefly ran across my mind in regards to my son last night. I immediately reneged it, but alas it was out there. I had put him to bed and had thought he was asleep (because the monitor was quiet, but I didn't know that not only had his nanny unplugged the monitor in his room when vacuuming, she also turned down...not off...the volume on the receiver in my bathroom that signals the main monitor was off...but, I didn't realize this at the time). Anyway, Max comes out half naked and tells me he had a poo. Great! So, I go to his room and yes, poo everywhere. Again. We have been working on how this is not okay and it hasn't happened in awhile. My stomach was already feeling off, but this tilted the scale and I went to the kitchen sink to puke. As I was puking, Max was rubbing his poo bottom up against my legs and laughing. LAUGHING. He knew exactly what he was doing and that I wouldn't like it. It was then that I had that evil thought. I reminded myself that he's only 2 and to not get sucked into the game. Then, I reminded myself to separate the person from the behavior and told him I loved him, but really didn't like this behavior at all. AT ALL!
I'm still barfing on occasion. Maybe once a week or several times a month. If you don't count when I brush my teeth, which is still a trigger and causes barfing not quite, but almost 100% of the time. Last night, after Max was bathed, the poo mess cleaned, and actually asleep, I had another puke fest such to remind me of how awful the first trimester was. As an added joy, not only was I hurling my guts up, even though I had JUST finished pee'ing and was getting ready to take a steam bath to clear the sinus passages so was naked, I had the pleasure of having pee drip down my legs from urinary inconsistence.
On that pleasant note, I just saw the living room light go on, but no little pitter patter of feet to coming to tell me good morning so I had better close and check on things.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Just because...
Just because I'd rather be safe than sorry, even though I was almost positive things were fine and because I wondered whether I should or shouldn't I figured I had better....cause if I didn't and something bad happened I'd regret it.....I called and went in to the OB's today. Tuesday, I started passing that clot. Not a lot, just little pieces here and there were on the tissue or on the bottom of the toilet after using the bathroom. I'm sure it is because of this nasty cough I have that just presses down on everything forcing it out. On Tuesday, I decided to see how things went on Wednesday. I only had a very little bit more of the clot (really old, gooey, brown, old blood), but started cramping last night. So, I took some Tylenol PM more to dry me up to minimize the coughing so I could hopefully get some sleep last night than the cramping itself. However, didn't do this before chugging a few bottles of water and laying down for an hour or two to see if it went away, which it didn't. Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up and realized the cramping was back. It was gone by the time I got up, but came back after I had been up a bit. So, I called and they had me come in. Everything looked fine. The tech only did a abdominal measure of the cervix, not a vaginal and I've found that the abdominal tends to report the cervix a bit longer than the vaginal. But the OB (not mine, but a new one just added to the practice who seemed experienced and competent), did a manual cervix check and deemed me closed. So, I'm not going to worry about it (as much as possible) since really there is nothing to be done anyway. The tech made a point of commenting there were nice amniotic fluid sacks around both babies, which was a slight concern of mine with dehydration related to this cold/cough thing I have going on. Only one baby was breech today. Good heart beats. Presumably, all is well...just as I suspected. However, glad I went cause I'd rather be safe than sorry. The only kind of odd thing about the whole visit was when the OB made some comment about how I had to have delivered vaginally last time because things sure were stretched out in there. Hmmm. I'm going to let that one pass because I'm sure she didn't mean it as a criticism even if sort of felt like one and because it really is what it is and given the choice I'm really hoping I can stretch it out some more with another vaginal delivery (many, many months from now when things are nice and safe for the tots and they are big and healthy, of course:).
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Pics
What do you see when you look at this picture? Note: This is not a trick question.
Me, I see a giraffe. Max, he sees a train track. :) He saw the train track right off as we enter the zoo and was more interested in find it, then any animal we saw or didn't see. After he spotted the train depot, forget it. He spent the rest of the time ensure he was going to get to ride it. We weren't even finished with the ride when he started trying to talk me into another one.
Max climbing on one of the trains at Travel Town.
At the beach which is in walking distance to the zoo. Look at that long wild hair. I need to get him in soon to get it cut, but just haven't had the time and don't want to send him with Noemi because I didn't like the way it was cut when she took him, he's been screaming his head off ever sense that time, and I want to try to find a new place like maybe a cheap Barber Shop if they will take a kid so little that is an unwilling participant.
Another beach shot. Notice the scrapes on his cheek and right eye from a face plant at the zoo.
Isn't Max getting so big and grown up looking?
Me, I see a giraffe. Max, he sees a train track. :) He saw the train track right off as we enter the zoo and was more interested in find it, then any animal we saw or didn't see. After he spotted the train depot, forget it. He spent the rest of the time ensure he was going to get to ride it. We weren't even finished with the ride when he started trying to talk me into another one.
Max climbing on one of the trains at Travel Town.
At the beach which is in walking distance to the zoo. Look at that long wild hair. I need to get him in soon to get it cut, but just haven't had the time and don't want to send him with Noemi because I didn't like the way it was cut when she took him, he's been screaming his head off ever sense that time, and I want to try to find a new place like maybe a cheap Barber Shop if they will take a kid so little that is an unwilling participant.
Another beach shot. Notice the scrapes on his cheek and right eye from a face plant at the zoo.Isn't Max getting so big and grown up looking?
Jinx
Not only did I jinx myself, I was wrong. See, I never should have said things are staring to look good. Apparently, I failed my 1 hour GDT. It was 172 and should be under 130. Now, I failed the 1 hour and passed the 3 hour one with Max, but the thing is I KNEW I failed it last time. I'm resigned to failing the 3 hour and adding Gestational Diabetes to the equation. Ugh! I've been reading this Preemies book by Linden, Paroli, and Wechsler that someone recommended to me, you know....just in case and I'll need to go back and reread, but could have sworn that GD is a risk factor in preterm labor and makes using trebutaline more risky to stop PRL.
Oh, and I feel like crap. Chest cold, cough, body aches, probable fever, and a headache that won't quit. Plus, running very short on sleep.
Oh, and I feel like crap. Chest cold, cough, body aches, probable fever, and a headache that won't quit. Plus, running very short on sleep.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Weekly "C"'s Canceled -----> Looking Good!
My weekly cervix check has been canceled until further notice. Peri says all is looking well, no major changes over the last few weeks and at this far along, he thinks they will not. And, this after a very busy weekend including a trip to Travel Town, The Santa Barbara Zoo, The Beach, a meal out, and a family BBQ. More activity and away vertical time than I've had in awhile. So, if bad things were going to happen due to too much activity (which actually has not been proven as a cause of incompetent cervix and all of my big bleeds have happened when I was horizontal), it would have been after all this. What a relief! Good thing I wasn't too worried, but worried enough to get loose plans in place "just in case".
Today was also a "growth" check on the twins and he followed up on the items he couldn't clearly see from a few weeks ago. All looks good. Both babies measuring 21w6d and I'm 21w4d by my calculations. They are both breech...little buggers...are they trying to tell me they would rather not go through the birth canal? [My OB will do a C-section unless they are both head first at the time of delivery] There cords are central...which sounds like a good thing. The girls placenta is posterior and the boys anterior ...if I'm remembering that correctly...and not sure what that means, but don't think it is either good or bad, but just is. Basically, all looks good.
Lest one think that I shall not be getting sufficient monitoring. Sounds like I will still be seeing the peri every 3 weeks for a baby growth check. And, at my next OB visit, I'll start seeing her every two weeks and will get an u/s then for a quick heartbeat check.
Today was also a "growth" check on the twins and he followed up on the items he couldn't clearly see from a few weeks ago. All looks good. Both babies measuring 21w6d and I'm 21w4d by my calculations. They are both breech...little buggers...are they trying to tell me they would rather not go through the birth canal? [My OB will do a C-section unless they are both head first at the time of delivery] There cords are central...which sounds like a good thing. The girls placenta is posterior and the boys anterior ...if I'm remembering that correctly...and not sure what that means, but don't think it is either good or bad, but just is. Basically, all looks good.
Lest one think that I shall not be getting sufficient monitoring. Sounds like I will still be seeing the peri every 3 weeks for a baby growth check. And, at my next OB visit, I'll start seeing her every two weeks and will get an u/s then for a quick heartbeat check.
Where did my friends go? - Edited
It is enough to break your heart. Max almost had me in tears this morning as we said the last goodbye's to my sister and her family. I had been telling him they were going to go bye bye this morning, but I don't think it really registered until they got in the car and left. He started crying and asking where his friends were going and that he missed them and wanted them to come back. As crazy as life will be with three (and Noemi was laughing this morning watching the controlled caos this morning with my sister and her crew saying that's going to be me soon), I know it will all be worth it to have a larger family. For Max to have siblings. He can and does play well on his own, but he LOVES having other children around. He bosses just as much as he gets bossed. He teases just as much as he gets teased. He plays nicely. And, he just loves it. He really is going to love having a brother and sister around to entertain, be entertained by, and boss even if it does mean he gets a bit less mommy time. Also, makes me even more sure that he is ready for preschool this fall.
Edited: After posting this, in stead of forgetting that which I wrote, I realized that I have an extroverted son. An outgoing extroverted son. How did that happen? :) As a child, I was a shy introverted child. I worked on the shy part of it over the years and now most people meeting me would never guess that about me or the fact that I'm introverted. By introverted, I mean that I get my energy from within myself. I need time to rebuild and regroup and downtime away from people. Maybe that is why it was such an "ah ha" moment that Max is extroverted. He and I can look at the same event differently. Me, glad to have a wonderful visit with my sis and her kids, but glad that I will have the place to myself tonight to recharge. Him, sad to have a wonderful visit with his cousins and aunt and uncle end, because he thrives on the interaction and sheer fun and chaos of it. Kind of amazing, this son of mine and how similar and dissimilar we can be.
Edited: After posting this, in stead of forgetting that which I wrote, I realized that I have an extroverted son. An outgoing extroverted son. How did that happen? :) As a child, I was a shy introverted child. I worked on the shy part of it over the years and now most people meeting me would never guess that about me or the fact that I'm introverted. By introverted, I mean that I get my energy from within myself. I need time to rebuild and regroup and downtime away from people. Maybe that is why it was such an "ah ha" moment that Max is extroverted. He and I can look at the same event differently. Me, glad to have a wonderful visit with my sis and her kids, but glad that I will have the place to myself tonight to recharge. Him, sad to have a wonderful visit with his cousins and aunt and uncle end, because he thrives on the interaction and sheer fun and chaos of it. Kind of amazing, this son of mine and how similar and dissimilar we can be.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Whew!
I'm having a great visit with my sis and her family, but ...whew...am I tired. They are leaving in the morning and while I'll be sad to see them move on since I don't get to see them much anymore, I'm ready to get back to our normal routine and more horizontal time. I have managed some, but not as much as I normally have been getting. However, it's all been worth it to see Max have so much fun with his cousins. He was so tired tonight that he must have poo'd and fallen straight to sleep. And, he slept through me changing his diaper. However, he's so over tired and I think going through another growth spurt and is waking in the middle of the night with aches and pains. Not helping with the tired thing for either of us, but I keep reminding myself that it is just a phase and will end soon. However, even being tired, he has really been a trooper and been very well behaved tired and all...even better than his much older tired cousins...if I do say so myself. I'm really proud of him.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
A funny
In what should have been a "coaching" opportunity for Max, if I could have stopped laughing......
Yesterday was my mom's 65th Birthday. Her sister is in town visiting her. And, my sister from NJ is in town with her three (4th grade, 2nd grade, 1st grade). So, the house was full and we were just sitting around hanging out, talking, letting the kids play.
I was getting in some horizontal time on the couch, with my sister sitting at my feet at the end of the couch and a few kids were in front of us playing on the computer that was on the coffee table.
My mom, who is sitting across the room, asked Max was in his mouth. I couldn't really see him and wasn't worried about it, but she was, so she called him over and had him hand it to her. Being a mostly obedient fellow, he complied. She asked him what it was. He responded " A bugger". (sp?...as in snot:)
Oh, if you could have seen her face.... We all just fell out laughing. My sister and I laughed about it all evening. So. probably not really funny, unless you were here. But boy did we laugh.
Yesterday was my mom's 65th Birthday. Her sister is in town visiting her. And, my sister from NJ is in town with her three (4th grade, 2nd grade, 1st grade). So, the house was full and we were just sitting around hanging out, talking, letting the kids play.
I was getting in some horizontal time on the couch, with my sister sitting at my feet at the end of the couch and a few kids were in front of us playing on the computer that was on the coffee table.
My mom, who is sitting across the room, asked Max was in his mouth. I couldn't really see him and wasn't worried about it, but she was, so she called him over and had him hand it to her. Being a mostly obedient fellow, he complied. She asked him what it was. He responded " A bugger". (sp?...as in snot:)
Oh, if you could have seen her face.... We all just fell out laughing. My sister and I laughed about it all evening. So. probably not really funny, unless you were here. But boy did we laugh.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
21w
My "roll over" day is Thursday's. As such, I am 21w0d today. One week closer to viability. I guess I should say 210d by my calculations and that of the IVF calculator I used based on ER/fertilization. My OB has me measuring about 4 days ahead of that based on some old archaic cardboard wheel of some sort. In a few short 3.5 hours my butt needs to be in my chair for an early work meeting and yet, here I am wide awake after this little boy came in an hour or so ago saying he needed a cuddle. A quick pee stop on our way back to his room, 5 minutes of cuddle, 1 small fit when I carried him back to his bed when he WANTED TO DO IT HIMSELF...reverse...let him...and his back asleep. Ah, wish it were so easy for me. No worries, I'll just be tired tomorrow, but truly that is nothing new. It really doesn't seem to matter how much or little sleep I get, I'm just tired. Functioning, doing what I need to get the basics done and sometimes a bit more, but often not much, but tired. And, I tell myself just to get used to it cause it's likely not going to get any better here on out for oh, maybe 3 - 5 years. Good thing that, in general, sleep isn't that important to me. Although, I do read those new stories out that indicate getting less sleep increases odds of being over weight and obisity with a morbid interest and wondering just what one can and should do to get more. Like so many things in life....if it were just that easy.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Same ole
Nothing really going here. Just doing mundane things like filling out paperwork for Max's preschool, faxing in my pre-registration for the hospital I plan to deliver in, getting ready for visits from my Aunt tomorrow and my sister and her crew (the one from NJ) over the weekend, getting contingency plans in place just in case things go south fast for this preg. and I end up in the hospital, and work has been keeping my busy, busy, busy.
However, I've been thinking about just how HARD life can be sometimes. One of my longest and closest friends in the area just found out that her 4 year old daughter has Type 1 Diabetes. She has just had to deal with one bad thing after another the last few years include cancer and loosing two children during PRL. In our brief talk today when she sounded so sad and tired and overwhelmed, she made a comment that maybe there is no good or bad anymore, just the next thing to deal with. To make it worse, they just moved 2 weeks ago and she hasn't even gotten out of boxes or gotten settle yet. I have another good friend going through a nasty divorce with complications and worries that it will affect her foster situation on top of all the other worries. And, yet another friend who cycled at the same time I did with Max on the same protocol where she hyper stimmed and got OHSS so bad she had to be hospitalized and I was canceled for poor response. She finally got her arms around cycling again, this time with only mild OHSS, and got her very first positive pregnancy only to find out it wasn't viable. The D&C was a week ago. Her RE is not recommending further treatment since she reacts so badly to the meds. Another friend who desperately wants a sib for her child and been t42 almost as long as I have to expand our families who has run out of sperm and not been able to get more. Another friend who cycled and got pregnant when I did with the twins and lost that pregnancy, having to deal with a few other issues before she can try again. She started trying for #1 before I started trying for Max Another friend that has done countless IVF's, finally made a big decision to move to surrogate, had a bad cycle, with a negative outcome and doesn't know what, if anything to do next, when she still doesn't have a baby in her arms. These are just a few people I know IRL that are all struggling or having to deal with disappointments and heart ache. There are more with varying degrees of emotional roller coasters they are trying to go through. Sometimes, it can all just seem so bleak and hard and overwhelming. No point really in getting into all this other than to wish I could just take away all the pain and the hurt and just make things a little easier all the way around for all these woman. And, yet, it makes me proud to be a woman because they are so resilient and strong and just keep on getting on and find the joy where they can and can still laugh and be happy for others or lend a hand to someone else in spite of their own hardships.
And, so life goes on...same ole same ole with the mundane along with the big stuff like worrying my pregnancy will end badly, or finding out your daughter will need to take shots for the rest of her life, or loosing a pregnancy, or the loss of a dream, still trying to fill a dream, or the end of a marriage, or whatever other big thing that needs to be addressed.
However, I've been thinking about just how HARD life can be sometimes. One of my longest and closest friends in the area just found out that her 4 year old daughter has Type 1 Diabetes. She has just had to deal with one bad thing after another the last few years include cancer and loosing two children during PRL. In our brief talk today when she sounded so sad and tired and overwhelmed, she made a comment that maybe there is no good or bad anymore, just the next thing to deal with. To make it worse, they just moved 2 weeks ago and she hasn't even gotten out of boxes or gotten settle yet. I have another good friend going through a nasty divorce with complications and worries that it will affect her foster situation on top of all the other worries. And, yet another friend who cycled at the same time I did with Max on the same protocol where she hyper stimmed and got OHSS so bad she had to be hospitalized and I was canceled for poor response. She finally got her arms around cycling again, this time with only mild OHSS, and got her very first positive pregnancy only to find out it wasn't viable. The D&C was a week ago. Her RE is not recommending further treatment since she reacts so badly to the meds. Another friend who desperately wants a sib for her child and been t42 almost as long as I have to expand our families who has run out of sperm and not been able to get more. Another friend who cycled and got pregnant when I did with the twins and lost that pregnancy, having to deal with a few other issues before she can try again. She started trying for #1 before I started trying for Max Another friend that has done countless IVF's, finally made a big decision to move to surrogate, had a bad cycle, with a negative outcome and doesn't know what, if anything to do next, when she still doesn't have a baby in her arms. These are just a few people I know IRL that are all struggling or having to deal with disappointments and heart ache. There are more with varying degrees of emotional roller coasters they are trying to go through. Sometimes, it can all just seem so bleak and hard and overwhelming. No point really in getting into all this other than to wish I could just take away all the pain and the hurt and just make things a little easier all the way around for all these woman. And, yet, it makes me proud to be a woman because they are so resilient and strong and just keep on getting on and find the joy where they can and can still laugh and be happy for others or lend a hand to someone else in spite of their own hardships.
And, so life goes on...same ole same ole with the mundane along with the big stuff like worrying my pregnancy will end badly, or finding out your daughter will need to take shots for the rest of her life, or loosing a pregnancy, or the loss of a dream, still trying to fill a dream, or the end of a marriage, or whatever other big thing that needs to be addressed.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Holding Strong
My cervix is holding strong. Today's check measured it at 4.3. The last two have been 3.7. Blood clot still sitting on top of the cervix. I had the peri and his nurse (who is his daughter) laughing when I made a comment about who wouldn't want a weekly check with the dildo cam. He had never heard it called that before, but liked it and said he might start using it during talks. I agreed he should and just to let people know that was the "technical" name for it.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Progress indead!
When I had Max in the bath tonight, he wanted to get out quickly saying he had a poo poo and wanted to go do it on the grass. I grabbed him and put him on the toilet and then offered/he asked me to leave. He sat there for about a minute or two and said he was all done, but no poo. So, I told him if he wanted to go do it on the grass, that was fine. He didn't and we finished our bedtime routine. After I put him down, I grabbed some water (ignoring the complete wreck of a house/kitchen and decided to take a warm bath because I was really stuffy in the nose. This is very problematic for me pregnant because it increases my chance of barfing exponentially. If I'm stuffy or have drippy nose and bend over to get something off the ground, put something on the ground, or anything like that it is a guarantee I will barf. And, I just wasn't in the mood.
I just turned the water off started enjoying my bath, when I hear this call for "mommy" through the monitor. Crap! I debate whether to go check on him or not and decide if he calls out he has a poo poo, I'll go otherwise, I just check after my bath. Instead, he came to find me to tell me he had a poo. I made a big deal about how proud I was that he told me, got him cleaned up, and let him take a bath with me as a reward. Hey, got to give positive reinforcement on this type of thing. Since I was wet and naked and not so inclined to trapes across the house for a poo poo bag and toss the soiled diaper outside, nor was I in the mood to smell such scent while enjoying (much less so after Max joined, but hey worth it in the long run if I don't have to clean up poo mess in his room ever again) I called him over and let him watch me toss it in the toilet and let him flush...again telling him how proud I was of him for telling me. When we were in the bath, I made a point of telling him how much nicer it was for us to spend time this way than for me to be cleaning up a mess. Maybe this is not the ultimate cure, but sure a step in the right directions. I've orded a few more books last night from amazon, most of them poo related that I figured may help and wouldn't hurt.
In other news, I decided that there really is a God today. Max napped. A nice long one. After church we went over to a friends for brunch and a swim (they just moved into a new house with a heated pool) and...even though I shouldn't admit this...inquired whether drugging my child so that he would nap would be wrong. :) Ah, didn't even have to resort to that. Good thing. Cause if he had not sleep, this afternoon really, really would have been ugly on so many levels. Domestic crisis averted.
I just turned the water off started enjoying my bath, when I hear this call for "mommy" through the monitor. Crap! I debate whether to go check on him or not and decide if he calls out he has a poo poo, I'll go otherwise, I just check after my bath. Instead, he came to find me to tell me he had a poo. I made a big deal about how proud I was that he told me, got him cleaned up, and let him take a bath with me as a reward. Hey, got to give positive reinforcement on this type of thing. Since I was wet and naked and not so inclined to trapes across the house for a poo poo bag and toss the soiled diaper outside, nor was I in the mood to smell such scent while enjoying (much less so after Max joined, but hey worth it in the long run if I don't have to clean up poo mess in his room ever again) I called him over and let him watch me toss it in the toilet and let him flush...again telling him how proud I was of him for telling me. When we were in the bath, I made a point of telling him how much nicer it was for us to spend time this way than for me to be cleaning up a mess. Maybe this is not the ultimate cure, but sure a step in the right directions. I've orded a few more books last night from amazon, most of them poo related that I figured may help and wouldn't hurt.
In other news, I decided that there really is a God today. Max napped. A nice long one. After church we went over to a friends for brunch and a swim (they just moved into a new house with a heated pool) and...even though I shouldn't admit this...inquired whether drugging my child so that he would nap would be wrong. :) Ah, didn't even have to resort to that. Good thing. Cause if he had not sleep, this afternoon really, really would have been ugly on so many levels. Domestic crisis averted.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Progress?
We were out for most of the day and it was a hot one. My exterior car temperature reading showed 108 when we got in it to come home and the seat was too hot for me to sit. So, I stripped Max to his diaper before I strapped him in and when we got home asked him to take off his pee pee diaper and throw it out. Oddly, he wasn't so keen on this which was a surprise since he goes au natural pretty much every chance he gets and he told me he was going to go into his house to do it (which is in th back yard). I was tired and needed to rest so I said, great, and kept on doing what I was doing which was laying on the couch doing nothing. I had a passing thought wondering if he had to poo, but discounted it because I can't even remember the last time he poo'd when it wasn't in his room during nap time or before bedtime. After a bit, he came in and threw his diaper on the floor and went back outside. He came back in a bit later and said he he had poo'd outside. Sure enough, he had, right on the grass like the doggies.
Progress? Others may not think so, but actually, I was thrilled because it was done outside of his room (although still in private) and it was not smeared anywhere or a huge disgusting mess for me to clean up. He had the doggie pooper scooper right there for me, I scooped it up and tossed it right out with no fuss or no muss. Hey, if he's not going to leave his poo diaper on to be changed or go in a toilet, I guess I am fine with this for now.
In other news, I think I may have felt the babies move the last few evenings. Okay, so it really felt more like a soccer match or some type of brawl than mere movement. I could be wrong since I don't have a lot of sensitivity in feeling baby movement and rarely felt Max even though u/s showed him active as all get out (and I'm really not great at feeling contractions either and didn't feel much in that regard until I was almost 7 cm dilated in the hospital and then it was painful enough that I getting an epidural was high on my list.)
Progress? Others may not think so, but actually, I was thrilled because it was done outside of his room (although still in private) and it was not smeared anywhere or a huge disgusting mess for me to clean up. He had the doggie pooper scooper right there for me, I scooped it up and tossed it right out with no fuss or no muss. Hey, if he's not going to leave his poo diaper on to be changed or go in a toilet, I guess I am fine with this for now.
In other news, I think I may have felt the babies move the last few evenings. Okay, so it really felt more like a soccer match or some type of brawl than mere movement. I could be wrong since I don't have a lot of sensitivity in feeling baby movement and rarely felt Max even though u/s showed him active as all get out (and I'm really not great at feeling contractions either and didn't feel much in that regard until I was almost 7 cm dilated in the hospital and then it was painful enough that I getting an epidural was high on my list.)
Friday, April 11, 2008
The good; The bad; and the Ugly
My OB appointment update.....
The good: My OB is not concerned with my cervical length. She doesn't get concerned until it gets below 2.5. And, I have been at 3.7 vaginally with the Peri and was 4 yesterday abdominally. She confirmed that the length equates to effacement which is measured by percent when done manually and with numbers (cm?) when done via u/s. So, 100% effaced would be equal to 0 measurement, meaning ready to deliver. She thinks Dr. D, the peri, is just being safe...rather than sorry. She felt the blood clot on the cervix would not put pressure on the cervix and cause it to efface, rather it would more act like a plug (which I have actually found to be true and have thought the same thing).
The bad: My peri is conservative. Good, thorough, but cautious. My OB said she often argues with him on many things* and that he doesn't get how life altering and stressful some of his decision can be, like putting someone on weekly cervix checks or hospital admittance. However, what the peri says goes. As my OB said, she has referred me out for his expert opinion to help her monitor the pregnancy and she can't very well disregard his advice...because what if she did and then something bad happened. I get it. I really do. I guess cautious and conservative are probably good in the long run. She also confirmed that it is too late for a cerclage. At this point, it would be considered an emergency cerclage which hasn't been proven to be effective and at this point would be more problematic than beneficial (mostly because the cervic is much softer now and not as adaptable to a stich or two)
The ugly: The only bed rest I will have for this pregnancy is of the hospital variety. Do not pass go. Do not detour. I'm still pretty freaked out by that possibility, but at least I now have the formation of a plan should that occur. Not finalized, nothing confirmed, haven't had the needed conversations, but at least I have a plan in my mind that could work. My OB, bless her heart, said that if I got slapped in the hospital**, she would ensure I saw my son and even offered to have him come stay at her place which is walking distance to the hospital (my nanny won't mind, Max would fit nicely in between the baby who is 1.5 and the toddler who is 3.5, and one more kid won't matter much. :). I told her if push comes to shove she may regret that offer. She agreed that she would not put me in until at least 24 weeks and would be even willing to go to 26 weeks (because really, there isn't much point) and that she is hopeful that it won't come down to that. There are several reasons for hospital bed rest instead of at home, mostly being the drugs they use (like trabutaline) have side affects that need to be monitored because of the affects.
The plan: If my cervix starts to shorten more, she is going to put me on progesterone therapy. While it hasn't been proven to help with multiples, she felt the sample size for that is small. And, it can't hurt, may help, and heck, it's only progesterone which is an old friend of mine. Probably it would help the sleep thing. Other than the shot itself and the sore bum, I actually am quite fond of progesterone. Starting at 24 weeks I'll start visits every two weeks with her and in addition to a cervix check, I'll also get "swabbed" (forget what it is called) to measure the likelihood of delivery in the next two weeks. Additionally, she's going to start me on a round of steroids, just as a precaution, to help speed up lung development in case things go south fast. And, here I am as I type this, sitting in the lab for a 1 hour glucose tolerance test. If I pass, I still have to do it again later in the pregnancy (assuming I get that far) and if I fail, well, straight to the 3 hour one. It was all I could do to not barf up the liquid, but I didn't...although I did gag a few times. I few sips of water would have helped a bit, but alas, that is against the rules.
* My OB is the wife of my much beloved RE who was tragically killed in a car accident late 2006 leaving her the single mom of 4 young children including one who was born just a few days after he died. There is a picture we both cherish of her, me, Dr. N, and Max in the hospital after Max was born. As she said, that's what it's all about. Dr. N helping women get pregnant and Dr. P helping to deliver them...creating families. I wouldn't go so far as to say Dr. P and I are friends in a social sense, although we could be if the situation was different (like I didn't live about an hour away and we both didn't have work and small children and life that keeps us busy), but we do have a special bond. A bond much more that a typical patient/doc relationship.
** The hospital is probably only 35 or so miles from my house, but in LA traffic you need to estimate 40 - 60 minutes of travel time each way. I chose it when planning my delivery for Max because it has very high success ratings for both preterm and full term deliveries as well as vaginal vs. cesarean deliveries. It has the highest NICU rating around. And, while you need to take 2 - 3 freeways to get there, there are two different routes that can easily be used. I would have to go into Los Angeles for other hospitals with as high a NICU and almost equal ratings, but there is really only one route I can easily take and that is fraught with traffic and problems at the best of times and at high traffic times...forget it. Anyway, the hospital isn't just around the corner and Max's nanny won' t drive on freeways, not to mention who would watch him at night and on weekends. It has been on my mind and I've been worrying about it a bit since I went to the weekly cervix checks. Hopefully, I won't ever need to execute it, but this is too important to leave to chance and last minute. I need a good solid plan in place. I've got about a month to get it figured out.
Note: Written first thing this morning while doing the 1 hour glucose tolerance test, but with no time to post until now. BTW, will be surprised if I didn't pass the glucose test. I failed the first time (with Max and knew it because I felt so awful) and passed the 3 hour with him. And, it gave me a little bit of headache, but didn't feel really bad like I did the time I failed.
The good: My OB is not concerned with my cervical length. She doesn't get concerned until it gets below 2.5. And, I have been at 3.7 vaginally with the Peri and was 4 yesterday abdominally. She confirmed that the length equates to effacement which is measured by percent when done manually and with numbers (cm?) when done via u/s. So, 100% effaced would be equal to 0 measurement, meaning ready to deliver. She thinks Dr. D, the peri, is just being safe...rather than sorry. She felt the blood clot on the cervix would not put pressure on the cervix and cause it to efface, rather it would more act like a plug (which I have actually found to be true and have thought the same thing).
The bad: My peri is conservative. Good, thorough, but cautious. My OB said she often argues with him on many things* and that he doesn't get how life altering and stressful some of his decision can be, like putting someone on weekly cervix checks or hospital admittance. However, what the peri says goes. As my OB said, she has referred me out for his expert opinion to help her monitor the pregnancy and she can't very well disregard his advice...because what if she did and then something bad happened. I get it. I really do. I guess cautious and conservative are probably good in the long run. She also confirmed that it is too late for a cerclage. At this point, it would be considered an emergency cerclage which hasn't been proven to be effective and at this point would be more problematic than beneficial (mostly because the cervic is much softer now and not as adaptable to a stich or two)
The ugly: The only bed rest I will have for this pregnancy is of the hospital variety. Do not pass go. Do not detour. I'm still pretty freaked out by that possibility, but at least I now have the formation of a plan should that occur. Not finalized, nothing confirmed, haven't had the needed conversations, but at least I have a plan in my mind that could work. My OB, bless her heart, said that if I got slapped in the hospital**, she would ensure I saw my son and even offered to have him come stay at her place which is walking distance to the hospital (my nanny won't mind, Max would fit nicely in between the baby who is 1.5 and the toddler who is 3.5, and one more kid won't matter much. :). I told her if push comes to shove she may regret that offer. She agreed that she would not put me in until at least 24 weeks and would be even willing to go to 26 weeks (because really, there isn't much point) and that she is hopeful that it won't come down to that. There are several reasons for hospital bed rest instead of at home, mostly being the drugs they use (like trabutaline) have side affects that need to be monitored because of the affects.
The plan: If my cervix starts to shorten more, she is going to put me on progesterone therapy. While it hasn't been proven to help with multiples, she felt the sample size for that is small. And, it can't hurt, may help, and heck, it's only progesterone which is an old friend of mine. Probably it would help the sleep thing. Other than the shot itself and the sore bum, I actually am quite fond of progesterone. Starting at 24 weeks I'll start visits every two weeks with her and in addition to a cervix check, I'll also get "swabbed" (forget what it is called) to measure the likelihood of delivery in the next two weeks. Additionally, she's going to start me on a round of steroids, just as a precaution, to help speed up lung development in case things go south fast. And, here I am as I type this, sitting in the lab for a 1 hour glucose tolerance test. If I pass, I still have to do it again later in the pregnancy (assuming I get that far) and if I fail, well, straight to the 3 hour one. It was all I could do to not barf up the liquid, but I didn't...although I did gag a few times. I few sips of water would have helped a bit, but alas, that is against the rules.
* My OB is the wife of my much beloved RE who was tragically killed in a car accident late 2006 leaving her the single mom of 4 young children including one who was born just a few days after he died. There is a picture we both cherish of her, me, Dr. N, and Max in the hospital after Max was born. As she said, that's what it's all about. Dr. N helping women get pregnant and Dr. P helping to deliver them...creating families. I wouldn't go so far as to say Dr. P and I are friends in a social sense, although we could be if the situation was different (like I didn't live about an hour away and we both didn't have work and small children and life that keeps us busy), but we do have a special bond. A bond much more that a typical patient/doc relationship.
** The hospital is probably only 35 or so miles from my house, but in LA traffic you need to estimate 40 - 60 minutes of travel time each way. I chose it when planning my delivery for Max because it has very high success ratings for both preterm and full term deliveries as well as vaginal vs. cesarean deliveries. It has the highest NICU rating around. And, while you need to take 2 - 3 freeways to get there, there are two different routes that can easily be used. I would have to go into Los Angeles for other hospitals with as high a NICU and almost equal ratings, but there is really only one route I can easily take and that is fraught with traffic and problems at the best of times and at high traffic times...forget it. Anyway, the hospital isn't just around the corner and Max's nanny won' t drive on freeways, not to mention who would watch him at night and on weekends. It has been on my mind and I've been worrying about it a bit since I went to the weekly cervix checks. Hopefully, I won't ever need to execute it, but this is too important to leave to chance and last minute. I need a good solid plan in place. I've got about a month to get it figured out.
Note: Written first thing this morning while doing the 1 hour glucose tolerance test, but with no time to post until now. BTW, will be surprised if I didn't pass the glucose test. I failed the first time (with Max and knew it because I felt so awful) and passed the 3 hour with him. And, it gave me a little bit of headache, but didn't feel really bad like I did the time I failed.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Fortified
Now that I'm fortified with about 90 minutes of sleep and a late night snack, I should be fortified enough to re-write my post...but, I'm not feeling the inspiration at the moment and should probably try to get back to sleep so that my ass doesn't drag all day tomorrow like it has been.
Having mentioned that I was down a pound weight wise since last months OB appointment, I figured I would share that I feel like I never stop eating. And, my tummy is getting bigger so I'm I'm just reshaping, My OB and her office manager laughed at me as I walked down the hall to go deposit my pee sample because I've already started the pregnancy waddle and I showed them how I was almost out of tummy room in the shorts that got me through the end of my pregnancy with Max (and I'm only 20 weeks).
What was my late night snack you ask? Since I stopped for groceries on the way home from the OB because there was basically nothing left in the house to eat. Yes, there was still some milk and some frozen goods, but that was about it. Anyway, since I just had done a big shop and there was food, it had some good eats. I started with a yogurt (which oddly enough I usually don't particularly care for, but it looked and sounded really good at the store today). Decided I was still hungry so cut up and ate half a cantaloupe. Then, a stick of jack cheese. Still feeling the need for more, I moved on to three small sweet pickles with a side of sharp cheddar. I think another bottle of water and I might be good for at least a few hours.
Maybe I'll be able to settle down and get back to sleep soon. Why am I awake you ask? Because Shadow was really struggling tonight. I'm a light enough sleeper that she just has to breath heavy and I wake up, which is usually what she does when she has to go out to go potty. However, tonight, it's like she has a pinched nerve or something at the base of her spine or her hips aren't following the commands of her mind. I helped her out and back in and she's now sleeping peacefully at the moment. I hope she's better in the morning or at least able to coordinate her limbs a bit.
Having mentioned that I was down a pound weight wise since last months OB appointment, I figured I would share that I feel like I never stop eating. And, my tummy is getting bigger so I'm I'm just reshaping, My OB and her office manager laughed at me as I walked down the hall to go deposit my pee sample because I've already started the pregnancy waddle and I showed them how I was almost out of tummy room in the shorts that got me through the end of my pregnancy with Max (and I'm only 20 weeks).
What was my late night snack you ask? Since I stopped for groceries on the way home from the OB because there was basically nothing left in the house to eat. Yes, there was still some milk and some frozen goods, but that was about it. Anyway, since I just had done a big shop and there was food, it had some good eats. I started with a yogurt (which oddly enough I usually don't particularly care for, but it looked and sounded really good at the store today). Decided I was still hungry so cut up and ate half a cantaloupe. Then, a stick of jack cheese. Still feeling the need for more, I moved on to three small sweet pickles with a side of sharp cheddar. I think another bottle of water and I might be good for at least a few hours.
Maybe I'll be able to settle down and get back to sleep soon. Why am I awake you ask? Because Shadow was really struggling tonight. I'm a light enough sleeper that she just has to breath heavy and I wake up, which is usually what she does when she has to go out to go potty. However, tonight, it's like she has a pinched nerve or something at the base of her spine or her hips aren't following the commands of her mind. I helped her out and back in and she's now sleeping peacefully at the moment. I hope she's better in the morning or at least able to coordinate her limbs a bit.
Damn it!
I'm really pissed at the moment for several reasons.
1) My son was not sleeping as I thought. No, he was having a poo. Then climbed up on the changing table to take care of it himself again and instead go poo all over the blinds, himself, and several other things. I took one look at the mess and quickly walked to the kitchen sink to puke. I think I got it all, but it's dusk in there and his light isn't working so will have to check again in the morning. I was not amused by any stretch of the imagination. He better get over this phase pretty darn fast or I am going to duct tape his diapers to him like a commenter suggested. I have heard this is more of a boy thing related to potty training and it well may be. But, I'm so over it. Now, I just need to convince him to get over it and to either poo in the toilet or leave it in the diaper and call to me to clean it.
2) I am so tired, but rallied to write up a post about my OB appointment today and was almost done. I checked to make sure it was saved before dealing with my poo boy, but came back to the computer sideways on the floor and the post gone. I'm too tired to redo it now. The highlights are babies seem fine, cervix hadn't changed and my OB said, not really a huge concern unless it starts to get below 2.5 (and my measured 4 today via abdominal u/s and have been 3.7 vaginally with the peri), my blood pressure was slightly up but OB said still really good, I lost a pound since last month, I'm to go for a 1 hour glucose tolerance test tomorrow and we will retest again later in the pregnancy. More later after I get some rest.
3) I'm sleeping like crap and have developed this cough/respiratory thing which is a pain in and of itself, but even more so because of this urinary inconstance thing I have going on with this pregnancy. Even if I have just sat down and emptied my bladder, I'm still getting leaks. And, every time I lay down to rest/sleep I start coughing and have to sit up (and hope it doesn't lead to another puke episode).
I'm just not amused with any of it. As I told Max, "I'm tired. I'm crabby. And, I don't like it. At all!".
1) My son was not sleeping as I thought. No, he was having a poo. Then climbed up on the changing table to take care of it himself again and instead go poo all over the blinds, himself, and several other things. I took one look at the mess and quickly walked to the kitchen sink to puke. I think I got it all, but it's dusk in there and his light isn't working so will have to check again in the morning. I was not amused by any stretch of the imagination. He better get over this phase pretty darn fast or I am going to duct tape his diapers to him like a commenter suggested. I have heard this is more of a boy thing related to potty training and it well may be. But, I'm so over it. Now, I just need to convince him to get over it and to either poo in the toilet or leave it in the diaper and call to me to clean it.
2) I am so tired, but rallied to write up a post about my OB appointment today and was almost done. I checked to make sure it was saved before dealing with my poo boy, but came back to the computer sideways on the floor and the post gone. I'm too tired to redo it now. The highlights are babies seem fine, cervix hadn't changed and my OB said, not really a huge concern unless it starts to get below 2.5 (and my measured 4 today via abdominal u/s and have been 3.7 vaginally with the peri), my blood pressure was slightly up but OB said still really good, I lost a pound since last month, I'm to go for a 1 hour glucose tolerance test tomorrow and we will retest again later in the pregnancy. More later after I get some rest.
3) I'm sleeping like crap and have developed this cough/respiratory thing which is a pain in and of itself, but even more so because of this urinary inconstance thing I have going on with this pregnancy. Even if I have just sat down and emptied my bladder, I'm still getting leaks. And, every time I lay down to rest/sleep I start coughing and have to sit up (and hope it doesn't lead to another puke episode).
I'm just not amused with any of it. As I told Max, "I'm tired. I'm crabby. And, I don't like it. At all!".
Monday, April 07, 2008
Weekly "C" Check
My weekly cervix check was fine today. Same as last week 3.7. I tried to ask peri a few questions, but he didn't seem so inclined and I'm so tired I can barely see straight so I let it go since I am seeing my OB this week anyway. I did learn that once a cervix shortens, it's that way for the rest of the pregnancy. However, I also learned that if it doesn't continue to shorten by 24 - 26 weeks, it probably is not going to shorten. So, the biggest risk is in the next 4 - 6 weeks.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
One order of patience, super sized, please
It was just one of those days. One thing after another. You're cleaning up one mess and an even bigger one is created. Sigh.
Max came in my room chipper as all get out at 3 am sans diaper or PJ bottoms saying "Good Morning! Good Morning!" with a big smile on his face. I let him cuddle for a few minutes as I explained it was too early and he needed to go back to bed. Some milk, a new diaper, and PJ's and he actually did fall back to sleep. Otherwise, I'm sure I'd be asking for more than just one order in the patience department.
On the way to church Max told me he didn't want to go to Sunday school today. He wanted to go into the Church so he could be loud and talk and dance and he wasn't going to be quiet. Thank God there was Sunday school. Although, he did insist we go into "cry room" so he could get his loud and talking and dance on after service.
After about 10 minutes into nap time, Max got quiet so I thought maybe against my expectations he had actually fallen asleep. I thought about checking, but didn't quite get there. About 45 minutes later he comes out, again, sans diaper or pants. Turns out he had a poo. It was sitting on top of his changing table all rolled up like Noemi or I would do with it along with several hundred wipes where he cleaned up himself. Or, at least tried. His bottom was actually pretty clean, but the pillow and the cover to the changing pad probably had more than any of the wipes.
And, things kind of just went down from there. I'm tired. I'm a tad crabby. Dinner isn't sitting too well in my tummy. The house is a complete wreck in spite of the picking and clean up after Mr. Disaster most of the day. And, I have an early start to the work day tomorrow. Yes, Max is already in bed and I still could use a bit of patience.
Max came in my room chipper as all get out at 3 am sans diaper or PJ bottoms saying "Good Morning! Good Morning!" with a big smile on his face. I let him cuddle for a few minutes as I explained it was too early and he needed to go back to bed. Some milk, a new diaper, and PJ's and he actually did fall back to sleep. Otherwise, I'm sure I'd be asking for more than just one order in the patience department.
On the way to church Max told me he didn't want to go to Sunday school today. He wanted to go into the Church so he could be loud and talk and dance and he wasn't going to be quiet. Thank God there was Sunday school. Although, he did insist we go into "cry room" so he could get his loud and talking and dance on after service.
After about 10 minutes into nap time, Max got quiet so I thought maybe against my expectations he had actually fallen asleep. I thought about checking, but didn't quite get there. About 45 minutes later he comes out, again, sans diaper or pants. Turns out he had a poo. It was sitting on top of his changing table all rolled up like Noemi or I would do with it along with several hundred wipes where he cleaned up himself. Or, at least tried. His bottom was actually pretty clean, but the pillow and the cover to the changing pad probably had more than any of the wipes.
And, things kind of just went down from there. I'm tired. I'm a tad crabby. Dinner isn't sitting too well in my tummy. The house is a complete wreck in spite of the picking and clean up after Mr. Disaster most of the day. And, I have an early start to the work day tomorrow. Yes, Max is already in bed and I still could use a bit of patience.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Mystery Solved
We were out and about with friends this morning and mid morning I realized I had poured, but not packed a cup of milk for Max for the ride home in the car. I figured that I had just got side tracked and left it sitting on the counter. When we came home, I searched and searched and could not find it. Yet, I KNOW I had poured it into a red cup. I decided to go rest since Max was in bed and look again later. Maybe not that big of a deal unless you have found an old sour milk sitting around curdled and smelly before. Not pleasant. Anyway, I figured it out. I had poured it and left it sitting there. Max saw it, got it, and drank it and returned it to the other side of the counter. Good to know I wasn't completely loosing it.
We have not been able to find the remote control for our TV for well over a week and probably almost two weeks. I've searched. Noemi has searched. It didn't seem to be anywhere. It has been driving me crazy and I keep looking in the same spots I've looked before. Noemi had looked under the couch at least twice that I saw with my own eyes. I decided that the only logical place it could be is under the couch and I needed to suck it up and look there myself. Not only is it difficult for me to get up and down, off the ground like that but that type of movement...especially at night...is a trigger for vomit. But, I was determined to find it because we can't watch any of our prerecorded DVR shows without it. And, there it was. Right there. In plain site. Close enough to the edge I didn't even have to go get a broom or something to help fish it out. Sigh. I guess sometimes you really do just need to do something yourself if you want it done right. At least it is now found.
One of the things we did this morning was go to travel town to see and ride the trains. Max just loves, loves, loves this place. We went with a few friends, which I think just added to his excitement. One of the friends bought Max and her daughter a train whistle in the shape of a train with bubbles inside thinking that the bubbles would come out when you blow, which didn't happen, but this did not diminish the joy of this gift for Max. While there he kept running to the fence every time the train came past and blew his whistle along with the engineer. Probably the funniest thing he said all day (over and over and over) was "EVERYONE needs a whistle". He loves it so much he wanted to take it to bed with him. Ah, sometimes the smallest things make the biggest difference.
We have not been able to find the remote control for our TV for well over a week and probably almost two weeks. I've searched. Noemi has searched. It didn't seem to be anywhere. It has been driving me crazy and I keep looking in the same spots I've looked before. Noemi had looked under the couch at least twice that I saw with my own eyes. I decided that the only logical place it could be is under the couch and I needed to suck it up and look there myself. Not only is it difficult for me to get up and down, off the ground like that but that type of movement...especially at night...is a trigger for vomit. But, I was determined to find it because we can't watch any of our prerecorded DVR shows without it. And, there it was. Right there. In plain site. Close enough to the edge I didn't even have to go get a broom or something to help fish it out. Sigh. I guess sometimes you really do just need to do something yourself if you want it done right. At least it is now found.
One of the things we did this morning was go to travel town to see and ride the trains. Max just loves, loves, loves this place. We went with a few friends, which I think just added to his excitement. One of the friends bought Max and her daughter a train whistle in the shape of a train with bubbles inside thinking that the bubbles would come out when you blow, which didn't happen, but this did not diminish the joy of this gift for Max. While there he kept running to the fence every time the train came past and blew his whistle along with the engineer. Probably the funniest thing he said all day (over and over and over) was "EVERYONE needs a whistle". He loves it so much he wanted to take it to bed with him. Ah, sometimes the smallest things make the biggest difference.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Random, mostly Max, thoughts
Yesterday, Noemi told me that Max told her that "momma is both my mommy and my daddy". I didn't quite get the context it came up in, but something like "X is so and so's daddy; Y is so and so's mommy. Mommy is both my mommy and my daddy". Hmmm. He and I really haven't talked about the daddy situation. I have explained, simply, that we are a mommy and kid family and that Dr. N helped mommy to get pregnant and Dr. P helped to delivery him. I do acknowledge other people's dads to him, don't skip over daddy situations in books or movies. But, he hasn't asked and I have just let it lie until he did. I guess he hasn't asked because he has figured out something in his own mind on this all by himself. It would be interesting to really know that he thought. I'm sure I'm not going to get off so easy in the long haul, but at least for now he's come to a conclusion he can accept.
We converted Max's crib back to a toddler bed today. He and I have been talking about it for a few days now and he said he wanted me to and I would counter that we would give it a try, but that he had to stay in his bed and not get out at bedtime. He did a good job of that tonight. I heard him quickly open and close his bedroom door and run back to his bed. It's been 20 minutes so I think I'm good. I'm sure it helped that he caught my cold and didn't nap again today. What a difference 7 months make when we last attempted this.
Instead of napping, Max poo'd in his crib today. However, he was very careful about making sure the poo stayed in the diaper which was nice. Then, he climbed out of the crib and onto the changing table, which is where Noemi found him when she went to check on him.
I often think that OT must be working, but that life was so much easier when Max had difficulty taking off his pants/diaper and wasn't so confident in his climbing.
Max has been totally playing Noemi to get his way lately. It really could be a post in itself and I mentally wrote it, but alas, never got it to print. He's done things like take black marker to his train track and train table, cry for candy in the checkout and get his way, and other such shenanigans that are just not an issue with me cause he knows it isn't going to work no matter how much he cries so he doesn't bother. It's not that I'm a strict disciplinarian by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I've been asked more times than I care questions like "who runs this house" or "the show" or whatever. The thing is, I decided early on that I didn't want to or plan to do battle all the and decided what I cared about and what I didn't. Personal safety, caring/compassion to others (i.e. no hitting me or the pets, being nice to friends), and destruction of property were tops on the list and I'm consistent pretty much 100% of the time. So, I've had to talk to Noemi and remind her she is the boss when I'm not around, in front of Max, and it has gotten better...as far as I know.
Yesterday afternoon, I'm working and hear Max and Noemi go out back to play. A bit later, I see her look out into the front yard. My first thought was, she doesn't know where he is. So, I go check and sure enough. She goes to check inside although I told her he wasn't in there and I find Max all the way down the block and around the corner. Some neighbor boys saw him and were bringing him back. Of course, he was only in a shirt, nice and bare bottomed with his penis exposed on this adventure which really isn't all that unusual around here since that is his preferred method of dress and he can just take it off whenever he wants. Apparently, he was riding his bike and rode it into the courtyard, out the front gate and down the road. I'm not sure what Noemi was doing. I think probably waiting for him to come back into the back yard and only went looking after he didn't come back after a bit. All's well that ends well, but I wasn't happy. Mostly, because I had just told her that she needed to watch for that and to keep the front gate chained to prevent such escape.
Shadow somehow hurt her right arm. She's up and moving, but limping quite a bit. I didn't have Noemi walk her today like she normally would, but took her out front a few houses which made her so happy.
I started pulling out my old maternity clothes. I guess I should have done it earlier. They barley fit and are so uncomfortable. I don't feel like I am yet as big as I was at the end with Max, but the clothes tell me otherwise. Also, I think maybe my stomach is just shaped different. I had a pair of shorts on today that had the belly panel and it actually had some space left, but the bottom of the shorts below the panel where just digging into my belly and almost hurt. Baby A (the boy) is taking up the lower half and Baby A (the girl) is taking up the top half and I guess I'm just bigger. I guess I should go shopping at least internet since i don't think I could stand otherwise, but...just haven't gotten there. I'm going to be in a world of hurt for clothes soon.
Dinner gave me heartburn. I can't sleep on my right side because my arm, hand, and wrist go numb. My left hip is hurting from the pressure of my weight all night. And, although I'm trying not to be, I'm worried about the shortened cervix thing.
We converted Max's crib back to a toddler bed today. He and I have been talking about it for a few days now and he said he wanted me to and I would counter that we would give it a try, but that he had to stay in his bed and not get out at bedtime. He did a good job of that tonight. I heard him quickly open and close his bedroom door and run back to his bed. It's been 20 minutes so I think I'm good. I'm sure it helped that he caught my cold and didn't nap again today. What a difference 7 months make when we last attempted this.
Instead of napping, Max poo'd in his crib today. However, he was very careful about making sure the poo stayed in the diaper which was nice. Then, he climbed out of the crib and onto the changing table, which is where Noemi found him when she went to check on him.
I often think that OT must be working, but that life was so much easier when Max had difficulty taking off his pants/diaper and wasn't so confident in his climbing.
Max has been totally playing Noemi to get his way lately. It really could be a post in itself and I mentally wrote it, but alas, never got it to print. He's done things like take black marker to his train track and train table, cry for candy in the checkout and get his way, and other such shenanigans that are just not an issue with me cause he knows it isn't going to work no matter how much he cries so he doesn't bother. It's not that I'm a strict disciplinarian by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I've been asked more times than I care questions like "who runs this house" or "the show" or whatever. The thing is, I decided early on that I didn't want to or plan to do battle all the and decided what I cared about and what I didn't. Personal safety, caring/compassion to others (i.e. no hitting me or the pets, being nice to friends), and destruction of property were tops on the list and I'm consistent pretty much 100% of the time. So, I've had to talk to Noemi and remind her she is the boss when I'm not around, in front of Max, and it has gotten better...as far as I know.
Yesterday afternoon, I'm working and hear Max and Noemi go out back to play. A bit later, I see her look out into the front yard. My first thought was, she doesn't know where he is. So, I go check and sure enough. She goes to check inside although I told her he wasn't in there and I find Max all the way down the block and around the corner. Some neighbor boys saw him and were bringing him back. Of course, he was only in a shirt, nice and bare bottomed with his penis exposed on this adventure which really isn't all that unusual around here since that is his preferred method of dress and he can just take it off whenever he wants. Apparently, he was riding his bike and rode it into the courtyard, out the front gate and down the road. I'm not sure what Noemi was doing. I think probably waiting for him to come back into the back yard and only went looking after he didn't come back after a bit. All's well that ends well, but I wasn't happy. Mostly, because I had just told her that she needed to watch for that and to keep the front gate chained to prevent such escape.
Shadow somehow hurt her right arm. She's up and moving, but limping quite a bit. I didn't have Noemi walk her today like she normally would, but took her out front a few houses which made her so happy.
I started pulling out my old maternity clothes. I guess I should have done it earlier. They barley fit and are so uncomfortable. I don't feel like I am yet as big as I was at the end with Max, but the clothes tell me otherwise. Also, I think maybe my stomach is just shaped different. I had a pair of shorts on today that had the belly panel and it actually had some space left, but the bottom of the shorts below the panel where just digging into my belly and almost hurt. Baby A (the boy) is taking up the lower half and Baby A (the girl) is taking up the top half and I guess I'm just bigger. I guess I should go shopping at least internet since i don't think I could stand otherwise, but...just haven't gotten there. I'm going to be in a world of hurt for clothes soon.
Dinner gave me heartburn. I can't sleep on my right side because my arm, hand, and wrist go numb. My left hip is hurting from the pressure of my weight all night. And, although I'm trying not to be, I'm worried about the shortened cervix thing.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Whew!
Taxes are into the accountant, which is a huge relief. Next big task on deck is moving sperm to CCB so that some of it can be shipped to a family in need trying for a sib. Then, really must, must, must get Living Will and Trust set up.
Interesting Items to note in regards to 2007 spending and self judgment on said amount:
Clothing: $629 - Good
Dining: $1603 - Better than I thought
Groceries: $9700 - Yikes, guess it will only get worse from here
Fertility: $47500 - Sigh. See, my 50k estimate wasn't far off
Gas (for car): $1500 - Better than most
I guess I really need to make a budget for next year, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to operate in the red due to increased child care costs.
Health wise, I'm doing fine. Just tired. No bleeding. No spotting. I had really weird dreams last night including, but not limited to a doc telling me that if I stood on my head I could dislodge the blood clot from sitting on my cervix. And, no I didn't try that today, just in case.
Interesting Items to note in regards to 2007 spending and self judgment on said amount:
Clothing: $629 - Good
Dining: $1603 - Better than I thought
Groceries: $9700 - Yikes, guess it will only get worse from here
Fertility: $47500 - Sigh. See, my 50k estimate wasn't far off
Gas (for car): $1500 - Better than most
I guess I really need to make a budget for next year, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to operate in the red due to increased child care costs.
Health wise, I'm doing fine. Just tired. No bleeding. No spotting. I had really weird dreams last night including, but not limited to a doc telling me that if I stood on my head I could dislodge the blood clot from sitting on my cervix. And, no I didn't try that today, just in case.
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