Friday, June 27, 2008

Kangaroo Momma

I got to Kangaroo cuddle Ray again today. For a long time. Maybe an hour and a half? We both loved it. The nurse (one of the ones I really like) said he is stable enough that I can get him out and cuddle him on my own without waiting for a nurse. And, she said I could put him on the breast and let him suckle if he wanted. Once in the beginning when he opened his mouth and once towards the end when it was getting close to afternoon snack time and he started to let out a cry, I plopped the nipple in. He got this intrigued look on his face both times suckled a few times and then just hung out on the boob for a bit. It was nice. Very nice. I just love, love, love holding him, being able to hold him.

It makes me a tad worried that I will bond a bit more with him, especially if Nora doesn't get switched back to breast milk and/or I'm not able to breast feed her. It makes me a little guilty because I've been spending more time with Ray than Nora on my visits because they are more rewarding to me. Only a little guilty, not a lot because Nora still isn't digesting her food as well and consistently as they would like and they have up'd her oxygen support a bit because of increased apnea when she was being fed and they really want her sleeping and resting as much as possible right now. So, I'm actually giving her what she probably needs most (and the nurse indicated as much) by leaving her alone more, but my guilt comes from enjoying holding her brother so much when I can't hold her. Don't get me wrong. I'm itching and want to hold her so badly I ache with it sometimes, but now is not the time for her. I'm hoping its soon, but think it may still be a week or two out if for no other reason than logistics. The oxygen support tube is on the right of her incubator and the opening is on the left with all the other wires and it isn't long enough for me to sit and hold her. Hopefully soon, her digestion issues will resolve and when I think the timing is right, if they haven't changed her mode of oxygen, I may ask to have it moved to the other side. She's going to start a new med to aid in digestion that sometimes can cause irritability so we will see how all that goes and how she takes to it.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow where I have no other commitments or plans other than to spend most of the day shift at the hospital with Nora and Ray while my cousin take Max and CC to the beach and to my mom's for the day (while the house gets cleaned...yeah!). I'm having mixed feelings about Sunday which is the first day that I plan to not go to the NICU. I know I need a break; Max needs a full day with his momma; And, Sunday has always been our hang out day of rest. But, I'm already missing them...yes, in advance and even knowing I will have a good long extra amount of time with them tomorrow.

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