Almost 8 weeks

Tomorrow will be the 8 week mark since the twins were born. Maybe the biggest feet is having not eaten in the hospital cafeteria one time? I almost always pack a bag along with my pump supplies and eat while pumping and driving. It's not really the expense or the food itself. It's the time. Always the time and how I can do as much in any alloted time as possible. If I'm at the hospital, I want to be seeing my babies/baby. Period.

Nora was looking better and more alert and pissed off today. The doc didn't take her off the vent and instead she got a new "mustache" to keep the breathing tube in place. Boy was she pissed off about that. I won't be surprised if she dislodges it within the next 24 hours. She tried several times while I was there. That's the good news. The bad news is that I had to deal with her looks. Very expressive my daughters eyes (or maybe I'm just projecting, possibly). And, I'd watch her fight the vent and get all worked up and act like she was gagging or chocking on it all while she had an accusatory look about how awful this was and why I didn't just do something. Oh, so very hard. Had me teary eyed several times, especially after the new mustache. However, it's all worth it. All of it. She knows me and she knows I'm there and calms down and loves my touch. It's not just me that thinks this. The doc today commented on it as she kept trying to turn her head and look at me when the doc examined her today and I was behind her so she couldn't see me (have her "positioned" so she can't move her head herself, which doesn't thrill her either). The OT (occupational therapist) has commented on it several times. The nurses comment on it. Knowing that it does make a difference...to her, to me...no matter how hard it is to work out and to go some days, it is all worth it. We are both ready for her to be off the vent so I can hold her again. Maybe tomorrow.

Ray had his first pediatrician appointment today. It went fine. We only got there about 15 - 20 minutes late. Our normal ped is out on vacation so we saw another, which is fine as they are all good. I like the practice. He gained weight. Things with Ray are going well. I wish the breast feeding was going, but mostly it isn't. Hard to find the time to be patient. He isn't latching well and cries when I get him "in position" so I haven't been pressing it.

I'd give an update on Max, but I haven't really seen him much today. I should go swim with him instead of be on the computer, but I haven't really seen Ray today either as I went to the hospital directly after. Nora got the bulk of my day today. It was her day. We both needed it.

One of the things that struck me today as I approach the 8 week mark is how much a part of the NICU routine I have become. I know all the docs and they know me. I know pretty much all of the nurses and they know me and the babes and our story. Even the more regular respiratory therapists are asking how Ray is doing and feeling bad (not quite looks of pity, but maybe understanding of how hard it is to have Nora take another detour delaying her homecoming) Lots of questions. So glad they really care. Hard not to cry.

On the countdown until my cousin leaves. I try not to think about that. My sister, the one from NJ, is coming on Wed next week until Sunday. And, Max is saying it is "his turn" so I got to go.