Sunday, August 03, 2008

Round 3

My precious, precious N. She has been getting progressively worse again. Septic I think is the word the docs use. She's back on a respirator and antibiotics. I torn between wanting to rush to her side to vigil under the premise she is the sickest of my lot and needs me the most and not going to the hospital today at all to give my time and energy to Max and Ray who will be more aware and appreciate it. For those keeping track at home, this is repeat and rinse times three...round 3, if you will. The multiple calls from the docs didn't alarm me or surprise me as much this time. My heart just knew last night when I saw her where we were headed. I was hoping and praying I was wrong. I so wanted to be wrong. I'm not surprised I wasn't. I've made it clear to both docs (the one on last night and the one on today) that I don't think it is coincidental that she is off antibiotics for about a week before coming down with another infection again. Neither did they. Priority 1 is stabilization. The good news is that she does respond well to the intervention. Then, a autoimmune specialist and work up is in her future. While I still remain hopeful and think this is just something else to overcome before coming home and a happy fulfilling life, I can't help but worry for my darling daughter whose just had such a difficult go of it so far. It's going to be hard not to treat her like a delicate flower as she grows. I just have to believe she is going to pull through this round like she has the other two and that I'll have to worry about favoritism and pampering. Still, I can't help but worry about precious N. Dr. K is great (doc on last night) and was very reasuring that she will ultimately be fine and that I shouldn't worry and if it becomes time to worry, we will worry together, but I'm the mom. It's my job to worry and protect and while I don't really feel like I have failed N on the protecting part, there is only so much I can do to help. Oh, God this is so hard sometimes. Keep giving me the strength to deal with this with grace. And, watch and protect my little girl. I can't believe that she was given to me to be taken away before we have had a chance to live together.

8 comments:

Nina said...

Debbie, I'am so incredibly sorry to hear about N's trouble...may the God give you and N all the strength and courage to get through this"round"...

Laura in L.A. said...

I am so sorry to hear that our sweet girl N seems to have another infection! DAMM!T! I will be praying that she responds well to the meds, and is home before we know it.

Glad M had a fun party, and Baby R is settling in fine.

Love, Laura

Katrina said...

Oh Debbie, I am so sorry...you all continue to be in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

I'll be praying for little N. I hope all is well on the homefront. nancy in ak

QuiltingChaos said...

Sending out healing thoughts for N.
xo,

m

Susan said...

Oh, no...Deb, I am so sorry this is happening again. I'm glad to hear that a specialist in immunology is going to be called in...sounds like little N. might need some help getting her defenses up and running. In the meantime, hugs to all of you. Nora will be in my thoughts and prayers.

-Susan

Jess said...

Prayers for Nora. Hoping to read good news very soon.

Aimee said...

Nora continues to remain in my thoughts & prayers. She's a fighter & will recover, it's just a matter of time. Hang in there...this has got to be very difficult time for you. *hugs*