Maybe it was the Dex and other neurotic thoughts

As much as I have been denying that the Dexamethasone I have been taking with this cycle was causing my sleep woes, I think…maybe I was wrong. When my cycle was canceled I was told to wean myself off the Dex by taking it every other day for a week. Apparently, it is not something you want to stop taking cold turkey. I have been taking it in the morning and took it Tuesday before knowing I would get canceled. With worrying about everything and convinced that I was going to ovulate too early and needing to take the trigger shot at four, I didn’t really get much sleep that night. I wasn’t too surprised. However, on Wednesday night, I got a solid night sleep (7.5 hours) which is great for me. I put it down to just being worn out and off the hormones, etc as I tend to sleep way better in the Luteal Phase of my cycle. Yesterday, I took the Dex again and was wired. I had a terrible time settling enough to sleep and after taking a sleep aid and a warm bath, I think I finally nodded off a little after 11 pm and woke up around 4 wired with no hopes of dosing off again. Sigh. Got me thinking that maybe it was the dex.

Of course, once awake I started worrying that I wasn’t going to ovulate at all or that because the lead follicle was 27 that egg is over mature. I’m thinking about emailing or calling my dr. and telling him that I know that I am currently neurotic, but could I come in again today for another check to make sure that I have ovulated. I am laughing at myself on this. I haven’t been the best judge on things lately. After all, I went into my cd9 check thinking the cycle was going great only to have it canceled. I was sure I was going to ovulate too early and didn’t. Now, equally convinced that I am not going to ovulate at all or that my $2K egg is over ripe. I really hate what this process does to your mind. It can all be such a mind-fuck. I know what I really need to do is just trust my dr. and the process, but will I? I am just a tad paranoid right now.

I was supposed to be on vacation again next week for all the procedures. Now that everything was canceled, I really don’t want to take off. Not only do I have a lot of work to do, it will really be hard thinking about what I should/could/had planned to do and filling the time. I didn’t get a chance to talk to my boss about that and got an email late yesterday saying she was going to be out today so I am in a dilemma about what to do. What I would like to do is either save the vacation week until early next year or cash it out and use the money for stims on my next cycle.

When I was in the office yesterday, I got the cycle dates for the next 2 cycles at my clinic. If this cycle is a BFN, I think I will be able to get into the January cycle. I would need to get my period by Dec. 22nd which would be cd31 for this cycle and I will know whether it worked or not. If it did, GREAT!! If not, baseline u/s would be Jan. 4th and if all clear I would start stims and antigon. Cd 9 would be Jan 11th with ER 1/13 – 1/16 and ET 1/16-23. Getting my period by then will be cutting it close with the progesterone, but I think it would work or that I could talk my dr. into letting me do it anyway if I am a day or two off.

I think what I am going to do is talk to her backup and not take next week as a vacation. I think I will just send out a note saying that something came up and that I am changing my vaction schedule so I will be working next week and either taking the following week or a week in January off instead to be determined next week after talking to my boss. It will just be too hard and I think my boss will understand. If after talking to my boss, I can’t save it since this approach has employee law ramifications in California or cash it out which has financial considerations for the company and is not currently in my bosses budget; I will take the week of the 13th off and just have 3 straight weeks of vacation instead of breaking it up. At least that way, I won’t have the disappointment of the failed cycle in my face all week and work will be a distraction. Okay, now that I have a new plan I can get ready to take my doggies out for their morning jaunt and set the wheels in motion.