I though I was pushing it (aka 11 dpo, but whose counting)

I talked my clinic into letting me do my first beta on Wednesday (13 dpo) and the second on Friday (15 dpo) instead of the traditional 14/16 dpo since the office will be closed on Saturday and I really don't want to wait until next week. I already scheduled a consult with my doctor for that day and am going to move a few more vials of sperm to the clinic while I am out that way. Wednesday is my first day of vacation. Wow, don’t I know how to live it up? When I talked to my nurse coordinator about testing on Wednesday and Friday, she thought I meant of NEXT week. I laughed (thinking are you CRAZY??) and said no, this week at 13/15, one day early. She agreed. I think they feel sorry for me at this point. Hey, who am I to complain if they let me push it a little. I get a call from one of the receptionists at my clinic a few minutes ago saying that they had me scheduled for my first beta today and why hadn’t I showed up. I told her that I would be happy to drop what I was doing and drive there to be tested, but I was only 11 dpo and thought that was too early. She put me on hold and asked my nurse coordinator. I was told, no, just come in on Wednesday. LOL. I guess they don’t feel THAT sorry for me.

Really, I have been doing pretty well on this 2ww. The first half I was angry and coming to grips with having my IVF canceled. Then, I got the tooth infection and the pain of that pretty much overrode the 2ww worry and trying to analyze each and every potential symptom. I have been moving forward like it has already failed and haven’t really let myself think or hope about the fact that it really could work. I started thinking about it working this morning as I was waking up. I was thinking about how much I wanted this to work and how much I wanted a child. I was thinking about IUI#2 (probably because I posted about it yesterday and it was still on my mind). I had forgotten that on IUI #2 I acted very similar and was sure it hadn’t worked and was making future plans. I had to tell myself to stop hoping and thinking about it working. I just can’t go down that path right now. I will be very happy and thrilled if I do get a positive, but I can’t think about it and hope that I will. It is just too painful when it doesn't happen.

Today was a gym day. I didn’t go. Again. Typically, I go to the gym 2 – 3 times a week on a M/W/F schedule. However, I haven’t been all month (or is it up to 6 weeks now?). It was the one thing too many that I let myself slide on during this cycle. Actually, I gave myself a break because my shoulders were very sore after my last workout and I thought I had injured myself or had tendonitis or something. When I saw the Chiropractor and told him, he said is it “here” and pressed on a specific muscle. He nailed it. Apparently, I wasn’t stretching properly and that muscle got too tight. I have been doing the stretches here and there, but haven’t made it back in to the gym. Next Monday. Positive or Negative. I promise. I will get back to it. Yes, I am still hiking every morning and walking the dogs around the neighborhood each night, but those all involve the legs. When I go to the gym, I just do upper body weight training. It really does help keep everything in alignment since I sit in front of the computer all day with hunched shoulders. I can tell the difference which is one of the only motivating factors.

Only two more days until I find out whether this cycle was a complete bust or a miracle. I’m glad I am working and have a busy schedule. I want it a bit more now that I know they had me in for a beta today. Maybe I should have pushed it and tried to go in, but I really do think it is too early. Plus, I want to talk to my doctor first about next steps before I get a confirmed negative. I just need that.