Work Worries

Max woke up at 3 to feed and has been back asleep for awhile now. His mommy can’t say the same. I’m up worrying and crying over work. I got a call a few weeks ago saying that they wanted to split my team when I came back and give half of the team to the person who was backing me up while I was out. I was so not expecting that and it has had me a bit worried and drawn into work ever since.

Then, last Thursday, I get an email from my back-up saying she had decided to give me a group of team members because they would be less work, so I could spend more time with Max. I was pissed to say the least. Obviously, she has forgotten that this was “my” team.

I have called around and found out she has been doing major politicking while I have been out. And, I am angry and hurt and don’t feel like I can’t trust her at all at this point, but I am going to have to work with her when I go back. This is a person that I have worked with for years and have helped along getting her into better safer positions over the years. I told her 2 things before I went out on leave 1) don’t get me scheduled for any early morning meetings that I will have to get out of 2) I want my job when I get back.

After getting that email, I called my old boss and mentor to talk through how to best handle the situation and from what angle. He told me I needed to talk to my new boss (okay, I have been working for her for at least 2 years not, but…). So, I put a call into her and she calls me back on Friday night and we talk. She tells me that she is going to talk to the head of my department who I dotted line report to on a day to day basis and the person responsible for the change from a “coaching” perspective. Great. This means I need to talk to this person too. She is married, but has no children and is a total work ahaulic (sp?). I purposely made sure she didn’t find out I was pregnant until after some org. changes that were going on were completed.

Anyway, I talked to her yesterday about my worries and concerns and it became very clear in the conversation that my back up had been filtering information big time, in her favor of course, in talking to me. She wanted to talk to my back up about it and I told her it would be better if she didn’t. She agreed. Instead, she sent an email to the rest of the leadership team making it clear that I was to be involved in any decisions. One of my colleagues, who hasn’t gotten along with my back up while I was out and has told me all of the bullshit that has gone on while I am out under the leaders radar, forward it to me to both my work and my home email. My back up is monitoring my email and saw that and sent me a few terse emails like how could you not trust me.

I am up steaming hot mad about what I want to say to her when I talk to her tomorrow and what I should and will say to her, which will not be the same thing…because I will have to work with her when I get back.

Instead of getting precious sleep and enjoying my time off this last week with my precious son, this is what I have been dealing with when I get the chance and what has been keeping me up at night.

I could go on and on and on about this right now and all of the things that have made me angry and upset over it and things that I could do after talking to both my leaders. After all, I have been pondering it and mulling it over for nights now, but I won’t. I don’t want to be awake that long and am hoping after venting I can go back to sleep. After all, Max is going to need my time and attention and patience tomorrow.

There are so many other stories about Max and the nanny that didn’t show up on Monday and her 2 month check up, but I haven’t had time because any free time I have had and all of my extra mental energies have been dealing with this work situation.

It’s not that I won’t have a job. I will. It’s just that the job I am going back to isn’t going to be as fun as the one I left because of all of the political bs that has gone on and I need to work with this person and divide up my team with a person that I no longer trust or want to work with and who now feels like she has a right to the position and that it should be “equal”. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. That’s me screaming, inside, at now 5 am, some of my anger and frustration away.

This just sucks!!!

ps. Just got an email from my work collegue. I think I will shock her and call her to vent since I am up. Again, this just sucks, but I have to get this anger and anxiety out of me.