Happy Halloween

Here are a few pictures of our Halloween. Max didn't want to go "trick or treating", but couldn't get out the door fast enough when he found out candy was involved. "Candy, Momma, want candy". Guess which picture Max took? My mom was here and brought Max a card and a dancing singing tree.




Bedtime wasn't as bad as I thought it might be concidering the amount of sugar Max had, but he diluted it by water and lots and lots of milk. Yes, he will be pee'ing through tonight. As I was leaving his room, he asked for the hall light to be turned on. When I did it, I got a "I like you. Tank you, mommy". Ah, this kid of mine sure is learning how to be a charmer.

Gayp and Lab results

Max woke at 5:30 am. This used to be his usual wake up time up until a few weeks ago. I actually prefer the earlier wake up time, but since the time change is just around the corner and he has been sleeping until around 7 I went in to tell him it was still sleep time.

Me: Max, do you want some milk?

Max: Gayp

Me: Max, do you want some milk?

Max: Gayp

Me: (thinking, thinking, thinking while half asleep trying to figure out what he is talking about) Do you want some grapes?

Max: Yes, Gayp

Me: Okay, let me go get some.

Me: Here they are.

Max: Tank you mommy.

Back to bed I go hoping he doesn't choke and die on them. Not sure if he fell back to sleep, but he did eat them all and play mostly quietly in his crib until 7 am when I went to get him up.

Me: Good Morning. Ready for some milk?

Max: More Gayp.

Me: More grapes? Okay, let me go get some.

(as I'm getting them ready)

Max: Mommy, no gayp. Cherry.

Me: You want Dried Cherries instead of grapes?

Max: Yes mommy.

Needless to say, he has been having some hard stool lately and I've been trying to push the fruits and veggies so was happy to provide, but think it is just funny that he comes up with this type of thing just out of the blue. Ah, that boy of mine.

In ttc news, I got my labs from last week back this morning after emailing to ask about them.

E2 = 10 (good, no cyst)
P4 = less than 0.5 (good, no ovulation while on bcp's_
Prolactin = 4.0 (good, want it to be under 30 to not impact fertility and the only test the clinic wanted)

I'm hoping I hear back on the contract soon and get my official calendar, but have been doing pretty good about waiting and just getting other things done and a jump start on Christmas shopping.

The Farm and The Speech Assessment

We went back to the farm today. Everyone had a great time even if we did get rained on a bit. Max enjoyed really enjoyed it the first time we went a few weeks ago with a local single mom's group, but if possible...he enjoyed it 500% better the second time and with his cousin and nanna.

I'm so glad we ended up doing his speech and language assessment yesterday instead of today as he was wiped out and I would have had to wake him. The speech assessment went great and as I expected, she will not be recommending services for him. She said things like...he's speaking in 4 - 5 words sentences; I won't even ask or try to count how many words he knows...it's a lot; saying and understanding things like scared, hot, cold are more common around 3; he's on target or ahead in this area; he has no sensory issues or texture issues. She did wonder, and I think she may be absolutely correct, that the reason Max isn't talking in school is because many of the attendees speak Spanish as their primarily language and he's 1) listening and taking it all in 2) not able to communicate to make himself understood in Spanish at this point so says nothing. We also discussed a few parenting type techniques that show I'm right on track with my style. And, she recommended that I start making my choices directing him towards ?? forget the right word at the moment ?? but, basically getting him to start picking up after himself like taking his plate to the table when he's finished instead of just getting up to leave and putting away one toy before getting out another, that type of thing. She also said I may want to shorten my sentences and make sure I make eye contact when I'm giving him direction or requests. I actually purposely speak to Max often in longer sentences, but will pay more attention to the eye contact thing. It's not a problem, but she said it will help set the stage for a few years when he's interacting with friends and in school. She got me teary eyed when she said, you can tell that you just love being a mom and that the two of you have a lot of fun together.

Anyway, it's been a busy, but fun few days. Max picked out his farm book and one of his tractor books to read before bed tonight. And, he took the farm one to bed with him. He really had a great time. We all really had a great time.

And, I got my first "Mommy", pause and wait for eye contact, "I wove you". Oh, my boy, I love you too.

Where is pumpkin?

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my son and how much he amuses me?

This morning, he was singing "Where is pumpkin? Where is pumpkin? Here I am. How are you today sir..." to the tune of Where is thumbkin. Oh, he had me cracking up and joining him.

He's also been into bubble baths these days after being afraid of bubbles for awhile last year. Tonight after he finished dinner, he was ready for bath. I'm working on eating slower (than scarfing down my food in a few minutes flat which is a bad habit I've picked up since Max was born) so I told him he had to wait until I finished eating. When I got done, he was literally sitting in the bathtub fully clothed waiting which had me laughing again.

It's been a busy week. I took Tuesday and Thursday mornings off work to go to Max's mommy and me classes. I'm glad I did. It's as I expected in that they are just seen an entirely different kid than I do. And, I can really understand why he shuts down a bit during that Thursday class. There are just so many kids and adults in such a small place. It's loud and chaotic. I was exhausted and ready for a nap by the time we got home and just a tad jealous that Max got to take one and I had to go catch up on work. The feel of the two different days are very different. Granted, Max was the only child on Tuesday because of the winds and fires. But, it gave me a chance to talk with his teachers and for them to see him with me and copy a few songs out of a book they had. The Thursday class is something else. It felt like the main teacher is somewhat condescending and talked down or assumed that she knew more than the parents, but then again, I'm not really the target audience for the group. In general, I would say that the teachers assistants that work with and play hands on with the children feel like he is fine and within range of normal, but the teachers don't. I'm sure the teachers on Tuesday revised their opinion. The teacher today brought her infant son and like I said, it was chaos (at least to me) so don't think she had time to pay attention, but made a comment to the affect that she's glad I'm getting the assessment and is sure that they will find a need for services. I'm still in the I'll be surprised if he gets recommended for more than fine motor skills.

There are a lot of things that have irritated me this week. One of which is that I still haven't heard from the person who is supposed to do the full development assessment on Max. We only have a month to do it and I at least want it on the schedule. I meant to call this afternoon, but my new foster dog go adopted so I didn't get around to it. And, the lady that is supposed to do the speech eval and I have exchanged at least 5 or more phone messages where I say 4 pm on Saturday is fine, I can't go earlier, but could go a bit later. She'll call back and ask me to confirm 4 pm on Saturday is good. Repeat. Annoying.

Like I just mentioned, Heidi was adopted today. But, I'm watching Nikki my old foster dog for the weekend again. So, instead of 3 dogs and a house full of family, I'm back to 2 and life seems much more sane. I haven't seen much of the cat since Heidi liked to give him a hard time so he doesn't even know yet that the coast is clear and he can come home. The scene here the other morning was like one out of a movie with me making pancakes for Max, the fire alarm going off, Max crying cause it scared him, the dog chasing the cat knocking down the lamp. It was a bit wild, but funny.

I finally got the penny out of the CD player in my car rendering it operable again. Yeah!!! Had I known it would only take me an hour and $49.99 I would have done it much sooner. Best Buy service techs that install car stereo's is who agreed to do it. Again, yeah! yeah! yeah!

I'm sure there is much more including a cycle related thing that kind of irritated me, but I'm tired and not really in the mood to get into it. But, I took my last BCP from my first months back and will start a new pack tomorrow since I'm to stay on active pills.

In spite of the busy week, I actually cooked a few times including steaks on the grill. Hmmm. It was delicious and since Max choose a Turkey dog over steak, there is still one left for me for tomorrow lunch. Dinner will be a pot roast in the crock pot since my neice will be in town and I'm hosting a family gathering.

The house just seems so much more calm and less needy with Heidi gone. She was a sweet, sweet dog, but acted more towards the puppy scale than a senior dog. I think she went to a home perfect for her. Even calmed down about 400% in the week or so she was here, she was still a bit too much for me.

The winds have stopped, but air quality is still really bad here right now. But, how bad can life be no matter how busy or how many irritants, when your son sings you "Where is pumpkin? Where is pumpkin? Here I am? How are you today, sir? Very well I thank you. Run away. Run away."

Windy

Wind, wind go away....I'm tired of you already.

We are headed into our 3rd, or is it 4th?, day of wind storms. The type of storms that ruined my patio table and gaze ball a year or so ago.

The kind of wind that makes it miserable to be outside, unless your Max who had a great time playing in the "big" fountain and laughing at the wind yesterday afternoon.

There are leaves and debry everywhere.

The pool is a wreck, not that I'd be in swimming in it, but still, it looks pretty bad.

The cat has taken to sleeping in the baby stroller and the garage for a change of pace since his nice usual spots aren't so nice right now.

I've either got a sinus/allergy thing going on because of it or I'm finally getting that marathon cold Max has had cause I'm not feeling so hot...tired, headachy, throat hurts, face hurts, sinus cavities feel mushy.

I've got a busy week or two ahead and wish I were going into it feeling better.

I'm afraid to look at the forecast, but think another day or two of this wind may be on order. And,I'm really tired of it already.

Complaint Over.

This weekend

It started with acupuncture and a wonderful take out steak dinner with a crab cake appetizer. Oh, I told you that part already? Well, it was good and I don't often eat that good so I'm still enjoying the memory.

We had a fabulous, fabulous time riding the Metro yesterday morning. I, of course, forgot my camera, but my friend got a few cute pictures of Max on her phone she said she would send. The ride "in" Max was wide eyed and quiet absorbing it all. He loved it. We all had a great time. We went all the way to Union Station with no stops and got out and walked. The friend we went with has been having some back or sciatic nerve problems where her pain level increases if she has to stand or walk a long time. She didn't say anything or complain, but I could tell she started to have a hard time. We saw this buggy flying through the station tunnel and a few more stationary with a guy getting in one. I asked the guy if we were allowed to ride or who was allowed to ride or something like that. He said, you want a ride, hop on, we did and he took off. Through the tunnel up onto a train platform to a leaving train with an ID that a rider had apparently left quickly handed to a conductor, further down the ramp, he quickly turns around, stops, gets a big smile and says, "you want to see a train take off, right?" Takes Max from my arms and holds him while the train leaves the station while telling us about his nephew who is 2.5 and loves to come and begs to come every time he sees him in his uniform. He was the nicest man. Then, back on the cart, with a drop off right outside the Metro line we needed for our trip back.

We stopped at a few stations on the way back and got off on one in Hollywood for lunch before heading home. While walking to the restaurant, we saw a few costume characters. Max took one look at Mini Mouse, asked to be picked up, gave me a big hug while whispering in my ear "Momma, Mini scary." On the way back, we went and crossed the opposite way to avoid Scary Mini. Max clear as day says, "saxophone". We stop to listen and sure enough on the other side of the street, out of sight is someone playing a sax. We were both surprised that he could identify it. My friend commented that many adults couldn't pick a saxophone out like that. It was an odd little thing, but made me so proud. When we got to the other side, we gave the player some coins and he played us a special song and we danced a bit before going to catch our train.

We had a wonderful, wonderful time and will be doing it again some day soon. Maybe even taking it all the way to Long Beach to the Aquarium.

My mom ended up stopping by later that afternoon on her way back from my sisters and had dinner with us.

Max has been sleeping late and either napping late or boycotting naps. Most people would be pleased that their child is sleeping in to 7 am. I'm tolerating it and would be more impressed if I were sleeping better. I've woken at 4:15 - 4:30 am for the last few days and not going back to sleep. And, I've been staying up late so I've been cutting sleep on both ends and its taking its toll.

This morning was rushed with Max not getting up until 7 and needed to get to Church/Sunday School no later than 9 am. I'm glad I didn't have to choose between getting the dogs out or being late for church. I can't say they really got a walk today, but they got out front and down the block a few houses. It seemed to be fine and was all I could manage. On Saturday, when my mom was here, I was able to get them out for a decent walk and Shadow went all the way around the block. She hasn't done that in awhile....in part probably because I haven't had the time/patience and in part because she hasn't felt like it...but, I was really happy she did. It's been nice and windy here and I think all the wind and scents is stirs up made her frisky.

Anyway, today was a mad dash getting ready for church, church, getting grocery's, putting grocery's away, lunch, stuff like that. I was so tired, I had to caution myself to not put Max down too soon. It turns out, he never napped, but played nicely in his crib for a few hours while I did. And, I needed it. I go in to find him stark naked. Apparently figuring out how to take off his sleep blanket, clothes, and diaper occupied some of that time. Thankfully, he's potty trained enough to hold it when he doesn't have a diaper on. We just hung around this afternoon and I made meatloaf (with Max's help hand mixing it which he enjoyed, but kept trying to eat), potatoes (red potatoes that we called french fries with catchup:), and green bean casserole. I think this is actually the first meal I have put any effort into that he actually ate and liked. I got a "like it"..oh, be still my heart, while he was eating it. Of course, since it was all covered in catchup, I'm sure that helped. Not being in the mood to pick up after I had him down for the night and somehow the house got trashed several times over today, I was busy doing that while Max played and watch a DVD. Finally, I was called over "Momma, come sit down" and I finished watching the dishes and did.

I have vowed to go to sleep at a decent hour tonight. Last night, no, not out partying...no, no. I got sucked into this program on the History Channel about the bible and how Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Deborah and others were great war/battle strategists. We've already established that I have more eclectic taste in TV shoes, but I really found it fascinating. I'm not sure how or when it ended, because I made myself turn it off at commercial around 11:40 pm knowing I really needed to get to sleep. And, because I really know how to live large, I rolled coins and played Spider Solitaire getting my win percent to 46% (which I blew this morning while waiting for Max to wait and am back to 44%).

Anyway, a nice weekend with a variety of activities including some home time and hanging out. Just the kind of weekend I love.

Found it!

I toured yet another preschool this morning. When I told my sister the other day she laughed and said she couldn't believe it, that she just checked out the closest day care center to their house, like it well enough and went with it. I laughed as well and thought...no way could I take that approach.

This is the preschool that is affiliated with our church. I really like the director. I liked how she conducted the tour logistically. I liked the things she had to say. I liked what I observed and saw of the teachers and the children. I think the clincher was when we were outside and she commented that if you didn't want your child getting wet, this was probably not the school for them and on how they let the children do a lot of water play and pointed out the water spiget, the water fountain, and how the sand didn't just look wet, it was wet because yesterday the kids were playing with the water and flooded it. Ah, a perfect, perfect match for my beliefs and my son who adores water play.

Of course it is more expensive than any other school I have looked at so far. Of course it is.

Enrollment is in early March, forms mailed late February, for next September.

I'm still going to check out another school or two, just because. But, I'm sure I'll end up going with this school. Everything about it felt right.

I also went over the hill to my old favorite accupuncturist in preperation for my cycle. It felt good to see her and good to have the treatment. Her treatments seem much more potent to me than the local one I tried for a month or two. She felt I needed more red meat and beef in my diet and I had to agree as I have been craving it lately and just not done much about it. How good a nice juicy steak would taste for dinner was on my mind the whole way home so I stopped and got a nice thick fillet with a crab cake appetizer take out from a nice high end steak house. Max had his nice Turkey dog and I devored the entire steak while the dogs sat begging and salavating. It was delitous. Mmmmmm mmmmmm good.

We are off to ride the Metro trains tomorrow morning for the first time with a friend after I drop by my extra meds, and needles, and some flowers at my clinic. I think Max is going to love it.

Nothing big

Don't really have anything big going on or to say.

Yet, there are a lot of little things keeping me busy.

Max and I have a decent social life, but not too crazy busy.

I'm checking things off the DE cycle to do list and getting more things added. The contract is out of my/my lawyers hands and into the donors. Cycle coordinator sent me my lab orders and the donor lab orders with only a little gentle prodding. I need a pap, which is scheduled for 10/31. A mammogram, which I've had recently so sent into the clinic and received confirmation that they received so that's now complete. Legal clearance and prolactin. Talked to coordinator and going to add a progesterone test with the prolactin cause I either have a cyst or a follicle growing. Calendars on are RE's desk for approval and nurse coordinator said she would humor me and let me review donor's calendar before its sent (and tell me how similar or dissimilar it is to her last few cycles), but I start lupron on the 10th allegedly. I'm suppose to stay on active BCP's only.

I've set up another pre-school visit.

I've applied for a few jobs outside of my current employer, which means I had to review and update my resume.

I've set up some acupuncture appointments.

I've worked. I've hung out and played with Max. I've taken on a new foster dog.

I have two potential Halloween Costumes for Max. A baseball player (LA Dodger) or a Fireman, which a friend lent me after I commented that Max alternates between which one he wants on any given day and I hoped Halloween ended up on a ball player day since I didn't have a fire man outfit. The added bonus is that the boots and jacket are actually rain gear and came in good use this morning while walking the dogs in the drizzle.

I've talked to and kept up with a few friends/on-line groups and been really negligent with others for really no good reason other than I just haven't been in the mood to talk/keep up.

I think Max is finally almost over his cold and booger fest of the last few weeks without an ear infection or anything more serious.

I was doing really good about eating decent until the last day or two, but did actually cook a dinner (chicken teriyaki with rice and broccoli) last night that both Max and I (and the dogs) enjoyed. And, I've been bad about taking my vitamins lately and think I'm getting a sore throat as a result or am trying to fight off the cold Max has had at the least.

I think I have decided that Santa is going to get Max an Art easel and some art supplies, but haven't picked out the actual one (so feel free to give me recommendations). I've picked out, but still need to order our Christmas PJ's. I've thought about, but done nothing about ordering Christmas cards with the latest picture of Max and I (the one I'm currently using on this site).

Things are just kind of rolling along little by little. Living life with normal stuff, but nothing big going.

Max's Communication Skills

I just thought I'd share a few examples about how I'm not worried at all about Max's verbal and communication skills even though his teachers at school are. I really think it is a case of him being shy and not knowing that he should and can talk to them. Or, he just picks up a vibe he doesn't like from them or the place. He had his second week of Sunday school this week and loved it. Went right in and started playing with the other children and didn't want to leave. I did take him early and we said a quick "Hi" to his teacher, then went to the sanctuary for him to play in the cry room for a bit before service started. I'm going to take off work next Tuesday and Thursday morning (not that work knows this yet) and go with them to his class so I can get my own observations before his Regional Center Assessment. And, the teachers can get other impressions on how he deals around me, which seems to be so different than from when he isn't.

Anyway, last night Max was up 3 times between midnight and 1 am. I was really confused and disoriented at first which is rare for me and rare to be woken up at this part of my sleep cycle. I stumble in the dark into Max's room and clear as day he said, "I need a fresh diaper". :) So, I changed his diaper and sure enough he had a poo. Back to bed with a few pleas to "sit down" in his room with him. I mumbled about going back to bed and being tired. He woke up again, repeat and rinse, except he didn't have a poo (that I could tell in the dark). He woke up a third time, but we both fell back asleep without me having to leave my bed again.

The other day, he woke up early. Too early even for my let's get prepared for the time change now thing I have going on, by shouting out (now that he's wanting to sleep with his door open, he can hear me if I shout across the house from my bed) that it's still too early go back to sleep. Most often, he does. The other day, he clearly shout back "I want this blanket". I went and gave him another blanket to which he replied "no THIS blanket" of which the second one must have been the one he wanted and he went back to sleep for another few hours almost making us late for Church.

After Church on Sunday, we went over to my friends for brunch. The kids are in different class rooms right next door, but didn't really get to see each other last week. We get out of the car and he starts talking to Charlie, to which Charlie responds, "Max is talking". And, they went off so that Charlie could show Max is room and all his toys and tell him he couldn't touch them because they were for big boys. :) Both Heather and her husband commented on how well and clear Max talks and that was even before I told them about the Regional Center assessment. We all had a good laugh when her husband walked by and clear as day Max's said "Hi Daddy" like the twins. We all agreed that Max was probably about on par with the twins communication wise who will be 4 in January.

A few weeks ago, I watched a friends dog while she went to a big family event out of town. When she got back, she was telling my how much more advanced Max was from the kids his age and older at the event, especially verbally. She doesn't even know about the Regional Center assessment thing.

He's counting to at least 10 in both English and Spanish. He knows the words and sings to a dozen or more songs including the ABC's. This weekend, when he was bouncing around his crib and playing and singing and doing everything except taking a nap, I was treated to a couple of rounds of the Happy Birthday song.

He talks about things that have happened in the past, like about riding the ponies at the pumpkin patch, which we did a few weeks ago that are so out of context to the situation at hand, and I (and others) can clearly understand what he is talking about and referring. His first week of Sunday school, I was a bit surprised to come in and find the teacher drawing snowmen for Max. I just laughed and agreed he had been into Snowmen lately. And, she laughed and said she felt a bit silly, but that's what he was asking and wanted.

I don't know anyone who has come in recent contact with him while I'm around who hasn't clearly understood him. Which is why I think the whole verbal/communication assessment laughable. But, I'm happy to do it and interested in hearing a professionals view point on the whole matter. Regardless of what they say or don't, I have no worries about this aspect of his development.

Max is still sleeping. Through a few toilet flushes. The new foster dog (who arrived yesterday) barking and chasing the cat around the house, me shouting at the dog, (repeat and rinse) and the trash truck going past our house (which is a sound he knows and loves). I'm assuming he is still alive, although I still do worry a tad when he sleeps late like this. The last few weeks, his night time sleep has been getting longer and his naps shorter and less predictable. I'm sure better in the long run, but I sure missed those marathon afternoon naps this weekend.

And, my little terror angel is stirring. Time to officially start a new day soon, cause the day doesn't actually start until Max is released from his crib you know. No matter how long I've been up before him.

Mind Games

Have I mentioned that I'm worried that the BCP's aren't doing their job and suppressing my ovulation? No? Yes? Hmmm. It's on my mind a lot. I think I've come up with the worst case scenario. I couldn't do transfer and they would have to freeze everything/anything. Not my first choice.

I called the clinic today to talk to my coordinator, but she was gone for the day. And, they are in the middle of cycle so are going to be busy this week so likely, I'll let it ride. I really need to go figure out what cd I'm supposed to be on.

All I can say is that I shouldn't be feeling my left ovary. I shouldn't. But, I am.

TGIF!

Oh what a week, what a week.

My boss asked me today how I was doing and I honestly told him. I'm tired out. After work, I want no interaction with anyone. I've put Max down and vegged quietly by myself. No reading. No TV. Very few phone calls. A few mindless computer games. And, that's been it. Work has sucked me dry the last few weeks. I'm glad I mostly have a calm weekend with few plans. We need it, Max, my booger nose boy, and I.

I did have girls night out tonight. Good food. Great company. We only manage to get together about 4 times a year, but it is nice when we do. My neighbor agreed to watch Max for me weeks and months ago (yes, we have to get them on the books well in advance these days) and she looked as tired as I felt. So, I felt a little guilt in that, but still glad I went.

Max started screaming when I started to leave and did the whole breath holding spell thing which made me realize it hadn't happened in quite awhile. It wasn't nearly as hard to leave him now that he is older as it was when he was so little. He woke up a bit when I went to check on him and said "momma sit down".* Then, rolled right over and fell back to sleep.

I realized on my way home how rare it is for me to drive at night anymore. Seriously, not more than a handful (nor more than two) times a year. I remember folks....yes, older folks....okay, what I would call OLD folks, at the time...saying they didn't like driving at night. OMG, I'm becoming one of those people. I was just so tired, and it was drizzling which is rare around here, and traffic was moving fast, the on coming lights were so bright and I realized I was tense and stressed. I was happy to be home safe and sound and in one piece.

Our plans for tomorrow got canceled (actually moved to a day when we can't make it) and I'm watching Nikki, my foster dog who was adopted earlier in the week for the owner who had to go out of town. Our big plans are to take the dogs to the dog/train park and stop by to see the 8:16 and 8:35 am trains, then going grocery shopping. Actually, I'm looking forward to it. All, that is, except that early morning wake up call that I know I will get. It's usually not bad, but after going out and getting to bed late, it's hard and a known price to pay.

* Max always wants me (and Noemi) to sit in the rocking chair in his room after he is put down for the night. I usually will for about 1 minute and then tell him, "it's the dogs turn. I need to go take the dogs out to go pooh pooh and pee pee". Which he tolerates well most of the time, and since I really am outside doesn't bother to cry since no one is around to hear him or cry. Or, for those middle of the night wakings where he needs to be soothed in person, "momma has to go potty" also works.

TGIF! TGIF!! TGIF!!!

Approved

Max was approved for services/assessments from the Regional Center. His service coordinator called today. The assessment is contracted out and will be conducted sometime between October 18 - November 18th for funding reasons and works better with my work schedule anyway.

Max was approved for two assessments 1) a full development assessment by a physical therapist 2) speech and language assessment by either a physical therapist or a speech and language specialist.

The speech and language one kind of makes me laugh because I think he does exceedingly well in this area. But, I'm happy to have him assessed in it, especially since he is so verbal with me and so non-verbal in a school setting not around me.

All and all, I'm kind of excited to see the results.

I'm not thinking Max will be perfect and am fine with him needing services. I'm just happy to be having an objective trained person to give impressions so we can have a plan or put things to rest. Yes, I will be truly and totally shocked if they find any major issues and concerns. However, as Max's ped and I discussed, labels get you services and the services are free. So, even though internally I'd be a tad worried I had completely missed a problem since the mother's instinct is supposed to be the deciding factor in all of this. I will know a label is just a label and says nothing about who Max is as a person (charming, smart, vocal little devil he is) or me as a mother. I actually think he will be ahead in some things and behind in others, but will be happy to see the results be they what they may.

After the assessments, my service coordinator will come to the house to review the results and we will talk about any ongoing service needs.

Interesting Converstation

Yesterday, amid the chaos and challenges of the day, I had a very interesting conversation. Mary (the lady who adopted Nikki, my foster dog), Barbara (who coordinates my fostering and adoptions for the golden retriever rescue), and I were doing the needed paper work (which is minimal) and talking. Mary asked me if I was a single mom, then if there was a father in the picture. :) I said yes, I'm a single mom and that I used donor sperm. It's funny because I could tell that Barbara was very interested even though she had never asked. Although we have "worked" together and had interactions for months, I guess she didn't feel it was appropriate to ask/felt comfortable asking herself, but she sure was happy to get details. :) I guess I'm the third person Mary knows who has gone this route. Both were very interested in whether I planned or had found half siblings. Barbara is also a single mom and shared that her daughter was adopted (although I'm not sure if she adopted as a single woman or adopted while married and then divorced). Her daughter is now a teenager and seems to be craving a genetic connection to someone. I explained on how the donor was willing to be known once Max was an adult and how I had not yet sought out siblings, but may in the future if that was something that was important to Max. And, I got the familiar question about whether I wanted more children and gave my standard...yes, I'd love another and I've been trying without success. And, added how that is one of the reasons I'm happy with fostering dogs for now instead of adopting. You could tell both women were interested, supportive, and a bit impressed. Not that I'm looking for approval or acceptance because of my choices and how I built/am building my family, but sometimes it comes in the oddest circumstances with the strangest people. I could tell both women were happy for me and respected that I had gone this route. Their interest seemed a bit more personal than the normal voyeuristic curiosity. Since this was a quick conversation in the middle of a hectic day while Max was throwing a fit because he didn't want to go for his nap and Roxy (the dog I was watching for the weekend was jumping all about making a nuisance of herself as only a small dog, IMO, can), we didn't get into details of our lives. However, it left me wondering about Barbara's journey to adoption and whether Mary (whose is 65 and lives alone) ever had children or wished the same options were available to her then that are available now. It was just a small, small part of yesterday, and yet, it is what is still with me today.

What a day, is it over yet?

It's been a long, long hard day. Nothing major just a bunch of hassles like Max fighting with Roxy (the dog I'm watching for a long weekend), having no internet connection today causing me to have to cancel two meetings, Max waking up hours before the crack of dawn, stuff like that. I got my draft contract from the lawyer today. It's 17 pages and I need a fresh mind to stay focused when reading legalese so I'm saving that for tomorrow.

Oh, and I came up with my latest worry today. I'm now worried that BCP's won't suppress me. I have never ever had a problem before. Yet, the last time I took them was before I started having the no response to stims things. I'm trying to convince myself that its such a long shot that I should not worry and certainly not panic that I'll get to Thanksgiving week only to find out that my body is once again doing its own darn thing. As such, I'll probably try to go in for an u/s in a week or two just to make sure and ease my fears.

Max's Ped Appointment

A friend reminded me that I put a teaser out there. I guess I was more of a tease than intended cause I just plain forgot to post about Max's pediatrician appointment the other week.

The appointment went well. I really like his ped and the practice a lot. Plus, I think it was very good to go just to talk/when Max didn't need a shot. Max didn't want to go in the room. He was just standing in the doorway saying "owie, owie, owie" over and over. It took both the nurse and I telling him there wasn't any shots to get him to cross the threshold.

Dr. H and I had a nice talk and he observed Max while we did. He was happy I told him he couldn't stop me from getting an assessment at this point if we were approved for one as he sees teachers as part of "the team" and it would be just more input. He also explained he was a late talker and turned out just fine, but in today's standards would have been referred for services. The bottom line is that he thinks Max is just fine and there are no serious issues. He makes eye contact. He talks. He did something for the sole purpose of trying to get Dr. H to laugh, can't remember what right now...my funny boy...that Dr. H said was a good sign (in that kids with autism and/or sensory issues don't often do. However, he does think that Max's fine motor skills are a bit behind. He pointed out that Max usually picks up things with his entire hand instead of just his finger and thumb. Since he pointed it out, I notice it is very true. I've set up a few scenario's like the "play the money game" where we dump the coins and put them back into the slot of "the bank". Max can pick them up with the pointer and thumb and will a few times, but then goes to the whole hand thing.

A day or two after Max's ped appointment our contact from the regional center called back to ask a few more questions, mostly to clarify, and I got the impression to see if she got the same answers. And, I told her about what Dr. H said as well as re-reviewed the feedback I had from the school.

Our case was supposed to have been presented last Wednesday. We should get a letter in the mail within 10 days either way indicated whether services will be provided/an assessment scheduled. If we are approved, a social worker will call to set up the assessment.

So, basically, just now waiting to see on whether we are approved or not.

I'm really fine with the whole thing now. After talking to a bunch of people, doing a little research, and observing Max, there is just no way there can be anything seriously wrong with him. If services aren't provided by the regional center, I'll just make an effort to work with Max more myself. It's funny. I had Max's teacher, who speaks Spanish, explain it all to Noemi. I had tried, but figured she didn't really understand even though she told me she did/though she did. When she got home on Tuesday after class, she told me what they said and was more put out and denying it (not quite argumentative) than I would ever think to be. She insisted that Max was fine and she had seen a lot of kids and there were no problems. It made me smile and a bit worried that she wouldn't be willing to work with him on things. There are a few things I've really wanted her to do like take Max in the pool more in the summer and read to him before nap (even buying lots of children's books in Spanish to aid in this), that just don't happen.

I like that after the ped appointment I know more of what to look for and activities to do to improve. At this point, I'm really hoping we are approved and receive services for just a little while. It will be anti climatic at this point to be denied. Plus, I'd just like to get another persons perspective and ideas on activities and improvement opportunities.

In the mean time, we just wait, wait, wait to hear the verdict. And, it's just adding to the waiting I'm doing for the cycle. I won't say I'm getting good at the whole waiting game, but I am getting a lot of practice.

Doggy Adoption

Hopefully, the last post made sense. I just posted it quickly when a potential adopter of my foster dog came and haven't gone back to read it/make sure it is even articulate.

It looks like my foster dog Nikki is going to be adopted tomorrow at noon PT. The lady seems very nice and I think it will be a good match. And, I'll get visitation rights/get to see Nikki a few more times at least. The lady adopting was concerned because she has plans to be out of town next weekend and a 4 day trip later in the month. She didn't want to adopt and then have to leaver her, which I agree with her and don't think Nikki would do well with that situation. So, I told her I'd be happy to take Nikki back while she was out of town so she didn't have to worry.

She made some comment about it being hard to foster and let them go. And, really, I'm not ready to adopt my own so the fostering is perfect. I've been happy to have Nikki and am happy that she is going to such a great home. I feel really good about fostering, like I'm giving back to the community...kind of like I feel about being the polling place for my precinct...in a way that I enjoy. And, I'm happy I'm doing this for Max, who just loves, loves, loves the doggies. At some point in my future, I know we will be ready for a new dog of our own, but now just isn't the time.

Sunday School

Max had his first day of Sunday school today. It was the first time I left him alone in a classroom setting. He did fine. He cried a bit when I said I was leaving, but then his teacher (who has twin boys in the 3 year old class) got him interested in tractors. I had thought about staying the first week, but I was feeling tired and crabby since I stayed up too late and knew the break would be good for both of us and my friend enrolled her 3 year olds so we were meeting to go to mass together. However, Max is too much. As soon as he was "freed" from the classroom, he walked right over to the cry room in the sanctuary and hung out in there making sure that I realized he didn't consider Sunday school church. After he played in the sanctuary for awhile listing and commenting on the music of the choir practicing for the 11 am mass, he then went and played on the playground like we normally would have. And, no time for going out to eat at the restaurant then. Max is too much and had me laughing up a storm. I was floored when I realized he didn't want to go play on the playground and when he walked right into the "cry room" bypassing all of the activity and people in the hall getting donughts and announced. Church! I may try to get to the early service next week with him before his Sunday school since it appeared missing it was important to him, but don't think they have music at that one so he probably won't like it so much.

Undeserved

I've been troubled by something odd this week. I had a performance review and received an "above average" rating on my performance. Now, in truth, I can't remember a time in recent years when I haven't received such a rating, but they changed the definitions, the criteria if you will, for this review and based on that, I truly shouldn't have received that rating. When I got the review, I was happy, but surprised. I talked to my peer, a guy I have a lot of respect for a bit later to give him a "heads up" on something that came up in the course of my conversation with my boss that he would want to know about. My peer had also had his review that day and asked me straight out what I had received. It made me uncomfortable and maybe I shouldn't have, but I told him. My peer received an average rating and I got the hard coveted above average for the group. And, I know in my heart of hearts that our performance is similar and should have received a similar rating. However, I have a better/more known history not only with my boss, but my boss's boss, who is new to being his boss, and who I have worked as a peer with in the past. So, this is really good news for me and sucky for him and I have been feeling bad about it.

Yesterday, I signed the loan docs for my refinance and woke up feeling a bit stressed about the monthly payment and how much of my paycheck it was going to take and how I was going to make ends meet and what and where could I cut back on to make things so there won't be so financially tight because there is no way I can afford to pay any credit card debt along with this mortgage payment.

I started thinking that what I really need is more money each month. And, finally, I'm not feeling so badly for the rating anymore because it means that I will likely get a raise sooner rather than later and that will help. I'm not usually a person so driven by money, but at times like these it will sure come in handy and help.

Loving It!

No, I'm not loving the fact that it is 12:40 am and I'm up. Not that part.

I'm loving Max's communication skills at the moment.

He woke up crying. I waited and he still wasn't settling. Almost dozed back off, then he started it again. So, I went in and asked him what was the matter, not really expecting any response other than more milk.

What I got back was "Momma, itchy, want cream". So, I got him up, changed his diaper, put lotion on his legs. And, now he is back to sleep or at least quiet.

I would have never figured that one out. So, far anyway, the terrible two's hasn't really been so terrible. Yes, Max melts down on occassion when he can't get his way, but I almost always understand him these days.

It's really great. I don't always get back the response I expect, but it is nice that he can tell me the real deal eliminating the guess work.

Back to bed for me. Night night.

All systems go....

This Donor Egg thing is really going to happen. My money came in on Friday and I was able to deposit it that day. They have a hold on the funds and will release about $5K on 10/5 and the rest on 10/16.

The check is in the mail to the agency as of a few minutes ago along with a notarized copy of the agency agreement. Really, it is two checks one to be deposited on Friday and the other on the 16th for the remaining money due to above said hold. Just like that $23K gone. It causes me to think "Holy Crap! What the hell am I doing? That's a lot of money" (or alternately "Holy Fuck, this is real and going to happen."

I picked out a lawyer. His check is in the mail along with a retainer agreement. I could have met with him face to face, but it would take at least 1/2 a day round trip which I just don't have right now.

I got the CD3 lab results from my donor today. Her FSH is 4.9 and estradiol 33. My agency endeared themselves to me when they authorized those labs last week when my donor got her period even though it is against their policy to do so without having their money. I was actually very good about not stressing about the money and when it would come because I had/have done everything in my power to get it as fast as I could. I was resigned to getting delayed if needed, but am thrilled, thrilled, thrilled, they trusted me enough when I said I was 100% committed to the cycle and there was 0% the money would not be available and that it was just a timing issues.

I'm getting my period today. Just spotting and cramping and general blah bloated feeling that a nice cheeseburger and chocolate shake will help I'm sure. Hey, I had to celebrate (with a cheap drive thru meal since the big bucks are not going towards food these days) on the way home from the motorization/mail stop, right?

I paid the deposit to my clinic a few weeks ago on a card and the rest of the money isn't due for awhile...maybe early November?...so plenty of time to pay that once the hold is lifted on the rest of the money.

Like mentioned above, occasionally, I get freaked out over the money thing. Every now and again, I feel extreme fear (terror really) that I'll go through all this and it won't work. Sometimes, I'm sad that I didn't conceive with my own eggs and have to go this route. Others, I'm angry as hell and pissed that it didn't work with my own eggs. Mostly, I'm getting excited. It's feeling a bit surreal.

When I really stop and think about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, I feel peace. It took me awhile to get here, but I now that I am. I know that I'm on the right path for me and for my family. I take a deep breath and remind myself of that when I start stressing.

Bottom line: ALL SYSTEMS GO. WE ARE APPROVED FOR TAKEOFF.

Donor Details

I don't think I have yet posted it. Here is the high level calendar and my donor's previous cycle history. I don't even know this woman and can care less about her true motivation, I'm just grateful that women like her exist that 1) have decent eggs and 2) are willing to share them.

Start stims November 28th with travel to CA on Dec 3rd for a first appointment on Dec 4th. Anticipated retrieval is between the 6th through 12th, depending on the donor (your donor would probably be on/around Dec 8th or 9th).

Here is her previous history:
5X Prior Donor (I'll be her 6th cycle)

April 2004 - 25 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 14 viable at day-3, 3 transferred; singleton pg (8 frozen)

July 2004 - 17 eggs retrieved, 12 fertilized, 11 day-3
embryos, 3 transferred and 3 frozen; singleton birth

March 2005 - 18 eggs retrieved, 16 mature, 15 fertilized with ICSI (male factor), 12 viable at day-3, 2 tx'd and 7 frozen - singleton pregnancy

July 2005 - 23 eggs retrieved, 21 mature, 18 fertilized, 13
viable on day-3, 2 tx'd and 9 frozen and twin pregnancy

June 2006 - 22 eggs retrieved, 19 mature, 16 fertilized, 11 viable day-3 embryos, 2 transferred, 7 frozen and singleton pg.

She will be 27 at time of ER.