Current Reading List

Last week while on vacation/doing the surgery thing, my cousin picked me up two books (the first two) out of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum Series. I read the first last week “One for the Money” and have started the second “Two for the Dough”. Entertaining, engaging, light reading. Just what I need right now. Even stayed up a bit late last night reading. Max is napping. Must spend free time reading instead of something productive like pay bill or surf the internet. Haven’t really read in ages. It feels nice.

Plan

I have a plan. I have a plan. I have a plan.

Saw RE today under the guise of a post-op follow-up. That took 30 seconds. Rest of time spent “consulting” (read…me asking questions, him responding, us coming up with plan). It starts tonight with estrogen shots (.2 cc’s) twice a week (M and Th) until the end of November for an early December IUI cycle. Modified estrogen priming. No BCP’s, Lupron, Antigon or suppression of any kind. Will start Dex with stims.

Very pleased with plan. (not that it will work, but at least it is a plan, something else to try).

Early December IUI (TWO YEARS AGO NOW) was when I conceived Max.

Would love another December conception. Here’s to hoping December is my month. God, I hope this plan works.

Very tired. Max very fond of 4 am wake up’s recently. Refused nap entirely today.

Early night night for both of us tonight.

Nigh Nigh

What’s a momma to do when these words are whispered by your son as he pulls his blankie from his crib as you are preparing his bath and his bedtime is still at least 40 minutes off?

Max: Nigh Nigh

Me: You want to go night night? What about your bath? You don’t want to take a bath?

Max: Nigh Nigh (as he holds onto his blankie with one hand and his crib with his other)

So, I put him to bed in the clothes he had on, then realize I needed to put a fresh diaper so changed him into his PJ’s as he was sucking down his cup of milk.

Do I think it was the right thing to do? Absolutely! Did I pay this morning with an early morning 4 am wake up call? Yes!! Was the wake up call even more painful than usual because I had taken a Vicodin AND Benadryl at 3 am? Hell Yes!!!

I think I actually dozed on the couch a bit while he padded around and watched a DVD. I’m STILL dragging. Very, very tired.

Let’s Vote

Why don’t we vote on the best title for this entry? Anyone game?

A. cd2 lab results
B. Mystery Solved
C. the news just gets better and better
D. All of the Above

I finally got my cd2 labs back.

FSH = 6
E2 = 46
Inhibin B = 7

Let me do a quick rating of these numbers.

FSH = 6 = Very Good
E2 = 46 = Good/Decent
Inhibin B = 7 = HORRIBLE

Got to love Dr. N....

"Inhibin B level was 7 which is lower than we would like (Day 3 inhibin B levels should be over 40 pg/ml to suggest good ovarian reserve.). This is consistent with the response we have seeing in you".

The master of understatement.

Dr. N wants to stim me hard. Even harder than what we have in the past, which was pretty hard. I'm not sure there is value in that since the amount of stims doesn't seem to make a difference. I need to do more research. The only reference to any kind of treatment I have seen so far is prednisone and Dexamethasone. Prednisone and Dex are both corticosteroids. Interestingly enough, low Inhibin B seems to be a cause of early m/c. And, the only cycle carried to term, so far anyway, is one where I was on dex.

I wish I could find some natural way to increase Inhibin B since I have several months with which to do so.

Home Sweet Home

Surgery went well. I stayed last night in the hospital for observation because of a reaction to the anesthesia (nausea and vomiting) and low blood pressure. Notice how I didn’t say that I SLEPT last night at the hospital because the truth is, I only got brief cat naps in between 1 and 4 after being given an Ambien. I got home around 12:30 pm today and had lunch and waited until Max woke up from his nap to give him a quick cuddle. Then, Noemi fed him lunch and took him off to the park so I could have a much needed nap. The only good thing about the over night stay was that it kept me from disobeying dr.’s orders and over doing it. The biggest restriction is no lifting anything over 5 lbs for 4 – 5 days with Max now weighing in at 23 lbs. Good thing my cousin is here to help. And, my sister was great and drove over last night to relieve Noemi and did early morning duty with Max until she was relieved by Noemi. It was a huge help and a big stress reduction.

I’ve had little to moderate pain, nothing unmanageable at all. The only hard part was the vomiting from the anesthesia. I was feeling pretty bad there for awhile. The female parts looked great. There was a small cyst on my left ovary, which is cyclical and not a problem, but he drained anyway since he was there. Tubes are open. Uterus looks good. No problem taking out either the gallbladder or the appendix. However, the multi-purpose surgery was a blessing in disguise as they found two long stringy lesions holding down my intestines. I didn’t talk to the doctors (or at least I don’t remember talking to them) but my cousin said they said that it “was concerning” and I would likely have ended up in ER soon with a bowel obstruction since the intestines could have wrapped their way around them, causing me to loose part of them. My cousin got the impression that the only reason they saw the lesions was because they turned the camera to look at the female parts. Oh, and, the surgery took a bit longer because my bile duct was swollen. Even though the last scan of the area didn’t show any stones in it, they took 20 minutes or so to wait for an x-ray to be certain. Likely this was caused by the progesterone, which is why Dr. N wanted me to have the surgery in the first place.

I got this Ah ha moment, after the surgery, where things became crystal clear of why things may not have worked out the way you wanted, but the way they were meant to be. Probably being pregnant with the intestines issue would have been a very bad thing, not to mention the whole gallstone thing on top of it.

Anyway, all is well. I think I am going to go climb in bed and read a bit and hope for more sleep tonight than last, which shouldn’t be hard since my brief nap of this afternoon already beat last nights total. I do which I could relax in a nice warm bath, but that is off limits for 3 weeks. I’m glad to be home and glad to have this behind me.

Today’s The Day

Today is the big surgery. Still not even a teeny weeny worry about the procedure itself. Still just a little worried about what Dr. N will have to say about my female parts. Mostly worried that today is the first day Noemi* is going to drive Max in her car. We got the word yesterday afternoon that the extra coverage was added to her insurance. I’m sure that it is a very good thing that I will be under anesthesia at the time this is going to occur. The truth of the matter is, and I told Noemi this, that if I did not trust her she would not be driving Max period. This after I gave her a copy of my drivers license with a note that said she had permission to drive my son that includes his full name, DOB, and my numbers. I’m sure all will be fine with both the surgery and with Noemi driving Max. Still, just have a little niggling worry. And, completely hungry and thirsty, of course, since I have had nothing to eat since after midnight. Mostly, really thirsty. Sigh. And, I’m sure that after the surgery I won’t feel like eating. Hey, maybe a way to kick start some weight loss here. Okay, must finish my hair (washed, dried, and am curling it) since don’t know when I will be able or will feel like doing this and an oily itchy scalp just drives me crazy.

* I now have a copy of Noemi’s drivers license and this is how her name is spelt. I’m assuming this is the official spelling and the one I am sticking with now and forever more.

All is well

All is well on the home front, just busy. My cousin is in town with her daughter* for the week; saw both my sisters at different times this weekend; my mom was here from Saturday mid-day until today (Monday) mid-day; and my cousin and I went to a “sex party” AKA “love boutique” over the weekend. Yesterday, my cousin took Max and her daughter to a local harvest festival while I cleaned my garage and moved baby/infant toys and clothes from the spare room to the garage. Today, I cleaned my office and paid bills while Niomi watched Max and Carolyn and Terri and my mom shopped. I haven’t quite gotten everything done I wanted (like take Max to the Zoo), but I think Terri is going to take Niomi, Carolyn, and Max tomorrow while I do pre-op stuff. I feel a bit like a bad mom, because I don’t have a lot of passion on being with him on his first trip to the zoo, but do want him to go. I’ll just tell them to take lots of pictures. (smile)

Not worried at all about the surgery itself. Felt a bit panicked this morning that Dr. N was going to tell me that my female parts inside are shriveled up black crap and to give up the t42 thing as another full sibling for Max is out of the questions. I have no clue on what they should look like, but I have vivid visualizations of what could and shouldn’t look like.

I have been thinking a lot about Max and being the mom of a boy. Several times recently, I have just looked at him and felt sure that I am likely a better mom to him than I would have been to the girl I thought and was sure I was having until that 30w peri appointment. Usually, this thought comes to me as I am letting him stomp through and splash in a mud puddle or some other stereotypical “boy” behavior. I grew up with 3 sisters. Four of Max’s five first cousins are female. We were a “girl” family and I was just so sure that would continue with me. It was all I knew. I wasn’t sad or upset when I found out “she” was a “he”. In fact, I laughed in disbelief and didn’t quite believe it until Max was born. Like many people, when I thought of a sibling for Max, I thought it would be nice to have a girl. You know, the whole b/g thing. However, the more Max is in my life, the more I see the beauty of having a son and find myself hoping that if I am able to have another child that it is a brother for Max. It just feels so right and natural and fun and easy. I know how hard and moody girls can be, especially during the teen years. I was prepared for that and if I am blessed to give birth to another child, I will be ecstatic no matter the gender, but a little part of me is calling …just a whisper mind you…for another boy.

I have a friend that has b/g twins. She and her husband were so thrilled that they had one of each. The “complete” ready made family. As she lost her first daughter during PTL; her second daughter after 11 days in the NICU; and her twins were delivered via surrogacy, the thought of having one of each really thrilled both her and her husband. We were having lunch last week and talking about the difference between boys and girls. ** She was commenting on how hard it was to have twins of different genders. Her daughter knows all her alphabet, can count to 20, and knows all of her colors. Her son could care less and is more interested in how the wheels turn on the car, cause and effect, stuff like that. She is a SAHM (who is trying to finish a book on the side that was started before the birth/death of her first daughter) and just signed up to put them in preschool early next year. She had just done and “art” project with them and was lamenting how hard it was because they are so different and trying to fill the needs of both of them because of the differences.

On the other hand, I have another friend who had b/b twins a few weeks before Max. She already had a boy and always wanted a daughter. She ended up with 3 sons. Recently, we were talking about how much easier it is to have all boys and how it will continue to get easier as they grow -- easier and less costly to dress, similar interests, etc. And, a part of her is still sad that she won’t have the mini-me girl of which she always dreamed.

Anyway, like I said, I’ll be thrilled if I am able to have another child. Period. While I thought I was having a girl for my first, I was really fine with either. Now, I look at Max and a part of me, a secret part deep inside, kind of hopes that I can give Max a brother.

When I haven’t been pondering that, I have been worrying a bit about how at even such a young age Max is influenced by his peers and other children. A recent example of this is when he came up last week and “practiced” balancing on one foot. Of course, it took me two days what he was trying to do. But, when I asked Niomi whether kids at the park were doing that, she laughed and said yes. Funny kid my Max. At 14 months, he will practice, practice, practice until he moves on to practice something else be it opening and closing the door; climbing up stairs or on/off a cart; or how to balance on one foot.

I’ve also been worrying a bit about Niomi taking Max in her car. It is time for both of them. I’m not worried about her kidnapping Max, or getting into an accident (even though I insisted her car insurance be increased), or anything like that. She is very, very careful with him. I guess it is just another step towards independence. We got the car seat installed in her car today and are just waiting on confirmation that the insurance changes. She so wanted to go today.

I’ve also been pondering life’s mysteries. Like how my car didn’t start about a month ago after leaving the hatch up for maybe 20 – 30 minutes while loading up to take my mom to the airport (used her car to jump mine and have been keeping the cables in the car just in case); but how it started up just fine last week after I left the hatch up, apparently for almost 24 hours (must have left it up after our walk one day and didn’t realize it until we went to go again the next day) last week in a state of haze when Max got me up in the 4 am hour all week. And, how it has been starting, but turning over slow and how the clocks have reset themselves twice now. And, how I should probably take it into the shop, but I don’t really have the time or the money for a huge repair fee right now. And, how much risk am I assuming by not addressing this issue.

So, life is mostly good. Busy in a good way. I have some worries and some concerns and life isn’t perfect, but all and all. It’s good.

Maybe I should be more worried about the surgery. But, I’m not. I hope I heal fast and can enjoy the rest of my week off. I’ve heard mixed bags on recovery from similar surgeries. I hate being laid up and am hoping I’m up and about quickly. Hey, it is outpatient surgery, right? How bad can it be?

Lastly, I guess I hope I don’t regret not getting my trust/living will together. Maybe it would have been better if I was a tad worried about this because the reality is that any time you are put under anesthesia and have surgery, there is a chance for complications. I’m prepared for minor ones (hence, how happy I am that my cousin is here for the week, just in case), but not major ones like death. I guess I wouldn’t live to regret it since I would be dead, but I really need to get “my house” in order and get things set up. I need to make it more of a priority.

Anyway, it’s late. I’m tired. Tomorrow will be another busy day.

* Max thinks she is the best toy in town and she is having fun with him as well. She's 8 and had a lot of change these last few months (moving from MI to AZ with her mom and dad, but older sibs staying in MI). A win-win.

** She “sees” clearly that I am able to have a second child and that it is a girl. Wish I had the hope and faith that I will be able to have a second.

Recent Pic's

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

And, I told myself I wasn't going to be on the computer all night after working every night the last week or so. Sigh. But, he is a cutie and I just couldn't resist. I had forgotten about so many of the pictures until I unloaded the camera tonight. I just love my little guy so much.

Bitter Sweet

Max is getting so big and growing up so fast. I haven’t put him on the scale recently, but I swear he has gained at least 5 pounds almost overnight. He is solid and getting heavy. Niomi and I both noticed it at the same time so it’s not just me.

One of the many gifts Niomi got Max for his birthday was a “potty”. I, of course, thought she was out of her mind; that Max was way too young; and figured it would just sit around collecting dust. But, I kept my thoughts to myself and under the rationale that it couldn’t harm, put it in the bathroom, and decided to go with the flow. I think Niomi could tell I was a bit reluctant, in spite of my best efforts to pretend otherwise, and asked I wanted to put it away while assuring me that it was better for them to get used to it now because if you waited until the child was 2 or 3 they were afraid of it and it was harder. I assured her, no, let’s leave it there and see how it goes. Well, I have to say, that Niomi was right on this. Max has been pee’ing in it pretty regularly before and after bath. He “gets” it and is so proud. Now, he is also pee’ing in the tub and on his carpet and anyplace else he can while his diaper is off. These are not accidents. He knows what he is doing. He is like a dog marking his territory. He is so pleased with himself. I’m giving him lots of praise for going in the toilet and either ignore or give a silent groan (can’t help it) when he goes else where. I think this approach is helping a little. This morning, I could tell he was about to have a poo so I took the seat to the “little” potty and put it on the “big” potty. Within 1 minute, he had poo’d and was so thrilled and pleased with himself. Of course, I took him off to soon and he pee’d on the bathroom floor just after that. (smile) Tonight, before bath I asked him if he wanted to pee on the big potty or the little one. Right away, he pointed to the big one. Put him on it with the converter seat and within seconds, he had pee’d. Now, he is not potty “trained” by any means, but I think it will happen sooner rather than latter since he really does seem to understand. I have not pushed or prompted him in any way. He showed interest in it and I just helped get him undressed when he seem to indicated that was what he wanted. Only once has he not gone within a minute of sitting on the toilet and wanted to get off (which of course I let him do). Left to my own devises, I would not have even thought of exposing him to this until after he was two.

And, today, we finally switched him off the bottle. Last weekend, I finally found a transition cup that would work based on his skill level without making a huge mess. I probably have at least 10 different types of various sippy or child type cups I have bought and tried over the last 6 months or so, but they have all been more trouble than they were worth for us. The Nuby is the one that has finally worked. He has been taking water out of it since the day I got it. Today, Niomi gave his milk in it before his nap and I did the same tonight before bed AND no fuss, no muss, no problem. It was the non issue I hoped it would be. And, yes, it is very similar to a bottle, but ….hey, it is “technically” a cup so I’m counting it. Too bad I only got two.


Here is a picture of Max tonight before bed. We were practicing sticking out our tongues while reading Do’s and Don’t by Todd Parr.




I’m so happy that Max is growing and developing and advancing at almost an alarming rate. We have so much fun together. Yes, he can whine and throw a fit or scream in this loud piercing voice that can grate on your last nerve and give you a headache when he can’t have his way immediately at times. He is a kid and an explorer and adventurer who may not be talking, but can usually communicate loud and clear his wishes, desires, and preferences. LOL. I love where he is at and watching him move from a baby into a little boy. It really is quite amazing. And, it is bitter sweet and I miss the cuddly little baby he was. It makes me so long for another.

Now that I am in “wait” mode, I’m just cruising along and work has been crazy busy. This is why I haven’t been around. I’ve been taking a break to spend the evening with Max and working for several more hours after he is down. Then, I’m too keyed up to sleep and have been going to bed late and dragging and cringing in the morning when it is time to get up. Next week, I’m out all week and my cousin will be here to visit, but I have the pre-op on Tuesday and the surgery on Wednesday so I don’t think I will be able to get done as much as I would like.

Max is just growing up so gosh darn fast.

cd 1

And so begins a new cycle and sadly I really am sitting this one completely out with no allusions of even attempting to cycle. But, at least there is a plan. -- Surgery, Wait a Cycle, Estrogen Priming Cycle, Real Cycle (and hope and pray that I at least have some kind of response). Part of me was very happy to get my period today because it is a sign that my body is at least behaving predictably badly**. Yesterday, I really didn’t think I would start for awhile and usually I can tell when I am going to. Part of me was very sad because it was the end of another cancelled cycle that although it seems so long ago now, I actually took meds for a week or so. Part relieved to have this cycle finally behind me so I can move on.

Very, very tired tonight. Probably partly because of my period and mostly because Max has been waking my up very early all week in the dreaded 4 o’clock hour. I’ve said it before, but I REALLY hate getting up in that hour. I wish he would either go back to the routine of waking up around 3:15 or 3:30 (which my body is now trained to do and I am still waking up then) take a bottle and go back to sleep (both of us) for another hour or two or stretch it out and sleep until 5 – 5:30 straight. Last night, I tried putting him down 30 minutes later and knew when I was doing it that it would probably have the reverse affect like every other time I have tried it and he woke up 30 min. early. Sigh.

Work still very, very busy. Just finished working.

Gallstone pain has started again today. Felt brief spurts of pain this morning and it is getting worse (meaning more intense pain). Sigh. Glad the surgery is schedule. I’ll probably call the internist and ask for some pain killers just in case it gets really bad over the weekend. He offered when I saw him, but I declined at the time because I thought it was a kidney stone that had already passed at the time, but he said I could call and get one if I needed it. Maybe I will ask him for Ambien (sleeping pill) as well. Have stayed away from doing so because it is something that I think I could easily become dependent on, but on the other hand, I am already taking both Tylenol PM and Valerian Root to help me sleep on a regular basis. I have had sleep issues for as long as I remember but they are a bit worse right now because I am loosing sleep on both ends. I’m having trouble falling asleep because I am working after I put Max down and not having time to unwind and then he is getting me up early. I plan to try to nap over the weekend when he does to see if it helps me feel less tired.

Anyway, off to bed. Didn’t mean to ramble. This was supposed to be short. Just wanted to say that today is the start of a new cycle and I have mixed emotions about it.



** ~ 22 day cycle if ovulating which I have been doing since my first clomid cycle in early 2003 and ~ 28 days if I did not ovulate which happened after I stopped BCP’s to start ttc until I did my first clomid cycle. Of course, at the time I didn’t KNOW I wasn’t ovulating and only grew quite frustrated with trying to BBT chart and such.

Holy Crap! (aka Max – The Climber)

Remember me saying that Max was climbing before he was walking? That I really need to watch him every second? Well, I turned my back on him for about 30 seconds while I filled up a bucket of Biz to soak his clothes from this morning (played in a mud puddle at the park) and where do I find him? On the top rung of the ladder (a tall one) I have in my guest room (think vaulted ceiling) from replacing the battery in a fire detector. The ladder was left in there/up because I can’t get the stupid cover back on. Yes, the very top. Very pleased with himself I might add and not caring a wit about the fright he gave me. Yes, I know the ladder should have been put away, but ….my excuse is that I have been keeping the door to that room closed. I guess it didn’t get closed yesterday after the cleaning person was here. I really don’t think I am a negligent mom, but sometimes I sure feel that way. I guess the good thing is that it all ended well and that he really is a very good climber. Ah, this dare devil kid of mine. Ladders at 13 months. I think this does not bode well for the future. Instead of some nice sport like track or baseball or basketball or even football, he is probably going to be interested in some off the wall extreme sport or something and things like this are just to get me prepared.

cd 28

Today is cd28. But, I’m sure I’m the only one counting/keeping track. I was wrong the other week about my period coming. Just goes to prove how screwed up my hormones are and that I didn’t ovulate this month. Good thing I didn’t waste a precious vial of sperm cycling this month as originally planned. Getting lots of zits/pimples, feeling greasy in general, and emotional. Mostly teary eyed and occasionally anxious. Lovely. I'm sure overwork, being tired, and stressed isn't helping. Decided to just see where things go since I have that surgery anyway. Speaking of which, I found out that my surgery is scheduled for October 11th at 12:30 pm. Been wondering if the whole screwed up hormone thing is my own fault for inducing a cycle when I stopped breastfeeding. Probably not, but can’t help but wonder and find a way to blame myself somehow instead of just believing that it just “is”.

“More”

Max has another word in his arsenal. The baby sign/sign language for more. He has been physically doing it on and off for a week or so, but I wasn’t sure if he really understood or knew what it meant because mostly he did it during meal time when he was towards the end of the meal. However, this morning, the smart little boy of mine showed he clearly DID understand.

We were at the park before work and he was in the swing. I had pushed him, but the swing was starting to slow down. He looked directly at me, distinctly signed “more”, and gave me a big smile. Then started laughing away when I asked him if he wanted me to push him some more. So, of course, I did. He kept signing more, more, more until he got going as fast as he wanted. When it slowed, he signed for some “more”. We had a grand ole time for about 20 minutes with this little game as he leaned his head back letting the swinging motion take him; leaning head forward to feel a different sensation.

So, we are up to two distinct signs (more and no more) and 4 words (momma, duck, quack, and cat) that I can recognize and understand. Very clever kid, if I do say so myself.

Reason #1027

I came up with reason #1027 this weekend on why I am still single. I’d tell you what it is, but I have forgotten. I’m sure that is why the number of reasons is so high. LOL. Just kidding, I do remember, vaguely. Hey, I was drinking wine at the time and I haven’t done that in forever. It had to do with how it is still very hard for me having Niomi in my house every day touching my stuff, especially stuff in my bedroom. I mean I tolerate it, but it still bugs me, sometimes more than others. You’d think since it has been almost a year, that I would get used to it. I was telling my SMC friends how Niomi has this thing with expiration dates.* Last week, she was telling me that the milk was expired since the date on the carton was that day. I told her to use it anyway since that was a sell by date and it would be good for a few more days. Then, she goes in my room and hands me the condoms that were in my panty drawer and tells me that they expired in 2001. I agreed that they should be thrown out. Sigh. I don’t really like anyone touching my sheets or my towels, but – come on – my panty drawer? My condoms? Sigh. Her heart really is in the right place. I know this is my issue (ID as #1027). However, if I ever do need to get another nanny for some reasons, I think I am going to specify up front that my room is off limits unless specifically requested for some specific action.

* Probably, this is a good balance for me that clearly doesn’t pay enough attention to expiration dates and consciously used expired meds for my last cycle. I’m sure my lackadaisical attitude for them drives her just as crazy as her touching my stuff does me.

The Best

I was thinking about what a good time I had this weekend. It got me through the work day today when people were just trying to irritate me and piss me off (not really, but it did seem that way at times).** I really enjoyed everything (expect Max’s disrupted sleep) this weekend like the kids interacting and how we all just pitched in and things got done without any one person either doing more or worse someone just sitting around doing nothing to help; how everyone had fun; how great everyone gets along. However, I really think the part I liked the best was when the kids were all asleep and we just sat around talking having real conversations that we could pay attention to and complete. It is really rare and like anything rare, making it much more precious and valuable. The only thing that would have made that better was if we could have stayed up later. LOL. However, we knew that we would have to pay the piper so went to bed at a reasonable hour.

** I really should be working now, but decided I just can’t face it even if I will pay tomorrow.

The Surgeon

I met with the surgeon today about my gallbladder removal. It went well. I liked the guy. He was just a tad cocky, but I rather like that in a surgeon. I’d rather have one confident and sure of himself than not, KWIM? His stats are very, very good. Exponentially better than the national average, like he has never had to make a larger incision and the national average is 1:200. There was something else that was 1:300 that he had never have happen either, but can’t remember what stat that was. I could probably find it online if I looked. Also, he has never had a person have to get admitted with this surgery due to complication. He said “no problem” when I told him I wanted Dr. N to take a look while I was “open” and then explained that I wouldn’t really be open and how it would be 4 little incisions (causing me to laugh and say, that I really did know that). He also mentioned that I could have my appendix taken out at the same time and that it only added a few minutes to the surgery. I’m going to think about it and do a bit of research, but I can’t think of any reason why I shouldn’t. He also said, it should be no problem having the surgery the week of Oct. 9th when my cousin is here and I have vacation scheduled. All in all a good appointment. And, even though I left late from the appointment, I hit no real traffic and made it home at least 15 minutes before Niomi was scheduled to leave, although she had said it was no problem if I was late.

Great Getaway

Max and I had a wonderful weekend away with a group of SMC’s. Five terrific women with 5 terrific kids. It really was the perfect outing after the work stress and ttc obstacles every time I turn around of late. The only thing that would have made it better was if Max slept a bit more and was a little less crabby. He wasn’t terrible, but was a little off. We left at his nap time and he slept almost the whole way home. This gave us the afternoon home to get unpacked and get groceries and get ready for another week. It was like his toys were new after not seeing them for two days. :)

My heart and prayers have gone out to my friend Heather who lost her dog Daphne this past week from Cancer. Heather and I met through our dogs about 8 years ago. I had a whole blog written about it in my head, but was working late every night last week after Max went to bed so didn’t have the time. Suffice it to say that her two dogs and my two dogs were very similar. She and I both have lost our younger dog to cancer this year. I know how hard a loss this is. When we talked about it, she made an interesting comment that has stuck with me that Daphne was the last dog that would ever really be “hers” because any future pets would be more of the kids dogs. I see her point and feel her sadness. Nothing like doggie love. Nothing. Her Daphne was like my Lucky and I can still get teary eyed at the oddest times like when I see a lost Frisbee at the park because Frisbee’s were one of her all time favorite toys, especially when she was a puppy, and Lucky have been gone almost 6 months now. :(

My heart and prayers also go out to a friend of the friend that hosted us this weekend who was seriously injured in a boogie boarding accident (broke his neck) and died last week. It was a freak accident that just shows up precious life is and how quickly it can be gone. It is another reminder that I need to get my paperwork (trust and living will) in order soon. I have been saying that since before Max was born. I need to just do it. :(

Speaking of 6 months, it has been 6 months now since I started trying for a second child. It is taking its toll. The weekend away did wonders to help lighten my mood and just relax with women who get it. Three of the five of us are tying, so far unsuccessfully, for a second child.
:( ---> :)

I meet with the surgeon tomorrow about my gallstones and just remember that I have not yet filled out the paper work (hmmm, where IS that paper work?) and didn’t shower yet today and I need to load the dishwasher. Ah, life. I’m very tired, but in a good way. As opposed to the stressed out, over worked high strung tired I was last week before the weekend get away. Ah, the difference a few days away with friends can make.

On and In

Until the last week, Max has only taken things off or out. The blocks/shapes OUT of the container or the blocks OFF of the train or spike that held them. He has, just in these last few days, started putting things ON and IN. He put a block back ON the train a few days ago. He got so happy when I cheered him that he did it a few more times just for the glorious praise. Then, last night, he started putting the blocks back IN the container. I again gave him lots of praise and cheered and clapped and told him how great it was that he was cleaning up. I really did it up. He was so proud and thrilled he had to do it again and again, with the same block. Very funny!

Later last night, I was preparing a bath for him and turned around to find out that he had put the book he was carrying with him IN the toilet. To which he got a groan and a Max, we do not play in the toilet. LOL.

Ah, this child development is just truly amazing. This kid of mine is just truly amazing!

Lobulated

What does lobulated mean?

According to my RE, “It means bumpy.”

Why do I care?

When I picked up my medical records from the CT Scan it said "The uterus is slightly lobulated, perhaps related to fibroids".

When I asked my RE what it meant, he said “It means bumpy. Most commonly, fibroids can cause this. You do have small (<2 cm) fibroids on your uterus, but I would not remove these as they can cause more problems such as scarring on the uterus.”

And, this is how I found out, just today, that I have fibroids again. The news keeps getting better and better. I had what was thought to be two small fibroids (but, turned out to be 5 small fibroids) removed in August 2004 after my first m/c because recent studies were showing that small fibroids could cause m/c in up to 50% of the time. And then, I conceived and carried Max to term. Most likely, my recent m/c (and who knows probably my first one as well) was caused by bad egg quality and not fibroids. I just felt so much better having them removed and could have sworn that I was told I had no fibroids or polyps after my fluid u/s done before I started down this T42 path. Maybe I just heard what I wanted to hear. Maybe Dr. N thought it was so insignificant that he didn’t mention it. Maybe Dr. N knew that I would be upset by this news and decided to let me live in blissful ignorance for awhile. Maybe there weren’t there then, but are now. I have the report from my fluid u/s and while I can’t really read most of what it says (I think Dr.’s have terrible penmanship and use obscure abbreviations for a reason), I am almost positive that it doesn’t say anything about fibroids on it.

This news makes me want to cry all over again. This whole T42 thing just seems so hopeless right now.

Irony

Sometimes, I find irony all around me. Anyone else see the irony in me picking up a prescription for birth control pills and for pre-natal vitamins from the pharmacy today, at the same time? The BCP’s were my idea. Love BCP’s. Forgot how much until I went on them again for that terrible IVF attempt. Asked my RE about them and if he thought they would help or make matters worse. He said they wouldn’t make matters worse and could help. I’m still laughing about that one when I think of it. Unless I am mistaken, which doesn’t happen very often in such matters, my period should be here sometime tonight or tomorrow. Not that anyone other than me is keeping track, but today is cd19 and tomorrow is cd20. Stellar, huh?