Bad Sleep Cycle

I'm starting to get myself into a bad sleep cycle here. I'm just so tired at the end of the day that all I can do is get Max to bed, take the dog out, feed the animals, load/start the dishwasher (if needed), and head to bed. I think I've been to bed by 8:30 pm the last few nights. Since I'm going to bed so early, I'm waking up early, thus making me even more tired by the end of the day. Ah well, maybe I'll get a nap in this weekend (ha ha ha ha, me laughing because it is a fond dream that rarely gets to happen) and I can reset the cycle a bit.

The other thing I noticed is that my circulation seems to be off. I've been getting really, really cold, especially at night before bed. So cold, I don't think I can get warm, and end up taking a warm/hot bath to get the circulation going to warm me up. Haven't dug out any of the pregnancy books yet, but think maybe thinning blood or something?

The other odd thing I've noticed is that I'm getting a lot of drippy nose, drainage that is makes me start coughing, coughing easily leads to gagging, and gagging can lead to vomiting if not brought under control. Sucking on a cough drop can help or a preggo pop, but I get tired of that and Max has taken to demanding "What's in your mouth?" and if it's anything but teeth, tongue, gums, throat, and lips, telling me that the "cough drop is HIS and he wants it", which is quite amusing most of the time.

And, I had another odd dream last night. I was fostering a dolphin (instead of an older golden retriever dog) who didn't need water and we went on a trip to my cousins together. Very strange.

Got nothing

Really have nothing today. Actually got a lot of work done for a change, but still very behind. Told myself I'm going to work tonight after Max went to bed. Not happening. Too tired. Talked to new boss and he told me I'm going to get a superior rating again this review cycle so that's good and we talked a bit about my new role and we are both basically on track with that. Max is as cute and smart as ever. He's been figuring out what works and what doesn't work for stalling at bed time. It's amusing as it is annoying as it can be when I'm tired and want to be off duty for the night. Hunger and the need for a fresh diaper almost always works. Tonight it was fresh diaper. As I was changing him, I was telling him that even when he has a diaper on, he can tell me he has to go pee on the potty. His face lights up and he tells me he has to go. How could I not let him even if I was pretty sure it was just stalling? He sat on small toilet, big toilet, and then kicked me out so I'm not sure if he actually went or not. :) But, toilet flushing and hand washing did take place. Then, I was getting him redressed and he told me something out of the blue that he learned in Sunday school (the sign of the cross). I'd love to understand how his mind works sometimes. Thought about it, but made no phone calls. I'm going to focus on work and the deliverable that I'm not going to get done by the hard drop dead date of Friday (but, I have come up with a back up plan that I ran by my boss). I remember to take all my meds/shots tonight. Always a good thing. So, blah, blah, blah. Nickity, nick nat. Really, nothing but same ole same ole here.

Denial

It's not as if I'm in denial about the situation I'm in, although it is better if I think if it more in the abstract as opposed to the details of what and how and when. I think that's why I couldn't make the calls today. I did get the numbers for both the doctors I want to consult with, but I just couldn't make the call today. Couldn't call my OB either. I guess I'm not ready to get into the nitty gritty yet. I'm giving myself a few days. I'll get there. I know I will. It must be done. I know that. Just not today. And, maybe not tomorrow. But, soon.

Get what you ask for...

Sometimes, you get what you ask for. Or, maybe I should call this jinx 2.

I vaguely recall mentioning that my stomach had been getting increasingly sour and nauseous and remembering my pregnancy with Max (rather fondly) where I was more apt to puke. Well, let the puking begin...

I've been gagging, drive heaving a bit and close on and off all weekend. Nauseous enough that I've only been eating small bits at a time and my prenatals have just sat there untouched because the thought of taking them made my stomach churn and sucking on preggo pops, which Max thinks are cough drops and wants to keep knowing "what's in your mouth. Give it to me. Share momma".

But it was teeth brushing a bit ago that finally put me over the edge. I'm sure I should have re-brushed, but haven't. And, horrible as the whole vomit thing is in the moment. I have to say, I am feeling remarkably better at the moment. We will see what a little more sleep (hopefully) and the morning will bring.

"My" Present

We just finished with Christmas, right? Lots of presents to be opened, etc. Max opened zero, zip, nadda himself. Just wasn't that interested. Happy to play with each thing that was opened without a care that there were more. It took a long, long time to get the presents all opened.

I'm showering this morning before heading to church/Sunday school. Then, a party for my friend with twins. I had left the presents sitting by the front door ready to grab on our way out. Max decided now was the time to get in the swing of opening presents. He got the wrapping paper off; the plastic wrap off; and was ready to tear it out of the box before I could get to him and save it.

He kept calling it "his" present and wanted to know where it was when I re-wrapped it. Was very concerned with where the presents were at all times, even after they had been handed off to the birthday children with a happy birthday wish.

Ah well, so H got a slightly used present. :) And, I had been so impressed with myself for getting them wrapped early. The best of plans....

Thank you!

I just wanted to thank everyone for the support. I know that selective reduction can be very controversial and heated. I feel secure in my decisions and the reasons for it, but it has been really nice to have such support, instead of nay sayers making me feel worse for an already difficult decision. It is not a choice I know that everyone could and would make.

Really, I'm fine right now on this. I'm sure I'll be bawling my eyes out at the time, no matter how right the decision is for me and my family. Plus, I'm really afraid of the procedure itself, and I think I'll want to do CVS or early amnio prior, just to make sure that they are all genetically normal before reducing. The idea of someone sticking a nice long needle into my uterus through the amnio sack so near that which I hold so precious just turns me off and scares me. I declined amnio with Max because it just wasn't worth the risk and I new I would not reduce even if there were issues. However, when you add in twins into a family already with a young child and your going to reduce anyway, I would just like to make sure all is well with all of them before reducing.

In talking it through with a friend today, I think I'll request to not have any gender information until after, because I just can't make a decision like that. Sure, easy if their all the same, but what do you do with 2 of one and 1 on the other? I know many that would want and go for b/g and if that's what is the result, fine. But, I don't want to be deciding that. Plus, I think mostly it is off of position anyway, all things being equal and which is the likely to disrupt the entire pregnancy.

Anyway, I'm tired and not feeling so hot...ever sense I posted I was feeling fine I've had low grade nausea on and off...it's usually not horrible, but I think I'd rather just puke and get it over with. And, it's often hard to decide whether eating will make it better or worse.

Busy day today. Busy day tomorrow. Busy week. Then, I think. I only think I know what busy is.

3 for 3 at 6w1d

I guess we forgot to tell those embryos they were supposed to be poor quality.

A: HR 116 BPM, CRL 0.38cm, 6w1d
B: HR 121 BPM, CRL 0.44cm, 6w1d
C: HR 117 BPM, CRL 0.46cm, 6w1d

I go back in 2 weeks to see how they are all growing and measuring. If nature doesn't take care of things, I will selectively reduce. As hard as that will be for me after wanting and trying to conceive for so long, I feel that will be the best option for me and my family. A twin pregnancy and twins are hard enough for me to imaging juggling and handling, especially in the early years, with an older (but still very young) child. I never thought I would have to make such a decision and tried my entire life to prevent, but I am pro choice for a reason. Sometimes, you just never know the choice a woman will need to make for herself and her family and why she has to make it.

I am a tad surprised on the one hand since statistically speaking triplets were pretty unlikely. I really didn't think all three would make it. But, I am finding it all kind of ironic at the moment.

Yes, my ultrasound was supposed to be on Monday, but my schedule changed and I was able to get in today. So, surprise! surprise! surprise!

I continue to think and pray for my cycle buddy. Her pregnancy wasn't viable and she had a d&c this morning. The prayers were just not enough. My heart is breaking for her as she has tried harder and longer and more than anyone I have met for a child. Life and conception is just not fair. I wish, I wish, that all of us who struggle down this path didn't have to and ultimately end up with the family and child of their dreams.

Special Prayers

Special prayers and thoughts go out tonight for a local SMC friend who also did a DE cycle along with me. Our retrievals, transfers, and due dates are exactly the same. We are 6w0d today. She just sent an email saying she is bleeding heavily with clotting and is scared for the worst. How can you not be no matter how many stories you here of how this happened to someone else and how it worked out fine? L, my dear, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm hoping this is just a short blip on the radar of an otherwise healthy and happy pregnancy that finally has that baby at the end of it for you.

Jinx

Pregnancy was agreeing with me before I said so and before I went back to work and didn't get a nap and to rest a few hours in the afternoon. Damn. Not feeling so hot. I should be working tonight, but just can't do it. And, Max napped until 4:30 pm and is having a hard time settling tonight. And, I'm not having my normal patience to deal. I wanted to tell him/ask him..."Mommy isn't feeling good and is tired tonight and just wants to go lay down and rest. What part of that do you not understand?" But, I didn't.

On the other hand, here are a few cute conversations today.

This morning eating breakfast.
Me: Max, vacation is over. Mommy has to go back to work today.
Max: More Christmas. Momma, no work. More Christmas.


This morning while playing with his cars.
Max: ?? some word, repeatedly, that I didn't understand.
Me: Max, what are you saying? I don't understand.
Max: It's Spanish Mommy. Spanish.
Me: Oh, what does it mean in English?
Max: No, Mommy, not English, Spanish. (with a disgusted and superior expression on his face or at least that was my interpretation :)

Tonight, after putting Max down and taking Shadow out for her nightly potty.
Me: Why are you crying?
Max: I'm sad. (Well, that sure cleared it up:)
Also, in the course of being put down, his foot hurt, he wanted something to eat (soup specifically), he didn't want to nap, he wanted me to sit down, etc. He's still fussing actually.

Now, to go get horizontal to see if that helps me feel a bit better.

Agreeing with me

The people that know that I'm pregnant want to talk about it and show support. Last night at dinner, my friend told the waiter when he came for the drink order. Another friend told the parking booth cashier as she was leaving a garage when we were on the phone together. I don't really mind this as I don't know these people and will never see them/see them again. It just startles me and strikes me as a bit odd. I find myself thinking, oh, yeah, that's right, I'm supposedly pregnant.

While I'm feeling reasonably secure in the pregnancy itself, I'm just not ready to be talking about it, announcing it, or pretending that it actually is real. Maybe that will come next week with the ultrasound.

That being said, I'm happy that I'm feeling remarkable well. I know it is early yet, but I clearly remember feeling badly during and after Christmas on through about 13 or so weeks when pregnant with Max. And, the due dates are only a few days apart so it is an easy comparison.

It's not that I haven't had any symptoms. I have had some, but they are short lived and fairly mild so far.

Probably the biggest symptom has been tiredness. There have been a few times where I thought I might just fall asleep while watching Max or I just want to crawl in bed for more sleep. Mostly, I'm sleeping well and night and have been getting at least a short nap in every afternoon and that has been fine. Now that I'm back to work tomorrow, we will see how it goes with the no nap thing.

I had some nausea and a lot of vomiting when pregnant with Max. I've had a little nausea and no vomiting so far this time. I've gagged and come close a few times like when cleaning Max after an especially bad/smelly poo, or cleaning up cat barf, or when I took this bite of salami that looked so good, but didn't taste so hot once it was in my mouth. I typically use Clinque face cleansing products, but had to stop using the soap (bar) when pregnant with Max because the smell made me gag and want to puke when I never even knew it had a scent before and I'm sensitive towards that sort of thing. They've come out with a liquid face soap I've been using the last year or so and...same thing...I just can't use it because of the odor I never even knew it had before.

My eating schedule is off or very non traditional times. I have to eat either right before bed or in the middle of the night. And, I have to eat at least every 4 - 5 hours or I start feeling really sick. I've bought and wasted a lot of money on groceries the last few weeks because I'll buy something that looks really appealing and then either not be able to eat it at all or have it once, enjoy it, then not want it or even be able to look at it again. Toasted bagel sandwiches with pesto cream cheese on one side, light mayo on the other, with Mesquite turkey breast deli slices have been the most appealing meal/snack over the last few weeks. I made and ate two meals in a row today this Brie pasta dish that I had a taste for and it was delicious. No need to tell me that soft cheeses, deli meat, and hot baths are supposed to be taboo. I know, don't care much, and am willing to take the risk.

I've had heartburn a few times, but nothing one Tums doesn't help with. I have hemorrhoids that are a tad annoying. Both I had late in my pregnancy with Max, but not so early.

My bowels are more normal (hence the hemorrhoids I'm sure). I've had not even a smidgen of spotting or cramping. I do feel some tendon pulls every now and again, mostly when turning over when lying down or getting up too quickly.

Most of the symptoms are so mild that if I didn't know I was pregnant, I don't think I would know I was pregnant based on them, if I didn't already know.

All in all, this pregnancy, at least so far, seems to be agreeing with me. Actually, pregnant or not, I'm feeling a lot better overall than I have in a really, really long time.

Happy New Year

Actually had a free sitter tonight (my mom) and went out to dinner with a friend who I've spent the last few New Years Eve's. Party animal that I am, I'm back and in bed. Hey, it's already well after midnight on the other coast and that's the one I use to celebrate.

I hope 2008 is better than 2007. It just seems like this year was a hard one, not only for me, but for almost everyone I know.

May 2008 be the year that all of our dreams come true or at least gets us started down the right path.

Wanting for more

I finally had my meeting with Max's coordinator at the Regional center today. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't what I got. I already knew that he had been approved for PT 1 x/week and OT 2/week, but wanted to know why. The coordinator didn't get into that and I assumed it was in the assessment reports, but it really wasn't. She just asked me a bunch of questions she had already asked me twice over the phone and I filled out on the original application. And, she reviewed a few forms, which I signed. And, she told me she was able to line up the PT for in house service and we talked about the two out of house providers for OT I'm looking into and her deadline for funding (1/8, she thinks for a 1/16 start, but she doesn't have the new calendar yet).

She asked me several questions about father in the house, father in the picture, father had any history of development delays in his family, what was my madden name, things like that. I found it kind of irritating actually and I did (and think I have in the past) told her that Max did not have a father and was conceived with donor sperm.

I had also asked by phone and email for a full copy of Max's file including the records I authorized from the hospital and his pediatricians office and had asked that she just let me know if I needed to pay for the copying or anything. Not only didn't she bring them, she tried to tell me I couldn't have them. I nicely told her about HIPPA and that they were my medical files and I could have access. And, yes, I could get them directly, but I wanted to see what they provided the Regional center, not what they would provide me directly.

The earliest services can start are 1/16 due to funding cut off's. And, services through the regional center are only until age 3 when LAUSD services would kick in. However, they start doing turnover to LAUSD 6 months prior so I should expect to have a meeting in February at the Regional center itself, probably not even a month after services started.

Now, since there seems to be nothing major in the reports (but, I'll have Max's teachers review to see if I'm missing something) and any delays seem to be very minor, he may not even need services next year, but there will be know way to know, so I'll have to get that set up just in case.

Anyway, I guess I was just expecting some real answers to what exactly they expected and was missing that caused them to recommend services. Now, maybe that is there and I'm missing it. And, it was interesting to see in writing interpretations of what I said not being exactly correct. For example, one report said I went on bed rest with Max at 34 weeks for 2 weeks due to my cervix being dilated to 4 cm which was interpreted as preterm labor. And, just plain wrong facts such as saying Max lived at home with both his patents (which I never said). There were many more errors in the report from the full development assessment than the speech assessment. I found this mildly irritating and it made me wonder if they can't get that part right, what about the rest of it, but figure the actual assessment part is the core of their job and presumably they are better at that than interviewing the parent.

Anyway, the whole thing went fine, but it seems to me a lot of paperwork that doesn't say much and what it does say wasn't completely accurate. Just left me still wanting more and saying...whatever, maybe the more will actually come when Max is working with the therapists and I'll get the more directly from them.

ETA: In re-reading the Development Assessment, maybe the answer lies in these statements, which I don't really understand.

Muscle Tone: muscle tone is slightly decreased throughout, with mild hypotonia noted in his trunk and all extremities. He does present with increased tone in his gastroc soleus, bilaterally, greater on left.

The last page of the summary/recommendation says "Because of Max's mild development delays, the following services are recommended: 1) OT 2 x week 2) PT x week.

Good sleep, weird dreams

Now that I'm finally weaned from the dex* I'm finally starting to sleep decent again. I never slept as good as I did when pregnant with Max and I've had that nice good, deep, restful sleep the last few nights in spite of the fact that he's been sick and I've been up with him a bit, because I will actually and have fallen back asleep. Ah, so nice. Even after a nice solid nap, I'm getting a good night sleep. Today, I didn't even hear the phone ring while napping. It's great. I'm not remember much of dreams, but when I'm getting woken up in the middle of one, I am. And, they've been kind of weird. Last night, I dreamt that I met the man of my dreams who was infertile, independently wealthy, ended being a sperm donor prior to his infertility, ended up running for president of the united states, and when we first met (in Philadelpia, which I'm pretty sure I have never been) we were sort of in a three some with an ex-friend/lover of his. And, that's just the highlights. I'll spare you the details.


* officially, I'm supposed to take one more dex on New Years day based on the wean calendar my coordinator and I came up with, but I'm not doing it. In fact, threw the dex away in the trash. I had been feeling so great and then got all edgy and really wanted to yell at Max to leave me alone so I could get work done (the other day when I was trying to pay bills and balance my accounts) and I decided enough was enough. I'm weaned enough. The stuff screws me up. And, I'm just not going to do it and you can't make me.

Today

I read a book today. It was only a 240 page novel, but it reminded me of how long it has been and how much I miss reading.

Max still has that high fever and possibly an ear infection.

We watched Sound of Music two more times today. Baby Neptune 1.5 times. And, one episode of Little Einsteins. We made tunnels. Max talked me into letting him bring his Jeep inside (under the condition that the battery is disconnected). Max played with the play doh and painted a bit. I cleaned up both those messes, but left the rest of the mess that accumulated. Part way into the Sound of Music, I decided I needed something to keep my mind occupied and dug up the book.

Every time the phone rang, he yelled no phone mommy, no talk. Mostly, I just let it roll to voice mail and didn't pick up. I was comfy on the couch reading anyway.

Max only took a short nap in bed with me. Mostly he cried before saying his bottom hurt (after a poo) and then cried when he woke up saying his ear hurt. I forced Tylenol down him after 30 minutes of straight crying and that helped. Poor guy. I just checked on him and his fever is back up. He was so tired by bed time, he was protesting "sit down" (in the chair in his room that he likes me to sit in while he falls asleep) that he didn't even realize that I didn't.

Amid the reading and playing with Max and holding my sick crying boy, I thought about a few things. I'm back to hoping that not only does this pregnancy make it to an actual child, but that it is a single. Not because the day was that bad or that hard, because really it wasn't (how bad could it have been if I was able to read an entire book), but because the thought of twins with an older child and all of the other things that need to change are just a bit overwhelming. I'll deal with and be happy with whatever the outcome, but wanting just one now and my pity freeze to produce another miracle in a few years was high on todays wish list. The other thing I found myself wonder was a big "what if". My progesterone has been higher and better than ever before. I'm taking 2 units of p4 a night (I'd have to go look at the syringe to fine the actual units, maybe ML?) which is a pretty high dose and going through a bottle every 5 days. And, this is the first pregnancy I've had that I haven't spotted on. Even though I know it is stupid and pointless and would likely have changed nothing, I found myself wondering what if I had been doing PIO instead of the suppositories before. I just think this is a stronger pregnancy all the way around, but couldn't help myself from wondering a bit and talking myself out of a regret or two.

And, I read a book today. Mind candy, for sure. But, perfect for a lazy hang out at home day like today.

Living Large

I spent my last official vacation day cleaning my office, paying bills, balancing my checking account (which hadn't been done since September...YIKES), picking my mom up from the airport and other not so fun but necessary stuff. It had me reflecting that this is how I have spent most of my vacation time this year, doing stuff that has to get done, or that I've been wanting to get done, or that should have been done long ago. Very little, if any of it, was spent on "me" time or splurging. The sad thing is, I really don't mind. It was actually a relief to have the time to get caught up without having to burn the candles at both ends or add stress. Using my vacation time as such really kept things sane. And, even the thought of using it to travel or go someplace just now causes my stomach to knot and stress me out. There will be time for all of that down the road, but now is just not the time.

I still have Monday and Tuesday off as holiday. And, the decision to have Noemi work on Monday became a lot easier when the coordinator from the Regional Center wanted to come by and review the reports and discuss services. I know that he was approved for 1 PT per week and 2 OT per week, but not any of the details. I'm especially anxious for the PT to get started because Max has been complaining that his foot hurts a lot and woke up a week or so ago crying and crying and crying it hurt so badly. We missed the cut off for services to start right after the first of the year so the earliest is 1/16. Sometime, I need to find time to set up and tour two different locations for OT. There is one place less than 5 minutes from my house, but I didn't get a good feel for it when I called. The other is about 10 -15 minutes away, but I was more impressed with my initial screening call and have heard good things about it from one of Max's teachers whose son receives services from there. If push comes to shove and I can't find time to tour them both, and the farther one has appointments that work with our schedule, I'll probably go with it.

Anyway, just contemplating how sad my life would seem by many others standards, but how I'm content with it. I've taken the vacations, had tons of time to relax and be by myself, or read books, watch movies, etc. pre-kids. That time will come again, but it's not now. Really, the only thing really miss about my pre-child life is my morning hikes. My body, mind, and soul miss that.

I may not be living large by others standards, but I'm happy with my life and feel relief that I am now caught up on paper work and bills and that my office, while not spotless, is at least not the junk pit it had become over the last few months.

ETA: If you are one of the (what feels like) 500 people I owe a return phone call or email, it's not personal. I just made the decision to not answer the phone until I got finished with my office work and balancing my accounts which didn't happen until after Mad was in bed tonight. I didn't check email all day. And, I only check cell phone CID and messages, not house phone CID and messages so not sure exactly how many people I owe a call back, but it feels like a lot. All I know is that both phones rang off the hook today and I really had to stay on task to get done what I wanted/what I needed today. One must often make choices and my choice today was to get through the office.

Early Up, Early Down

Sadly, mosts traces of Christmas were removed from the house today. The decorations and tree were packaged away until next year. Noemi helped me and we got it almost all knocked out this morning. It's amazing how much faster it goes with someone helping. Max was a trooper and just watched sound of music and played while we worked...that is until we actually took apart the tree and started/tried to put it in the box. Then, he pitched a fit. In no uncertain terms, he did not want the tree put away. He stood in the way, climbed in the box, and told us "NO" in every way possible. And still, it did get done. Even tonight, he was asking where the tree went and said he wanted it to come back. It made me sad. I really wished I could have left it up a bit longer, but the way New Year falls, today was really the only day I could tackle it before I have to go back to work next week and January, especially that first week, is going to be exceedingly busy work wise. Unless, I wanted to try to take everything down by myself while also trying to watch Max, which I did not want to do, it had to get done today.

At least I was able to get it up early (been up since the week before Thanksgiving) and we had a long time to enjoy it, even if it wasn't quite long enough for either Max or I.

I think Noemi may know or suspect that I'm pregnant, although she hasn't asked me directly. She was a tad too coddling today. Not wanting me to stand on the stool and making sure she did all of the moving and heavy lifting. I mostly let her. Still, I was ready for a nap when we were through.

The house always looks so empty and blah once the Christmas season is over.

In other news, I'm starting to feel some of that early pregnancy tiredness. Until today, I had planned on letting Noemi have another 4 day weekend, but am seriously thinking about having her come on Monday and only giving her Tuesday off. Partially so I can make sure I can get a bit of a break, but mostly so the house/floor cleaned. It just gets too trashed after 5 days and I may have a few people over on New Years eve, if I don't take my mom up on the offer to watch Max so I can go out, which if I do will only be for dinner. I just think I'll be ready to see her by Monday, especially if Max is sick all weekend.

Max is sick again. At least, he has a fever, although he seemed to be feeling mostly fine, if you don't count the fact that he didn't want to leave the house for anything today and was perfectly happy to just hang around with both Noemi and I and cuddle on the couch and play with some of his Christmas presents and read books with me after Noemi left until bedtime. I got several unsolicited "I love you mommy"'s accompanied by big hugs tonight. Ah, it doesn't get any better than that.

As I was putting away Christmas for this year, I couldn't help but think to next Christmas and hope that I have another bundle or two of joy to celebrate with us and that I'm tired and stressed and trying to find the energy to get ready for Christmas for another year with a new baby/babies in the house.

Just checking....

Beta's:
1. 12/18/07 ~ 2 pm = 158.67, 12 dpo
2. 12/21/07 ~ 10 am = 547, 15 dpo
3. 12/26/07 ~ 9:30 am = 4856, 20 dpo

Still pregnant! Whew!

Just needed to double check since I'm not really feeling that way. And, while I'm counting my blessings and all that, just needed something tangible to confirm it all isn't just a figment of my imagination, a mirage, a wonderful dream, but is in fact reality.

Merry Christmas!! (edited)

From Santa with love. The gifts from his (other) Aunts and cousins are on the coffee table (opened Christmas eve) are waiting to be played.


Making breakfast (Max help. Max help too. Max make eggs too.)


From Aunt K and Nana, Max's first words this morning. "Want Jeep ride. That one." indicating above jeep that was charging in his bedroom overnight. Said Jeep could not remain in bedroom, but had to be brought in front of the tree, "closer to the ABCD's" to finish charging.

Exploring the gifts from Christamas eve. The Little People Airplane was a big hit.


Playing with his easel. We had a tiny altercation when he wanted to use the white board marker on the chalk board, but got that straightened out with only a mild tantrum.

It was a nice, mostly relaxing day. We missed church, ate and hung out most of the day, went to a friend for dinner and went down our local Christmas Tree Lane on the way home. Max melted down big time before bed and said he just needed to cry a bit. Two days in a row with no nap and all the holiday excitement did the poor boy in. He was given an opportunity to nap today, but was just too keyed up (and had a poo and had a scary crib incident where he got his leg locked in at a bad angle...thank goodness it didn't cause a break) to sleep.

ETA: The above pictures and commentary.
****************************
I hope all who celebrate are having a joyous day with loved ones.

I think I might have gotten the best and most needed present ever, a decent night sleep. I think I was asleep by 11 pm and didn't wake up (for good) until 7 am. I was up for a bit at 3:30 am because the winds were just awful and woke me up, then I let Shadow out to pee, but fell back asleep. I opened my eyes at 6:15 am, listened and the house was quiet and immediately fell back to sleep.

Max is still sleeping. He will almost have been asleep for 12 hours now (within a few minutes) so he is getting a good night sleep as well. Yahoo. My mom, who is in NJ for the holidays with my sister and family called yesterday morning at 6:15 am and the phone woke Max up. And, we were gone all day yesterday at another sisters so Max didn't get a nap.

Sleep is a good cure all for so many things. I'm sure we will both enjoy the day more now that we've had some.

Yesterday at my sisters was fine. Max had a wonderful time. I didn't have a bad time, but it was a bit weird because my sister was hosting an open house with a friend of hers, in part to defuse too much together time with her MIL and SIL who are here spending the first Christmas without her FIL. There were 4 other children under 6 (6, 5, 3, 1) there who are being raised by their day (didn't get his story), but the dad didn't bring any toys for the kids, mostly just watched the 1 year old, and left even before we did to spend the night with his girlfriend who was there with him (can't imagine not waking up on Christmas morning with my children, but again, don't know his story). Luckily, I brought "extra" toys so there were some to share, but I ended up spending the day watching all the children and ensuring sharing and the toys were treated respectfully. And, opening presents was odd, my BIL continued to entertain and my sister came in (after I told her is she wanted Max to open them there we better do it cause he was gong to start to loose it soon and we needed to think about packing it up).

Max got a big Jeep of his own from one of his Aunts and his nanna; a Fisher Price Airplane an d a Candyland game for his other aunt; Some Thomas trains/DVD's from a cousin; an Accordion from another cousin; a magnetic draw game from his other aunt; and a Feed The Dog game from his younger cousins. All in all, he loved them all and was a bit overwhelmed, especially since the 4 other children with no toys were there who wanted to touch it all, especially his new Jeep. Max maintained well, but it could have gone either way. Thank goodness my BIL came in and put together the Jeep for me. And, his mom and sister were there to help me get everything into the car and the pieces to everything together so they didn't get lost before we even got them home.

I hear Max up and talking so I'm going to go give him a nice bright "Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas" and I wish you all the same.

If I didn't know better

If I didn't have the conclusive beta data, I wouldn't know I'm pregnant. It's starting to make me a tad worried actually. Having been down this route before, I know that symptoms can come and go and all that, but still. Unless I start feeling a little more pregnant, I may have to call and beg for an u/s next week or at least another beta.

It's not that I haven't had any symptoms. When pregnant with Max, I had this aversion to anything touching my waist/belly in the first few months of pregnancy. I had that on and off on Friday, but not since. I haven't had any food aversions per se, although I have had distinct taste for things. Again, on Friday, I pulled into a local mall parking lot to get a tuna sandwich from a restaurant because it sounded so good (mall parking lot just a few days before Christmas for what amounts to no real good reason). I've felt a few tugs and tweak going on down there, but they have been few and far between. Yes, I have been tired, but I'm still going to sleep around 11 - 1 am and waking up around 4 every morning for no good reason* and am fighting off yet another cold (and thinking I'd be getting sick less often if I could just get a decent night sleep). Basically, any symptom I've had I can only attribute to being pregnant because the beta numbers said I was and if I didn't have that, I'd think I wasn't.

I remember vividly the Christmas eve when pregnant with Max. My sister hosted and it was a small affair. I felt so miserable, I basically just laid on her couch feeling miserable and the thought of even eating anything she worked so hard to prepare made me want to puke. And, I was having spotting and cramping and was terrified I was going to have another miscarriage.

I know, I know, I should count my blessing and all that because I'm feeling basically okay (if you don't count the cold and tired part), but I'd be happy with a nice strong symptom or two. They are nice and reassuring. Let me be more specific, I could do and live without any spotting and cramping, those are NOT the symptoms I'm looking for here. But, other nice symptoms like good ole fashioned morning sickness on and off, here and there, every now and again just to let me know that there is really something healthy and happily growing in the ute would be fine/nice/reassuring.

* Really, there is no good reason for this except my body has decided this is a good hour to awaken and start the day. Max is still sound asleep. The animals are quiet and not disturbing me one bit (until City knows I'm awake, and they he creeps right over to try to get as close to me as possible). I'm just irritatingly waking up early every morning for now good reason. I'm hoping when I get completely weaned from the dex this will stop. Yesterday was a dex day. Then, I'm not taking it for 3 whole days, then 4 whole days, then 4 days, then I'm done with the dex. Hip Hip Hooray.

Traditions

Since Max's first Christmas, I've thought about what traditions I wanted for my family. Growing up, Santa came on Christmas eve while we were at church and we opened all presents on Christmas eve when we got back. I think this mostly started when we were little and still living in Michigan with both sets of grandparents still alive. We spent Christmas eve "in town" with my mom's parents, then drove 4 - 5 hours Christmas morning to be with my dad's parents. My parents didn't want to try to travel with the presents or delay setting off in the morning after a big present opening session, especially at that time of year driving to northern Michigan you never knew what type of weather you would get. As we got older and moved away, the tradition stuck, partly I'm sure because my mom could never wait to have us opening everything. Christmas eve was always the big celebration in her house growing up.

One of the other big traditions growing up was that we would always get Christmas pajamas. Not only do I have fond memories of that as a child, looking back, it is really cool to see us all matching in our PJ's. Very festive.

I decided that Christmas eve I'd spend with my sisters and was willing to travel to one of their houses if they wanted to host, but I wasn't traveling on Christmas day. Max can open any gifts from Aunts, Uncles, Cousins on Christmas eve. And, he gets to open two gifts from me. One being his Christmas PJ's (so he can sleep in them that night) and one other one.

Santa brings one present and it is unwrapped by the tree. Then, he gets to open the "family" gifts. This year Santa is giving him an easel. I got a bit worried cause a friend got her daughter an easel as well and she said it took a bit to assemble. So, I figured I better tackle it tonight. Thank goodness, mine was much easier. Six bolts total were needed. Two for each of the side trays and two for the roll of painting paper at the top. As to where to store so Max doesn't see it tomorrow, she had the brilliant idea of in the shower. I'm copy cause Max will never look there. And, we will be gone most of the day anyway to my sisters. The only thing that would have made it nicer is if it would easily fold up with both trays installed.

Sometime within the last month or so, I read an article about food traditions. Something I had never thought about. We have a strong one for Thanksgiving. Grandma's (mom's mom) Cherry pie. For Christmas, there are a few Christmas cookies that usually got made every year, but nothing else really that sticks out in my mind. I thought about it and decided I wanted to get my hands on my Grandma's (dad's mom) Cinnamon Twist recipe to make for Christmas morning. I was able to get the recipe, and I'd share it, but it was clearly written down by someone already very familiar with what they are doing. I attempted them tonight since there would be no time tomorrow and thank goodness I didn't wait until Christmas morning. There is a lot of punching down and waiting for it to rise involved. Three phone calls to my sister and I think I did a passable job. I started around 3 when Max was still napping and finished up by 9 pm. After the initial mixing, it was mostly just waiting around until the actual rolling out and cutting of the dough, which I didn't start until after Max was in his crib for the night. When I tasted them tonight, there were fine. Not exactly how I remember my grandma's tasting (seemed like hers were sweeter), but I also have (yet another) cold. All and all, I was pleased with the results.

Here is a short video (taken with my new camera) of Max "helping". I had to push down once while he was awake and he was all over that, getting the stool out, and laughing while I did it.
Here he is continuing to help once I was done with what I needed at that moment. It is only 1 min 16 seconds and ends somewhat abruptly when I take a picture that ends the video clip. My first two attempts at video were much shorter and involved Max running over to "see" and to tell me it was "his" camera and he wanted to touch it so mostly it is blank video of a messy house alternating with he popping his head in to try to grab the camera.

www.google.com/s2/sharing/stuff?user=100304865168475881044


(add video here. having problems uploading video)

Anyone think there was a mess to clean up after that? He had a great time and moved flour back and forth for quite awhile. Much longer than it took me to clean up his mess. Then, I made almost as big of a mess later while rolling out the dough. Hey, it's all worth it. That's what traditions are for, right?

I'm really loving this new camera. It is just so easy to use and takes great shots/video. And, very easy to offload to the computer. Now, all I need to do is remember to take it tomorrow and actually use it over the next two days. I have spare batteries all charged and ready to go, just in case I should need them.