Virtual Friends

There are two women that I met through the SMC-TTC list during my first few cycles who were my “cycle buddies” with whom I really bonded. One got pregnant on her first IUI with twins on the same cycle that I got pregnant and miscarried. When I finally joined the SMC-Preg list a few weeks ago, we ran into each other again and caught back up. While she had it easy conceiving, the pregnancy seems to have been a difficult one for her and she is now off work and on bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy. While it was great to touch base and the bond was still there, it was bitter sweet to be reminded how close to my due date I would be now, if only. She is living in Spain and is from England.

Another one, was put on hold because of an active infection. By the time she was given the go ahead to try again, an ex was back in her life and she was going to see where that led. Recently, that relationship ended again and rather abruptly by the sounds of it. She is rethinking the decision to move forward with donor insemination and can’t really afford adoption right now. As she struggles with this decision, she asked me how I came to it and became comfortable with it. I thought I would share with you what I shared with her. She lives in Vancouver, Canada.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. I must have also had some premonition that I would be going solo. I remember very vividly telling people in my 20's that I was going to have a child by myself when I was 30 "if I wasn't in a serious relationship"....so don't think it was an accident. 30 came and went and I wasn't ready. I struggled for years with the decision going back and forth and weighing the pro's and the con's and not getting anywhere. I asked myself what would be the deciding factor and couldn't come up with it. Finally, what did it for me was the realization that if I didn't at least try...I knew it would be something I would regret for the rest of my life. The option to try is time constrained. I could always meet a mate or love later, but I could not always have a child. I started putting the beginning blocks in place when I was 37 when the other reality set in that I did not know anyone that I currently wanted to marry. Even if I met him right then, it would be a year or two before I would feel comfortable marrying, etc. When I started doing the math, I realized that I had to let go of the whole dream and go for the child. I decided that I wanted a child more. Bottom line, I just knew for me that if I did not try, it would be the biggest regret of my life.

It’s funny how these two women, these “friends” that I have never met except through email, have touched me and continue to touch me. Its funny these bonds that form and the people that you connect with as you go through this journey. We all three are in different countries and have had different struggles and yet, we would never have “met” if it weren’t for attempting to become a single mom at the same time over a year ago.