Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Growing pains

Sometimes, being a mom can be hard. I just so thought Max would love preschool. Some days he does. Often he doesn't. I thought things were getting better, then on Friday when I went to pick him up, he told me he didn't like it and didn't want to go anymore. All weekend, he told me he didn't want to go. I told him not to worry about it because it was the weekend and there was no school. Monday morning came and I got a bit of push back and told once again how he didn't want to go. Once again, I explained that mommy works and he goes to school and he told me how he wanted to stay home with Mimi (what he calls Noemi). This morning, oh my word, we had meltdown like we rarily have with him, cried and cried the whole time I was getting him dressed, most of the way to school, as we walked in, and when we got to his room. His face was all red and splotchy like mine gets. He pulled out every stop and told me that he couldn't go because he was "too tired and crabby and needed to stay home and have a LONG sleep. A long one". You know he was desperate not to go if he was trying to trade in sleep, which he tries to do as little of as possible.

When I try to find out why, I get told "There are sharks there". No sweety, sharks need water. "Yes, they are in the water under the streets". Or, there are dinosours. Or, some other nonsense answer.

I asked one of his teachers yesterday morning if they had a clue. None, but he burst into tears during snack time and when his teacher asked why he was crying he said "he didn't know why".

When we aren't talking about preschool, I've been getting a lot of "I want to be two again". Some, "I miss Shadow. Can we get another Shadow?" (which is at least to me a bit easier than asking me to go get Shadow and bring her home from the doctor or hospital or rainbow bridge). And, even a "I want to be a girl. How can I be a girl?" once or twice.

I just don't get it.

In general, I think he has a hard time trying to get along with so many people for such a long period of time. And, kids can be mean. There is one kid that seems to me like he is such a bully, he has gotten in Max's face a few times while I was there including this morning. I, of course, call him on it and tell him "That's not nice. I don't like it. Please stop." and the kid just walks away. This kid has never been to any of the birthday parties so my interaction has been limited and I've decided not to say anything to the teachers unless Max complains directly about something specific. I think I'm the one that has an issue with this kid as Max hasn't said much about it. Maybe Max was a little on the outs with his closest friend and it is just a combination or many things and many changes recently.

It felt a bit like pushing him out into the big bad world and I so wanted to just cuddle him and let him stay home and protect him. Sadly, life doesn't work that way and that would solve nothing. I had to remind myself that I can't and shouldn't always protect him. My job isn't to keep him from sadness or tears, but to make sure he knows that he will always be loved and to give him the tools needed as he grows.

I wish I could make it better for him. I sat and hugged him for awhile until he calmed down and left him after a 5 minute, 3 minute, 1 minute warning and he was fine. His teacher said he had a good day and only cried once when they found tape in the fish tank and he was worried about the fish.

I shed a few of my own tears on the way home because it just made me so sad to see him so sad.

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