Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The best things in life

Warning: Do not read if you are struggling to ttc or having difficulty being child free cause this post will probably set you over the edge

I heard the old adage the other day that the best thing in life are free. I agree with the spirit of the intent of that message, but have to disagree. The best thing in my life are my children. They really are a dream come true. They make me feel fulfilled and complete in a way that I had not thought possible. I have a little anxiety about the work situation, which really is warranted as some big, big, big changes have and are coming down and the company that I have worked for 19 years is no longer the same company; I'm not moving into the position I had when I went out on leave; and, I do not yet have a new position so am filling the hours at this point. However, other than that, mostly, and overall....I'm happy. Sometimes a tired or sick or crabby happy, but happy none the less. Anyway, I digress. While my children are the best things in my life, no part of having them has been free. Not on the front end of conceiving, the pregnancies themselves, or after and beyond. In fact, the twins are quite expensive actually. It probably wouldn't be to far wrong to say they are close to million dollar babies although I haven't added up the costs because it can be too overwhelming (I literally have several book size file folders of EOB's from this year) and I just keep thanking God for good insurance with a reasonable yearly out of pocket maximum. I've just been feeling particularly blessed lately. The twins are really such good babies. They have been sleeping all night and are just willing to hang out and look around in the morning until you come in to get them. When they see you, they just get the biggest smiles on their faces that just go to the core of my heart, like "yeah, your here. I'm so happy to see you, your the best ever" and almost like it never occurs to them to cry out for you. Now, even though they are sleeping through, I'm still up in the night to pump, change Max, etc., but it's more doable than I thought at this stage. It's not all perfect and sunshine and roses. Nothing in life really is. Yet, it is perfect for me. I finally feel like I am the me I was always meant to be and that every struggle and heartache and disappointment was just leading up to now. While not free, it is the best thing in life.

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