My Major Meltdown

I was so happy when I woke up this morning and realized that today was Sunday and I had no commitments and nothing that I really had to get done. I lay in bed about a half hour longer than normal and then I took the dogs on a nice nature walk. I thought about going to the beach, but decided that was a tad more ambitious than I felt. I found out that I had lost 2 of the 3 lbs. I recently put on. I had thought about stopping by the ATM while out with the dogs, but couldn’t find 2 checks (totaling about $450) that I wanted to deposit. After a nice breakfast of left over spaghetti with homemade vegetarian sauce, I decided that something must be done in the office and between a few phone calls managed to bag up about 15 paper grocery bags of books to take to the used bookstore. I decided to take them and just put them in front of the store (it was 10:30 am and the store doesn’t open until 1 pm on Sunday’s) instead of waiting so I could move on. I had just finished taking out the last bag out of my car when a worker came out and told me that they couldn’t accept the books today and asked if I could bring them back in a few days. I told her that I really couldn’t because I was pregnant and needed to get them out of the house. She got a bit nasty and told me she would probably just have to throw them all away then. I said something like she had to do what she felt was best, but it would be a shame to see them wasted like that and just got in my car and left. If I hadn’t had them all unloaded already, I probably would have donated them to a library or something else instead, but I just wasn’t going to stand around and listen to her bad attitude and reload them and/or bring them home. On the drive home, I just started crying and had a major melt down. It was on par with when I found out I miscarried last summer and found out a few months ago that Lucky had cancer. I knew that I was totally over reacting to the situation as I just lay in bed sobbing with my Lucky next to me giving me kisses and looking very concerned. I don’t really know what happened. I wasn’t and am not really stressed about anything right now (as I psychoanalyzed myself wondering if I was more nervous or worried about the baby coming and/or anything associated with it than I thought I was). I’m not. I’m putting it down to just a random hormonal thing. I finally made myself calm down and get a grip when I started getting shooting pain in my lower abdomen and realized that the baby was moving around quite a bit and likely upset because I was upset and that I wasn’t doing anyone any good by the drama. I got up, blew my nose, turned on the A/C, put back on my p.j.’s, climbed back in bed, forced myself to relax, and ended up taking a nap. The day went up hill from there. I went and floated in the pool for awhile and talked on the phone. Then, decided to tackle more of the office. I made great progress and got the remaining books re-organized and shelved; got the pictures back on the wall; went through all of the paperwork and bills; and paid bills. I even found those two missing checks in a stack of paper that I swore I had looked through at least twice. I walked the dogs and decided I deserved a treat so I called in a pickup order to CPK (California Pizza Kitchen) for their steamed chicken dumplings and ½ order of Chinese chicken salad. I stopped by the ATM and deposited those checks on the way to pick up dinner before they got misplaced again; came home and watched a bit of TV while enjoying my dinner; and came into the office to admire my day’s accomplishment (and since I was so close to the computer to do a quick or not so quick blog about my day). I still can’t quite believe that I had such a major melt down over something so stupid. While I am still feeling emotionally drained, I can laugh at myself over it. When I was walking the dogs I remembered my sister calling me when she was pregnant once balling because she had dropped a gallon of milk carrying it in the house and it broke and spilt everywhere. Like I said, I am putting it down to an odd pregnancy related hormonal thing. I plan on taking a warm bath and then going to bed. While the sharp shooting abdomen pain went away after I calmed down, I have been a bit crampy on and off all day. I’m hoping that isn’t a bad thing. I am almost positive I haven’t put myself into pre-term labor, but obviously the thought did cross my mind or I wouldn’t have mentioned it. This morning just made me all the more thankful that I have not been that emotional for my entire pregnancy. Yes, I have gotten a bit teary eyed at some songs on the radio or when I hear bad news from a friend or about a tragedy like what happened in London last week, but nothing like the all out melt down of today. I wish I had another day in the weekend before the work week, but no such luck. Maternity leave will be here before I know it without me trying to rush it. I still can’t believe that I got so upset over something so minor and stupid.