Very, Very Spoilt

My child is already very, very spoilt and she is not even born yet. Who needs a baby shower? The kid has more clothes than she will probably ever be able to wear. And, they are all so adorable. She now owns 4 pairs of shoes. My mom brought the bag from my sister and as expected, it contained the cutest things, including 4 pair of shoes. I do see why I need the special coded hangers though because most of the clothes are in European sizing. While I could probably figure out which socks go with which outfit, learning European sizing may be beyond me at the moment.

My mom asked how Audrey was doing tonight at dinner. I almost flipped out. OMG. While I have started to call her Audrey, I realized I am not ready for others to do so. It was like a jinx. She is not quite real yet. I need to see her and hold her first.

I can’t wait to try to breastfeed. I have to say that I know that it can be more of a struggle than people expect and not everyone takes to it or is able to, but I have always wanted to do this. If it doesn’t work, I am going to be really, really disappointed. While I would prefer an normal, vaginal birth, if I end up with a c-section I will be fine with it. If I am not able to breastfeed, I am going to be really upset. I think maybe that is one of the big reasons I wanted to try to conceive a child instead of adopting. Some people may dream of their nursery, me…I dream of being able to breastfeed my child. Probably, it will not be as awesome and moving as I expect it to be, but I can’t wait to find out myself.

Getting back to the baby name. I talked to my ex-boyfriends mom tonight. She likes to keep in touch and wishes her son had ended up with me. I’m probably better off without him, but he would have been better off with me. We both know this. Maybe it sounds egotistical, but I think it is true. I think we both think it is true. Anyway, she is the first person who told me that they don’t like the name Audrey. LOL. She likes my second choice name, Mackenzie, but not Audrey. LOL. She was thrilled to hear my news and almost demanded an invitation to the baby shower. What is the big deal with this whole shower thing? I assured her that one would be sent her way, but if she wasn’t so adamant, I can tell you it wouldn’t be so.

I still need to sort out the whole guardianship and will thing, but I am feeling less stressed about it because I found out that they would release the baby to a family member, but child services would need to get involved to grant official custody. As long as it isn’t a stranger, I can live with the chance. I have decided that this whole thing needs much more thought and research. I was incredibly ignorant on the whole process and how things work. I need to ponder and get more educated before I can move forward. However, I will get back to it in good time.

I liked the June gloom better. The last few days have been really hot and I can tell the difference in my energy level. I am dragging a lot more. Sigh. I’m so glad for the a/c. Normally, I set it at 80 and this seems to be okay for the afternoon, but in the evening…I have been lowering it. I’m so bad, I cranked low the a/c and then took a warm bath. I know that makes no sense, but …I wanted to. My house, my bills, my money. I can do stupid things like that if I want to.

I think there were a few other random thoughts I wanted to share, but my mind is now a blank.

Oh yes, I am making progress on the list. Got bug guy coming tomorrow to take care of spiders and ants. Faxed in receipts for my medical savings account; bought three 40 lb bags of dog food so I wouldn’t have to worry about running out late in pregnancy or right after the baby is born; got a referral for a handyman to install fire alarms and do a few other things like climb up into the small space and clean the air filter for my a/c. My cousins kids usually do this for me every summer when they come, but…I am SOL this year since it looks like they aren’t coming. I still have plenty on the list, but I am getting there. Now, the stupid Dr. D (perinatoligist) had the nerve to close his office for a week so I haven’t been able to schedule my 32 week u/s. Did I mention that I talked my OB into that? I guess it is standard protocol if you decline amnio to get a better look. I told Dr. P that I am not really concerned with the baby being abnormal, but I would hate to turn down another chance to look at the baby so Dr. P agreed to submitted the referal and the medical group approved it. Yeah!

And, my sciatic nerve problem seems to have almost worked itself out. My lower back is still a bit tight, but mostly the pain is gone. I have noticed that it seems to be a bit worse in the evenings the last night or two after the night time walk. And, since it has been warm, I have been wearing sandals to walk in. I think I will need to switch back to tennis shoes even if they are much hotter. Oh well, it will be worth it.

I am back to being worried that Audrey isn’t moving enough. Not so worried that I have actually resorted to the fetal heart monitor yet. Or, emailing my OB to tell her that I am paranoid, although I did briefly consider it. I do still feel her move several times a day, but she seems less active when I do feel her. When she does grace me with her movement, she is packing more of a punch. I have heard that the movement does start to slow down a bit as they grow and run out of space. I’m hoping it is that or the heat or something. I am drinking lots and lots of water so I don’t think I am dehydrated again. I don’t think I will ever get tired of feeling the movement. Not only is it very, very cool. It is affirming that all is well. I am sure that all is well. I just think she should be a bit more considerate of her mother’s fears and paranoia. I guess I had better get used to it, huh?

What else?

A few weeks ago, I went to Costco myself instead of having someone else go on my behalf. You know what I found? Costco makes/sells a Kirkland brand of laundry detergent that is both high efficiency and ink/die free. Yeah Costco!! I was able to take off the list petitioning other manufactures for this product. Whew, what a relief. LOL.

Hmm. I think there were a few more things, but I guess I will have to save them for another day when I can actually remember what they are. My mind is now a complete blank and my bed is calling my name. No, it is screaming it. I can hear it from across the house.