It is “my” decision

There are so many things that I really should be doing, but hell, as I found out recently, life is short and I am going to blog first! Just because I want to.

In talking to friends and family about Lucky and moving forward with treatment, almost every single one of them brought up the cost. It was a reminder to me that in cases like this I am glad that I am single and the only person that has to agree on how I spend my money is me. I earned it. No one else has a say in it. So, I won’t get my house painted this year. It won’t be the first or even the second time I have pushed this off. I am used to my multi-colored walls by now that I have “tested” paint colors on. So, I won’t get a few trees removed like I have been thinking about/wanting to. So, maybe I won’t get my wooden floor that buckled in all the rains this winter repaired right now.

My mom started lecture me on pet insurance. As I politely told her, last time I researched it, pet insurance would not cover this or most other treatments. Typically, at least the last time I checked (so maybe it has changed) it only covered routing office visits and shots.

I had lunch with a good friend. We actually met through our dogs when Lucky was a puppy about 7 or 8 years ago. She basically told me I was a fool for spending the money without a guaranteed outcome and that I should “save” the money for when the baby is born because, as I will find out, I will need it then. I was surprised that she was so judgmental and so against it. She usually isn’t like that. I guess in her mind, I should just let Lucky die. She backed off when I started crying and told her that I just couldn’t let Lucky go without a fight. I couldn’t loose her in 3 months or worse have her live a few months longer and not be able to be there for her as she is dying because I am in the hospital with a new baby.

I have been told that I “can get another dog”, while it won’t be Lucky, it will help. I have tried to explain that I trust implicitly the dogs I have with a baby/young child. I have spent years and years training these dogs as they have trained me. I can leave a plate of food on the ground or coffee table and KNOW that my dogs will leave it alone. I KNOW a child can walk around with food in his/her hand or drop it and my dogs will leave it alone unless I tell them they can have it. I don’t have the time or energy right now to train a new puppy. While I could get a rescue, they will also need to be acclimated to the family and I could not trust that dog without knowing its history. No matter how well trained it is, I would still need to train it to my standards. Pets, in my opinion, are a big responsibility. I don’t take that responsibility lightly.

I want 2 children. If all goes as planned with this pregnancy and I get a real live child in August, I want to start weaning the child and have a fluid u/s to make sure that my fibroids didn’t return in February 2006 (about 6 months after birth ) so that I can begin trying for the second one around April/May 2006 (a year from now). What can I say, I have a strong program/project management background. Now that I have had pets, I can’t imagine not having one, but I don’t think it would be fair to bring in a new dog to the family over the next few years. I have been told that when I get lonely enough, I will change my mind. Maybe I will. Likely, I would not get another dog until the kids are starting/about to start school. I would probably get a cat instead.

I haven’t done an internet search or looked up Lymphoma in dogs. I almost did, but I am not sure that I can take it right now. The only information I have right now is the information I have received from the vets. But, let me tell you, it sounds like a horrible way to die. The Oncologist said that she would become tired and lethargic. Her body would just start shutting down. She may have trouble breathing because the lymph nodes in her throat get so big they start cutting off her air supply. How could anyone just watch this happen? I can’t, especially so late in my pregnancy or when I have just delivered. My dog is too important to me. If she has to die and I have any control over the matter, I want it to be when I have the time to give her the love and attention she deserves when she is feeling at her worst.

The Oncologist said that with the treatment I am going with, 25% of the dogs will go into remission and stay that way, ultimately dying of other causes; 25% will not respond to the treatment at all; 50% will go into remission for a time and then come out again, some more quickly than others. While there is not cure, maybe, just maybe, the treatment will work for Lucky.

It’s funny. I read an article in one of the many doctor’s offices I was in last week about how families spend their money and if it was spent on the things they valued. It talked about how money doesn’t buy happiness and that rich people can be unhappy and poor people happy. The article’s premise was that the determining factor about happiness or not was if money was spent on items that were considered valuable to the family. It made me think about where I was spending my money. I am happy to say that it has been on items that are valuable to me. I spent 2K for medication for my IVF cycle that got cancelled, but ultimately resulted in my current pregnancy. It was worth every penny. How could I not spend 2K to see if it will keep my dog alive?

We all make choices. My cousin’s alma mater has made it to the final 4 for basketball this year. She called and said that they are trying to get tickets and want to take the whole family. What she will spend doing this will probably be as much, if not more, than the cost of Lucky’s treatment. Personally, spending that much for a game or a trip is not important to me. It isn’t something I would probably ever do with my money. But if it is important to them, they have the money, and it will make them happy, great!

I started this post thinking I would talk about being single and the pro’s and con’s, but it turned into something else entirely. I guess this was on the top of my mind and needed to be said more. I’ll have to save that topic for another day.