Dr. Dan

I saw Dr. Dan today. He is my chiropractor. I haven’t seen him since early to mid November because late November/early December was filled with my cycle and then worrying about miscarrying. Then, my RE didn’t recommend me seeing him as a precaution. I was worried and tired enough that I took that advice and hadn’t scheduled anything. Dr. Dan’s assistant called a month or so ago to see how I was doing since I hadn’t been in so long. I told them about my pregnancy and that my dr. didn’t recommend it. They were thrilled for me, was glad that all was okay, and understood.

I don’t think I have mentioned this, but my back has really been bothering me lately. I sit in front of a computer and am on the phone all day. My posture isn’t great and I tend to hold stress into my shoulders. Work has been more stressful lately. Before pregnancy, I would lift weights a few times a week in a short routine developed by Dr. Dan to strengthen, tone, and keep my upper body in alignment. While at the gym, I would also do some basic back stretches. All of that has gone by the way side and it has taken its toll in my back. The last week or so I haven’t been sleeping as well due to the back pain and have gotten more headaches than I can remember and I knew it was because of my back and neck being out of alignment and too tight. I tried to do some home stretching, which helped a little, but I let things get too far gone. I went to see my acupuncturist and she gave me a treatment and a massage, which felt great and helped a little, but not enough. Finally, I called Dr. Dan’s office earlier in the week and asked if he thought treatment would cause a problem for the pregnancy and if he could just do an upper body adjustment, since my RE specifically said lower body ones could cause problems. He said an adjustment and massage would be good and cause no problem for the pregnancy. I really trust his opinion and scheduled an appointment.

It was so great to see him. He said today that his son was now 9 and I started seeing him when his son was 3 or 4. What is that, about 6 + years? He was so cute, after congratulating me and getting caught up, he casually mentions “so, in all the years you have been coming here, I didn’t know you were married.” I assured him that I wasn’t and that this was a solo venture. The first thing he said to this was, “that’s terrific, you will make a great mother.” Have I mentioned yet that I love this man? He went on to say that he got into a great debate with Tracy, his old assistant, about it and she kept insisting that I was and he was insisting that I wasn’t. He told me that I had mentioned my dogs, and cousins, and sisters, and work, but no husband. I really had to laugh that so much speculation and discussion went into it. I’m still laughing as I sit here typing.

Yes, I love Dr. Dan. Not in a I want to marry him kind of way, but in a he is the most intelligent man that I think I have ever met kind of way; in a he has improved the quality of my life kind of way. A few years ago, two months in a row, my hip was out of alignment. He asked me what was going on and what I had been up to. We reviewed my last two months and he figured out that all of the traveling I was doing for work and hauling my laptop and work bag over my shoulder was causing the problem. He recommended moving to a backpack carrying case for the laptop. My hip hasn’t been out of alignment since. This is just one very small example of improvements that he has helped me make in my life over the years.

Dr. Dan used to be a professional body builder and still lifts weights. I think he has even been in a movie or two. He is a great father who shares custody of his son 50/50. You can tell he clearly adores and has fun with his son. He struggles with his weight (as do I) and has been on every diet known to man and still struggles. This endears him even more to me. I wouldn’t want to marry him, but he does have many, many qualities I find attractive in a man. He said the happiest time in his life was when he and his wife brought his son home from the hospital and how much better of a person he was because of his son. How can you NOT love a man like that?

Now that we are clear that I am not looking for life long commitment with the guy, I think he is a hottie and I would sleep with him in a minute if he ever initiated. If his skills in the sack are anything like his masseuse skills, he has got to be a great lover. If I weren’t so afraid of making a fool out of myself and worried about loosing a terrific chiropractor who gives the best massages I have ever had (his butt massage is indescribable), I would make the move myself. Even if he did have any interest, which I find doubtful; his integrity would never let him get intimate with a patient. Hmm, but a girl can dream and imagine.

Anyway, I am back on track with seeing Dr. Dan and my middle back was so tight, he couldn’t really even adjust. And, I will try to be better about doing my stretches. He has a little special pad with a cut out for the belly all ready for later in the pregnancy when it gets uncomfortable to lay on my tummy. It wasn’t today, but my left boob really was squashed and I may use it next time just for that reason to see if that would help.

As much as I loved the visit and trust Dr. Dan, I am back to worrying about miscarriage. Not the general idea, it can still happen worry, but the I will regret it for the rest of my life if something happens in a few days from now, really deep down worry.

It is funny, the whole situation reminded me again of how much of my miscarriage this summer that I have blocked from my memory. I remember that I had a visit to Dr. Dan sometime before I had the miscarriage. I have never told anyone IRL this, but I was really worried that might have caused it. I suppressed and even forgot the entire thing until my visit today. At the time, I never asked Dr. N, because I knew that I just couldn’t take the answer if it was yes. I never told Dr. Dan last time that I was pregnant. It was so early that I wasn’t really telling anyone yet. Today, while I was in, Dr. Dan was explaining that adjustments were safe at any time during pregnancy and up until delivery, but since things were still attaching during the first 3 months, he would not recommend it in a case of reoccurring pregnancy loss until at least the fourth month. It brought all the old, suppressed worry back in force. Intellectually, I know that it was unlikely to be the cause and even if it was, I didn’t know what I didn’t know at the time, and feeling guilty now is pointless. But, I am more unreasonably worried than I have been in awhile about miscarriage. Yes, I have been a bit crampy today, but not any more so than I have on other occasions during this pregnancy. I hold onto the fact that it is probable that I would have vomited again on my walk tonight had I not thought to suck on a preggo pop as I had earlier in my pregnancy to avoid my lawn puking fear (turned reality).

I have vowed to myself not to only select data points that support my paranoia while forgetting other, pregnancy affirming data points. I have vowed not to obsess over the cause of my m/c this summer now that my deepest fear around it has been unsuppressed. I would like to vow that I will not worry about another m/c, but I don’t think I can keep that so I will vow not to obsessively worry unless I start spotting or bleeding sometime this week. And, then of course, I would freak out and demand a live baby check.

I am now looking even more forward to my Level 2 u/s. Thank God that they want me in around 17 w instead of 20. I think the waiting will be even harder now. In the meantime, let’s hope the visit was worth it and my back pains lessen and the headaches stay at bay!

I should create a count down ticker. Eleven days and counting until next live baby check.