Feeling Crabby

I’m feeling crabby and I feel like complaining. In general, I am (or at least I THINK I am) an easy going, positive person. I am not usually one to complain. The most negative I ever remember being, over the long haul, is actually with this pregnancy and whether it will ultimately work out. Over the last day or two, I have come to the conclusion that I must have turned a corner. I have come to realize that I am starting to expect that everything will be okay. I know that, in theory, things can go terribly wrong at any time, but it seems more theoretical at the moment. I find this scary.

I have managed to gain almost 4 – 5 lbs the last few days bringing me back to my pre-pregnancy weight. This pisses me off. I was hoping not to be here for at least another month. I have been eating shitty junk all week. I need to be better. It is just so much harder now that the morning sickness/nausea have gone. The thought of unhealthy food those first few months was just so unappealing; it was easy to eat healthy. I want to give the baby the proper nutrients. I don’t want to get gestational diabetes. I don’t want to have such a large child that I am forced into c-section. I am just finding it REALLY hard this week.

I’m tired. Everyone who has told me that I would feel energetic in the second trimester is a LIAR. I don’t. I’m not the sleepy, can’t do anything else, but lay down tired like the first tri, but I am not full of energy either. Everything seems to be such an effort. I wake up groggy and have to force myself up and out of bed, which is very unusual for me. Walking/hiking the dogs is just such an effort right now. I don’t really want to do anything or see anyone (okay, this is a slight exaggeration, but not a total one), but I seem to have stuff going on every day.

I hurt. My knees hurt. My back hurts. I’m still waking up at night because my back hurts. I read that I must start to train myself now at 16w to sleep on my left side and that laying flat on your back is a no-no at this point going forward because you can hurt the baby. I think it can cut of the air supply and the baby can asphyxiate, or something like that. I should probably go look that up again. Normally, I sleep on my left side anyway, but I keep waking up sleeping on my back because it is hurting and that is what I do when my back hurts. Now, just so you don’t feel too sorry for me, I doesn’t hurt enough that I have actually taken Tylenol or anything. It isn’t debilitating, just annoying and nagging.

I can’t seem to get anything concrete accomplished. There are a few things at work that really need to get done. They are important (not critical) and past due, but I can’t seem to care enough to actually do them.

I need to due my taxes and will actually get money back, but even this is not enough to motivate me. The thought of it is too overwhelming. Plus, there are questions I have around my medical expenses for last year like can I claim everything I spent even if services weren’t rendered. I ended up overpaying on my first two cycles because of the billed vs. allowed amount and, I think, I may still have a credit. Since I paid it last year, can I claim it on last years taxes. On the flip side, I saw the dentist (remember that infection I had in December during my cycle), but didn’t pay my portion until this month. Do I claim that on this years taxes? Plus, I think I would like to have a nanny the first year after the baby is born, but have heard that I need to “take out” employment tax, etc. This just seems too complicated. It is not as if I actually DO my own taxes. Heavens no, I pay an accountant to do that because I actually despise even thinking about it (can you tell), but I still need to pull things together for him.

I still have not sent back that fetal heart monitor. I still have not bought a 2005 calendar. I still have not redeemed the gift card I received for Christmas for new hiking boots and walking shoes. I need toner for my printer. I really need these things. Every day, I think about how much I need to take care of this stuff. Every day, it still does not get done.

My cousin IM’d me to tell me how much she misses me and how she has tried to get a hold of me everyday. Like I don’t know this. She has called. She has email. She has IM’d. Now, I both love and like my cousin. But this just annoyed the shit out of me. I actually responded and told her that I did get all of her attempts but that work has been busy and I have been tired. She told me that she knows this, but just misses me and hopes that everything is well. Then she went on to complain about her work, her kids, her life. I just haven’t been in the mood for this.

My mom came over for dinner. Yes, it is Wednesday again. She was nice enough to do my dishes for me, again. When she was done, she came in to my office to tell me that she had done that for me and that she STILL remembers being pregnant. I did thank her. I guess I could have been a bit more grateful, but…it just annoyed me as well. I didn’t ask her to do it. I’m glad that I don’t have to, but…did I mention that I am feeling a bit cranky?

The election was okay yesterday. I have decided, once again, that I really don’t like the Inspector (worker in charge) very much and she was actually the nicest she has ever been. She is just a bit too bossy for me. The type of bossy where she wants everyone else to do the work and she just supervises. I hate that. I ended up working/helping out more than usual because 2 out of the 4 scheduled workers didn’t show up. It was slow enough that 2 of them could have done it, but they did need breaks for dinner and lunch because you need at least 2 workers at all times. After lunch she brings back her male “house guest” to help, but he was so incompetent that the only job we could give him was to hand out and take the ballots. I could probably go on for awhile about this topic, but I will stop now. It really wasn’t that bad, just annoying. And, I was just tired and not in the mood.

My web browser seems to be missing an important .dll and I keep getting messages that it is not there and do I want to continue. Yes. Do I want to send Microsoft a notification of the error? No. Why don’t they ask me if I want them to automatically fix the damn problem so I don’t get the stupid message any more?

Hmm. I am sure that I could find more to whine and complain about while I am at it, but I guess I will spare us all and call it quits.

Really, things aren’t THAT bad. Just one of those days.