Monday, June 01, 2009

Testing, Testing 1 - 2 - 3

Please, tell me it is just a phase. Please, I implore you as I pray for patience.

Scene: About 5 pm. Dinner is finished. I'm giving R a breathing treatment. Neomi is doing the dishes. N is watching TV and playing nicely. Max is playing and has a poo. Neomi goes to help wipe. Max throws a fit screaming and crying "no, my mommy, I want my mommy to do it" and runs away from her around the house with his pants around his ankles. Fine. I hand R off to Neomi so she can finish the breathing treatment, at which point R starts throwing a fit and knocks the despencer off thus spilling the contents after about 3 minutes. Meanwhile, I wipe Max butt and put him into the tub.

Scene: About 5:15. Max is still in tub. I tell him for the second time no more water. R I am carting around with me as he has decided to be a mommy cling on for the night. N is still playing nicely in baby jail (probably happy her brothers are leaving her alone and she isn't at present moment in physical peril and no one is grabbing all her toys away) and watching TV. I give Max a 5 minute warning.

Scene: About 5:18. Max is still in tub. I hear water go on again. I hand off R to Neomi for diaper change and PJ's. Go tell Max for the 3rd and final time, no more water and now it is time to get out. He throws a fit and refuses to get out. I says he is going to splash water all over the floor [before it drains]. I remind him that if he does, he will need to clean up the water. He does it anyway. He puts a pitcher on his foot and tells me he is going to club me with it and hurt me. I tell him I do not like to be hurt and if he does this, I will have to take away the pitcher and he will not be able to use it for awhile until he can show me he can use it properly. He gets out of the tub with the pitcher, puts it on his foot and clubs [although gently as he is only willing to push it so far] with it. I take it away and put i up out of his reach. He laughs and tells me he will just get it down [but he can't as it is too tall]. I dry him off and give him the towel to dry the wall and floor where he splashed. He refuses. Does a little and then throws the towel into the tub which still has not drained all the way. Most of the towel is wet except one part of which he asks what part is dry. I show him so he can use that to wipe the rest of the water. He puts it back into the tub making sure to get the dry part wet. I send him to the linin closet to get a dry towel. He does. Finally, he starts wiping up the water commenting that it is hard work and he doesn't like doing it. Bingo. Yes, I comment, it's hard work for me too and I don't like it either.

Scene: About 5:45. We are all in the twins room doing last bottle and bedtime for the twins. Neomi has left by now. Max and R had a nice game of chase Max's sippy cup where the goal is for Max to keep it just out of R's reach as R crawls as fast as he can to get it only to have it tossed even further. Both seem to be enjoying this game so it continues until it is R's turn for bottle. Max has turned over the stool for the rocker being warned repeatedly that N doesn't like to have the sharp corners bashed into her head. He is warned [since this has been a problem in the recent past] that if he purposly hurts her or any of us, calls any of us a name, or is disruptive, he will be asked to leave the room. He tests without actually crossing the line this time.

Scene: About 5:50. The twins and I are still doing final stages of bedtime ... getting on sleep blankets and about to start books. I ask Max, who is in the kitchen putting water in bowls for some odd reason, if he wants to pick books and participate. He declines. I start reading. He comes in screaming half way through the book that he wanted to pick and start over and on and on and hissy fit. I calmly tell him that he is not being considerate of the twins bed and book time and if he continues, he will be asked to leave the room. He continues and escalates. He is removed from the room continuing to throw a fit, but at least outside the room so I can finish books and get the twisn to bed.

Scene: About 5:55. Max is still crying and tantruming. I go into his room and cuddle him until he calms down. When I ask what books he wants to read, he indicates the ones I had just read the twins. I get them and then he doesn't want them, but another one. I read the other one. We climb in bed for cuddles and kisses for a bit.

Scene: About 6:20 pm. All three kids are asleep. The beautiful sound of silence.

Now, probably this is all normal age appropriate testing stuff, but sure can be tiring. I hate to be on him so much, but sometimes he just makes such bad choices after being given plenty of warnings. Yes, it's at the end of the day an he is tired. We all are, but still. He has to learn that he can not phyically hurt his siblings at will. He has to learn that he can't go around calling us names, although he really makes an effort not to call me names anymore after pushing it past the limit. He has to learn that being part of a family means being considerate. If I don't correct him, who will and how will he learn. However, he needs the limits. He needs to know when he crosses the line. He tests to make sure he knows where the line is and what it means to cross it and what the consequences are. I need to remind myself of this and that it is normal.

I'm not sure if it is a boy thing, or an age thing, or just a Max thing, but it can try my patience at the best of times. Tonight, I had enough left to stay calm and cool about the whole thing instead of yelling at him and letting him suck me so it went better than it can when I just can't take it anymore.

Well, hopefully, he has learned his lessons or we will be back at it again tomorrow.

ETA: OMG, I just had a terrible, terrible thought....what if it isn't a phase? What if this continues up to and during the teenage years where just that which is tested changes to be bigger and badder and more problematic with bigger consequences. I can see my future and it could be kind of scary. Oh well, nothing to be done but to plug along do the best we can and hope and pray it makes a difference and/or divine intervention.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Deb... Only have a sec but wanted to say that it will get much better as Max grows older and is better able to express his feelings in more reasonable ways. But you're right in that it won't ever go away entirely. We still have sib rivalry issues here, and always will I think... It goes in phases and right now we are in a tough one as the twins are now bonding together, ganging up against Carver. R and N may not do that though, as different genders. So in the end, your configuration may be better as M will identify with R... I just think it's very hard to be an oler sib to twins, very difficult. And for us continues to be, but Carver is better at expressing himself. But will still resort to doing stuff, usually after Jamie has started it though...Jamie is a little instigator.

I didn't let Carver be in the room for books, final diaper etc of the twins, but had Elvi to help me out with that... she'd get C his milk and help him settle and wait for me to come out... Don't know what I would have done alone...

Hang in there... I keep meaning to buy that sib rivalry book but keep forgetting....