Crash and Burn

I had an u/s today. Not a follicle to be seen. Lining was basically non-existent. So glad I spent a grand on meds and bought 10 more vials of sperm. What a waste. I really, really hate getting cancelled from IUI's. See this is why it makes absolutely no sense to go for an out of state consult. It would make more sense to stop the madness. I hate my body right now. I hate ttc. I hate spending something that has so little chance of working. I hate that I can't yet give up the dream and just stop. I won't go as far as to say I hate the world or everything in it at the moment, but...I'm not feeling too good about things. Work still sucks, big time. I'm short on cash this month, in part, because of this f'ing process, and I can't even get one stinking follicle. Not even a chance. Clearly, I will not be attempting a medicated cycle again soon. Maybe I'll get a follicle growing in a week or two like the last time I attempted a medicated cycle. I wish I could just go hide away someplace and deal with this (read cry my eyes out), but I have work to do and my mom is coming for dinner tonight so I will pretend all is well.