A moment of self doubt

I have heard that many women when they are trying to get pregnant or when they are pregnant get this self doubt about whether they will make a good mom. Probably, I am just egotistical, but that didn't happen to me. I was always so sure that I would make a great mom.

This morning when I was hiking I had a few moments of self-doubt. What if I wasn’t good enough? I want so much to be the best mommy I can be. But, what if that isn’t enough? I started getting all worked up and tear eyed (which happens so much more frequently since I had Max) over this. I started the positive self talk and told myself that no mom is ever perfect, but that I am just the mommy that Max needs.

Just then, a gust of wind blew and hit us both in the face. Max just started laughing. Made me laugh, too! Here we are both enjoying nature together.

All was then back to being right in my world. I am a good mom to my dogs and a good mom to Max. Who else would be up at 7 am in the morning hiking with them before work and giving them such an experience on a warm, windy day? We shared a little moment that no one else did this morning.

All I could think was…how cool is that?

In other news, I have no plans tonight except to walk the dogs and take it easy. That makes me so happy. I've been feeling so very tired, as trite as that sounds.

Didn’t sleep well last night. I was tossing and turning and writing in my mind a long post on Baptism Class, Religion and Politics. Time will tell if I actually get it to print. I woke up late and tired after getting to bed late and not sleeping well. Max woke up late, too.

Our routine has been that he wakes up around 5 ish and I feed him. Then, we play and cuddle for awhile before getting up and starting the day. We didn’t get that this morning. I was up and dressed before he woke up. I gave him a quick feed. Then, we were off. I like having a bit of time to play and interact even if it does mean a much earlier start to the day.

I told my bosses to not submit my name for that other job as interesting as it is and as good of a match as I really am for it. The timing is just not right for a move. I talked to the guy currently in the job and it is very much East Coast centric. I would be the only West Coast person on the leadership team. As minor as that is in the scheme of things, I just can’t do that battle right now and am not willing to give up my early mornings with Max and the dogs before work. I am fine with the decision and think my bosses are as well.


Max today in his new shirt. A gift from a fellow SMC this weekend. It fits perfectly and is already getting good use.