What have I gotten myself into?

I have come to an interesting realization over the last week. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am almost in the 3rd trimester. The realization is ... I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY…followed by….AND, I AM COMPLETELY UNPREPARED.

I have researched the ttc process obsessively. I have done my fair share of reading about pregnancy and what to expect, week by week, month by month. I have never had any serious fear or concerns about raising a child. In my heart of hearts, I just KNOW I will be a good mom. However, over the last week or so, I have come to realize that I know little to nothing about the whole labor and delivery process. I have never seen a birth. Obviously, I have never given birth. I have never asked too many questions or really heard any birthing stories. In fact, for some reason, I never gave it too much thought one way or another until recently.

One of the doula’s I talked to and the one I think I will go with recommended two books. I have spent last night and this morning reading one of them “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth”. I am halfway through the book and just finished reading the birthing stories that comprise the first half of the book.

OMG, WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO? I can’t believe that I didn’t research this out long before now. On the other hand, this is probably a good thing, because I am not sure I would have gone through with it had I had more knowledge or details (and I am only half kidding with that remark).

This whole situation reminds me of managing this Year 2000 project for one of our clients. I remember clearly in October 1998 being so stressed out and not sleeping well (because the stakes of not getting the project done on time or with high quality was extremely high) as I got the project started up and through the planning phase. I thought at the time, I better get a grip because this was a long, long project and I couldn’t go on like this for the entire project. Once things settled in and we had a solid plan that we were executing against, I settled down and things went off without a hitch.

I don’t have 2+ years to get used to this baby thing. In fact, according to Fertility Friends, I only have 95 days of pregnancy left (assuming of course that I deliver ON my due date). But, I do have 95 days to get more educated and get a birthing plan in place. I do have 95 days to get used to this idea of the actual birth and labor/delivery.

Some of my thoughts and concerns are as follows:
• This book really frowns about hospital births and the medical intervention that goes with it. And, there is NO WAY I am not doing a hospital birth. Heck, I am the one that selected the hospital based on it having the highest NICU, just in case.
• My OB said that she doesn’t recommend a natural birth for a first child. She said it is extremely painful and you need to separate yourself from the pain and it is very difficult for women to do this the first time.
• In theory, I don’t have any problem with an epidural and the whole needle in the spine thing. I had one for my fibroid surgery. However, I do remember waking up and my first thought being a panicked one thinking I was paralyzed because I couldn’t feel my legs and feet before I remembered that I had the epidural. I didn’t get feeling back until the epidural was turned off. Also, an epidural can slow down the process making delivery more difficult (or was it risky or both…I need to do more research on this) in part because you can’t feel to push properly. Dr. P said she rather deal with that than having me in such intense pain that I couldn’t function or enjoy the birth at all (my words, but a good synopsis).
• This book says that it is mind over matter. The old adage…If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you can’t.
• I think I need to ask a few more questions of the doula’s I am talking to. I don’t think a “die hard” go natural or else approach will work for me. On the other hand, from everything I have read so far (if you ignore the Girl Friends Guide to Pregnancy which I am glad I didn’t actually buy and only started reading because someone gave to me) indicates that natural is better and that 95% of the time, there is no medical reason for not going natural.
• Since I have decided that I do have gestational diabetes after my bad response to the 1 hour glucose test the other day, I am worried that the baby will be too big and that combined with the fibroid surgery and other risk factors my Dr. will recommend a planned C-Section.
• If this happens, although I always thought I wouldn’t care one way or another, I think I will be sad. Also, what is the point of having a doula if you are having a planned C-Section and the front runner doula asks for either full payment at the first visit or half payment at the first visit and half at the second. Why waste the money if I won’t be able to use her skills and knowledge by having a C-Section? On the other hand, I think she would really be great so I would like to have her reserved and in my corner under the assumption that I will get to go natural.

Holy Cow, What am I going to do? What have I gotten myself into?

I am going to take some deep breaths. I am going to try to finish blowing up my deluxe floaty and hang out in the pool for awhile. I am going to continue to research this out and ask questions. I am going to use this stress now to be as prepared as I can be so that I can be nice and relaxed when the time comes so that I can enjoy my labor and delivery to the extent possible.

As the book says, “It is important to keep in mind that our bodies must work pretty well, or there wouldn’t be so many humans on the planet”. I will forget that the same sentiment also applies to the ttc arena (and we know how iffy that whole process can be even when things look text book perfect). I can do this. I am women. I am strong.

I haven’t craved or really missed not having a good glass of wine one bit since I have been pregnant and the months leading up to it. A glass of Sterling Merlot sounds really good about right now.