Being Fat Contributes to Poor Response

I’m up with tense shoulders and a back ache, not able to sleep, too keyed up, worrying. No, not about my cycle, but out my poor responder status. My RE had a live chat the other day, and I read the transcript earlier today. Someone asked him about whether being overweight contributed to poor response and he said yes, it can. I knew that being overweight could affect ovulation and that it could make it harder to do a retrieval and transfer, causing the need for a vaginal u/s instead of an abdominal one during those procedures. And, I guess on some level, I DID know that weight played a factor. This is why they have overweight gals do stims IM (intramuscular) instead of SubQ (under the skin). That is why I did NOT want to use the Follistim pen, which is administered SubQ. I mentioned this to a friend who was surprised that I didn’t know this and she said she had read articles about studies that document a significantly higher success rate for those with a BMI less than 25 (I think she said). She has emailed me the articles, but I have not yet read them. I came to the computer to email my RE and ask him about this asking him the reasons behind this or at least the theory and how much it could have contributed in my case. But, I am debating with myself on this because the truth of the matter is that even if it is true, it is not as if I would be able to loose enough weight prior to the end of my fertility life, if I could even due it then based on genetics and such. Knowing more on this topic would likely serve no purpose other than to make me feel worse than what I do with the little information I do have on it. I feel like I did when I got labeled “poor responder”. BAD. REALLY, REALLY BAD. Then, like now, it isn’t as if I didn’t have the facts in front of me, I just never made the connection in my mind. I had all of the pieces. I just never connected the dots. I have asked Dr. N in the past if weight affected my fertility and he said no, but that was before the whole poor response issue came to light. So, I was laying in bed drafting an email in my head to him. Then, arguing with myself on the purpose of sending it and getting him to say in writing that my being fat is the reason I have wasted thousands of dollars on fertility meds for a crap response. Okay, he was much to diplomatic to say it EXACTLY like that, but….

I go for very long periods of time being okay with my weight and who I am. Then, something like this comes up and ….and….and….I’m not sure how I feel. Just really sad right now.

Then, in taking a break from that debate, I started contemplating whether or not this cycle worked as I was (and actually have been for days) been very crampy and can almost feel my uterus spasm. And, how and optimistic person may see this as a good sign. And, how I don’t. I really, really, don’t. I have never felt this cramping/spasming on my pregnant cycles, only on my third cycle, the one after my myomectomy and my worst cycle ever, which was a negative.

Quick cycle review:
Round 1
Cycle 1 = Neg; Cycle 2 = M/C; Cycle 3 = Neg.; Cycle 4 = Max

Round 2
Cycle 1 = Neg.; Cycle 2 = M/C; Cycle 3 = TBD (Beta Friday)

I thought I have been doing good and not obsessing, but I guess it has just been under the surface taking its toll.

The bottom line is that symptoms or lack there of mean nothing about the true outcome. The die has been thrown; The verdict has been cast; The outcome has already been established. I just have to wait a few more days to find out the results.