Internal Arguments

We are playing re-organize and shift the leadership team again at work so things are a bit slow. I have plenty of things that I COULD do, but I am not feeling that motivated. Normally, on Wednesday’s I am in back to back meetings all morning and into the early afternoon. However, a meeting that normally takes 2 hours was finished in 30 minutes. I could call a few people back or get caught up on things that have been on the back burner for awhile. Again, just not that motivated as I wait for the call back from the vet to tell me what I already know.

So, I guess I will write about something that has been on my mind for awhile. Something I have been having an internal debate about. Two things actually, one is CIO (cry it out) and the other is Weaning (and T42).

Philosophically, I have no problems or issues with sleep training and having them cry it out. I think it can be very useful, if not essential, in specific cases especially if you have more than one child and/or twins. I have been closely monitoring Max’s sleep habits and patterns for a few months now and trying to decide if I should go to a CIO technique or not. He actually sleeps pretty good I think most of the time. The biggest problem is that he is not able to fall asleep on his own. On the other hand, I can (and most of the time so can Naomi) sooth him to sleep in about 5 or 10 minutes. So, it really isn’t a problem getting him down. On the other hand, I think it is a very important skill to learn how to fall asleep on you own.

I tried a modified or moderated CIO technique a few times where you go in and sooth after 5 or 10 minutes, settle them, then leave again. I have decided that I CAN NOT do this technique. It feels cruel and inconsistent to me. I walk in and Max’s sees me and his face lights up and he is all smiles. I leave and he gets even more upset when I leave again. It just feels wrong to me. I have decided I need to do it all or do nothing. Full cry it out or stay on the current path of sooth to sleep.

Ideally, I would hire someone for a week, they would “teach” Max to sleep and then I could take over after the hard work was done. Okay, so maybe this isn’t ideal. It probably works like dog training. He would be trained, but for someone else.

I don’t really have a problem with Max crying when someone else is in charge and/or I don’t have to hear it. I just don’t think I can just leave and let him bawl himself to sleep, especially since I am not sure I even have a problem in the first place.

Plus, I usually have the time and enjoy the bonding time Max and I have when putting him down. I was thinking the other day as I was arguing with myself (since I have no spouse or other parent to argue with on the topic), that if Max died tomorrow (this was even before I knew that Lucky is likely out of remission); or if I never had another child; or if I had twins and couldn’t breastfeed or take the time I have now; how would I feel about how I am raising Max so far in general and in regards to his sleeping.

I think I would regret not taking the time I am now with him. He is growing up so fast. All too soon, he isn’t going to want to cuddle in my arms and snuggle close to fall asleep in my arms. But, I don’t want this decision to be about me. I want it to be about what is best for Max.

And so the argument goes.

I have talked to a friend about this topic. She said I will probably be one of “those” parents that don’t discipline their child and give in when they start fussing and crying. I could be wrong, time will tell, but I don’t think so. I had no problem suctioning and clearing Max’s nose when he was sick a few weeks ago. I think I could do it and tune it out if I really thought it was best for Max and needed. I’m just not convinced yet that it is.

Again, my biggest concern is that he can’t sooth himself to sleep and needs help. Just last night, he woke up when I put him in his crib. His eyes opened. I stopped. Told him I loved him, gave his back a quick rub, turned off the light and walked out of the room. He babbled and “talked” for a minute or two, then fell asleep.

I think he will get there on his own without CIO. But, then again, I could just be deceiving myself because I like the cuddle time.

And so the argument goes. In a circular fashion.

I have decided that I will do nothing different until at least April and then re-evaluate. Right now, I don’t think the problem (if it is even really a problem) is big enough for as extreme as CIO will feel to me.

I will have to save the weaning argument for another day since I am out of time. However, it isn’t really too different from the CIO except that I am torn between forcing a full wean to try for another and cherishing the time I have now with Max. Mostly, Max is completely weaned during the day and only breast feeds at night and/or first thing in the morning. We are slowly getting there. I just decided that I don’t want to force the issue because it is something we both enjoy.

Still no news from the vets office. I really wasn’t expecting the call until later today anyway. Of to another few hours of meetings. Joy!