Ba Bye

Warning! Rant ahead…..

I’m tired! I’m burnt out! I am so happy to see my company (cousin and two of her three kids) go. They leave tonight on the red eye. My cousin has come for as long as 6 weeks and things have been fine. She has only been here for 8 days and I am more than ready for her to go. I don’t think I have ever been so happy to see anyone leave. I am used to company. I LIKE having people come and stay.

It is nothing big. Just lots and lots of little things. Little irritating things. That all add up.

I think it has something to do with the subtle difference between being a servant and providing a service; me now being a mom; me getting even less sleep; and her kids being older (which she is thrilled about).

She has been passive aggressive almost the entire visit.

My cousin has never been the best at picking up after herself. At times, you could probably even call her lazy. With Naomi here, she hasn’t really even made an effort or had her kids make an effort to pick up ANYTHING. She just leaves everything assuming Naomi will do it. She has made comments every day like “no wonder you are so calm after having Max” you have someone here to do everything for you and take care of everything. GRRRR. It was a huge struggle for me to go back to work and have someone come in to help. I wish I had another choice.

She was a SAHM when her kids were young and now works part time with very flexible hours for her church. I explain that there are trade offs. She was able to stay home with her kids. I don’t have that opportunity. Etc. She just doesn’t get it. On the weekend, she said I just don’t see how you do it on the weekends without Naomi here. This was said as she was doing nothing and I was unloading/reloading the dishwasher and picking up the mess she, her kids, my mom had left laying around while I had a brief period of down time while Max was napping.

On Tuesday, she put apple peels down the sink and clogged it. It took me about 2 hours to take apart the pipes, figure out where it was clogged, and it all back together again. She didn’t offer to help. She didn’t apologize. In fact, she went to get her son “In and Out” Burgers and found other things “to do” like sit outside and read her book and say what a great time she was having. I had taken the afternoon off to visit with her and we were supposed to meet up with a friend that she knows and likes. I spent it fixing my sink instead. GRRRR.

Someone broke the toilet. No big deal really. The chain just came unhooked. I just couldn’t get to it and talked her through how to fix it. She couldn’t do it. She did try after I specifically asked and got a bit prissy about it, but she didn’t do it right and I had to go and redo it later. That is why she is married and has a husband. Yes, she actually said this to me (but not about this particular item). GRRRR.

I went to make toast this morning. No bread. Went to go get a soda. No soda. There was the caffeinated soda she likes and drinks, but none of the caffeine free stuff that I drink. She had just been to the store yesterday (several times) to get snacks and treats for her and the kids and milk. She knew, but I didn’t, that we were low on these items. She didn’t get them. She knew I was upset this morning because she made some comment to her daughter that I was upset with her because we were out. I replied that I wasn’t upset with her, per se, but that I was frustrated because the last of these items were used and not replaced and/or I wasn’t told. She said that “maybe” she would run around today to get them. She has laid around all day except for running out once again to get burgers for her kids for lunch. She had to go right past the grocery store. She didn’t stop. As she told me, this is “HER” vacation. Doesn’t she realize that it is hard for me to get to the store with Max and that I really won’t have a chance again until this weekend? GRRRR.

One night while she was here, I had very little sleep and still had to work, take care of everything like I normally would, and everything extra because she and family were here. She asked my how I slept and I said not great. She kept going on and on and on about how great she slept. How wonderful it was? How nice it was to be on vacation and not have to worry about anything. How nice it is that her kids are older now and self sufficient. Whatever.

I could go on and on. I have many more examples. I won’t. I guess I just never really realized that she was so self-absorb, lazy, selfish. I guess I always believed her when she said I just didn’t understand “because I didn’t have kids”.

Well, now I do have a kid. And, I realize that it isn’t the fact that she has kids. It is her.

The other really odd thing is that she really hasn’t held, played with, or interacted with Max the entire time she was here, except for when others (my friends, my sisters) were around, THEN she wanted to play the loving Aunt. She thanked me for not assuming that she wanted to watch Max and having Naomi continue to come almost full time while she was here. Max got fussy with her almost every time she decided to “play” aunt because he doesn’t really know her and she was a bit maniac about her attention.

It was almost comical on Sunday during lunch. I didn’t really want to go because I had been running all week and Sunday’s I have set aside to be “my” day with Max. No one asked me what I wanted and it was planned because it was what Terri wanted. When I pointed this out, she said, fine. They would be happy to go without me. Everyone could pay for her instead of me after all, she was turning 40 too at the end of the year. Anyway, I digress. I decided to open a bottle of wine (at 11:30 am) and have some because I was pissed because I hadn’t had breakfast because I was trying to get Max down for a nap, but he was over tired because we did a later hike and got back later. Then, I picked up the entire house, then I found out that my sisters were going to be late. Wait, still not to my point, but I was feeling much better about the whole thing after 2 glasses of wine. Anyway, I asked my sister Julie to feed back (baby food) at the restraint, because she has such enthusiasm and makes up all these silly games. It amuses me. I love to hear her do it and Max really does eat well for her. Terri kept saying comments like “I could do it”. Finally, my sister passed Max over to her and she sat him in her lap. I had made a comment that I couldn’t feed him one handed on my lap. I can’t. Too messy. She looks right at me and says another passive aggressive comment like “you can’t do this? You just need more practice” or something like that. I just ignored that comment like I have so many others this week.

Maybe she is trying to get a rise out of me? It hasn’t worked so far. Or, maybe she doesn’t realize it. I can’t really tell.

Part of me is sad because I have always loved having her. She has come every year since her daughter who is now 8 was 6 months (Max’s age now). Her husband’s sister is living in England right now. I think they are going there this summer instead of coming here. Instead of being sad, I am relieved.

After this trip, I am not sure I could have taken it and still kept our friendship. It is almost like she wants me to be complaining about how hard it is and see me struggle. I guess she really struggled when her kids were young and money was very tight for them at the time. Maybe she is resentful because of that??

I don’t know. I am hiding in my office pretending to work. I guess both toilets are now broken. The one in my room is backed up and overflowing because someone had too big of a poop and the chain has fallen off the other one again.

Instead of rereading this, making sure I don’t have any errors and that it makes some semblance of sense since I moved and added things and haven't read it, just vented, I am going to take a deep breath and fix both toilets reminding myself that they will be gone in a few hours. Then, I am going to let Naomi go home and I am going to walk Max and my dogs in the rain. Then, I am going to take them to the airport with a smile on my face and tell them how glad I was that they came out and how I hoped they had a great time.

And, I am going to hug them and say Ba Bye! (and hope that traffic isn’t totally awful, Max doesn’t scream the entire way, etc.)

Birthday Pictures

Here are some Birthday Pictures of my 40th and Max's 6 month!


Deb's 40th


Max 6 month B-Day


Max 6 Month B-Day

You will notice Max sleeping on his tummy. I have tried and tried to tell him "back to sleep, tummy to play". He could care less what I have to say on the matter. Now that he can roll over, he rolls right off his tummy when you put him that way to play. Conversely, he will roll immediately onto his side/tummy when placed in his crib to sleep. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I have tried to roll him over. He rolls back. I roll him to his back. He rolls to his tummy. People say that I can be stubborn and persistent. Max can wear me out and beats me hands down on these issues. What is a momma to do? One of the benefits of Max sleeping in bed with me is that he does not roll to his tummy. He either rolls to his side or stays on his back and snuggles up next to me.

6 Months

Max had his 6 month Birthday last Friday. Wow, has the time flown. He had his 6 month check up on Monday (yesterday). Overall, he is healthy and doing great. However, he is too skinny. He has remained consistent in the 75% for length, but his weight dropped from 50% at 2 months, to 25% at 4 months, to less than 10% at 6 months.

Month, Head Circ., Length. Weight
Two (10/17/05) 15 3/8 23 ½ 11 lbs 3 oz
Four (12/20/05) 16 3/8 25 ½ 13 lbs 4 oz
Six (2/20/06) 17 27 14 lbs 10 oz

Dr. H wants me to do everything I can to fatten Max up in the next 6 weeks. This includes NOT weaning Max at the end of February/March 1st which was my cut off date from my RE to cycle in April. Dr. H said maybe by the end of April. A forced wean/food boycott (which is what would happen if I tried to totally wean Max at this point) is not a good idea. So, my best laid plans to wean and try for a sibling are on hold right now. Part of me is relieved because it really would be a huge battle to wean Max right now and I wasn’t sure I had the energy and emotional fortitude I would have needed to do it anyway. Part of me is sad/worried that by waiting longer I jeopardize my chances to try for a sibling. Remember, that big 40, the birth date where all fertility takes a nose dive, occurred last week.

The plan is to start Max on puréed meat/protein with puréed Lamb being the one that most kids have the least allergies and bad reactions to. Dr. H said that we may also want to have Max see an allergy specialist sometime in the next 6 months since he has had a bad reaction to so many formulas’s and prunes.

Max had another set of shots yesterday. I was prepared for a horrible night because Max screamed and screamed after his 4 month shots (was just generally fussy after his 2 month shots) and he is short on sleep from my birthday party on Saturday and all the company we have. However, he fell asleep in my arms at 5:45 still in his day clothes. He slept solid until about 9:30 pm (when I was about to go to sleep). I fed him and tried to put him back into the crib. He fought it and ended up in bed with me for the night eating on and off at his whim. Woke up at 4 am to work on a BM. After the diaper change, we dozed and played until 6 am when we got up for the day. All and all, it was anticlimactic. Thank goodness!

My sister from Atlanta was here for a day and a half. It was great to see her, but wish it could have been longer.

My cousin is here until next Monday with two of her three kids.

Been busy here and I am tired. But, it is all good.

I've been tagged...

Thanks a lot Katrina! LOL.

1.What were you doing 10 years ago?
10 years ago? Like I can remember that far back. I can barely remember last night let alone 10 years ago. Hmm. That would have been Feb. 96. I would have just turned 30. I had only been living in this house for 4 months. Gardening? Too long ago.

2.What were you doing 1 year ago?
Yep, last year is even foggy. I was pregnant with Max. I had to cheat and go back and look at my blog. I was almost 1/3 of the way through with my pregnancy and had just decided to change OB’s. Probably, I was feeling relief to have made it out of the 1st trimester since I had spotting/cramping on and off almost the entire 1st trimester.

3. Five snacks you enjoy:
Chocholate chip cookies, Reeces Peneat Butter Cups (or better yet the Eggs that they do for Easter or the Trees they did last year for x-mas), Chocholate chip cookies, Reeces Peneat Butter Cups (or better yet the Eggs that they do for Easter or the Trees they did last year for x-mas), Chocholate chip cookies. I will EAT other snacks, but if I have those in the house, I MUST eat.

4. Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
Yeah, right. I have to make up lyrics to the baby/children songs I sing to Max because I can’t remember the words. Lyrics and phone numbers are two things I can’t bother to remember. I need to save the space for something important. Even when I used to have a decent memory (pre-Max), I would never remember something like a lyric or a phone number. LOL.

5. Five bad habits:
a) Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep; b) Being too routine and not spontaneous enough; c) Buying books on random subjects, reading 1/3 – ½ of them, loosing interest in the subject, and putting them on the book shelf. However, to my credit, years later I have been know to pull out said book and look something up/use it for reference. d) Being a home body (I do go out daily to walk the dogs, several times a month to social events, once or twice a year on a personal or work trip, etc. but my favorite place to be is home sweet home.; e) Researching fertility related items. Oddlty enough, even after having Max, if I have some free time, I would rather read up on fertility than child rearing or mothering boards. I find them aggrevating and Max never fits the model. That is too hard for a ridid planner like myself.

6. Five things you like doing:
a) playing/hanging out with Max b) hiking/walking the dogs c) going to SMC meetings d) talking on the telephone e) reading

7. Five things you would never wear, buy or get again:
a) wear – bikini b) buy - high heal shoes? (anything over an inch or two) c) get – lost? a second chance to make a first impression? d) do – a full hair dye; high/low lights yes; too much maintenance for a full on color change (I was a fake red head for many, many years) e) read – anything by Stephen King (too scary for me)

8. Five favorite toys:
my son, my dogs, my house/yard, my friends, my books. Yeah, okay, so they are not TOYS exactly, but they are things I value and spend my time and energy on. I don’t think I actually own any “true” toys. I do like to play cards and some board games (NOT Trivial Pursuit) on occasion.

9. Five people I want tagged…
I’ll play the game, but…not one to pass on to anyone else. Yes, I am a notoreous chain killer. The buck stops here!

Thirty-Ten

Lordy, Lordy, today I turn 40. Or, as a good friend told me, I am turning thirty-ten, a numbering scheme inspired after the French number system. Where has the time gone? I don’t feel as old as that number implies.

How am I celebrating? In style of course. NOT! I have a dentist appointment this afternoon and my regular Wednesday night dinner with my mom this evening. I have been wearing the diamond earrings I bought myself to celebrate the event all week. I am having lunch with a friend on Friday. Some friends organized an Italian pot luck at my house on Saturday. Should be fun.

Max is still sick. He is now stuffy and having trouble eating/breathing at the same time. His temp. was down to 99.? At 6 am this morning. He boycotted his afternoon nap yesterday, but has been taking good morning naps and going to bed early. Poor guy!

Another SMC and I made a date last night for next Valentine’s Day for pizza with our kids. If we actually remember this plan next year, we think it will be a nice tradition. I, of course, personally think V-Day sucks and have never liked it. Too much competition for the REAL holiday around here - MY BIRTHDAY! I had left over ½ priced valentine cake as my birthday cake until I was in my early teens and boycotted. Good thing my grandma talked my mom out of having me delivered (scheduled c-section) on V-Day. I think I would have hated it even more.

More of Max

Some pictures of Max yesterday getting ready to go to the park with his nanny. Looking the picture of health just before his first illness. His temp. is back up to 100.2 and not feeling good. Poor guy!








Max in his Bumba earlier in the month.



Max with a cute blue baseball cap on his head that didn't come out in the picture because it bleneded into the stroller background instead, but still looking mighty charming.

102.2 and our night

That was Max’s temperature last night at 8 pm. I put him to bed at 7 pm. Made some dinner, started catching up on the prior days Olympics that I had recorded on the DVR, started eating dinner, was almost done, but not yet finished and/or cleaned up, when Max woke up. He wasn’t crying or fussy, but he was awake. I was holding him trying to rock him back to sleep when I noticed that he his head and shoulders were radiating heat. His feet and legs were cool, but his head was hot, hot, hot. So, I go take his temperature and it rises, and rises, and rises until it hit 102.2. I call my friend, the one who is the pediatrician, and ask her what to do. She asks for Max’s weight, gives me the proper dosage for Tylenol and Motrin. We talk about a few what if scenarios like if it spikes in the middle of the night, etc. I drug him up, nurse him and we both crash out. Yes, with him in my bed with me, him stripped to his diaper (as instructed). He wakes up at 11:30 ish crying. I take his temperature it has dropped to 98.2 and still too early to give more meds. He is still crying so we get up and go into the other room so I can rock him. After 5 or so minutes, he burps; he farts; he is feeling better and ready to go back to bed. We are good until about 2 am when he is up again. Take his temperature again. Back up, but only to 100.1. Give more Tylenol. Max is awake and fidgety. He can’t get comfy. We try the mom on back Max lying across mom’s tummy in a position where he can suckle on and off as he wants. Soon, it becomes clear he is working on a poo poo. Two thirty and he is more than ready for a diaper change. This ends up involving a complete change for him (which wasn’t much just a diaper and a onezie), a change for me since it leaked onto my PJ’s when I carried him to the changing table, and a new changing table cover. We both make it back to sleep until about 6:10 am when I get up to get ready for a work call that I agreed to while Max sleeps in a bit. His temperature has been down all day so far and his had a long (2hr 10 min) nap this morning so maybe he was able to quickly fight it off. He is such a trooper. Even sick he is just so good. I am so proud to be his momma.

Formula #4 is still working relatively well. Some gas, but not bad. We tried to give him pure formula yesterday with no breast milk mixed in. The kid refused to eat it. He said it was a good try, but no way. We mixed in some breast milk and haven’t tried again. Maybe in a day or two when he is feeling better.

Busy, stressful week

Things have been very, very busy and stressful lately. There was a work situation that came to a head this week that got me so upset that I couldn’t stop crying and that I completely overreacted on. I’m usually a pretty calm, easy going person that I surprised myself on how I could get to where I got. Enough so that I took advantage of our employee assistance program which allows self referral to a therapist and saw a therapist for the first time ever to talk about the situation. It is a pretty nice benefit. Six completely free sessions and 6 more at a $20 co pay. You can ask to use it for any reason you want and it is completely confidential. I guess I didn’t realize how much stress I was under in general, but especially at work since I have been back.

Max is still great and such a sweetie. I weighed him today by weighing us together and weighting myself and subtracting. It showed he now weights 15 lbs.

He is 6 mo. old this Friday. My gosh, the time has gone by fast. His favorite “trick” is to pull him self up to a stand or a sit then stand while holding on to your hands from his back. It is so cute. You ask him to give you his hands (in either Spanish or English) and he does. Then, pulls himself up and is so proud of himself. I really should get this on film.

I know I have said this before, but I really do think formula #4 is going to be the one. We haven’t given it to him straight yet, just a few ounces mixed with breast milk, but so far so good. He has poo’d 3 days in a row. That is excellent for him.

Max still isn’t much of a napper, only 30 min. this morning. It was just enough time for me to make and eat breakfast. He has been asleep for about 20 min. now. I think I will go try to get the house straightened a bit and then maybe I can even get a few minutes of “me” time in before he awakes.

Formula #4

We moved on to formula #4 today, Enfamil Nutramigen LIPIL. I was really, really hoping #3 would work. So much that I was in denial for awhile. It has been very busy here. I have been stressed out and tired. Max hasn’t been napping very well. Okay, so he NEVER has been a good napper, but now that I am focusing on getting him better I want immediate results dammit! And, he has been visibly tired. Anyway, things are going reasonably well, just busy and the last thing I have felt like doing is being on the computer after work.

I keep meaning to post a nanny update. Things have been going really well overall. She has been bugging me this last week as I try to institute a nap routine. On Friday, I am rocking and trying to settle Max for his morning nap before I start work and she comes in to vacuum the room. This afternoon, he is sleeping and she starts cleaning the cupboards of the entertainment centre which backs up to Max’s room. I am sure it is the banging that woke him up after only 30 min. Her heart is in the right place. Once the routine is set and she understands it, it will be fine. Until then, it makes it a bit harder.

Max’s night time sleeping has been great. I have been so tired that he has been ending up in my bed at some point and I can barely remember getting him.

I think I have been so tired because of allergies caused by wind and change in temperature around here, stress, and hormonal shift. I really felt last Friday like I would be getting my period in a few days. Not here. Guess I was wrong.

I’ve been stressed because of work. It is just really busy and I have a lot that HAS to get done by this Friday before “the system” closes. I’m in good shape now because I worked several nights last week after Max was asleep.

Not really any closer to weaning Max or having him on solids than I was let’s say…6 WEEKS ago. I must at least have him on a formula he can tolerate soon before my business trip in early March.

Been thinking about my ttc plans. Haven’t written my RE yet and told him, but….I think I am going to try 2 injectable IUI’s after Max is weaned and I resume normal periods before moving to IVF. I looked up the coverage requirements in my new 2006 insurance. I was forced out of my old insurance because my company was no longer offering it. It was a nice POS plan where I could pick and choose whether I wanted to use HMO or PPO coverage based on the situation. I may have some limited coverage, but would need a preauthorization. Need to call the office manager at my clinic and see if she can get it.

Lots more I could talk about if I had the time and/or energy, but I don’t.