Thursday, September 25, 2008


I officially released, verbally and in writing, all remaining vials of my sperm donor to another couple with a child (a boy I think) born within a few months of Max. This has been in the works for awhile except that I was planning on keeping a few, just in case. I didn't. I'm done ttc. Done, I tell you. I'm sure of it. Then, I get into cyclical thinking about the two pity freeze frozen embryos that are crap and how since they are crap, I should just transfer them back so they aren't sitting around. Then, I worry that maybe they are the same type of crap that resulted in R and N and if it worked, I would be in trouble because I can't go through another pregnancy and know that my family is complete, but not sure I can just discard those crap embryos. Anyway, no longer have any vials of my sperm. It is going to a good cause and I feel good about releasing it. All of it.

It's amazing how many appointments I have these days. Yesterday, I had the kick off meeting with the regional center coordinator for R and N to get them started with services. Today, I have the therapy for me and dentist for Max. Tuesday it was eye appointments for the twins. Friday it will be home health nurse for R. Monday, it was the neologist for N. I managed to get an hair appointment for me at the last minute which was a nice treat so my hair is shorter and nice and straight and looking like it only does after being professionally styled. I'm sure it must look much better than it has since I've gotten several compliments. My only problem with it is that it is so smooth and shiny that I was able to observe that which I wish I had not...grey hair. At least 5 of them. I thought about plucking them all out but only did one in case the adage of pluck one and 5 grow back really is true. Egads, I knew my eyes are going, but grey hair too? I'm blaming it on the twins and their NICU stay. They will never hear the end of this.

Speaking of appointments, while I now have R's pulmonologist one set for mid October, I have not yet been able to get one for the neorosurgion for N. She was supposed to be seen 2 weeks after discharge which was 9/5. I call, they say they don't have any notes on her, need to talk to the doc, do research, whatever, and they will call back. They don't. I call back. Same dance, different day. I called the social worker at the hospital yesterday and she talked to someone who is supposed to personally follow up and get with me. Still haven't heard from her. Yes, I'll be calling yet again if I don't hear by this afternoon. Such a PITA.

I attempted to take pictures yesterday quickly, but .... alas...the memory card is full and I haven't had time to empty it. And, I'm thinking about moving to monthly photos at this point and want to get a professional appointment set up.

I had another point or two, but Max would like a turn on the computer and he has been quite good this morning, even if he did wake up at 4:15 to poo.


Laura in L.A. said...

Wow, Deb. Being a mama to preemie twins is a full-time job all its own! I'm glad they are doing so well, and hopefully your appointment-filled days will soon be behind you!

Love, Laura

Nina said...


I don't know whether it's a viable solution but I know a bunch of SMC gals who'll give up their kidney for your embies in case you decide to discard them... (I attached one link of such.)