Monday, September 22, 2008

My life force is being sucked dry

Three sleeping babies at the moment and a quiet house. Oh, so glorious. There are so many things I could and should be doing, but I decided to invest a bit more time in bumping (and blogging). You'd think it would be the twins sucking the energy out of me and wearing me down. Oh, no, that would be my three year old. My word he has been high maintenance of late. I'm almost done reading Your 3 Year Old: Friend or Enemy, but it was hidden by said 3 year old so well that I can't find it at the moment and forgot to ask where before he fell asleep. And, according to the book, he is age appropriate. Good thing I love that kid so as he has been trying my patience to the limit with only brief reprieves. I packed up the kids and we went to a single moms party on Sunday and wasn't kidding when folks said they were impressed I made it when I replied it was far easier to have Max out of the house if for nothing else he was strapped in his car seat for the ride there and back. The time he is in preschool seems far to short to me and apparently, far too long to him. Out of all the phases so far, I have to say I'm not loving this one the most and have to keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. Oh, please God, right? this too shall pass?

A running conversation from on and off today, pretty much all day.

Max: I don't want to go to preschool.
Me: Why?
Max: I'm sad.
Me: Why are you sad?
Max: I'm sad because you broke my puppet.
Me: I didn't break your puppet.
Max: Yes, you did.
Me: No, but show it to me, maybe I can fix it.
Max: No, I want it broken.

Max: I don't want to go to preschool.
Me: Why?
Max: Mrs. J (one of his teachers)
Me: What about Mrs. J?
Max: I don't like her.
Me: Why don't you like her?
Max: She's a dinosaur.
Me: A dinosaur?
Max: Yes, and she scares me.

Me: Max, after school today, I'd like to do something special with you. Would you like to put up the Halloween decorations?
Max: Halloween?
Me: Yes, where we put out the scarecrows and witches and pumpkins.
Max: The CANDY one? Where the candy goes in the pumpkin.
Me: Yes, but the candy won't come for a long time yet.
Max: Let's go to the store and pick out candy for the pumpkin.
Me: We can get things out today, but we aren't going to go the the store to get candy today.

Me: Max, please don't do that. I don't like it.
Max: (doing it anyway) I'm not Max.
Me: Who are you then.
Max: I'm a dinosaur.
Me: Mr. Dinosaur, please don't do that. I don't like it.

Max: I'm sad.
Me: Why are you sad?
Max: Because you broke my puppet.
Me: Max, I didn't break your puppet.
Max: Yes, you did.
Me: What puppet is broken?
Max: (some jibberish I didn't understand)
Me: Show it to me, maybe I can fix it.
Max: No, I want it broken.

Max: We need to go to the store.
Me: Why?
Max: We need to go to the donuts store to get donuts. (keep in mind that I have never, not once taken him to the store to get donuts, although he does have them on occasion when they are served after church)
Me: We are making dinner right now. We are not going to the store to get donuts.
Max: I don't want dinner. I want donuts.
Me: Donuts are a very special food that you don't get very often. Maybe they will have them again after church again soon and you can have one then.

Max: I don't want to go to preschool. I don't want to go to bed. I don't want my PJ's on. I don't like this snack. I don't want this. I don't want to go to preschool.

Etc. and so on. Poor Noemi. Max has just been completely mean and ignoring her. She'll ask him things and he just pretends he doesn't hear her and doesn't respond in any way. When I tell him that's not nice and when someone talks to you you are suppose to talk back and answer them, he just ignores me.

Don't get me wrong. We did have some fun together today where I sucked up every ounce of energy and patience and let him help me with dinner. We went out and played ball together. I can think of at least a handful of times where I carved out special time for him today, just for him. So, I don't think it's that. Just a phase I tell you. Just a phase complicated by having a new brother and sister and starting preschool. Please God, help me get through this phase.

One of the sweetest things he did today was "sleep" with his brother this morning. He woke up at hellish 4 something am. I had been BF R in bed since 3:30 am and left R there when I got up to feed N. Max went in to my room to go to the bathroom and I could tell exactly when he realized R was there. He climbed up very carefully and didn't touch him, but go close and layed next to him and talked to him. It was so sweet. I'm sure there were other sweet nice times as well, but sadly, they are being overshadowed by the throwing of my pump stuff around, his cars at me, and other such trying nonsense, completely unprovoked, just because. He's three. He's tired, going through a lot of change, and is testing the limits and bounders and testing the limits and boundaries and challenging my patience to the limit.

And, after dropping Max off at school, I came home and took a nice nap, ate lunch, got ready to pump, decided to BF R, got up to pump and decided to attempt to BF Ms. N who fell back asleep in my arms, and all too soon, it was time to go get Max and the peace of the house was gone until bedtime. Said pumping didn't happen until 3 hours later. I don't know how the days are flying by so quickly and I'm getting so little done. There just aren't enough hours and minutes in the day right now for everything. Or, enough energy in me to solder on, to slug through, to push through the fatigue and rally to accomplish that which must be accomplished. Sadly, there will be no nap tomorrow since I need to take the twins for eye appointments. This means tomorrow afternoon and night will be so much harder to get through. I'm hoping for a good night for us all with quick up and downs to eat with the twins and a late wake up for Max. Hey, one can always dream. :)

The best news of the day was hearing the my short term disability extension was approved through October 19th with an October 20th return to work date so I'll be getting paid for all this time off, which is a relief. And, I'll still have my 4 weeks of vacation left to use. I'll probably take on a week or two of that at the end to return to work around the end of October like I planned and use the rest of the time around Thanksgiving and Christmas which will be nice. Again, what a relief.


Anonymous said...

Hang in there, Deb. You're so right that it's a phase with Max. I hope it passes quickly!

Thrilled for you that you have more time off work. That is such an answer to prayer.



Miss X said...

Wow. Poor Deb. 3 small children is tough. Once the twins are older, I imagine it will be easier.

Poor Max. It must be hard to have new babies and not enough mommy time. Do you think he feels unsettled with the twins being hospitalized for so long & N having to go back? My gut just tells me there's something more going on than just being 3.

The twins are getting so much of your attention. Maybe you should take some time to go through pics of you pregnant with Max and him as a baby? Just to let him know that he took up a lot of your time when he was a baby.

You probably aren't looking for help, but I guess I'm a fixer.