Where does the time go?

I can’t believe how long it has been since I posted. I’m up because Max pee’d through, as I discovered when he started stirring for his 4 am feeding. He could care less about being wet. All he wanted was food. But, his mamma couldn’t let him go back down like that so he needed a full change – diaper, undershirt, 2 layers of p.j’s, sheet in the co-sleeper. He was awake after all of that, but another round on the other boob in a dark room lulled him off. His mamma, she wasn’t so lucky and tossed and turned and realized after 45 min. that she may as well get up since it was clear she was not going to get more sleep anytime soon.

And, here I am.

I have probably written 10 blog posts in my mind. Yes, only in my mind, with no time to actually get them out. Here is what you could have read, if only, there was time to actually write them.

1) Succession Planning….Where I go on and on about how I want things to work if I die. Yes, still don’t have a will, let alone a living will put in place. Still on the list. I want to set up an investment account for Max. However, because of the tax consequences, I need to/should have some of this set up and in place before I do that. I must move this up on the list because I am loosing out on compounded interest and capital gains while the money sits in a cookie jar. I talk endlessly about why I don’t want my mom or any of my sisters to have Max. Why half of the few people I have talked to about this topic berate me because my current first two people who I want to give the first right of refusal if I keel over are not family. How I talk about how I would like to ask my cousin Ana (who is as good of friends to my sister Cindy as I am to her sister/my cousin Terri) and her husband to be third. How this would break my cousin Terri’s heart and could I get away with this without saying anything and leaving everyone to deal with the written word without having the conversations because after all, I’d be dead. One day, I really am going to get this all out.
2) Acupuncture Testimonial…..Where I post the testimonial I finally got written for Denise, my acupuncturist. This one should be easy since it is already written. Although, may require some edits since I haven’t heard back from her on it and not sure it really was what she was looking for.
3) My life – The comedy…..Where I talk about how Max on Saturday night would fall asleep in my arms and every time I went to put him down, he would wake up and cry. How I ended up falling asleep with him in bed. Tried to move him a few hours later when I woke up. He woke up. Repeat. I finally get him asleep, by himself, and Lucky climbed up and cuddled in the spot vacated by Max. It was a classic. Baby asleep until you get him over the crib and his body on the way down and he starts crying. Start bringing him back up to your chest, crying stops. Repeat. It is only funny in retrospect. At the time, I was very tired and not finding it very amusing.
4) Before and After - Where I post pictures of my hair before and after my hair cut last week. Much better. I was also going to work into this how supportive my hairdresser has been and how she tells all of her single friends about me and how I did this “the right way”. She is currently getting divorced and having to deal with all of the issues around that with her separated husband.
5) Petty, Petty me - Where I talk about how badly the pictures of me looked from the Baptism and how I am a bit resentful that my cousin took Max from me while at the Baptismal Fountain/Bath saying that she was supposed to hold him during this part. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but really regret not holding him through the entire ceremony in hindsight. There are some really great pictures, close ups of the two of them as the water is poured over his head and he is blessed by the priest. I’m standing next to them just looking on like a dork. I’m kind of pissed, but know that I am just being petty. I was looking so bad (tired, hair a mess, fat, etc.) that even if I was holding him then the pictures weren’t so great. I know this is petty. My friend Heather says that Terri should have known better. I’m getting upset about it all over again and I know I should just let it go. It really was a great ceremony and I had no problems at all with it until I looked at the pictures. Silly, petty me.
6) Sleep, Glorious sleep…Where I analyze, ad nauseam, why I was so tired last week including physical reasons (tooth still bothering me, mole that was liquid nitrogen’d hurting, low grade headache, hemorrhoid flare up), need for a little down time/alone time (here I could have worked a whole chapter on my awareness and need of personal space contributing to my still being single), and how I decided that I just need more sleep after Max (7 hours was perfect before, but 8 or 9 is better now). How, like most things in life, it wasn’t just one thing, but many added up that was causing the problem.
7) Me time…Where I talk about how Max fell asleep at 5:30 pm on Friday night and I had the whole evening to myself. Where I wasted such free time catching up on the entire season of Commander in Chief that I had been recording on my DVR but never had a chance to watch. Where I go on and on about how each baby is different and each parent is different citing as examples a fellow SMC friend who just had a baby 10 weeks after Max (she had some Nanny transition problems, but not nearly as badly as I did) who said she is much more efficient since her kid has arrived and I talk about what a time waster I have become and how much more efficient and on the ball I was pre-Max. I was also going to work into here my comments on a recent posting to the SMC-Mothering list about a recent mom of twins was asking the group about what they did on maternity leave because she was bored and had too much free time and how glad I was when a few other people posted that they could completely not comprehend because they never had a minute to be bored or any free time (Whew, it wasn’t just me), which was a relief because, I was thinking “what did I do wrong” that she has time with 2 like I never had with one. At which point I go on and on about how each kid is different and that if your child actually SLEEPS during the day when you yourself don’t need to be sleeping, I can see it. I then would talk about Max’s sleep patterns (night = good; day = bad) and reference back to when he was first born and if he had a sleep athon (like 2 or 3 hours of day time nap in a row) like Friday night I was in a panic (reference back to previous blog entries on such topic) and how much I have grown that I only checked on him once or twice and was able to enjoy my free time with only fleeting thoughts of death and SIDS.

Okay, that’s only 7, not 10. But, there could have been a few more that I am just not remembering at the moment. And, some of those are really big topics and could be split into more than one entry. I’m sure that the digest version was enough. I had novels and chapters written in my mind. Thank goodness. Never had time to write them. Lucky, Lucky you.

I have not read one page of one non child related book since Max was born. I have written tons of blogs that have never made it to print. Oh…just remembered another one where I talk about how I still spend more time researching and reading about infertility than on baby milestones and parenting styles (where I would be an RE when I grow up if I didn’t have to go to medical school and be an OB first and when I read baby parenting stuff I just either 1) freak out because they are so contradictory 2) read all the bad stuff like SIDS, suffocation, rare illnesses, premature death that I swear off it again, tell myself to go with my instincts and go back to reading about fertility/infertility.

Time to go wake my little guy. Feed him. Put another layer on him. Go walk the doggies. Get ready for work. Work. WHOOOOO YAHHHHH. Let another day begin!