Bestill my heart

Time with Max can be challenging sometimes. He tests and pushes it and can argue and debate at 4 with the best of them. I think he has really enjoyed the downtime and hanging out with the family, but is also starting to miss his friends and school. A play date with his best friend didn't work out for today. He was mostly good, with periods of silly's. One of his favorite things to do these days it egg his brother and sister on OR copy their bad behavior when I correct them...as in R we don't throw food on the floor; N sit down; R sit down; R, N doesn't like to get run over with the shopping cart. It hurts!; N we don't hit, it hurts; etc. and then he will get in the mix. Or, to start trouble will get them going with some such antics. He got sent to time out today because he wanted candy and I had told him he had enough and "no" he said if I didn't let him he would hit me and I responded that would get him a 4 minute time out and I didn't like to be hit, it hurts. And, he hit (very softly) my back...got sent to time out, tried and succeeded in luring his brother and sister in to "play" with him which I didn't allow, got two additional minutes added on for 1) coming out 2) taking down the baby gate and letting N and R back in. Just wanted to set the stage that he isn't an angel. He isn't BAD, just have to stay on your toes, be very consistent, and make sure the lines of appropriate and inappropriate are very clear.

All that to lead to one of my proudest moments as a mom today. After I put the twins down for afternoon nap today (which 85% of the time they boycott these days, but still get/need some rest/down time), Max wanted me to play with him. However, I hadn't had a chance to get the dishwasher emptied or done dishes all day and explained to him that I needed to get my work down first (cuddled and played with him for the entire morning nap for the twins) and he gets his fair share or more of my time (lest you think he is deprived of it...NOT). Anyway, he came up, started helping me unload the dishwasher telling me that with teamwork it would get done faster. He was rewarded by me sitting down and playing with him for a nice long time after we finished emptying the dishwasher and my mom (who has been staying for the holiday, but not helping too much because her knee is really bothering her and she is in a lot of pain) got up and loaded/washed the dishes. I've been getting the random "mom, I love you" and other really nice comments like "thank you for my talking telescope, I love it" and "thank you for making these {my grandma's cinnamon twist}, they are delicious", and he's helped to carry in some light grocery items after asked when unloading, but this is the first time completely unprompted that he did something like this.

Wow, I was so impressed and proud. Makes me feel like I really am doing something right and even when or especially when the going gets tough to stick with it and my convictions.

God, I love that kid so.

Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk

One of the things I notice, when I spend a lot of time with Max, especially if we are in a car or traveling is....the kid never shuts up. On Monday, we were going to go to the zoo as a family, but the twins woke early and were a tad cranky and Max's listening was not that great and I just put the twins to an early nap and told Max no can do. Plans B and C after a bit of research didn't pan out so I moved up our trip to the aquarium by a day and off we went with my mom along for company. Instead of driving like normal people, we take the metro which involves about 2.5 hours travel one way and one bus way, and two train lines. We spend more time traveling than visiting the fish and sharks and rays and sea lions, but oh...the joy and look on his face is worth it all for little things like being able to pull the cord to request a stop or go over a bridge or underground. He loves it and I don't hate it and when we have the time like on a vacation week, I try to carve out a day for us. But, boy, am I tired after it. Not just because of the travel and effort of being out and about and paying attention to surroundings, but because he is always talking. And, it is difficult to totally tune him out because he seeks input or will ask if you agree or if it is okay and I've learned that I really need to make sure I know what I'm agreeing. Most of the time, I don't mind. Occasionally, it is annoying. Often, I find it facinating to get a glimpse on how his mind works and how he thinks and plays and how he can jump topics (need to watch out extra for that one) and what he can and does pick up on. Mostly, it reminds me of my grandpa calling me a chatterbox. Methinks I must have been the same way when I was young.

The pictures that weren't

The other day, I got all the kids bathed and dressed and headed out to get professional pictures. It was a nightmare. I ended up walking away almost in tears. A lesser woman I think would have been. It was a place I had used before, since Max was an infant, and have always been amazed and pleased with the shots they got and gave them lots of my money. It was a total waste of time and effort and I'm still really disappointed and bitter. They changed over management and photographers and I will not be giving them a dime. Before we left, I snapped a shot of Nora. Here is the one picture I have for much planning and effort. I don't know what I'm going to do because I really do want some updated professional shots of us. I really want one with me included. Maybe in a few months, the disappointment around this will have faded and I'll try again elsewhere. I don't even need them all looking and smiling at this point. Just ones where they aren't screaming their head off and crying rivers would be nice. Granted, they won't be Christmas shots. I'll never get those or that time back and that makes me very, very sad.

Before and After

BEFORE

AFTER:

Where did my baby go? For the record, I hate it. And, not just because it was his first cut and way shorter than I wanted or ask. It changes his whole look. To me, now, he just looks like any other little boy rather than the mischievous imp that he is. Yes, I don't like Max's hair after it has just been cut because they always do it too short. In fact, when I told my cousin that I got R's hair cut, she said, you don't like it and it is too short. All true. But, I feel traumatized in a way I never did with Max's first or any other hair cut. Oh well, it will grow. I think I may have to learn to cut hair. Seriously. I think it may only be the way to get the cuts I want. Of course, I can't get them to sit still for a picture so not sure how I'd manage. Maybe I can find a straight jacket to hold them, or at least their arms. I'm not going to wish tomorrow away, but I will be happy when it grows. I want, for him, one length just over the ears. Blah.

18 months and counting

The twins had their 18 months peds appointment today. It went reasonably well if you don't count the fact that the twins started crying as soon as we got in the office, stopped while they played in the waiting area, started again through most of the appointment, up to and including the parting shot. And, yes, I was there solo with all three. And, yes, I did forget a few things, the biggest of which was asking to get the twins lead tested. And, yes, I did bribe Max with fast food for good listening and good behavior while there. Next appointment not until 2 years...6 whole months...for the next well baby and with any luck (not likely) any sick visits.

The stats, and considering they spent the weekend puking and still have diarrhea (thankfully not while out), are good and Dr. H said all looks well, especially for 29 week preemies, which he says he wouldn't know if he didn't know.

R
Height 31 3/4 30%
Weight 22 lbs 1 oz 20%
Head 18 7/8 50%

N
Height 31'' 30%
Weight 20 lbs 14 oz 10%
Head 18 1/2 60%

% uncorrected

Life is just busy. I've been back to work and it is long days with early and late meetings. The Noemi leaving at 3 pm is going okay. Some days easier than others. I feel like I have so little time to just play with the kids. The twins, especially N, has not taken well going from full time mom for 2 weeks to going back to work and them all being sick hasn't helped.

I'm on countdown to Friday when I will be off again until next year. It won't be the same since Noemi will still come many of the days, but will allow some flexibility so we can do a zoo trip and maybe hit the aquarium (although I think I will leave the twins and just take Max on this one) and do a few other things I just can't do solo with them.

Work is work. Had my yearly review today and it went as expected and we didn't even talk about my personal performance since I wrote my own review (because I am just that kind of a gal) before I took vacation in November, but still left me feeling down. I don't feel trapped per se and like the flexibility and working from home, but it is not the company I hired into. For 19 years, I loved my job. I loved and respected the company I worked for. This last year, I haven't and it has little to nothing to do with the kids. I'm sure I will change at some point and am happy in this economy that I do have a job, but I just wished I liked it more.

Christmas is just going to be a small affair. My mom and the kids and I as both my local sisters are going out of town and a part of me is sad and the other glad.

All and all, things are just fine. Just normal life and kid stuff. And, at the end of the day and the end of the week and then end of the weekend. I'm just tired. And, I did something to my sholder and it hurts, especially when using the mouse or holding the steering wheel. And, I pulled the skin away from under my finger nails on three fingers...while of all things making Christmas cookies in Max's classroom on Monday and it really hurts. Both of these on my right side. And, I've been sick along with the kids...no puking for me, only do that when pregnant you know, but cold, cough, stuffy nose, diarrhea, so tired you ache kind of thing.

Did I mention the heat stopped working last week, on the coldest day of the year (33 degrees outside, high 50's/low 60's inside), but it was restored for a reasonable fee? Did I mention that the twins puked all weekend and still have diarrhea? Nothing like waking up to two cribs filled with vomit with chunks in the hair that several washings don't get out? Or getting puked on. Several times. Or having two cling on children, no make that three, when you just want to get the laundry going to get the stench out of the house.

I haven't cooked since I was on vacation. I haven't even pulled out any of the frozen meals I made as planned. We've been on a dry toast, cheeroes, bland boring diet around here. However, all of this did not stop me from making cookies and my grandma's cinniman twist (for Christmas) this weekend because I wanted to.

Oh, and I'm watching my cousins dog for a few weeks while she is out of town. Just the older one. Not the puppy thank God! Dog arrived on Saturday, amid the height of the sickness. Other than eating the cats food, peeing on the floor, wanting attention, and looking like he is depressed and can't beleive he has to stay here without his family, need to be walked, and just one more thing.

All this to say, none of it is truly bad, just busy and a lot going on which is why I haven't had an ounce of time or energy to spend too long on the computer. Not to mention that my computer sucks and is so slow and locks up regularily. And, the shoulder pain thing and the sore fingers. And, the long work hours. But, I am here and around and life is maybe not exactly good, but not bad either.

And, the twins are 18 months, N is walking like a pro and doing great. Delayed, yes, especially N, but ultimatly, I think just fine.