Friday, August 07, 2009

Less of a secret

One of the things I have done this summer is host a few parties because I like to and have a nice backyard for that sort of thing. One of the parties I hosted was a group of local single mom by choice women. It was a smaller more intimate group where it is easy to sit in a group and talk to everyone as a group, which is how I like it. Most of the women in attendance were pregnant and most with donor egg or embryo. So, there was a lot of fertility talk, talk about DE, and such.

Also in attendance was my mom (to help with the twins) and my sister from NJ who happened to be visiting that weekend at the last minute with her family. The single mom gathering had been on the books for months and months.

Since I've missed many of our monthly get togethers over the last year or so with a difficult pregnancy, preemie twins in or just out of the hospital, and life revolving around nap schedules I didn't know many of the women well and I'm pretty sure that only 1 knew that I used DE for the twins and I whispered to her that my family didn't know that I used DE. All that to say that while there was a lot of fertility and DE talk, none of it was specifically around me, my kids, or the twins.

This did not stop my mom and my sister from sitting me down after everyone left and the kids were in bed and ask me straight out if I had used DE for the twins. I gave them a straight answer.

The fact that I used DE isn't a secret per se. It just never really came up. By the time I moved to DE, I had so many failed cycles and been trying for so long that I just didn't want to talk about the details with anyone anymore. Plus, I feel pretty strongly that the twins need to know and I need to talk to them about it first rather than hearing it from someone/anyone else. I feel this is especially true since Max was conceived with my eggs and the twins were not. I don't want something thrown in the twins face by a sibling (read Max) being a stinker.

All in all, I'm pretty apathetic around the fact that my mom and sister knows other than my family is terrible about spredding gossip so I need to assume now that every relative both close and not now knows. I hope that everyone respects my desire to tell the twins when they are ready* and that this is their story. Other than that, no big deal really.

* I have heard that around 6 years is the age for children to process and have a book checked out from the library that is supposed to be good in aiding the discussion. Still need to actually look at that book.

1 comment:

Calliope said...

wow. kind of huge, but so glad it went well.