Tired, Anxious, Obsessing

I’ve been thinking/meaning to post every day since last Friday. How the time flies sometimes.

If I wrote on Friday, I would have described my progesterone test experience (of which I still do not have the results at this moment) and how I called and went to a local hospital to get the blood draw after a laborious check in so I could get the results that day to 1) find out after the blood draw that they send that test out and I would NOT get the results until even longer than if I had gone to the regular lab 2) in all of my planning realized (as I was waiting, waiting, waiting for the blood draw) that I had forgotten to actually take my progesterone that morning.

If I wrote on Saturday, I would have talked about my great nap and my evening with my married friend with twins (whose hubby was out of town). I took my pack-n-play and put Max to bed there so we had an hour or so for dinner and discussion when the kids were asleep for “real” conversation. It worked out nice.

If I wrote on Sunday, I would have talked about how much I really hoped I was pregnant and how “maybe” I was since I napped not once, but twice when Max slept. And, how I was so tempted, but resisted buying an HPT when I was at the pharmacy picking up my PNV (pre-natal vitamin) refill.

If I wrote yesterday (Monday), I would have talked about how my poor little guy didn’t take a morning nap (recipe for disaster), only napped 1:15 min which is well below his 3 hour average, had major, major gas pain, and may be teething? He SREAMED and SCREAMED and SCREAMED on and off yesterday evening/night/this morning. Yes, I am very tired today. Thanks for asking. If someone heard from the street, they probably thought the poor kids was seriously injured or being abused. It got so bad at one point, I thought, what if something is REALLY wrong with him (other than tired, gas, and possible teething) and maybe I should take him to the emergency room. Then, I took a deep breath and helped him work it through. Funny guy that he is, I took him out to the garage to meet the poll workers and help set up (today is election day here and my garage is polling place for my precinct) since he clearly wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon even though he was overtired. He is such a charmer that he stopped crying, hung out, and flirted with all of the ladies for awhile. This relaxed him enough to fall asleep for about 2 hours until the gas built up again and he woke up screaming again.

Since I am writing today, I will tell you that I am tired. I still haven’t decided how I am going to vote or even look at the ballot and I have no excuse for not voting since it IS in my garage. I will tell you that I am starting to obsess on the am I, am I not pregnant debate. I don’t “feel” pregnant. But, I do feel tired and am sleeping great (baring wake ups from the kid) AND my body seems to actually be absorbing the progesterone instead of leaking it all out (although still plenty of leakage). And, I have been a bit crampy and felt some pulls and tugs in the uterine region. All inconclusive. Probably the progesterone. But, I am sure that I didn’t feel this way when I WASN’T pregnant. Beta should be on Saturday. May try to talk RE (and think I will be able to if I want) into letting me test on Friday instead.

Please oh please oh please! Let me be pregnant right now.

Ugh! Can’t concentrate at work between the obsession about being pregnant or not; being tired; and the distraction with the election today. Sigh! Maybe I will call my RE’s office and bug them to see if my progesterone results are FINALLY in. That’s what I get for trying to “game the system”. Maybe I will go look at my ballot and decide how to vote and go do my civic duty.

Speaking of civic duty. I am on call for Jury Duty this week. So far, so good. Not called in yet. Not that I mind serving and have done so several times. Just doesn’t seem such a good time right now with my concentration what it is and everything else going on.

Did I mention that Max had an elevated temperature this morning? 100.7. Poor guy. Maybe he will get some teeth? He has had a watery runny nose since Memorial Day weekend with no other sign of illness. Maybe this means we have to miss our monthly SMC meeting this weekend. Can’t take a sick kid cause I would hate to pass on an illness (unlike the less than considerate mother last month who ended up getting Max and I sick).

What else? I think I had one more thing on my mind, but…lost it. Hmmm. Can’t remember. Oh yeah. I have been having this very sharp pain in my leg on and off since Memorial Day weekend. Over the last 24 hours, it has been increasing in frequency (about 20 “painful” episodes in the last 24 hours) enough that I researched blood clots, spider and varicose veins and talked to a nurse line provided by my insurance. Still no idea what is causing it, but it is unlikely to be fatal (as near as I can tell) based on symptoms, so I am going to continue to ignore it unless it gets REALLY, REALLY bad or unless I feel inspired to call my primary care doctor and go in for a visit, which I really don’t feel up to at the moment. Although, she is in the same building as my OB (who is married to me RE). Maybe I can get a 2-fer or 3-fer and talk one of them into letting me do a blood HCG. I really don’t want to do it at my RE’s office because they started sending it out and now charge a $30 handling fee. I wouldn’t mind the fee if I didn’t have to drive so far, but with the fee and the drive I want to try to find a local lab. But, I want immediate (or at least same day) results.

D@mn. I hate this waiting. Maybe I should just go buy a HPT. But, it will likely be negative this early either way. And, I have never gotten a positive HPT before I have gotten a positive beta. However, on the cycle I got pregnant with Max, I was so sure it didn’t work that it didn’t even occur to me to test. I was to busy planning my next two cycles, moving sperm, etc.

Okay, enough rambling for now. Summary: Tired, Anxious, Obsessing.