“Babies are born manipulators”

There has been some phone calls and conflict between the teacher, the nanny, and I in Max’s Wednesday morning gymnastics Mommy and me class. I took advantage of my boss being out of town (normally have a staff meeting during the class time) to audit the class and check things out myself. I’m glad I did even if the dynamic was very different by my mere presence. The biggest issue seems to be that Max wants to do what Max wants to do and not what the class wants to do. I let Max do a bit of both by trying to get him engaged at each shift in activities, but didn’t force the issue if he wanted to do something else. What the teacher would like is for us to physically pick up and try to “make” Max be a part of the group. When I question her on that and the age appropriateness of such expectations, she backed off a little bit and then talked about safety. And, how I was right with Max, but how Noemi will let him go off without following him. I agree this could be dangerous, but I also didn’t observe it. The teacher also thinks that Max is in a power struggle with Noemi and manipulating her. And, while she didn’t directly say so, probably me too. She explained that she has 3 children and worked with children, including special needs children, (implying she was very qualified and what she was asking for is not unrealistic) and went on to explain that babies are born manipulators crying for everything and as they grow that continues and by letting them do what they want, we are just reinforcing that (the last part being my interpretation/summary of her point) they can continue to cry to get what they want. I let that go in the course of our conversation while making a mental note that our philosophy on child development and probably life are very different and that I will 1) find something else for Max to do instead (looking into My Gym) and 2) finish up taking Max myself to the Saturday class when I can or just cutting our losses. What I did say is that my objective was for Max to have fun in a safe environment and that I wasn’t paying for him to be forced into things or for him to cry and scream the whole time. She started to back peddle a bit and pointed out that kid xyz also runs off and that was really fine and that he had only been doing this for 9 – 10 weeks and that eventually it would snap into place for him. We both agreed that Max really was learning and picking things up even if it didn’t look like it. I talked to her about coming myself to the Saturday class and finding something else for Wednesdays. She agreed this was acceptable even when I said I could likely only come about twice a month, but that class was VERY different from the Wednesday one with a wide age range and skill level and is much more of a free for all (like this would discourage me when it is more like what I expect/want). I found it very interesting that she made a point of saying that she changes the class around completely each week to keep it new and interesting and such. I actually think that may be part of the issue in that Max doesn’t know what to expect each time. I have found that he is one who takes very well to routines and structure, which works well since I tend to be that way by nature most of the time. Anyway, it sure was a work out for me as well as MAx, but I think Max was glad I went and I do think using it as filler on free Saturday’s will be fine as I will just let him and I do what we want for the number of sessions I have already paid. I thought it was very interesting that she also pointed out that she wouldn’t throw him of class because he wandered and didn’t participate, while thinking that wasn’t my concern at all and that she has made it such that I really don’t see a future with us in their program. Really, all the rest of it I could deal with and get beyond. It was the babies as manipulators theory that was the deciding factor for me. I agree that they cry to express their needs, but don’t agree with the negative connotations around manipulation and look at it as my job to meet those needs as much as possible within reason especially at such a young age.