First and Last

My ex-boy friend almost got a call last night, but I was tipsy and disorganized enough that I couldn’t find his number. He left a message around Christmas and I still haven’t gotten back to him so I figured I could just use the number in message history, but the area code/number didn’t look right. Then, figured that it was already late enough and talking to any kind of ex after drinking is usually not a great idea anyway. LOL.

Yes, I did open the bubbly last night. Good thing a friend came over to share it with me otherwise, I would have really been hurting today. We had a nice time. Just put some tunes on the TV/Digital Cable channel, drank some bubbly and talked. It was nice. So nice, that she left later than planned and I got to bed WAY later than planned. And, yes, I have been paying for it today. This is the second New Years Eve that this friend and I have spent together. We met in December 2004 when we were both doing an IVF attempt. She got OHSS and I got cancelled for poor response on the same protocol with the same RE. We met in the clinic lobby the first time when she was returning “the tank” with her swimmers and I was heading out with it to pick up mine. Then, we met a few weeks later at a Single Mom by Choice (SMC) get together. She only attended a few, but we have remained friends. Sadly, she is still struggling/waiting for her child. I hope this year brings her closer to the family of her dreams.

Max, of course, showed me no mercy with a 5 am wake up call. Then, took a crappy short nap so I didn’t get one of those either. But, the nap thing was my own fault because we had a play date with a local SMC who has a boy a month younger than Max and I got him home late and he was pretty wound up.

Max is really starting to talk in words that I think probably people other than me can understand. He used to say one for a few days, then move on and not use that other word again. Now, he is just talking more and more. Of course, momma is one of his favorites (smile), followed closely with mommy. Nana has been a big one since my mom stayed over Christmas weekend. He has also been saying “up”, “poo poo” and ‘pee pee”. LOL. “Football” has been also used quite a bit the last week and was thrilled to have the game on while trying to put his football into the basket ball hoop that still hasn’t made it back outside yet. I think I have even heard "santa" a few times (while walking or driving past houses with holiday decoratons/Santas, but it sounds a lot like "nana" so I could just be mistaken or projecting on that one, but don't think so.

I lost one of my diamond earrings the other day. The ones I splurged on and bought for myself for my 40th Birthday. I’m still holding out a small hope that it will turn up because the afternoon I lost it, we stayed in except for a walk around the block. Took that route in the daylight today and didn’t find it. Ana, the cleaning lady, comes tomorrow and I hope that maybe she will come across it. Otherwise, I am going to be majorly bummed out. I’ve been praying to St. Christopher (or is it St. Andrew) who is the patron saint of lost articles. So far, it hasn’t done any good, I’m hoping that isn’t because I’m praying to the wrong saint.

I’m stretching my vacation and have tomorrow off as well with the plan to take down Christmas decorations. The flaw in the plan is that I forgot that Ana was coming to clean. I contemplated actually trying to do it tonight and even brought the boxes in the house, but decided to screw it and just do it tomorrow with her here making it more difficult for both of us.

I didn’t have any huge revelations on the ttc front since yesterday other than to be pretty sure that stopping at one is likely not the answer. Nor, do I think is adoption. I think I’m just going to wait a few weeks to see if I did ovulate over the weekend and get a 7 dpo progesterone test. Maybe if I did ovulate, I’ll give another go trying to cycle with my own eggs which was my plan all along. But, I have been thinking if I have/want 3, it would probably be better to try sooner rather than later with donor egg so that I had 2 with DE. Just seems to be a bit better for family dynamics and all. If I go with my own eggs and actually do get another child, maybe I’ll stop there at two. Don’t really know. Just thinking and pondering and trying to work it out in my mind and through my emotions.

To end the post as I began it by talking about my ex-bf, I don’t know how we got on the subject, exactly, but we started talking about “our first” s-e-x experiences last night. Got to love the girl talk! And, a scrap book of my college years got brought out when my friend asked to see pictures of the ex. It brought up some really good memories and fun times. Made me smile. Is making me smile again just thinking about it. And, made me realize that the first guy I ever had sex with is also the last guy I had sex with. How funny is that? Yes, it has been awhile and there were others in between and he doesn’t even live in this state. And yes, while I just saw him a few weeks ago right after Thanksgiving, I didn’t lure him into the bedroom away from a full house(hmm, who was here…my youngest sister, my cousin, her husband, her daughter, his brother, a mutual friend, the friends sister, and of course, him, me and Max). I can be bold, but not quite that bold. LOL. I’m sure he would have LOVED a call from me last night while I was a bit tipsy, but glad that I didn’t actually make the call.

So, my new years toast is to the first’s, the last’s, and full circles. May the year be filled with friends, family, and laughter. And, may it bring us closer to our dreams, whatever they may be.

Thinking about the ex made me remember that often things end up working out the way they were supposed to or even better than you planned even if you can’t see it, it is too hard to believe it, or you don’t want to believe it at the time. Kind of like that country song about unanswered prayers.

As I told Max, today is a very special day. It is not only the first day of the month of January. It is the first day of the New Year. A year filled with infinite possibilities. To which he responded “Football”, Got to love it and laugh! Max really is all boy.

Happy New Year!!!!