Fat and Frumpy

I just finished packing for my trip and am waiting on a load of laundry for a shirt that I decided I wanted to take. Everything is just a tad too tight including the shoes. There is not one day where the outfit completely fits the way I would like or feel completely comfortable. If I don’t button the buttons on two of the pairs of paints, they aren’t too bad. The most comfortable pair, I’m wearing tomorrow with a shirt that tugs right across the belly since tomorrow is going to be an incredibly long day. The other two tops fit fine, but will be worn with pants that are snug across the middle. However, one of them are short sleeves and the high in Texas is supposed to be in the 30’s while I am there. Great! So, I’m going to have to take the only coat I have which is an insolated gortex rain coat that is a bright lime green. Very professional – NOT. The last two times I traveled I was either pregnant or had delivered Max in a reasonable amount of time (was still breastfeeding so he must have been about 6 months?) to still be carrying extra baby weight. Sadly, I think I am actually heavier now since I have gained weight since I stopped breastfeeding. It’s almost enough to make a person cry if they were in that kind of mood. Oh well, I guess I will have to grin and bear it and pretend that I don’t know that I am a fat frumpy person.

Since I had a busy weekend with very little time, the lock on the front door broke and you can no longer enter through it. You can leave through it if you (only) twist the handle to the left. I spent Max’s nap on Saturday trying to fix it, but think it is beyond repair and will need to be replaced. That’s on tap for next weekend. Then, got back after a busy day helping to host a friends baby shower (left at 9:15 am and didn’t get home until about 4 pm) to find one of my sprinkler values leaking. Since I didn’t and won’t have time to call my yard guy, I just turned off the water value that feeds to those sprinklers until I get home. I can and have replaced sprinkler values, but it is too messy and a pain to try to do with Max around and in cold weather so I’ll be contracting out for that repair. Then, I’m in my office to get my suitcase and pack up my work stuff/computer and discovered that the battery in the smoke detector is going and needs to be replaced. So, I have to haul in the ladder and will have to do the same thing again when I get home since it takes a 9V of which I don’t have (the ONLY size I don’t currently have an abundance of).

I really wish I didn’t have to go. The thing is, I could have told them no. It would have my life so much easier, but it would have been the wrong thing to do. So, I will make the best of it after I ball my eyes out tomorrow morning when I leave. I had to really stop myself tonight when I put Max down and was telling him that when he wakes up, Mommy will probably be gone on a business trip for a few day and I won’t see him for a few days. I need to leave the house at 5 am and he should still be sleeping. Oh, I am going to miss him so much. As busy as my life is and as tired as I usually am at the end of the day, I really don’t want to be living another one. I love being a mommy. I’m going to miss him so.

The days are going to be really long while I am there, that will help in a lot of ways, but having too tight clothes about the belly will be a constant reminder of him since I was overweight before, but not as squishy in the middle. Sigh. And, I can’t really call to check in him because Noemi’s cell phone isn’t working and she doesn’t/won’t answer the house phone. And, even she did her English still isn’t that great and she would just tell me, “The baby’s fine. I take good care of him. I love him. Everything’s fine.” At least that’s what I hope. I’m a tad worried because Max developed a nasty rattly sounding cough this morning right before we left for the baby shower, he clearly wasn’t feeling that great today, and he got no nap today. I have the Vicks vaporizer set up in his room and spiked his bedtime milk with Tylenol and Benadryl and that has helped keep the cough to a minimum. I just hope he doesn’t get worse. I left my cell number and the home, cell, and office numbers for my friend who is a pediatrician and speaks Spanish’s. Yes, bad enough I have to leave the guy at all, but now he is sick, teething, and already been in a mommy, mommy, only want mommy phase since my Christmas vacation.

Okay, clothes are now in dryer and the alarm will wake me up very early if Max, a barfing cat, or a restless dog don’t first. I must go to bed. And, I will be repeating the mantra…”All will be fine. He will survive, you will survive. Maybe it isn’t ideal, but all will be fine”. Of course, I told him that while I was leaving him. I would be back. After the freak accident with Dr. N, I almost started crying and said a quick prayer to allow me to keep my word on that. Plus, I still don’t have my living will and trust in place. Must. Do. That. Soon. Really, really must.

Signed, Fat and Frumpy Deb who really must do something soon to try to loose some weight and this squishy round tummy that sadly looks like I could be pregnant like I really wish I was.