Down and NOT Out

The bad news is that I'm here for one more night and I was so ready to go home I could taste it. The other bad news is that the Ffn or is it fFn protein test came back positive.

The good news is that Dr. T is going to come at lunch time and if my sugar level tomorrow after breakfast is under 200, I will be released. I will be doing all in my power to ensure that happens with an all protein no carb breakfast. Manipulative? Maybe, but I choose to think of it as diet control. Dr. T thinks I have done a great job of controlling sugar levels by diet and it hasn't been hard as I have not been eating any differently than I was before. I'm just recording it now and checking sugar levels. So, upon release, as long as my sugar levels stay under 200, no insulin for now. If it starts to go over that, I'm supposed to call. Now, Dr. T said something about not giving me some type of insulin tonight because it would still be in my system tomorrow and I'm not really sure what that meant, but sounds like it may not be in my favor for tomorrow so I'm hoping I misunderstood that part. I really have a good plan for the weekend if I am home, but not such a good one if I'm still here. I better not still be here. I'll deal with if I am, but I'm going to be pissed and scrambling a bit.

In regards to the ffn, Dr. T re- tested it tonight while she was here. She wants to make sure it wasn't a false positive from the vaginal u/s with peri the day before. If it's negative, we will all be happy and I'll be on loose bed rest/just taking it easy and OB visits/monitoring every two weeks with another ffn. If it's positive again, I'll be strict bed rest and on weekly OB visits and hooked up to the monitors to check for contracting. One guess as to what I'm hoping and praying.

It was really hard to hear I'd be here another night. I'll admit a few stray tears. It didn't help that I missed a good call from Max while talking with the doctor, but was able to talk to him before bed. He kept saying "night, night, I love you. I love you. I love you". Okay, getting teary again. Got to stop thinking about that and him and how much I miss him. Even if I did get out tonight I wouldn't have seen him anyway. My sister called to let me know that he went down no fuss no muss, went to sleep with no problem, has not had one tantrum or given them any difficulty and has been a perfect angel for both of them. The prediction is that he will have total melt downs and be terrible once he sees me again. However, as a result, they have both made mental plans to take Max occassionally overnight once the twins are here to give me a break and him some special auntie time. Plus, one of my sisters said she is going to start coming on Friday mornings to help get things done around the house and garden for me. She hasn't been around much and seemed to need her space so I haven't pushed it and truthfully haven't had the energy to reach out and make an effort. I figured it was her loss. I think being around and seeing Max, she realized that and that makes me happy.

As for tonight, no late night steroid shots so I'll hang out and watch the Lakers. A friend is probably going to stop by on her way home from the movies for a bit. I'll ask for the much beloved Ambien (sleep aid early) and hopefully get a half way decent night sleep. Mornings are pretty fast paced with the fasting sugar draw, the breakfast, the one hour post meal blood draw (the biggie that will seal my fate), when they hook me up to monitor the babies and for contractions, and lunch time will be here before I know it. Really, it's not so bad. Just another night in paradise. At least that's what I'm telling myself and I'm only partially believing it.