Obessessing

As I told someone earlier today, there is nothing like a 2ww to obsess. But, before we get to that, let me tell you why I could cry tonight. The f'ing system I need for work was not available again tonight which means it is a nightly maintenance window and I am so hosed. I sent a terse note to the email box of the group that I'm pretty sure maintains the system asking if we could move it or if they could at least bring the system up in inquiry only mode while they process the updates so ...you know...we could actually get some work done on our personal time to make the corporate mandatory dates. I'm pissed. I just want to have and enjoy my vacation and my holiday. Is that too much to ask?

Since I can't afford more retail therapy tonight, I will move on to obsessing...the infamous "am I? am I not?" kind that happens to the best of us during a 2ww.

The thing is. I'm nauseous tonight. Before you get your hopes up, you should know, I ate a whole crock pot of meatballs today. I started them this morning, later than planned, for the pot luck at Max's school today. Then, I didn't send them because I wasn't sure they would be ready and because they really sounded good and if I sent them, I couldn't eat any of them. So, I heated a frozen Lasagna to send and kept the meatballs for myself. I'm sure it is the meatballs that are causing the nausea.

But, then, if one were obsessing, one could think that strong desire for meatballs could be called a craving. After all, a friend told me she thought I was pregnant with Max when I was shopping after hiking one morning at Whole Foods and just had to have lobster bisque for breakfast. I can't remember having lobster bisque before or since then, but I do remember how good it tasted. Almost as good as those meatballs tasted. Except, I only had a bowl of soup instead of an entire crock pot of meatballs. And, I have had these meatballs before and likely will have them again. Very simple to make and a good pot luck dish. Just meatballs (I use frozen from Costco), mixed with some catchup and jelly (today I used cherry since that's what I have and like, but people most often use grape), and simmer for hours in the crock pot (or on the stove). Sounds disgusting, but cheap and easy to make and oh so taste.

The other thing you should know is that 1) I was very rarely nauseous with Max. I was a barfer. As in, I wonder if I'm going to be sick... BARF, BARF, BARF...I guess so. But, if one were in a 2ww and obsessing, you could counter point that every pregnancy is different. 2) and two, hmmm, what was that two, can't remember, let's just forget about 2.

Another thing to consider is that I had no, zero, nadda symptoms when pregnant with Max. I was so sure I was not pregnant with Max during the two week wait. And, I had been pregnant before, my first m/c. For the only pregnancy that counts, the one with Max, it never even occurred to me to do an HPT. I moved sperm and had a consult with my RE on beta day I was so sure it hadn't worked. But one obsessing could argue that your body may still remember and you may be better able to discern a pregnancy symptom.

The nay sayer could counter that it is just hormones, like the trigger shop, except these are not my eggs and I didn't do a trigger shot. Possibly, the combination of E2V and P4 which I have taken before, but never together...except I'm only taking the E2V Tuesday's and Friday's...and any side affects like nausea would probably happened days ago or the first time. But, I did take that yeast medication for my $50K yeast infection, so it could be that.

The nay sayer could also counter that it is bowel/intestine related since I'm used (sadly) loose stool and diarrhea. And, there is precedence for that with me with firmer BM's. I laugh when they talk about being constipated after surgery or during pregnancy or on the meds I am, because it just doesn't happen, but it does regulate things, normalizes them. And, (again, sadly) my body isn't used to regularity.

See isn't this fun and a much better way to spend time than reducing the stress level and work level by actually getting some work done?

Now, truly, no one get your hopes up. This is NOT, I repeat NOT a sign. It all means nothing, except maybe Max brought home and gave me the flu bug or I'm feeling sick because I ate an entire crock pot (it was a small one and probably less than half full, but still) of meatballs today. That would be enough to make anyone sick. But, it is a nice way to spend the time, eh? See a few burps and a BM later and I'm already feeling better.

One night, really only an hour or two, of nausea, does not a pregnancy make. Now, a trend yes. More nausea tomorrow, then lets talk. But, please don't ruin a good obsessing session with undue hope or well wishes or any of that garbage.

Anyone who is anyone who has gone down this path knows...symptoms or lack there of means ...what? ...yes, JACK SHIT...or nothing, in more polite terms. It is just a fun game. Let's not ruin it with predictions. Let's just let it stand on it's own for now.