Not so good news

Some days are just tougher than others. Today was one of those days even if you don't include my fine parenting moment this morning with Max where I told him he needed to stop talking to me and when he didn't I groaned in frustration and put my hand over his mouth. To which he just busted up laughing and said, "momma, you are so funny". How could I not give him a big hug and kiss and snap out of it a bit? Between him up twice and up with Ray and needing to pump, I didn't get a lot of sleep...that's my only defense.

In Precious N news, they were unsuccessful once again in establishing a pick line; the spinal tap (lumbar puncture) showed signs of infection; the head ultrasound showed "debris" in the ventricals; and the immunological doc is recommending "at least" a month of treatment. I know the news isn't good. I'm not sure how bad it is, but know it isn't good and that anytime the brain is involved there is potential for developmental delays and developmental issues. Today is the first time I have heard or we have come across some potential future life issue situation. I can't even tell you the range of emotions hearing how invasive this infection has become in some very important regions of the body.

On the plus side, my short term disability claim extension was approved through the end of the month. The claims manager was a bit bitchy about the whole thing and said they wouldn't be able to keep approving it until the babies were stable and a bunch of other things that I just let roll off me cause today wasn't the day to deal with that. Too many other emotions and things to deal on top of very little sleep.

I'd love it the praying folk would continue to keep Ms. N on their prayer list as well as baby Jason and his family. Baby Jason was the other baby on our side in room D where we hung out for a few weeks. I hadn't seen his mom other than once in passing since we moved out of D. When I was washing up, he was brought in through ER. I guess he was discharged 2 days ago and "crashed" in the ambulance. The faces around were pretty grim so I'm not sure if he made it or not. I'm hoping and praying yes. His mom has been through the wringer with him as well and was already feeling down and weepy for her and the whole situation before I even got the quick update on my precious N today.

Anyway, N is going to be put completely under for an MRI tomorrow morning to get more information and they are going to do a complete immunity work up.

Today was a tough day and I'm feeling sad and discouraged and scared for N. And, keep reminding myself that we don't really know anything yet and I already love her so no matter what the future holds.