Just dealing with it

Not much going. Just dealing with whatever life has to offer right now. Didn't get much computer time last night when pumping cause 1) I was just so gosh darn tired and 2) I was dealing with a clogged milk duct issue and needed my hands to help work it through. It is much better today.

Dealt with a clogged toilet because of all things a bar of soap fell in it over the weekend and it hasn't been usable. No way can I have the only working toilet be the one in my room.

Following up and was finally able to connect with my short term disability claims manager and hope I will get a verdict one way or another about an extension on my leave. I've already told my boss not to expect me back, he talked to HR, and with CA laws I have until mid to late Oct. with job protection, but not full pay.

I think I may get a return of my period in the next few days. Boy would that suck. I don't even have the babes home yet.

I was delusional the other day when I said Little R was a few grams shy of 5 lbs. He is really only about 4 lbs 14 oz. Nora weighed in today at 5 lbs 1 oz.

Had breast feeding consult today and of course, he wasn't doing his screaming, I can't get food fast enough routine, and it went well. She did show me a better hold and I realized I was letting him get away with a latch that could be slightly bigger. Nora's just cruising and sleeping most of the time. Both kids had second eye exams today and did fine with another follow up in 2 weeks.

Apparently, Ray did pass that 24 hour test in that he doesn't have apnea. However, he will be coming home on oxygen and an apnea monitor. Maybe as early as Thursday or Friday. Depends on how his blood gas levels look and if he passes the car safety test. I'd get into the whole blood gas thing except I only understood the concept of the issue at a high level and don't have the right words to describe the situation other than to say he started new meds that do seem to be helping his saturation rate (although he still had a number of brady's today).

We had a big earthquake today. I was at the hospital holding Little R. It was a good shake, but basically fine.

I just love when I'm at the hospital holding one of the twins and they flutter their eyes and realize that I'm there and holding them and get a big smile. My heart melts and it makes it all worth it.

Max was overtired and a PITA trying to go down for bed. I swear if I heard, 'Momma' associated with something else like I need to tell you something, I'm not tired, I don't want to go to sleep, I have to go potty, I want milk, I don't want water, come hold me momma, momma, momma, momma. I thought I might scream. I can't say I handled it with the epitome of patience, but I didn't loose it either. Good thing I love him so and I know he is under his own kind of pressure and stress right now and overall handling it remarkably well. When cuddling him before bed, I asked him what he thought of the earthquake and if he thought it was fun, exciting, or scary. He said scary and told me it was loud (and made noises like it made to him) and then told me about how it was shaky or topsy turvey or some such words and we talked about earthquakes a bit and how it was like a crack in the dirt.

There has been lots of pretend play on many things including daddy, going to Michigan on his motorcycle to see his 5 children, and other such things. I have the cuttest picture of him from earlier today riding his motorcycle with his helmet. I'll have to offload it and post, but not tonight. Too tired. In spite of being tired and getting very little sleep, I'm still having fun with it and love being a mom. Little things like the babies smiles or an off handed comment or laugh from Max make it all worth it. I was going potty the other day with the door open (because really, who has privacy when using the toilet these days, it is so over rated) and Max walked by and really loud I yelled out "BOO". He thought that was hilarous and kept walking back and forth so I would do it again, then he would come in and say with the cutest voice "you so funny momma, you funny". How can you not love that?

Still miss Shadow and trying to adjust with life without her. Like so many things, it is the little things that I miss the most. I got the nicest card from our vet today that had me in tears. I still have a few friends and neighbors who do not yet know.

Tomorrow is 7 weeks since the twins were born.