cd1, again

And, so begins another cycle. I'm fine, really. Sad, yes. But, fine.

Max's nanny is bugging the heck out of me lately. And, I don't think it is just me being in a bad mood or more critical. For example, she came late on Monday, in her husbands car, without Max's car seat, didn't want to drive my car, and was upset that I didn't have time to move the car seat from my car (and neither of us trust her to install it properly herself). She let Max cry in his crib for over 10 minutes when he woke up early for his nap, until I stopped working and went to get him, while she sat at the table doing nothing. Yes, there are a lot of other things that bug me, that are little and I will own or don't matter in the whole scheme of things, but these are things I don't need right now.

I have checked out a few more pre-schools. So far, not in love with any of them. Like pieces here and there, but nothing enough that I'm ready to enroll Max or commit.

Work is busy and basically sucks right now. I can't get into details.

Then, there is the whole fertility thing or lack of fertlility.

Life is not horrible.

I have a wonderful son. My fountain in the backyard is working and I have been able to sit and relax in my backyard admiring the fruits of my labor and the beautiful flowers. I have a job.

I feel really good about being a foster home for the Golden Retriver rescue, but that is hard in away as well. I purposly didn't agree didn't want to take in labs because both Lucky and Shadow were/are part labs and I figured that would have been too hard. Yet, I have found taking in any dog a bit hard. It still makes me miss Lucky more than I thought. And, I find it incredibly hard to understand how families can turn in their dogs as sweet as the two I have fostered. I just don't get it. Nikki has almost been here a week now. She and Shadow are doing little jockeying for alpha dog status. Nikki will take Shadow's bed when she gets up. Shadow will do the same. Nikki will try to block Shadow from getting to me by laying in the middle of the hall so she can't get past. Little subtle things, nothing bad, just kind of funny. I had to take Nikki in to get a microchip ID tag yesterday. She was so nervous. Okay, most dogs tend to get nervous going to a vets, but Nikki was so happy she wasn't left there and got to come home with me again. I hope they find a really great family for her soon as it will be hard not to get too attached.

I have plenty of things to do. A stack of bills and paperwork that has been at least a month, maybe longer, that I need to tackle. I need to get in my application for the rebates from my laptop. I need to make an dentist appointment for Max and make a Vet appointment for Shadow. Things like that. And, I'm so not motivated.

Anyway, my plan for the month is to go in for an u/s if/when I feel a follicle around cd13 or so and trigger/do an IUI. No stims for me this month. No labs.

I'm down to one vial at the clinic so need to move sperm this month which is a pain, but must be done.

I've looked at a few egg donor databases and decided that to finance a DE cycle I will likely refinance, but haven't yet/am not ready yet to take actual action. I'm getting closer, but not ready yet. Maz is now 23 months. I weaned him at 7 months and started trying at 8 months. I guess that is only 15 months of trying. It feels so much longer. I'm tired. I want another baby already. I guess I should say I want another child. All trace of babyhood is completely gone in Max. He is a baby no more.