Working - First meeting of the day starts at 6:30 am local time. Last meeting of the day several nights a week 8 pm. It will suck even more next month when I and everyone else in my group/on my team does this for significantly less money as all of our job codes and salaries are being adjusted.
Family - Spending as much time in between with the kids, taking sick R to the peds to confirm yet another double ear infection and start antibiotics. Got into Max's classroom to make an "ocean in a bottle" which was a big hit and most kids wanted two. I'm psyching myself up to spend more time with all three of my children since I will likely have to cut the nannies hours/pay less in attempt to make up for some of the difference in my reduced pay.
Extended Family - I've had a fair amount of visitors/company with my sister and her family in town. my cousins husband who has already moved out for his new job, and now my cousin and her youngest who are here with a friend. The older kids are driving the cars out.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
So far so good
N is completely off of phenobarbital now and doing quite well. Maybe the OT was right and the had banging/tapping was related to having a head cold as it only happened those two days. The early childhood development therapist didn't seem to think it was sensory as much as she is now starting to be more aware of her body, including her head now that she isn't under the influence.
Max has mostly been dry at night, I thought except for once until tonight when I went to put him to bed and found a wet pair of PJ bottoms on his bedroom floor. I guess that's why he woke up so early this morning. I didn't realize it because he had put on a different/new pair before coming into my bed.
I'm up making waffles, because I've been wanting too all day and didn't get the chance. I was almost too tired to even clean up the kitchen after the kids went down, but made myself since the dishwasher really needed to be run. I'm glad I rallied. The waffle iron and I are still getting to know each other and I keep trying different recipes that cook differently, but all good so far. We will see how this batch freezes. I think I'm going to look around for another iron or two so I can cook more at one time. Freecyle here I come...when I get a spare minute or two.
Max has mostly been dry at night, I thought except for once until tonight when I went to put him to bed and found a wet pair of PJ bottoms on his bedroom floor. I guess that's why he woke up so early this morning. I didn't realize it because he had put on a different/new pair before coming into my bed.
I'm up making waffles, because I've been wanting too all day and didn't get the chance. I was almost too tired to even clean up the kitchen after the kids went down, but made myself since the dishwasher really needed to be run. I'm glad I rallied. The waffle iron and I are still getting to know each other and I keep trying different recipes that cook differently, but all good so far. We will see how this batch freezes. I think I'm going to look around for another iron or two so I can cook more at one time. Freecyle here I come...when I get a spare minute or two.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Swing me, Rock me, Bounce Me
Higher, faster, wilder
N started doing some mild head banging yesterday. Okay, it was more like rocking her head into what was ever behind her. Not hard, more like a tap, but it still didn't thrill me. I picked her up and put her in the excersaucer so she could bounce. OT came today and witnessed it. She didn't seem concerned and said she could be doing it because her head is stuffy, etc. and we would have to wait to see if it was truly a sensory issue. She said the excersaucer was a good choice and we walked around the house and talked about other alternatives like the excerball, the swing (which she doesn't really like because it doesn't swing wild or high enough for her), the pool, bouncing in the pool, the rocking horse, etc. In spite of what the OT says, my gut tells me sensory. I remember distinctly thinking sensory months 3 - 6 when she was first home with the hospital when she would not cuddle/fall asleep in your arms and spent many full or parts of night in the swing. I have the Out of Sync Child (or something like that) checked out from the library so my mind can research what my instinct is telling me. Now, to only have the time and energy to actually open and read it at the end of the day.
Speaking of swings, N is asleep in one right now. Sadly, the battery operated swing part of that no longer swings. The manual swing method got old after 5 minutes. However, she seems to have fallen asleep, hopefully for the night, in the amount of time it took me to go to the neighbors to reborrow their swing that I had returned months ago. Maybe we wont need it after all, but I'm glad I have it in reserve...just in case. Life is so much better with a halfway decent night sleep.
ps. I never really would resort to violence on my poor (probably not so innocent) cat, but I do think about it on occassion, like now when he is meowing and bugging me when I just want a bit of peace and quiet at the end of a long, busy day. At least this time, I know why. I've moved his water bowl. I've shown him where its new spot it, but he isn't thrilled. The problem with the old spot is that it was in the master bathroom and with the babies moble, the bathroom door gets closed off for most of the day so he doesn't have access to it. The new spot is on the table right next to his food and the other water bowl he refuses to use. I can tell a power struggle is going to ensue. I'm prepared to win this one this time. He keeps at it, he will be banned for the night.
N started doing some mild head banging yesterday. Okay, it was more like rocking her head into what was ever behind her. Not hard, more like a tap, but it still didn't thrill me. I picked her up and put her in the excersaucer so she could bounce. OT came today and witnessed it. She didn't seem concerned and said she could be doing it because her head is stuffy, etc. and we would have to wait to see if it was truly a sensory issue. She said the excersaucer was a good choice and we walked around the house and talked about other alternatives like the excerball, the swing (which she doesn't really like because it doesn't swing wild or high enough for her), the pool, bouncing in the pool, the rocking horse, etc. In spite of what the OT says, my gut tells me sensory. I remember distinctly thinking sensory months 3 - 6 when she was first home with the hospital when she would not cuddle/fall asleep in your arms and spent many full or parts of night in the swing. I have the Out of Sync Child (or something like that) checked out from the library so my mind can research what my instinct is telling me. Now, to only have the time and energy to actually open and read it at the end of the day.
Speaking of swings, N is asleep in one right now. Sadly, the battery operated swing part of that no longer swings. The manual swing method got old after 5 minutes. However, she seems to have fallen asleep, hopefully for the night, in the amount of time it took me to go to the neighbors to reborrow their swing that I had returned months ago. Maybe we wont need it after all, but I'm glad I have it in reserve...just in case. Life is so much better with a halfway decent night sleep.
ps. I never really would resort to violence on my poor (probably not so innocent) cat, but I do think about it on occassion, like now when he is meowing and bugging me when I just want a bit of peace and quiet at the end of a long, busy day. At least this time, I know why. I've moved his water bowl. I've shown him where its new spot it, but he isn't thrilled. The problem with the old spot is that it was in the master bathroom and with the babies moble, the bathroom door gets closed off for most of the day so he doesn't have access to it. The new spot is on the table right next to his food and the other water bowl he refuses to use. I can tell a power struggle is going to ensue. I'm prepared to win this one this time. He keeps at it, he will be banned for the night.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Got Snot?
Plenty of buggers to be had around here along with sneezes, coughs, body aches, and such.
Max, undies, and bed were all dry this morning. I praised him for "knowing his body" and when it was ready.
Max, undies, and bed were all dry this morning. I praised him for "knowing his body" and when it was ready.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
On Weaning
We are in week 5.5 of the 6 week wean of N from phenobarbital. It is going fine because of there have been no seizures. However, it has unmasked some sensory stuff. Mostly rocking and difficultly soothing to sleep. The self soothing to sleep wasn't too bad until we hit the 1 cc/ml mark. The last few days have been bad. Tonight was awful. Thank goodness for the OT who has given me some good tips that have helped probably making it less bad that it could have been.
With the new high stress job, the lack of sleep, and now the sickness/cold thing I have going on (we all sound like we may be headed that way...pisses me off because we were on a nice healthy streak until I had to take R to the 'ficken doctors this week and had to to take Max for logistical reasons...and no matter how much stuff you don't touch and how you clean the hands, etc. seems like we end up sick after every appointment) my milk supply is WAY down. I keep telling myself I should just give it up. It's a sign that it is time to just stop. But, the stubborn streak in me doesn't care how much easier it would make my life and the fact that it would reduce the some of the stress in my life. Bottom line is I wanted/want to make it until the fall and I don't want to be all resentful later in life that I didn't especially for a stupid job. I may still just stop one day. I almost did tonight, but I can be a stubborn ole goat sometimes.
In spite of it all, it was a very pleasant and almost relaxing weekend. I had company for part of it (cousin's husband), got stuff done around the house (mostly before he got here), hosted a party, and really forgot about work and the work stresses for most of it. It's been hot, hot, hot. But, we've been out enjoying the pool and the warm lazy afternoons with friends relaxes me. We even made it to church today with and extra set of helping hands, it wasn't too bad.
Max is in just undies tonight. He didn't want to wear a pull up and told me he will get up to use the potty. And, he HAS been dry most of the last 7 days. In spite of my fear that he is going to wake up wet and in my bed waking me up in the middle of the night so I get less sleep than the little I have been getting, I let him do it and hope for the best.
With the new high stress job, the lack of sleep, and now the sickness/cold thing I have going on (we all sound like we may be headed that way...pisses me off because we were on a nice healthy streak until I had to take R to the 'ficken doctors this week and had to to take Max for logistical reasons...and no matter how much stuff you don't touch and how you clean the hands, etc. seems like we end up sick after every appointment) my milk supply is WAY down. I keep telling myself I should just give it up. It's a sign that it is time to just stop. But, the stubborn streak in me doesn't care how much easier it would make my life and the fact that it would reduce the some of the stress in my life. Bottom line is I wanted/want to make it until the fall and I don't want to be all resentful later in life that I didn't especially for a stupid job. I may still just stop one day. I almost did tonight, but I can be a stubborn ole goat sometimes.
In spite of it all, it was a very pleasant and almost relaxing weekend. I had company for part of it (cousin's husband), got stuff done around the house (mostly before he got here), hosted a party, and really forgot about work and the work stresses for most of it. It's been hot, hot, hot. But, we've been out enjoying the pool and the warm lazy afternoons with friends relaxes me. We even made it to church today with and extra set of helping hands, it wasn't too bad.
Max is in just undies tonight. He didn't want to wear a pull up and told me he will get up to use the potty. And, he HAS been dry most of the last 7 days. In spite of my fear that he is going to wake up wet and in my bed waking me up in the middle of the night so I get less sleep than the little I have been getting, I let him do it and hope for the best.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
True or False
1) Debbie had started work today with a 6:30 am meeting.
2) Debbie had back to back meetings all day such that she could not take her preschooler to school.
3) Debbie is on day 3 of a new job managing a project that is 7 months into an 18 month schedule. The schedule shows we are 60% through our work and 80% through our effort. Everyone assumes this is wrong. We are 2 weeks away from quarterly client deliverable and no one knows whether we are really on track to meet them.
4) Debbie will have a 6:30 am weekday meeting for the foreseeable future.
5) Debbie will have back to back meetings such that she can not take her preschooler to school for the foreseeable future.
6) Debbie discovers that the nanny has left Max home, because he didn't want to go and I was home, while she gave the twins their morning walk.
7) N does not sleep as planned during morning nap and instead screams her head off, which is a problem because a) nanny has taken Max to school and to pick up a Rx refill needed for tonight b) Debbie is supposed to be working c) the handset battery on the phone is shot so has the call on conference.
8) R finally gets offically taken off of O2 and apnea monitor.
9) R decides he doesn't like his pulminologist and screams for every little thing like the stethiscope, the ear check.
10) R got so upset that he gagged and vomited (in his mothers quick hands) during the throat check.
11) The wait at the doctors took forever and we got home significantly after the nanny was supposed to leave.
12) Debbie anticipated a potential late return and picked up Max and took him with because we are running with one car right now meaning she had two kids in tow to wait forever and to manage all while trying to talk to the doctor.
If you guessed 12 true 0 false, you are a winner. Stress level is a tad high around here.
In other news, feel free to go vote for Ms. N*O*R*A...
http://radiobase1.clearchannel.com/front/image_contest2.asp?VT=Date&Action=Detail&Type=Count&SurveyID=15592&zx=293&SubID=&ImgID=41338
Max's teacher talked me into entering her into a cutest baby contest. Speaking of N, I could probably do a whole post on her if I had the time and energy. Overall, she is doing great. She is now crawling and picking up speed. Standing, but hasn't mastered/figured out how to get back down. We have weaned her down to 2cc's/ml's of phenobarbital and go to 1cc/ml on Thursday. Some sensory stuff has started to surface along the weaning path. I'm so so so glad I fought and got OT started for N before the funding was cut and it didn't happen. Nothing to major...a lot of rocking and some difficulty falling asleep. OT has given good techniques that are helping.
2) Debbie had back to back meetings all day such that she could not take her preschooler to school.
3) Debbie is on day 3 of a new job managing a project that is 7 months into an 18 month schedule. The schedule shows we are 60% through our work and 80% through our effort. Everyone assumes this is wrong. We are 2 weeks away from quarterly client deliverable and no one knows whether we are really on track to meet them.
4) Debbie will have a 6:30 am weekday meeting for the foreseeable future.
5) Debbie will have back to back meetings such that she can not take her preschooler to school for the foreseeable future.
6) Debbie discovers that the nanny has left Max home, because he didn't want to go and I was home, while she gave the twins their morning walk.
7) N does not sleep as planned during morning nap and instead screams her head off, which is a problem because a) nanny has taken Max to school and to pick up a Rx refill needed for tonight b) Debbie is supposed to be working c) the handset battery on the phone is shot so has the call on conference.
8) R finally gets offically taken off of O2 and apnea monitor.
9) R decides he doesn't like his pulminologist and screams for every little thing like the stethiscope, the ear check.
10) R got so upset that he gagged and vomited (in his mothers quick hands) during the throat check.
11) The wait at the doctors took forever and we got home significantly after the nanny was supposed to leave.
12) Debbie anticipated a potential late return and picked up Max and took him with because we are running with one car right now meaning she had two kids in tow to wait forever and to manage all while trying to talk to the doctor.
If you guessed 12 true 0 false, you are a winner. Stress level is a tad high around here.
In other news, feel free to go vote for Ms. N*O*R*A...
http://radiobase1.clearchannel.com/front/image_contest2.asp?VT=Date&Action=Detail&Type=Count&SurveyID=15592&zx=293&SubID=&ImgID=41338
Max's teacher talked me into entering her into a cutest baby contest. Speaking of N, I could probably do a whole post on her if I had the time and energy. Overall, she is doing great. She is now crawling and picking up speed. Standing, but hasn't mastered/figured out how to get back down. We have weaned her down to 2cc's/ml's of phenobarbital and go to 1cc/ml on Thursday. Some sensory stuff has started to surface along the weaning path. I'm so so so glad I fought and got OT started for N before the funding was cut and it didn't happen. Nothing to major...a lot of rocking and some difficulty falling asleep. OT has given good techniques that are helping.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Just because
There something a bit decadent and scandalous of imbibing while pumping almost ...shall we say...naked while watching a silly reality show (Ice Road Truckers).
Why? Just because. The bubbly has been in the fridge for ages and ages. It's a GOOD bottle too. Now, a big chocolate bar would have only put things over the top so probably a good thing I don't have one in the house.
R's climbing. N's crawling. Max is swimming.
Overall, a good weekend. A friend over on Friday. Some family and neighbors over on Saturday. Solo all day today. Sitting on the other side of the day, I can say that it really wasn't that bad. Although, we skipped church in favor of naps. And, no, there were no firework events planned or attended. Hey, it's past bedtime. There will be many years in the future for such festivities. Just not worth it right now when they are so young and I'm running solo.
Now, off to savor the bubbly. Just because it sounded good and is tasting even better.
Why? Just because. The bubbly has been in the fridge for ages and ages. It's a GOOD bottle too. Now, a big chocolate bar would have only put things over the top so probably a good thing I don't have one in the house.
R's climbing. N's crawling. Max is swimming.
Overall, a good weekend. A friend over on Friday. Some family and neighbors over on Saturday. Solo all day today. Sitting on the other side of the day, I can say that it really wasn't that bad. Although, we skipped church in favor of naps. And, no, there were no firework events planned or attended. Hey, it's past bedtime. There will be many years in the future for such festivities. Just not worth it right now when they are so young and I'm running solo.
Now, off to savor the bubbly. Just because it sounded good and is tasting even better.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
It's 6:10 pm
It's 6:10 pm Sunday night. Do you know where your children are? Mine are asleep, asleep, asleep. We rally'd and made it to church, the 9 am service which meant the twins only got 1 nap, not 2 today. I've tried the 11 am, but...it just doesn't seem to work as well as skipping a nap. N can hang no problem. R starts loosing it towards the end. Max had lots of swimming in the pool today and he's out as well. I could do the dishes, but...I'm not gonna and you can't make me. I was caught up except for dinner so it isn't too bad. Still, it was a busy hands on day and the Sunday sitter cancelled so I'm going to pump, take a quick shower, then cuddle in bed with a book. Or, chat with my cousin who should be back by then from house hunting in San Deigo and will be here until Wednesday, then back early August with all their earthly posessions. It was such a nice weekend. With the big leverage of wanting to go swim in the big pool, Max was on his best behavior and that just makes all the difference in the world. Days and weekends like this are exactly what I imagined and wanted when I dreamed of my family.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Perfect
It was a perfect summer day. Everyone was healthy. Lot's of outdoor play and swimming. The twins took good naps and went down well. Max went down great. That combination of fresh outdoor air and water...got to love it! Max and I had time to play 1:1 while the twins had their morning nap before Nana came, then were able to get in the big pool a few times. Max was so proud because he was able to dive down and get the dive toys from the bottom...just like the bigger kids. I took R in the big pool, but he really wasn't that impressed and the water is much colder than the baby pool which I'm able to fill with warm water. N was content to splash and crawl in nice warm baby pool. I was able to make a nice dinner (eaten at 3 pm :) and baby food while the twins took their afternoon nap and Max played 1:1 with Nana. It was one of those days where there just seemed to be enough time for everything...keeping up with the dishes, cooking, especially lots of outdoor fun. Ah, every day doesn't have to be this perfect, but it sure was nice.
ps. N is mobile. She's been crawling backward, combat forward, and slow. She's starting to pick up speed. She was almost out her bedroom door in the time it took me to go to the kitchen and back. So nice to see her getting there, but also..OMG...watch out...all three moving and grooving is likely to be scary at least half the time. :)
ps. N is mobile. She's been crawling backward, combat forward, and slow. She's starting to pick up speed. She was almost out her bedroom door in the time it took me to go to the kitchen and back. So nice to see her getting there, but also..OMG...watch out...all three moving and grooving is likely to be scary at least half the time. :)
Friday, June 26, 2009
1 Yr Peds - 5
The twins had their one year peds appointment on Monday. I'd tell you the stats, but I can't find the piece of paper they were written on. The doc and I never got around to talking percents anyway. He has two young ones...a 35 weeker that is probably about 4 or 5 months now and maybe a 3 year old...and he had them all weekend by himself since his wife was working. He said things like super mom and how do I do it and we laughed and said how much less work it often was to actually go to work. What I remember is that N was 20 lbs. R just slightly less than that at 19 lbs 10 oz. R was slightly longer than N and his head was slightly bigger. This always surprises me since when you look at N' she looks like she is much bigger and longer. But, it just isn't so. We were going to test their iron. Well, actually, we were going to test their iron at their 9 month, but alas the doc and I were so sleep deprived that we forgot to even talk about it. Then, the twins got shots and the nurse didn't prick and it didn't happen. I remembered this days later. Called to follow up on wether I was supposed to go to a lab, but no...it is done in the office. The nurse seemed a bit stunned when I suggested we just wait then until their 15 month appointment or I'll bring them when Max has his 4 year in appointment. She studdered out "let me check on that" with the doc, who ...had no problem with this...not urgent. I'll just keep on given them iron supplements until then. Really not a big deal.
Since Monday, we've started them on whole milk which is going fine. I dropped a day or two ago my middle of the day pump and am just going morning and night for now. This is yielding enough breast milk for everything except the last bottle of the day. Have I mentioned how much I love my ped? We talked about stopping the breast milk and he said that the only real studies were for 1 year or less and then asked me what my exit strategy had been in my mind. And, I said 1 year, but that it has come and gone, but I'm not sure I'm ready to stop. He said, whether 12 days, 12 weeks, or 12 months, if it is just too much for a mom, it is just too much and he is supportive. I'll probably go through this summer at least and stop this fall...my internal adjusting for preemie status even though I've been told it isn't necesssary.
In other news, the massive sore throat and body aches that has been plequing me for almost a week are almost gone. As of Monday, my current position is officially so unvaluable as to not exist anymore, but I'll putter around at it and a few other things until my new one starts mid July.
Made milk shakes and smoothies with Max's classroom today. We had fun.
My weekend sitter cancelled for Sunday, but I'm still looking forward to the weekend.
Since Monday, we've started them on whole milk which is going fine. I dropped a day or two ago my middle of the day pump and am just going morning and night for now. This is yielding enough breast milk for everything except the last bottle of the day. Have I mentioned how much I love my ped? We talked about stopping the breast milk and he said that the only real studies were for 1 year or less and then asked me what my exit strategy had been in my mind. And, I said 1 year, but that it has come and gone, but I'm not sure I'm ready to stop. He said, whether 12 days, 12 weeks, or 12 months, if it is just too much for a mom, it is just too much and he is supportive. I'll probably go through this summer at least and stop this fall...my internal adjusting for preemie status even though I've been told it isn't necesssary.
In other news, the massive sore throat and body aches that has been plequing me for almost a week are almost gone. As of Monday, my current position is officially so unvaluable as to not exist anymore, but I'll putter around at it and a few other things until my new one starts mid July.
Made milk shakes and smoothies with Max's classroom today. We had fun.
My weekend sitter cancelled for Sunday, but I'm still looking forward to the weekend.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A Max Funny
Max's godfather was in town again this weekend and took him to the library to return books and get new ones while they were out running errands for me. I was reading one of them...the only one of the four that we have actually read at this point...he's funny like that...we will get three or four and then really only read one of them most of the time, but he doesn't want to get only one book. He is always trying for as many as he thinks he can get away with. Anyway, the title of the book is called "A diary of a worm". When I got all done reading it, Max asks me in this incredulous voice "where was the diarrhea?" and was so disappointed. So, we have inserted the word diarrhea in two pages to appease the audience. I'm sure that's not what the author had in mind, but I figure installing a love of reading comes in many shapes and sizes. He loves him so potty talk, that is for sure. His god father heard the comment and my readjustment and commended me on my page selection and quick adaptation.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Stubborn goat
Max can be an ornery stubborn ole goat at times. These days it seems like most of the time. This morning, not even 6 am and we are in the twins room and I'm changing diapers. R went first while Max and N bonded in her crib. Then, R was free and I was doing N's poo. R picks up and starts swinging this hard toy. Max starts cheering and telling him to bonk N on the head. I ignore Max, but tell R not to listen to his brother and that I will have to take the toy away if it does bonk N, because it hurts her and she doesn't like it. R, this time, doesn't get drawn in, so Max gets out of the crib, takes the toy away from R, and bonks N (not hard and she didn't even cry), but as he was preparing for all this, I warned him the consequence would be that he would need to leave the room. He did, I put him out of the room, he didn't like it.
Jim (my cousin's husband who has a new job in San Diego and is here again this weekend...cousin comes tomorrow) were talking about this last night...how he just tests and pushes it to make sure you are going to follow through. Jim told me that at the store yesterday Max was trying to poke a whole in the wrap for the meat. Jim asked him to stop. Max didn't. He was warned to stop or he would need to get out of the cart for 2 minutes. He did it anyway.
It just gets so tiring and as much of a pain it is to follow through it is worse and escalates if I don't (which does happen on rare occasion) follow through. I feel like I always need leverage by having something he wants to do, but can't if he doesn't listen or is mean or am constantly having to give him consequences.
It gets old. Or, have I said that already.
I keep hoping it is a phase, but I think part of it is just personality. Has be a bit scared for the future when I really stop to think about it.
Jim (my cousin's husband who has a new job in San Diego and is here again this weekend...cousin comes tomorrow) were talking about this last night...how he just tests and pushes it to make sure you are going to follow through. Jim told me that at the store yesterday Max was trying to poke a whole in the wrap for the meat. Jim asked him to stop. Max didn't. He was warned to stop or he would need to get out of the cart for 2 minutes. He did it anyway.
It just gets so tiring and as much of a pain it is to follow through it is worse and escalates if I don't (which does happen on rare occasion) follow through. I feel like I always need leverage by having something he wants to do, but can't if he doesn't listen or is mean or am constantly having to give him consequences.
It gets old. Or, have I said that already.
I keep hoping it is a phase, but I think part of it is just personality. Has be a bit scared for the future when I really stop to think about it.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Green Light
I was given the green light today by N's neurologist to start weaning her from the phenobarbital. Yeah! She had an EEG - HATED IT! But, I guess the doc got enough of what he needed. So, here is to hoping that she responds as well as I think she will (i.e. no seizures) so that we can be done with it all. So, a full six weeks to wean and a follow up in early December.
Some mornings
Some mornings it is much harder to get up and get going. This morning was one of them. Up with a sick feverish hallucinating (although not too bad this time) kid (Max). We both had just fallen asleep (at least if felt that way but it could have been 30 - 45 minutes later) when R woke and wanted to eat at which point I had less than an hour before I had to be up and moving. Climbed into Max's bed because he was in my bed and snoring and finds me like a beacon and wants to touch and cuddle in his sleep..ick. Forced myself up 10 minutes late, but at least my 7 am meeting was canceled this morning. N, my most excellent sleeper, is up eating cereal and watching TV (Baby Bach) while I pump. She sleeps well, but 11 hours is enough for her but at least I got here out of there without waking R for a change. He's not fond of being alone and can usually sense it and wake up and put up a fuss if the crib tent zipper doesn't wake him. You should here him during the day if he is left someplace alone. You'd think he is being tortured or is seriously hurt or something, but just stops and gives his big toothy grin when you come back. I don't need 11 hours, don't think I ever slept for 11 hours, but 7 would be nice. 5? Okay, Max is up and grump. Only 15 hours or so until the next sleep opportunity.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I wonder
This may sound odd, but as I sit here another night pumping yet again...I wonder when I am going to stop. I know I wanted to make it at least to the year mark. That has come and gone. The twins 1 year ped appointment is next Monday and rumor has it that they can be switched to whole milk at any time and one does not need to adjust for the prematurity in this. We will get his take next week. However, even if he does give the green light, I'm not sure that I'm ready, willing, and able to stop just yet. Certainly, I'm tired of it even if it has become habit and routine for us all. I wonder if there is any significant extra benefit for them to continue to get as much of it as possible. On rare occassion, I still attempt to offer each a chance at the breast. They smile and laugh at me and make it clear that there is no interest so I'm not holding out for that. Maybe I will drop the middle of the day pump and just do morning and night and introduce cows milk and plan to go until the end of the summer or early fall, even if not necessary to adjust for the prematurity, just because. Or, maybe I will just get sick of it one day after I'm sure they can tolerate the cows milk and we've run out of forumla (cause I'm not buying any more of that I tell you...I'm done happily with that in my own mind) and just stop. I wonder. I thought I'd be more than ready to stop given the slightest reason and oddly, I find that I am not.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Almost laughable
I found out what my sister...the one who, apparently, hasn't been talking to me is miffed. Not from her, of course.
I guess when she brought me home from the hospital from having the twins, Max asked for her or wanted her or something...really, I don't even remember it....and, I started to cry.
Now, let's keep in mind, that I was still in shock, had tons of hormones, was crying over everything and JUST LEFT MY TWO VERY PREMATURE BABIES IN THE HOSPITAL, had missed Max terribly, had just had a major surgery, and was already sleep deprived.
Anyway, she has been upset for over a year now on something that I truly don't even recall. How sad is that? On many levels.
After thinking long and hard on and off since I found out, I have only the most vague of recollections of coming home at all. And, during that time I was most concerned with how hard all of this was on Max. Really something like that and the other acting out he did that week until my cousin came didn't bother me in a take it personal kind of way.
The mom that had always been around, working from home, and his rock was all of a sudden gone two weeks back to back. I got that and how hard it was for him and even though he couldn't express it the anger and fear and life altering it all was for him.
The whole thing almost makes me want to laugh that she has been so hurt and upset over something that I can't even remember. Heck, I've even told anyone who would listen and care how much she and my other sister stepped up to the plate. Here she has been feeling put out and under appreciated for nothing.
Another, very small part of me, wonders if I really want someone in my life who is so self absorbed that she couldn't understand how hard and emotional that day was for me. Or, the first 3 months until both babies came home. Or, the first year entirely.
Obviously, I should have done a better job of showing and expressing my appreciation.
But, ah...come on? Really, that's what this has all been about? I knew I didn't have a clue and most have missed something along the way, but this?
The funny (in a sad sort of way that isn't funny at all) is that she must have not been talking to me for a lot longer than I realized as I really only clued in over the last month or so just figuring that I was busy and she was busy. And, she was really letting this get to her. I have to remind myself that she must have really been hurt by it.
Not quite sure how I want to handle the situation as I'm not supposed to know (talked it out of another family member). She did make a brief appearance at the twins birthday party. So, maybe my email of the other week at least got her thinking or trying to put it behind her. Probably, this week some time I'll send her a note thanking her for the gift cards for the twins birthday and adding in about what a hard year it was and the many angels in my life including her helped right at the right time making it just a bit easier.
One day soon when I get over how petty it all seems and self absorbed and selfish on her part and can truly feel the hurt she must have felt.
I guess when she brought me home from the hospital from having the twins, Max asked for her or wanted her or something...really, I don't even remember it....and, I started to cry.
Now, let's keep in mind, that I was still in shock, had tons of hormones, was crying over everything and JUST LEFT MY TWO VERY PREMATURE BABIES IN THE HOSPITAL, had missed Max terribly, had just had a major surgery, and was already sleep deprived.
Anyway, she has been upset for over a year now on something that I truly don't even recall. How sad is that? On many levels.
After thinking long and hard on and off since I found out, I have only the most vague of recollections of coming home at all. And, during that time I was most concerned with how hard all of this was on Max. Really something like that and the other acting out he did that week until my cousin came didn't bother me in a take it personal kind of way.
The mom that had always been around, working from home, and his rock was all of a sudden gone two weeks back to back. I got that and how hard it was for him and even though he couldn't express it the anger and fear and life altering it all was for him.
The whole thing almost makes me want to laugh that she has been so hurt and upset over something that I can't even remember. Heck, I've even told anyone who would listen and care how much she and my other sister stepped up to the plate. Here she has been feeling put out and under appreciated for nothing.
Another, very small part of me, wonders if I really want someone in my life who is so self absorbed that she couldn't understand how hard and emotional that day was for me. Or, the first 3 months until both babies came home. Or, the first year entirely.
Obviously, I should have done a better job of showing and expressing my appreciation.
But, ah...come on? Really, that's what this has all been about? I knew I didn't have a clue and most have missed something along the way, but this?
The funny (in a sad sort of way that isn't funny at all) is that she must have not been talking to me for a lot longer than I realized as I really only clued in over the last month or so just figuring that I was busy and she was busy. And, she was really letting this get to her. I have to remind myself that she must have really been hurt by it.
Not quite sure how I want to handle the situation as I'm not supposed to know (talked it out of another family member). She did make a brief appearance at the twins birthday party. So, maybe my email of the other week at least got her thinking or trying to put it behind her. Probably, this week some time I'll send her a note thanking her for the gift cards for the twins birthday and adding in about what a hard year it was and the many angels in my life including her helped right at the right time making it just a bit easier.
One day soon when I get over how petty it all seems and self absorbed and selfish on her part and can truly feel the hurt she must have felt.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Yeah for help!
I'm sure this is stating the obvious, but things go really well around here with the right kind of help. My cousin's husband was in town this weekend and started a new job today. They are moving out this way this summer, which is terrific news. They are god parents to all three of my kids. He is an experienced dad with his eldest finished with her first year of college, his second graduated from high school last week, and his baby in middle school. Max just thinks he is the best and ran errands with him and had a grand ole time. Setting up for the party was easy peasy with him out of the picture and the twins napping and I had someone come in towards the end of the party to help clean up and feed the twins dinner. Sunday, I even got to nap while the twins napped. It was awesome and much needed since it was one of those nights where I didn't get much sleep. Last night, I wasn't completely exhausted at the end of the weekend. I almost forgot what that felt like. Made me think that maybe marriage may not be so bad with the right person. I do it solo all the time by myself and don't think too much about it. Maybe that's why it was such a nice suprise.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Poor Fellow
Under the things that could make you cry or scream.....
R is on day 3.5 of antibiotics. Still feverish. Still feeling terrible. Still clingy and crabby (for him). Just not shaking things. Called the peds office and urgent care gave the wrong dosage ... half of what he should have been taking. Thankfully, they just called in a new prescription with the proper dosage and we are starting the 10 day clock over.
I'm glad I called put upset that it was wrong in the first place and that I didn't follow up and check with either my friend who is a ped or our peds office earlier. When the doc gave me the dosage, it seemed a bit low to me, but I honestly couldn't remember and thought about asking him if he was sure but figured....ah, he went to medical school and I didn't and prescribing meds is key part of his job so presumably he knew what he was doing. To bad, because they really were close and convienient, but they have lost my trust now. I'm wondering if I should call them back and tell them or just let it go.
I just feel bad for my poor little fellow who just wants to be held when there hasn't been enough time to do that for him and that he spent several more days than he should have feeling miserable because of an error and a mom not following through on something when her instinct suggested she should.
R is on day 3.5 of antibiotics. Still feverish. Still feeling terrible. Still clingy and crabby (for him). Just not shaking things. Called the peds office and urgent care gave the wrong dosage ... half of what he should have been taking. Thankfully, they just called in a new prescription with the proper dosage and we are starting the 10 day clock over.
I'm glad I called put upset that it was wrong in the first place and that I didn't follow up and check with either my friend who is a ped or our peds office earlier. When the doc gave me the dosage, it seemed a bit low to me, but I honestly couldn't remember and thought about asking him if he was sure but figured....ah, he went to medical school and I didn't and prescribing meds is key part of his job so presumably he knew what he was doing. To bad, because they really were close and convienient, but they have lost my trust now. I'm wondering if I should call them back and tell them or just let it go.
I just feel bad for my poor little fellow who just wants to be held when there hasn't been enough time to do that for him and that he spent several more days than he should have feeling miserable because of an error and a mom not following through on something when her instinct suggested she should.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Tapped out
How do you feel today sister? Tapped out. Spent. Emotionally drained.
It was a hard day. It was announced today that many colleagues I have worked with for many years. Good solid knowledgeable hard working people will be out of work in the next round of layoffs. I myself will be moving into a new role.
I had a clogged milk duct. Ouch. I added heat and extra pumps and think I now have it cleared again.
R is still sick, but seems to have turned the corner.
Three, almost 4 year olds, can be so annoying sometimes, especially when you are tired, have a headache, a sore boob, and emotionally spent because of work.
I did not get to the store, but did get the car into the shop for routine service where they found and additional $550 worth of potential work. I didn't do it all.
N pulled herself up into a stand yesterday. She was so proud. She's starting to move and scoot and think maybe she will be crawling soon.
I need to make birthday cakes either today or tomorrow. I've thought about only making some for the party and not their actual day. They won't know, but I likely won't. I guess it depends on how the next few days goes.
It was a hard day. It was announced today that many colleagues I have worked with for many years. Good solid knowledgeable hard working people will be out of work in the next round of layoffs. I myself will be moving into a new role.
I had a clogged milk duct. Ouch. I added heat and extra pumps and think I now have it cleared again.
R is still sick, but seems to have turned the corner.
Three, almost 4 year olds, can be so annoying sometimes, especially when you are tired, have a headache, a sore boob, and emotionally spent because of work.
I did not get to the store, but did get the car into the shop for routine service where they found and additional $550 worth of potential work. I didn't do it all.
N pulled herself up into a stand yesterday. She was so proud. She's starting to move and scoot and think maybe she will be crawling soon.
I need to make birthday cakes either today or tomorrow. I've thought about only making some for the party and not their actual day. They won't know, but I likely won't. I guess it depends on how the next few days goes.
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