I found out what my sister...the one who, apparently, hasn't been talking to me is miffed. Not from her, of course.
I guess when she brought me home from the hospital from having the twins, Max asked for her or wanted her or something...really, I don't even remember it....and, I started to cry.
Now, let's keep in mind, that I was still in shock, had tons of hormones, was crying over everything and JUST LEFT MY TWO VERY PREMATURE BABIES IN THE HOSPITAL, had missed Max terribly, had just had a major surgery, and was already sleep deprived.
Anyway, she has been upset for over a year now on something that I truly don't even recall. How sad is that? On many levels.
After thinking long and hard on and off since I found out, I have only the most vague of recollections of coming home at all. And, during that time I was most concerned with how hard all of this was on Max. Really something like that and the other acting out he did that week until my cousin came didn't bother me in a take it personal kind of way.
The mom that had always been around, working from home, and his rock was all of a sudden gone two weeks back to back. I got that and how hard it was for him and even though he couldn't express it the anger and fear and life altering it all was for him.
The whole thing almost makes me want to laugh that she has been so hurt and upset over something that I can't even remember. Heck, I've even told anyone who would listen and care how much she and my other sister stepped up to the plate. Here she has been feeling put out and under appreciated for nothing.
Another, very small part of me, wonders if I really want someone in my life who is so self absorbed that she couldn't understand how hard and emotional that day was for me. Or, the first 3 months until both babies came home. Or, the first year entirely.
Obviously, I should have done a better job of showing and expressing my appreciation.
But, ah...come on? Really, that's what this has all been about? I knew I didn't have a clue and most have missed something along the way, but this?
The funny (in a sad sort of way that isn't funny at all) is that she must have not been talking to me for a lot longer than I realized as I really only clued in over the last month or so just figuring that I was busy and she was busy. And, she was really letting this get to her. I have to remind myself that she must have really been hurt by it.
Not quite sure how I want to handle the situation as I'm not supposed to know (talked it out of another family member). She did make a brief appearance at the twins birthday party. So, maybe my email of the other week at least got her thinking or trying to put it behind her. Probably, this week some time I'll send her a note thanking her for the gift cards for the twins birthday and adding in about what a hard year it was and the many angels in my life including her helped right at the right time making it just a bit easier.
One day soon when I get over how petty it all seems and self absorbed and selfish on her part and can truly feel the hurt she must have felt.
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4 comments:
Good idea about the thank you note. It should do the trick!
Remember there are two sides to every story. Something heard third party can be suspect and subject to interpretation. Your email to your sister and blog about it seemed a little self serving, one sided and mean. I would bet your sister has a different perspective. Usually these things are better handled in person and over the phone rather than through other family members or via email. Good luck with the situation. Been there done that.
Love your blog & your honesty. While your sister should have come to you with her frustration (and really with premature twins & Max how could you focus on anything but THEM?), it's never too late to tell someone you appreciate(d) their help. Sounds like your sis doesn't have much going on in her life. And this is coming from someone who would probably be acting like your sis (because I don't have much going on in my life and need something to feel good about).
When you wrote: "...part of me, wonders if I really want someone in my life who is so self absorbed that she couldn't understand how hard and emotional that day was for me", it resonated with the relationship (or lack of) I have with my mother. You are not alone. I admire your openess and honesty.
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